Menoman

you just proved my point. It was sarcasm and meant to convey that it would be a double standard. There is no shade of grey when you are straight up saying "You are an idiot" There is no interpretation in the meaning of those words though you can attempt to justify it all you want.

Me calling anyone here an idiot is just as wrong as anyone calling him an idiot, maybe you two didn't do it, but he was in fact called an idiot, and stupid, and pathetic.

errr fuck...

I didn't finish the whole thread and I just noticed the mod post.

My apologies.

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Johnny Rotten

Let me put it this way: You get out of a relationship what you put into it. If you put energy into pushing someone's boundaries rather than setting boundaries, all you will discover is the flaws in human nature. You'll only find out what kind of SO that person might be if presented with a certain set of circumstances. If you're honest and upfront with someone, you'll tend to get honesty back. If you communicate openly, you'll tend to get that in return.

"Gotcha" games are largely pointless, especially when the only questionable things they've done arrive as a direct result of your own actions. It is also unreasonable to expect cemented loyalty... ever. The mating game just doesn't make a lot of room for monogamy, particularly when you're in a long-distance situation and only a few months into the relationship.

I got nuked by infidelity a few years back, and I'm here to tell you that flirting with a stranger and exchanging phone numbers and even photos is small fucking potatoes. Going out for coffee is inconsequential. All she did wrong was to pretend like it wasn't happening when confronted with a loaded question.

You didn't want the truth. You wanted to catch her in a lie. So you phrased the question so that she couldn't answer truthfully without feeling like a piece of shit. And as you've discovered, most people would rather lie than feel like a piece of shit.

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"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine

liamfoster

Johnny Rotten - thanks, probably the best comment so far. nothing to say... i agree

rlbond86

I'm going to agree with much everyone has said. There was already a problem with this relationship if you didn't trust her enough to believe her in the first place. YOU made the mistake. Relationships are built on trust, and you didn't buy in.

yosho

I'm going to disagree with the majority of people here.

Yes, you should have talked to her about your insecurities instead of being manipulative. But I think she was equally as wrong if not more so by her actions towards another (fake) guy.

The majority of people think that she was set up and that naturally she would be inclined to flirt. But based on what the OP said, the conversation went beyond flirting and into sexual innuendos and even an arranged meetup.

That to me is definitely a sign of cheating, or a strong inclination towards cheating. I don't know why everyone argues that that sort of action is okay, it's not. I don't know what type of girls everyone dates, but I would never date a girl who had sexual conversations with strangers online. Maybe I'm more conservative, but either way, that kind of girl is not good news.

To sum it up, there were better ways to deal with your insecurities such as communicating to her and talking about certain issues, boundaries, and situations. However, I believe she was equally at fault for actually taking the bait. I don't care how tempting things may be, I would never seriously date a girl who so easily flirted with someone else, just not my thing.

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mm...sex is fun

pig

liam: quick question, when you say y'all are in a relationship, and have been for the past 6 months...what does that mean, precisely? what understandings do y'all have in place for the relationship structure?

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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

Janie

edited for unnecessary meanness...

What I meant to say was this:

OP, you don't seem keen on continuing the relationship with her. You keep saying she is a cheater, ends justify the means, etc. What is it that is making you hesitate about breaking up with her?

Also, there is no guarantee that she ever intended to meet up with the fake you, have sex with fake you, or anything. More than likely, she is just having fun, seeing how far she can take it. I have done it in chat once before, mainly because it was an unsolicited message. I suggest you ask her about it if you aren't sure about breaking up.

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cheers to the motherland

yournamehere

I can't believe I made it thru the whole first page of posts without finding anyone even remotely suggesting that this girl is not entirely blameless, either.

Maybe it's wrong to "purposefully leave a wallet on the sidewalk," but it's even worse to steal it.

This girl was setting up a date with someone she met online - the fact that she was set-up by her insecure boyfriend doesn't lessen her role in this; it just makes them both wrong.

"Entrapment" is only used as a defense by the guilty.

And I don't think "communication" is the be-all, end-all to relationships, either. If she is dishonest enough to cheat on him, she'd just lie about it, anyway. Who here has had an honest cheating partner? :

"Sweetie, would you ever cheat on me?"
"Not unless someone better comes along - or I'm bored or something - or they're really good-looking."
"Thanks - I'm glad we had this talk. I feel so much better"

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If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

pig

yourname, you should totally check out post 29, because it is, like, totally rad.

and stuff.

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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

yournamehere

I may love your piggy style, but I don't trust you. No one does.

__________________
If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

Creizen

This thread is pretty cool . Seems the OP had a little rough time but some of you guys are so civil even when trying to be uncivil..or something. Anyway I sorta understand the OP, I was in a similar situation before, but it was the girl doing it to me. She tried to set me up, and I worked out it was her from just a weird feeling about it all. She got her one of her friends to phone me to make it seem real even. I'm the kind of guy who would flirt with other girls even if I'm in a relationship but nothing serious, I'm pretty dedicated now after some messed up experiences in the past. Anyway I confronted her about it and ofcourse at first she completely denied it, but after a few minutes of me staring her down, she buckled and said she didn't trust me because of how previous boyfriends had cheated on her. Info: our relationship was going about 3 months, with me travelling about for my job for some of it. I understood her, because I know trust comes with time, our relationship wasn't super serious at that point so it wasn't a big deal to me. I'm used to people lieing and being deceitful, its human nature. Like everyone knows, no one is perfect. My advice from this situation is to meet her as the fake guy, then apologize and well if you love her, say whatever from your heart. No idea what happens here but it'd be interesting ? Maybe my advice is bad... but whatever, seems theres a problem here you can't really ignore, so a confrontation has to happen at some time.

(PS. I'm new here too! Bit frightened on how you guys would view some of the messed up things I've done, and that have happened to me in my relationships, never really told anyone, but looking forward to it )

liamfoster

pig, we have a relationship, like soulmates, individuals who are intimately drawn to one another through a favorable meeting of the minds and who find mutual acceptance and understanding with one another. We may feel ourselves bonded together for a lifetime; and, hence, also sexual partners.

The reason why I didnt break up with her is that I am not Mr. loyal guy either, I mean, i casually talk and flirt to girls when I'm out, nothing serious though.
What left me really skeptic about her is that she planned a whole flirt indeed, rich of details, from the first eyesight, first touches and finally great sex.
Guys, keep in mind thatthat:
1) she was the one who asked first for my (fake) mobile number in chat
2) she was the one who started the sexual innuendos
3) the day after the chat she told me she sent me an sms and I (fake) didn't reply (that was because the number was invented)


Updates: still havent told her anything, she is supposed to move in with me the next month and we'll see how we'll feel being with one another in an everyday life basis situation.

i'll keep u guys posted!

shakran

so you flirt with women but get upset when your girlfriend flirts with men? This story just keeps getting better.

liamfoster

ehehe shakran, first of all, yes I do flirt, just casual flirt chat and she does the same, we both know it, no scandals.
Another thing though, is to go to an hotel room to have sex

and anyways, women and men are way different under this point of view... statistically, who would have more success/results, who would have to struggle less.... a flirty man or a flirty woman?

come on!

tenniels

So true, so true.

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Cynthetiq

so she actually WENT to a hotel room? or FLIRTED about going to a hotel room.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

liamfoster

she flirted about going to a hotel room with the following evidences:
1) she was the one who asked first for my (fake) mobile
2) she was the one who mentioned sex the first time in chat

skier

I nearly walked away from a relationship when I found out I had "passed" her test. She concocted an elaborate story and was cold and distant for a whole week then got her best friend to make advances on me. I was shocked she could be so immature, and while we worked it out, she did not learn from any of it and I ended up breaking it off after more of her game playing.

I should have just walked away completely after the first time, and I will do so in the future. Tests are for high school, not a mature relationship.

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"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

shakran

So what you're saying is, because you have trouble getting women, it's OK for you to try as much as you want, but because she's attractive, she can't do the same?

I think you need to take a step back and take a long, hard look at your maturity level, because right now it's hovering somewhere between 7th and 9th grade.

liamfoster

shakran, easy with judgements don't be silly.
I am an average looking man ,who is cocky, direct, challenging, confident, funny, and in control, hence I dont have problems in getting girls. this is not the point. Please read more carefully.

By stating that women, even the non pretty ones, are approached all the time, it doesn't mean that I have troubles getting women! silly.

I stated a fact: women are approached all the time, men are not.
Deduction: a flirty woman amplifies the outcome, compared to a flirty man.

Shauk

hahaha, wow, I cannot BELIEVE the number of posts saying "omg you suck for doing that to her"

Now, maybe your "faith" is good enough for your deity of choice, but humans are an untrustworthy lot, you can't even trust yourself to do the right thing (oh its ok, you can eat that twinkie) everyone has flaws, now, it just so happens that faith and trust are EARNED in my opinion.

Now if you suspected that she was a little too easy to fall into your lap in some internet relationship and its too good to be true, then it probably is. Thats what these "tests" are for. She failed miserably, yet he's the bad guy? whatever.

if anything i'd want my girl to be able to take a little fire from some hornball and show that she's got some fucking integrity before wasting any more of my time with her. My mortality is limited, and my standards are high. I would have dumped her right then and there.

Granted, I don't really do the online relationship thing, I tried it once, it sucks, I'll never do it again, but had I done something like that to her before I dumped her anyway, I can certainly say I wouldn't have felt like a bad guy unless she proved that she really was there for me.

anyways, I didn't read every post in this thread because it seemed too much like there was a bunch of hiveminds jumping on him for setting her up, I just had to skip to the end to throw in a defense.

edit: i went back and read it all, my post still stands, god TFP, you disappoint me.

I guess if all you care about in the span of your mortality is remaining ignorant to the truth at the expense of feeling fuzzy and warm at night about "trust" until the truth actually smacks you upside the head so hard that your insides leak out of your ear, then sure. You all have the right idea.

Jinn

Jesus christ, I'd GTFO right then and there. That's twisted. Okay, maybe getting your best friend to make advances, but to DELIBERATELY be cold and distant?

FUCK
THAT
SHIT

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Shauk

I'm laughing so hard right now.


"maybe getting your best friend to make advances"

hahahaha

oh lord, thats great.

thats sticky.

IT2002

It seems like you two are pretty young. I don't know how you "know" that you are soul mates after only six months of dating, and part, or all, of that has been long distance. Young people often mistake great sex for being soulmates.

Also, call me a cynic, but long distance relationships don't work. Why? Because insecurities get magnified and make you do stupid things like set traps for your partner. Haven't you ever watched "The Real World"? I laugh my ass off every season when a cast member thinks that their long distance relationship will survive. It's the same thing every time. One person gets insecure, the other says, "You don't trust me." The person who isn't trusted then asks themselves, "Why am I passing up all of these great opportunities for someone who doesn't trust me?" and breaks off the relationship.

So, it boils down to two things. Either you already suspected that she wasn't trustworthy and were looking for confirmation, or you are too insecure about yourself to be able to handle a relationship. It could be a combination of the two. You really should look at your insecurities though. You will NEVER have a good relationship as long as you aren't capable of trusting anyone. Quit testing your girlfriends! People lie, you can't change that.

You should also learn that infatuation does not make you soul mates. I doubt you know all of the bad things about her. That is why it is called dating. You have to REALLY know someone before you can determine whether or not they are your soulmate. Odds are that she isn't and never will be. You can go ahead and move in together but my advice is to break it off and work on yourself before moving in with anyone. You don't trust women, period. If you are going into each relationship with the pressure of making this the one you will spend your entire life with, you will be continually frustrated. If you are meant to be together for life, it will happen all on it's own. You can't force someone to be your soulmate.

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It doesn't even feel like whatever time it is.

Deltona Couple

I cannot BELIEVE you actually believe that!

Entrapment is entrapment. You cannot sit there and entice someone DELIBERATELY and then fault them for their errors. I am not saying she is justified in what she did, of course not. but to sit there and imply that entrapment is a GOOD thing is rediculous.

You know I sit here re-reading the posts, and I would be laughing my A$$ off if we find out later that she actually KNEW he was behind it all, and is setting HIM up! or seeing if HE is going to be honest and come out with the truth.

__________________
"It is not that I have failed, but that I have found 10,000 ways that it DOESN'T work!" --Thomas Edison

shakran

don't be too surprised if you're right Deltona. It's pretty hard to disguise typing styles and speed over IM. She probably caught on to him in the first 5 minutes.

Shauk

yeah now that we point that out, his typing is pretty noticable.

match000

Isn't this so true? my girl-friend insists that all men are whores and that, given a prospect that meets his basic standards, it takes almost next to nothing to sleep with a man..

A flirty woman surely gets alot farther than an equally attractive flirty man..

analog

Well said, on both accounts.

Entrapment is nonsense. Someone puts a car somewhere in a high-theft area, and then it's a special car which the following police can shut off the engine, is that entrapment?

Police set up a high-profile house of prostitution. Everyone who goes in is arrested. Is that entrapment?

How about you leave your bedroom window wide open, for anyone to crawl into, is that entrapment?

Entrapment is a bullshit term for "got caught choosing to participate in criminal activity", and nothing else.

Shauk

QFT

liamfoster

ahhaahha no guys, she hasnt caught me at all and she wont

following other chats she decided to blacklist the fake me and the topic is 6 feet under. ( i had to push it in order to be blacklisted though...)

of course it wasnt one of her best performances but it has helped me to understand her better, that she tends to be a cheater and eventually i'll feel less guilty if i'll ever have an affair

Shauk - just out of curiosity, how come u find my typing pretty noticable?

analog

Oh good, I was getting worried... for a minute there it almost seemed like you might walk away from this thread having learned something. Thank God, that's not the case.

Really though...

How can you not find any of what you've done to be extremely dishonest and shady, regardless of what you "caught" her doing?

Nisses

Please don't ever have kids with eachother.

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Moderation should be moderately moderated.

dirtyrascal7

Are you fucking kidding me?

It absolutely blows my mind at how easy it is for some people to push aside their morals and find ways to justify their atrocious behavior.

__________________
"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

Cynthetiq

:cue John Lennon's Whatever Gets You Through The Night:

You don't see your part in all this, it means the lesson will be presented to you again over and over until you learn it.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

shakran

We may as well close this thread gang. There is no help for this guy. He's determined to act like a damn fool, and won't settle for anything more. I don't even know why he bothered to post it. He obviously wasn't open to changing his attitude about anything. And now that we know he's just looking for an excuse to cheat on his girlfriend, the original question is shown to be bullshit in the first place.

yournamehere

First of all, I never said it was good. What I said was they're both wrong.

Secondly, what I meant by "Entrapment" is only used as a defense by the guilty" is this - If you behave conscientiously and don't fall into the trap in the first place, you won't be crying, "Entrapment!"

To paraphrase, the only people who use "entrapment" as a defense are people who got caught doing something they shouldn't have been doing.

__________________
If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

Shauk

hrm, given the recent addition to the post, i'm inclined to agree.


tests are only authentic if there isn't an ulterior motive behind it.

what we have here is a case of double fault. Neither party is in the right.

liamfoster

guys, for those who followed my story and gave me some opinions, there are some updates from my side.

I realized I made a mistake in testing her, for the following reasons:
by realizing that she could be a cheater I became more needy and insecure, I started to doubt about everything she told me and she definitely felt this defensive/needy attitude of mine, which made me less attractive to her.

What kills a woman's attraction towards a man is when she detects his insecurity, needy.

I would have never acted this way if I didnt know this potential attitude of her.
Maybe she would have cheated on me, maybe not, but for sure she'd have never told me that cause she cares about me, and I'd have kept my usual brilliant/cocky/calm profile which she really loves.

Now I've finally turned the situation 'i think' back to normal, by being agan mr cocky/funny/self confident and she seems fine again as well, even if we reached a point of extreme tension in which we were about to break up because of my insecurity.

What did I learn:
Do not test a woman.
But above all, never ever create dramas with a woman, never have emotional response to things, they kill the attraction. On the contrary, keep always the cocky and funny profile, and if she really wants to talk down or create dramas... here it comes the biggest challenge.... I have to be able to switch her pattern, say or do something crazy, stupid, which will flip the situation and eventually she will forget about the drama and not be able to go back into it.
Because it happened exactly like that!

ShaniFaye

But you don't think you shouldnt test a woman because its just flat out WRONG?

Dont have emotional responses to things? what kind of crap is that? Keep cocky profile? Well I guess some women might want that 24/7 but I know I wouldnt, I like a man that "has emotional responses" to "life"

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!