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Originally Posted by mandy
IL, let me put this to you bluntly but as nice as possible because i dont want to risk my membership on this board.
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Boy... You guys and gals are far too nice. Go ahead. Speak your mind. I won't be offended
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While I understand where you are coming from IL, I don't understand why you are being so negative for something you have no experience in. and while others too have had no experience on the matter, their advice has been HELPFUL. it was constructive.
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So sorry if "Be careful if you decide to go through it" isn't my idea of 'helpful advice'.
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If in every thread you look to start something like this then you don't belong here. Then you need to find somewhere else to go and vent or do whatever it is you do, because for someone who says he reads, it doesnt look like you do it well.
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I read plenty well thank-you-very-much. I don't mind being the guy who speaks his mind even if everyone else thinks/acts a certain way. I'd rather be outspoken than silent.
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I have been thinking about this for a long long time. and even though it might not happen right now, because i believe that with age comes wisdom (as you will soon learn too), it will happen in future.
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Naw. Age comes with experience. Age only brings senility
But, no, seriously. I'm pretty wise as is (Oh, how you wouldn't believe). If I were to ask my grandmothers (Both of whom were married for well over sixty years before their husbands died) whether or not they'd consider a threesome at any point in their marriage they'd tell you a resounding "No". Hell, most people will tell you a resounding "No". Why? Because threesomes destroy far more relationships then they 'enhance'.
*Shrugs*
You wanted advice. I gave you some. You don't like it? Then disregard it. I'm used to being told I don't know what I'm talking about or whatnot. If you decide to go through with it and something goes wrong, I won't say a thing (Because being an "I-told-you-so!" really isn't my style).
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and maybe seeing as you havn't treid it either, maybe you should keep an open mind about it?
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No need. Fantasies should remain just that-- Fantasies
. But, hey, what do I know, right? Apparently you've got to engage in something before you comment on it. It's not like that's stopped people from commenting on things they've never tried before or anything
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i mean, the people here who are trying to help me are doing it in a constructive and helpful manner and they are not saying that it wouldn't cause problems and they not saying it wouldn't ruin my relationship.
they telling me to be careful but if it's what i want then i should go for it and i should think things through thouroughly before i even consider anything.
they not telling me "don't do it because i learned in my class of so and so that threesomes are bad and they will sure as anything ruin" what i've built with my healer for four and a half years.
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That's the difference between you and I. You've no qualms about putting yourself and Healer in a position that will compromise your relationship. I, on the other hand, do (I'm pretty sure other people here do as well, but I'm pretty much the only one who ever speaks up about these kind of things). It's definitely not a situation conducive to a healthy and long-term relationship. But, like I said, what do I know, right?
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I do realise that it is a risk, as i have already said. but it's one i'm willing to take.
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Good. Then you shouldn't be surprised when you get some negative feedback.
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and maybe they just the lucky few, but if i dont believe that i am one of those lucky few and if i dont believe that healer and i can make through anything then what have i got?
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Let's put it this way, if you're wrong then you won't have anything. The abstract notion that love can surive all is nice and everything, but it's most definitely not realistic nor has it ever proven to be realistic.
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nothing in life is certain IL, nothing. because you cant say that 20 years from now or even 10 when you are in your sexual prime and your SO at the time wants a threesome or wants to at least have a discussion with you about it...you telling me that you not going to talk to them about it, you not even going to consider having the conversation even though it's something your SO really really wants?
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Yes, I can say that and no I wouldn't consider it
Doing something because your SO wants you to is a recipe for disaster. Honestly, that shouldn't even be an arguing points used by anyone.
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i highly doubt that. or at least i hope you're not one of that kind of person because i know no one else here is.
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Well, that's the difference between you guys (And gals) and myself. I'm not gonna' do something just to please my SO. Asking one party member to compromise themselves in order to satisfy the other will ultimately spell doom in a relationship and, really, there's no point in arguing against such a point.