Halx

geez, you guys are brutal! With all things in life, it helps if you're prepared.

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You have found this post informative.
-The Administrator
[Don't Feed The Animals]

Plan9

Over-the-top instructions read as:

Do your threesomes early in life to gain experience, burn out any potential mate weaklings in a turbulent fuckfest, and marry the woman that survives the trial-by-cumshot!

...

I'm retarded, sure, but I don't think old man Chronos can step on his dick because of the current hour glass / tail race shortcomings.

Point: I doubt age and experience make dealing with the multi-fuck issues any easier initially. First time is first time whether you're 18 or 36 or 54.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ratbastid

I don't know for a fact, but I suspect you're closer to the first of those numbers?

When I was around the first of those numbers, I felt much the same--that I'd stay the same person, with the same talents and limitations and comfort zones, as I aged. As I approach the second number, I'm realizing more and more how much time DOES change a person, and how much a person can grow as they mature. I guarantee you, I'm much more able to handle issues and jealousies in my relationship now than I was even five years ago. CERTAINLY more than I was when lurkette and I first met, when I was 17. I look back on the naive certainty I had about life then with fondness and a little embarrassment.

When I was back toward that first number, hearing anyone express this notion seemed condescending to me. I apologize if it seems that way to you.

Plan9

I wish I was younger. My knees wish I was younger, too.

Not condescending at all, bro. I know my purpose here is to learn... not assert things with my limited experience and intellect.

I'm just trying to learn the perspective used to approach such a desire.

Time with a particular partner makes it easier to "play" with a third? Initially?

Hell, I thought being married and getting older meant time away from the time consuming crotch sports to do really fun stuff like work on cars, race motorcycles, golf...

I miss being married for just that reason. I was looking forward to my hobbies.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Infinite_Loser

Am I always like this? Pretty much, yes. You asked for advice and I gave you some. You can either take it or leave it.

*Shakes head in shame*

Try reading what I wrote again. Nowhere will you find the statement 'will be ruined'. And I thought we were above logical fallacies? I guess not... Oh well...

Clueless, you say? How would I be 'clueless'? As I've said in the past, statistically speaking, the overwhelming majority of relationships involving a threesome end because of that threesome. Just because you can ignore said statistic doesn't make it untrue. And that pertains to all age groups.

Oh...! I see... So because I had some relationship troubles with my ex then I'm suddenly excluded from giving other people relationship advice. Hmmm... I see a lot of people posting on this thread who've posted about their relationship problems in this forum, yet I don't see you telling them that they're not qualified to give you any advice. I wonder why that is?

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

Ustwo

Exactly. Until you have matured with that 'love of your life' for a while I don't think such relationships are possible. Hell I used to be close to insanely jealous. Time does change us and yes with age does in fact come wisdom if you are willing to be introspective.

You know ratbastid we both know what we are talking about here but its like trying to explain sex to a virgin who is convinced what sex is like. Its interesting how someone who was 5 when I met my wife is going to tell me how these things work.

I'm happily married after being together for 17 years, I'm doing SOMETHING right. I could only hope everyone finds such a 'runed' relationship

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Plan9

"Love, sex, riches, travel... oh, how I knew it all so well before I died."

Me? I can't wait to get older... and have the sex buffet with two women.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

abaya

Well, I haven't had a threesome, but I agree completely with what you (and Ratbastid, and some others) are saying here. Ktspktsp and I were discussing this thread last night and I was saying exactly the same thing... that while one or both of us might be very interested in the idea of a threesome, we're not touching that with a ten-foot pole until we've been together and built our foundation for a HELL of a lot longer than we already have. There is just no way I would risk what we have just to indulge a fantasy. But if we do *evolve* into that state of relationship (which is something we are both open to), where it's something that adds to what we have rather than testing it (as I feel it would be, as things are at this stage), then hey... we'll go for it. But I'm in no rush to get to that point, if it doesn't come naturally over time. We're still enjoying and exploring our current environs, which are mighty fine.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

snowy

Ustwo, I love this post.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Infinite_Loser

With age comes senility (Or extreme denial)

What's REALLY interesting is how you continue to ignore what I type out on the basis that you're 'older than I am'. Well, congratulations! Would you like a cookie, because that's about all it amounts to. It's amazing that to me how someone so big on 'facts' would ignore the statistics on the matter. 'Fact' is that relationships involving threesomes fail much, much, much more often than relationships which don't involve them. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the bottom line.

*Shrugs*

But people are apt to ignore what doesn't benefit them so, meh, whatever. Continue on!

I see you're still inserting words into my mouth I'm still waiting for you to produce this mystical quote. Until you do, I'd kindly ask you stop making shit up.

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

Infinite_Loser

Am I scared of a threesome? Nope. I just don't see the point in them. If you feel the need to bring another person into your relationship to maintain some level of stability, then I'd think it'd be time to re-evaluate your relationship. Have I had a bad experience with threesomes? Nope, 'cuz I've never had nor am I ever gonna' have one

With that being said, sometimes the 'thrill' of trying something new inhibits one's rational decision making process. For this reason, things almost never go 'wrong' immediately preceeding a threesome. Long-term, well, that's another story all together. Threesomes have a funny way of exacerbating (Or even bringing to light) serious problems in a relationship. It's like playing near fire with a barrel full of oil >_>

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

abaya

Why would they go wrong preceding a threesome? Nothing has happened yet.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Ustwo

Crap. It has nothing to do about maintaining stability, you haven't been reading.

Not crap, this I can believe.

Crap. I'm sure with all your lack of experience in the field you can tell us how these work but for most people who cant handle it the problem is immediate. Its not some slow growing 'wow that was great' followed by 'oh my god I hate you'. Its the green eyed monster.


Not crap. You don't have a threesome if your relationship has serious problems, which those of us who have HAD them have stated ad nausium but you can't see to recall.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Plan9

Good post but maybe elementary?

"Oh, just because you can doesn't mean you should!" - Soldier's revelation after opening locked door with M203 grenade launcher, Iraq, 2003

I reckon this here thread was supposed to be about engaging in threesomes.

We all already realize that they are not at all necessary for any given relationship.

I'd worry if they were necessary to maintain a relationship. Kinda creepy.

Oh, there is more to life than sex! Not all that much, but it is out there.

...

Q: If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have?

A: Divorce proceedings, most likely.

(drum crash)

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

The_Jazz

With all of you people disrespecting each other, I'm amazed any of you get laid - EVER.

How about a little respect for each others' opinions?

Christ, throw in some AOLspeak and this thread turns into a junior high school dance.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Infinite_Loser

Oops. Haha! I meant 'following'.

Yes, I have been reading. Stability was the best word I could think of that fit the situation. Give me another word and I'll use that one instead.

As you should

It's not crap just because you say it is. Once again, it's been documented that most problems stemming from threesomeone don't manifest themselves immediately afterwards. This isn't to say that there aren't situations in which there are immediate consequences, but the majority of problems occur somewhere in the future.

(BTW> That was supposed to say 'following' instead of 'preceeding', which I think you got. Haha...)

Ummm... I'm guessing you mis-read what I typed out. It's a bit of a no-brainer that you don't have engage in a threesome if your relationship has serious problems. That's why I said threesomes have a way of exacerbating or bringing to light serious problems. There's a difference between what I said and what you thought I said.

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

ratbastid

Turn your balls in at the door.

I agree with you 100%. Fortunately, that's not what this thread is about. I recommend reading.

I'm glad you know so much about this, never having done it.

I've never been to Alaska, because only idiots go there. There's just a lot of snow, and you end up freezing your ass off. I mean it. Don't go to Alaska. It's bad for you, you'll regret it in the long run.

Seriously: the minute you have relationship that works in the long term, I might start listening to your relationship advice. Until then, you're nothing but a nuisance on this topic.

BY THE WAY, Mandy and ghostie--I'm not at all saying that young people are NEVER up to the challenge of having extramarital sex be an important part of a healthy breakfast. I do tend to think that you four are unusually mature. lurky and I talked about it in college (we were even to the point of approaching other people about it), and I know now that it most likely wouldn't have gone well if it had ever happened back then.

Infinite_Loser

Why? >_>

I'm not making this stuff up, you know. No, I've never had a threesome but you can't just ignore the staggering statistics on the topic simply because you disagree with them.

Wow... Another logical fallacy. Please tell me what this has to do with anything I've typed out thus far?

Oh... Cheap shot... Well, I was with my ex for three years. Does that count?

But, seriously, there are a ton of people who aren't in any kind of relationship on this thread giving their advice, yet you don't seem to be trying to run them off. Apparently it's "Agree with me" or leave.

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

Psycho Dad

Before this gets closed... Or at least too far off topic that the OP isn't getting advice as much as just getting to see people argue in yet another message board post...

I was going to post when this was first posted, but by the time i had time to do so, there were enough posts that the OP had a few viewpoints to chew on. When my wife and I were younger, we discussed a threesome. We were very young and it is likely best that at the time we did not go through with it as I don't think we could have avoided some problems. Now were we to discuss it I think we would do so differently and were it to not go well, we would say "oh well, that wasn't all we hoped for" and move on. So I agree that age and experience play a big part in this.

And seeing as times have changed and the Internet affords one an opportunity to see what others have experienced as far as things like this goes, a younger person certainly has resources to see if this is worth exploring any further.

I for one hope this thread can remain something useful to the OP and her SO without turning further into a pissing contest. Even as rough around the edges that I can be, I can see this thread going away from being useful to the OP if this continues.

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Don't always trust the opinions of experts.

ngdawg

Dude, this is why you're getting the responses you're getting.
Consistency would help ya out.

/end threadjack

Infinite_Loser

*Ahem*

I am being consistent.

Threesomes are the absolute best way to end a relationship means just that. Nowhere does that say "Will be ruined" or even insinuate as much. Check the statistics: Infidelity and threesomes are among the leading causes of failures in long-term relationships. One second...

*Runs off to find his 'Philosophy of Sex and Love' text book*

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

abaya

IL, in all honesty, why do you care so much? Why not just let people fuck up their relationships (in your view) and watch it all go down? I'm just wondering why all your fuss...

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

ubertuber

I'm curious to read the study or studies you are getting your statistics from Infinite_Loser. Do you have a link?

__________________
Cogito ergo spud -- I think, therefore I yam

ngdawg

You're playing semantics, bent on the idea that, one way or another, something will get 'ruined'. And, unless you're misunderstanding yourself, you are insinuating that the venture into such an arrangement will end a relationship. That would be 'ruin' unless there's another meaning for that word that no one else is aware of. In some cases, that may be true; in others, it is not.
Infidelity and threesomes are not the same thing, but you're acting like they are(and to echo Abaya, why would you care anyway?).

Anyway...
The most important thing is to know where each stands within a relationship. If the initial 'couple' is strong and not fantasizing about what might be and instead goes into it with open eyes and acceptance, why not? Whether it's for a night or life, as long as you're dealing with the realities openly, have fun! Life isn't a dress rehearsal. Do what you desire while you have the opportunity to do it.

Infinite_Loser

Erm... Why does anyone bother responding to any of these threads? One might ask why you just don't let people make their own mistakes instead of giving your .02$. Chances are you do it for the same reason as I do.

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

ratbastid

No, you're consistently vocal about this sort of thing. And you consistently come from the same place of having ZERO personal first-hand knowledge, having no track record of relationship success (ex girlfriends of three years are still EX girlfriends), but with no qualms about preaching to others about what will and won't work for them. You've got something personal about this issue, I_L. Did your ex girlfriend want to do a threesome or something?

Infinite_Loser

*Shakes his head*

Ummm... No. If that's what I meant, what's what I would have said. I've never pulled my punches (So to speak) and I wouldn't start now. In a nutshell, if it's not typed out then I didn't say it. 'The best way' means just that-- 'The best way'. Any extra meaning you derive from that is on you.

Nowhere did I say infidelity and threesomes are the same. First of all, 'and' is a conjuction and 'among' is a plural preposition (You know, that whole subject-verb agreement thing), indicating that I realize they're two seperate things all together (Now that's playing semantics ). Anyway, see my response to Abaya above.

Wait... So what about the people chiming in on this thread who don't have any experience with the subject or any kind of present relationship? They get a free pass, right? This has to be, like, the third or fourth time I've asked this question and yet it gets ignored every single time. Oh well... Like I said, people are apt to ignore what they can't answer.

Nope. Nothing personal. Just trying to make ensure someone doesn't make a mistake and end up ruining their relationship

Nope lol. And I woulda' said no if she asked >_>

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

Infinite_Loser

I got it from my "Philosophy of Sex and Love" class I took last semester. I'm pretty sure I said that earlier.

No no... Go ahead and say what you think I'm most definitely not easily offended. People should say what they think more often. The world would be a better place if they did

Anyway, I kinda' like this "You haven't done it so you can't comment!" argument I'm hearing. Do I have to be a smoker to understand the negative consequences of smoking? Nope. Must I be a politician to understand politics? Nuh-uh! Must I have a threesome to understand the consequences and/or repercussions of such an action. You bet I don't. Honestly, such an argument is ridiculous, at best. Books are written for a reason. The internet contains vasts amount of knowledge.

*Shrugs*

One second >_>

*Runs off to find something*

__________________
I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

ratbastid

Nobody else has said, "I've never done it, but it ruins relationships." In short, nobody's laid down a blanket statement that has been a) wrong, and b) ignorant on this thread except you.

If you'd said, "Geez, I can't imagine ever being okay with that in a relationship I was in," that would have been one thing. But you're trying to TELL people what they should and shouldn't do. And if you've never been there---look, follow your own advice absolutely. You know what works for you. But don't tell me what I should and shouldn't do (on the basis of statistics you're so far refusing to cough up, I might add).

And I keep saying: you're young, and every relationship you've had has failed. I have faith that you'll have one that works for the long haul at some point, but right now, you have no idea how grown-up relationships actually work over years and years. But you're trying to talk like you do. And you DON'T.

You have something personal about this issue. You have something personal about non-monogamous sex. Did your daddy cheat on your mommy? It's SOMETHING, I can SMELL it.

EDIT: I'm also NOT saying that threesomes AREN'T dangerous to relationships. There are lots of wrong reasons to do them, and lots of wrong ways to do them. What I object to is the blanket "they ruin relationships: have one and you're doomed" message you're selling here. (The "doomed" was another thread, but I'm hearing it between your lines here too.)

Infinite_Loser

A.) I said "I've never done it, but it ruins relationships"? Really. I mean really and for truly? I said that. RRREEEAAALLLLLLYYY? Find it. Good luck with that. You'll need it.

B.) Blanket statements typically involve the use of the word 'all' or something similiar. Nowhere will you find where I've ever said 'all'.

I told Many not to have a threesome? Really? I mean, RRREEEAAALLLLLLYYY? Find it. Good luck with that one also, as you'll clearly see in my first post on this thread I said, and I quote,:

...But I guess that's not really important.

*Points upwards a post or two*

Ummm... Did my dad cheat on my mom? Not to my knowledge Do I have something personal against you or anyone else? Nope. Life's too short for stuff like that

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

ubertuber

Cool. Link or names of the studies you are talking about? I'm curious to check 'em out.

__________________
Cogito ergo spud -- I think, therefore I yam

Infinite_Loser

Ummm... I'm kinda' confused as to what you mean. Philosophy of Sex and Love is the course name and the study offered at the University of West Florida.

Sort of an outline taken from Wiki

Catalogue

PHM4020
PHM5026

Edit: Finally! Stupid links... *Grumbles*

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

StellaLuna

sayeth I_L:
It's the best way to ruin a relationship. And you've never had and will never have one. I see it there.

I can get where you're coming from... a textbook told you that it's a statistical near-certainty. Unfortunately, textbooks aren't always right, especially in matters of sex and love. Homosexuality, according to textbooks and highly respected medical journals, was a mental disorder. Maybe one day that textbook you're brandishing will say something different. I have a feeling that your initial comments would have been taken better if you had made it clear that you were given this information in a class, instead of through personal experience. My personal experience shows that my straight monogamous boyfriends and marriage didn't work out for me, but that my happy little triad is the best relationship I've ever been in-- including the threesomes. If I lived based solely on textbook advice, I'd still be married, monogamous, and fairly well fucked, instead of happy, in love, and fairly well-fucked.

(That couldn't be helped.)

And Mandy, sweetie...... how goes your foray into this?

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Screw tradition!

ubertuber

What I mean is that if you've got statistics, someone measured them. Presumably that person measured them in a study, which they published, which was talked about in your class. I'd like to be able to read that study and those statistics (upon which you base your opinion) so that I can evaluate and understand them and their implications. If I can't do that, then what you are saying doesn't mean much more to me than "some guy said"...

It's not that I don't believe that you took the class. I do. I'm just looking to understand the information and the authority which you assign it.

__________________
Cogito ergo spud -- I think, therefore I yam

ratbastid

We see that there exists a class. No searching of that wikipedia reading list yields anything for "threesome", "triad", or "non-monogamy". Where are these "statistics" of yours?

It's personal with you. Mommy cheated on Daddy. Mommy and Daddy were swingers and you decided that they were bad, and you were bad for coming from them. Something like that is going on here.

MrFriendly

You know, I thought this was a very informative and interesting thread right up until the point people starting taking IL's bait.

I'm surprised that people just couldn't have ignored it and moved on and to be honest I just don't think ridiculous and closed minded comments are worth peoples time and energy.

That's my $0.02 on that matter

As for something more specific to the OP. Although I'm quite young, I do agree that being older, and having had much more life experience with another person will allow a couple to be able to handle a threesome much better.

I have a friend who is in an open relationship, and has had many a threesome with her boyfriend. The reason they're able to make that relationship work is because they both know where they stand with eachother. They're perfectly honest and communicate their feelings and are both well aware of the risks involved. Oh, and what it's worth on the topic age they're both quite young too.

I think if you have the opportunity, and this is something you both want and you have clearly communicated all your thoughts, worries, fears, and theories on the topic before you try it out, the risk of things going horribly wrong will be much less. At least if you guys have really talked it out you'll be more prepared if something does go wrong.

Mandy, I wish yourself and Healer all the best with your future endeavors. Keep us posted yeah?

__________________
You are not a slave

Infinite_Loser

Well, you see, I've never had anything against you. Until now.

A dissenting opinion doesn't classfiy as baiting anyone. Personally, if it were me, I'd think that the comments such as "It's personal with you. Mommy cheated on Daddy. Mommy and Daddy were swingers and you decided that they were bad, and you were bad for coming from them" would more adequately fit the baiting mould, wouldn't you say? ...Naw, of course not. He's on your side of the argument, so it's all good, right?

Still, I kinda' love the "Agree with me or shut-up" mentality going around. Nothing says "Discussion" like a good old "Let's just ignore what we don't agree with!" You think I'm close-minded? Well, that's amazing, because I think you're somewhat of a whiney windbag. So, I guess we could just call it even Personally, though, I'd rather not. It's always interesting to see what other people have to say about other things.

Anyway, to get slightly back on-topic, so let's just say that Mandy does go through with it and it ends up ruining her relationship. Would I get to be an "I told you so" then? Granted, I wouldn't do that, as that'd be quite low, but you get the gist of what I'm saying. It seems to me that one party would be doing this in order to please the other, and that'll most DEFINITELY not work out. And, yes, you can hold me to those words.

*Shakes his head*

No, I've got nothing personal against anyone nor any other group of people. Life's too short to hold petty grudges. Apparently you've got something personal against me, as this is the second time you've directed a cheap shot at me in hopes of inciting a negative response (Which, mind you, won't work. Words are just words and they can't hurt you unless you let them).

Oh, and in case you're wondering, my dad left my mom when I was, like, eleven years old or something like that 'cuz he said we (As in his family) embarassed him. I've since gotten over it, though, and we talk every now and then. So ummm... I guess that would mean the answer to your question about there being something there would be "No"

I had written something else, but decided against it. I'm gonna' stop responding to you until you learn to can it with the attempts at cheap insults.

__________________
I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

mandy

IL, let me put this to you bluntly but as nice as possible because i dont want to risk my membership on this board.

While I understand where you are coming from IL, I don't understand why you are being so negative for something you have no experience in. and while others too have had no experience on the matter, their advice has been HELPFUL. it was constructive.

If in every thread you look to start something like this then you don't belong here. Then you need to find somewhere else to go and vent or do whatever it is you do, because for someone who says he reads, it doesnt look like you do it well.

I have been thinking about this for a long long time. and even though it might not happen right now, because i believe that with age comes wisdom ( as you will soon learn too), it will happen in future.

and maybe seeing as you havn't treid it either, maybe you should keep an open mind about it?

i mean, the people here who are trying to help me are doing it in a constructive and helpful manner and they are not saying that it wouldn't cause problems and they not saying it wouldn't ruin my relationship.

they telling me to be careful but if it's what i want then i should go for it and i should think things through thouroughly before i even consider anything.

they not telling me "don't do it because i learned in my class of so and so that threesomes are bad and they will sure as anything ruin" what i've built with my healer for four and a half years.

I do realise that it is a risk, as i have already said. but it's one i'm willing to take.

there are people here who are married double the amount of time healer and i have been together and i bet that some of them have already had threesomes, i mean, just look at ratbastid (by the way, you and your gals are an inspiration) and nothing has happened to them. and maybe they just the lucky few, but if i dont believe that i am one of those lucky few and if i dont believe that healer and i can make through anything then what have i got?

nothing in life is certain IL, nothing. because you cant say that 20 years from now or even 10 when you are in your sexual prime and your SO at the time wants a threesome or wants to at least have a discussion with you about it...you telling me that you not going to talk to them about it, you not even going to consider having the conversation even though it's something your SO really really wants?

i highly doubt that. or at least i hope you're not one of that kind of person because i know no one else here is.

stella, i don't know if the girl i found is interested and i have no one else in mind. but i really really want this girl. i've spoken to her lightly about the threesome subject and how i'm trying to find a nice girl for healer and myself...someone i know whom i trust and i just keep throwing hints about asking her but i dont know if she's purposefully letting it fly over her head or if she's just not getting it

she did say one day that we'd have to get someone who is straight and i told the that that wasn't a prerequisite and she seemed interested? but i'm not too sure. i'm wondering if i should just come out and say it?

"Sweetie, I want to have a threesome with you!"

wow!!! lol

__________________
The Imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create

Infinite_Loser

Boy... You guys and gals are far too nice. Go ahead. Speak your mind. I won't be offended

So sorry if "Be careful if you decide to go through it" isn't my idea of 'helpful advice'.

I read plenty well thank-you-very-much. I don't mind being the guy who speaks his mind even if everyone else thinks/acts a certain way. I'd rather be outspoken than silent.

Naw. Age comes with experience. Age only brings senility

But, no, seriously. I'm pretty wise as is (Oh, how you wouldn't believe). If I were to ask my grandmothers (Both of whom were married for well over sixty years before their husbands died) whether or not they'd consider a threesome at any point in their marriage they'd tell you a resounding "No". Hell, most people will tell you a resounding "No". Why? Because threesomes destroy far more relationships then they 'enhance'.

*Shrugs*

You wanted advice. I gave you some. You don't like it? Then disregard it. I'm used to being told I don't know what I'm talking about or whatnot. If you decide to go through with it and something goes wrong, I won't say a thing (Because being an "I-told-you-so!" really isn't my style).

No need. Fantasies should remain just that-- Fantasies . But, hey, what do I know, right? Apparently you've got to engage in something before you comment on it. It's not like that's stopped people from commenting on things they've never tried before or anything

That's the difference between you and I. You've no qualms about putting yourself and Healer in a position that will compromise your relationship. I, on the other hand, do (I'm pretty sure other people here do as well, but I'm pretty much the only one who ever speaks up about these kind of things). It's definitely not a situation conducive to a healthy and long-term relationship. But, like I said, what do I know, right?

Good. Then you shouldn't be surprised when you get some negative feedback.

Let's put it this way, if you're wrong then you won't have anything. The abstract notion that love can surive all is nice and everything, but it's most definitely not realistic nor has it ever proven to be realistic.

Yes, I can say that and no I wouldn't consider it

Doing something because your SO wants you to is a recipe for disaster. Honestly, that shouldn't even be an arguing points used by anyone.

Well, that's the difference between you guys (And gals) and myself. I'm not gonna' do something just to please my SO. Asking one party member to compromise themselves in order to satisfy the other will ultimately spell doom in a relationship and, really, there's no point in arguing against such a point.

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SecretMethod70

For someone so caught up on the semantics of his own posts, you're quite liberal with your own reading. What mandy said is not that someone should have a threesome because their partner wants it, but that someone should be willing to have a discussion with their partner about it if they want it. There is a huge difference, and if you're not willing to have discussions with your partner about things they want even if you're not initially interested in it, then that's a recipe for a lot of problems in a relationship.

Statistics.....I like statistics. I really do. They're good things, and while they can't tell you how to act, they certainly give perspective and guidance. Thing is, I haven't seen any statistics here. That's great if your professor told you something, but let's see the study. I'd particularly like to see the part where they specifically compare the failure rate of relationships that have threesomes vs relationships that do not include threesomes, controlling for length of relationship, age, upbringing, socio-economic class, and all the other necessary variables. The fact is that almost every single relationship ever started eventually ends. Some go long-term, even fewer end up with a lifelong commitment, but the overwhelming majority end. That a large number of relationships which include threesomes end is not something that concerns me. In fact, I consider it obvious.

To use your own statement, threesomes "exacerbate" problems - in other words, they do not create them. Anyone who has had a successful threesome can tell you that they do exacerbate problems. Issues are brought to light that may not have been otherwise realized. The differences come in how the people handle those issues, and this is where the maturity part comes in. Those people who have had successful threesomes face the issues head-on (" ") and deal with them. Those who do not...well, don't, or can't. Trying anything new tests a relationship. Marriage tests a relationship. Threesomes are no different. That something will pose new challenges and will require effort to make it work is no excuse not to do it.

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"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling