Socrates

I honestly don't even know where to begin. Since my mother got diagnosed with Breast Cancer and my dads heart-condition, their behaviors have down-right changed to the point where they say some of the most cruelest things. BUT you know what it doesn't even matter, Im past all the other bullsh** but the recent thing my dad did just really dissappointed me in them as well as their trust.

I had $200 laying in my room near my bed, it wasn't on the writing table or anywhere else but it was only seen if you were to sleep in my bed because it was the side of the compartment attached to the bed. Regardless, my dad decided to take a nap one day in my room and apparently saw the money and took it. I didn't really realize it until I had plans to get it deposited, Im looking around the room and finally I call him up to my surprise he says in a joking way "yeaa I stole your money..." and it really pissed me off. So I asked him a simple question why did he do it...?

According to him he was "checking" me for carelessness, thats perfectly fine and well but I asked him another simple question as to why he took the money with him rather then leave it at the house to which he had no reply. I hung up the phone because I consider my room/our or HIS house to be a place of security and comfort to which I know that if I leave something somewhere it will stay their but after that incident it really made me loose alot of trust.

I asked him what was the point of all this, why would he cause even more head-aches or problems in my or his life for no reason again, he was testing me. I don't understand him, you only test someone if they actually ARE careless or irresponsible I for one can guarantee that Im not neither. In the past I've left $1000 on my table cash in plain sight because I know noone in the house would ever even think about taking the money. I might "act" careless by doing things like that but apparently my dad actually thinks I am that way.

Regardless, I didn't even speak to him for a couple of days, I would greet my parents and go into my room, sleep, eat and go to work. I have stopped asking my parents for anything that I might need because I honestly don't want to be a burden to them. I pay my own college tuition even though my dad always said he would pay for it, never did, in fact he owes me almost $500 that I was planning to use to pay my car-insurance with but when I asked him about it he doesn't reply and grins at me. To top it off he calls me greedy all the time, he thinks I'm always after money which goes to show that my parents really don't know me that well that I thought they did.

My father calls me yesterday and says that he needs my credit card to pay his car insurance so he can "help" me build up my credit which was very unusual. I asked him as to what exactly he had planned to which he told me to shut my mouth and give him my credit card. I woke up this morning and I asked him about it and him and my mom both went off on me, getting loud about how they can't rely on me, how if they ever get old they can't expect anything out of me. They say alot of cruel things which have started to hurt me. I tried to explain to them that I was merely asking what he had in mind, how he was going to pay it off pretty much and they snapped. I didn't even say anything and stayed quiet.

I understand that they are frustrated and maybe even angry at the world but is this how you treat your son...? They started doing this to my little sister to which I had to tell them to stop, so now it seems that they are taking out their frustrations even more. But I don't understand why would you do, say or act like this. They say they want the best for me but they never show it. They've made soo many empty promises and never kept them but it doesn't matter. What matters is to why are they acting this way...? Instead of being the strong ones I have to be the strong one, take care of the house, work, as well as start school pretty soon as well, besides all the effort it seems as if they like to have this tense enviroment in the house instead of being together I have to distance myself even more from them because of what they say.

I might not say anything but it does hurt and I am human afterall. I can put myself in their shoes but I guess they can't put themselves in MY shoes. To top it off my dad is always putting me down in front of other people, I don't understand that either...? Is it to make himself look THAT much better in front of people, out of insecurity or what...? I don't know any parent that ever puts their child down in front of other people.

Im very truly honestly frustrated, I don't even talk to my friends about this because they don't even understand the situation so their would be no point. If anyone has anything comforting of some guidance, please do suggest because I really need it right now.

The_Jazz

It sounds like you might need to move out. That might take some of the stress out of your relationship.

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Toaster126

Your parents shouldn't be doing shit like that. I'd move out as soon as I could.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Socrates

Is that it...? I still don't understand the reasoning behind it. What is it that you guys see that I don't. Every mature (I don;t like to use the word old) person I talk to has nothing concrete to say except that they shouldn't be acting like that, like you guys have mentioned etc etc, but my real question is WHY are they acting like this...? Are they trying to teach me a lesson, to be strong and tough...? I know if I ask THEM this they will say its because of me and my atitude which is not the case.

Moving out isn't easy fellas, Im sure you guys know that to top it off I have a younger sibling that pretty much I HAVE to take care of no matter what because my parents don't provide any guidance whatso-ever so instead of letting her make the mistakes I have due to NO guidance Im doing everything in my power for her to have an easy life, so if I move out she will have to put up with their constant bullsh** and afcourse the negativity WILL have an effect on her. Aren't their ANY other reasonable suggestions...? Any 30+ people here that can give some insight...?

JustJess

If I may ask.. how old are you? How old is your sister? Your parents? When were they diagnosed? Have either of them been like this before, or is it solely since they got sick?

It sounds to me like they are getting fragile and scared, and money is probably a huge issue for them. Perhaps it's medical bills, perhaps they are afraid of dying and leaving you nothing. They are likely terrified that they both might get sick and die without any kind of backup. They probably either need the money they stole and are too embarassed to admit it, or they are just being money-grubbing jerks.

I would have a very frank discussion with them about it. Money makes people do weird shit, and well... so does thinking you're going to die. If it were my mom, I'd be asking "look, is it that you need the money? I'm willing to help, but you've got to be honest with me. How bad is it?"

If they can't talk to you about it, and continue like this, I'd lay it out for them. Let them know this can't continue. And probably get out. At least if you had your own apartment, your sister would have someplace to hang out and do homework until she had to go home.

__________________
My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

Daniel_

Sorry to say this, sir, but you are being screwed.

If your flatmate behaved in this way, you'd get the police onto them, but because it's your parents, you feel in some way responsible.

The first thing I can tell you is that nobody has the right to treat you like this.

The second thing I can tell you is that you may have to adjust your life in quite unpleasant ways to get out from the situation.

Moving out will cost - but it will be honest cost, not money being stolen from you.

Good luck.

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

vanblah

Without knowing you or your parents no one could fathom a guess as to why they are acting the way they are.

Whether or not someone "should" be acting a certain way is fairly presumptious anyway.

Please keep in mind that no matter how old a person gets they are HUMAN and will act selfish and disrespectful at times (hell, even ALL the time in some cases). Even to their own children. Like it or not.

ratbastid

Bingo, bulls-eye, exactly.

Something's going on that they don't want to tell you about. It has to do with money. I think Jess's guess about medical bills is a very good one.

Now is the time to be a loving son and step in there and make a difference for them. This is an opportunity for you to be the bigger person. I don't mean condoning or putting up with what's going on, I mean that what an adult would do in this situation is to address it honestly and give your parents as much love and support as you can. In fact, you shouldn't tolerate what's going on for another moment. But that's not the same as moving out, blaming them, and giving up on them. This is going to require you getting bigger than your personal concerns.

You wouldn't really want to have to go through the rest of your life knowing that your got pissed at your parents and gave up on them just before they died, do you?

Confront them--lovingly--with what you're noticing. Ask them to include you in whatever it is, and promise to care about them no matter what the situation is.

Socrates

My mother or step-mom has always disliked me because of reasons Im not going to get into, she has been very vicious physically in my younger years but gradually its gotten verbal over the years BUT after a while you get used to it and just not say anything but brush it off. As for my father he "shows" a nice exterior but in fact he is very coniving and manipulative. Very selfish too but he never used to put me down or belittle me in front of anyone but that seems to have changed. Another interesting thing about him is that when I used to ask him for advice he would say the most vaguest things and leave me to interpret it as I see fit, he never told me about general life facts or about the "real world", I had to learn everything the hard way. He still acts this way that is why I have stopped asking him for anything.

I just turned 21 recently, and my sibling is 14 years of age. My father is in his mid 50's and my mother in her mid 40's.

Something is going on because my dad's business hasn't been doing good lately according to my lil sister who is nosy as hell she says that right now we are living hand to mouth BUT they never tell ME this, they always exclude these things from me and when I do ask they don't desire to tell or snap. Frankly I've stopped even asking. I just wish they would ASK me for help rather then acting it out. Believe it or not I used to help my dad out with the business but gradually he would give me less and less of my pay, when I confronted him I was told I am greedy. I tried to explain to him that I do need to pay for other things and $40 for working 8 - 10 hours wasn't cutting it, he didn't seem to care so now Im working somewhere else or other-wise I would have been taken over the business for him but apparently he doesn't want me to.

I've always tried but its as if they expect me to be perfect, Im far from it and even told them that but I guess they still haven't realized. I put myself in their shoes and try to understand them which I've done pretty well over the years and tried to be less of a burden as I could but I guess they don't seem to see things from my view.

Exactly, that is why I came here looking for a solution, so I guess Im going to have to be the bigger man. My grandfather came today and they were the happiest people you have ever seen it was ridiculous how fake they became BUT even though this "incident" occurred in the last week I will talk to my dad and ask him if he actually needs money and Im more then willing to help him out. I've helped him out in the past too so why should I have a problem helping him out now.

Any more suggestions because you guys really really did help me believe it or not.

ratbastid

Good response, Socrates.

People get really weird when things like money and health and respect are on the line. They'll turn one of those things into the other in their head, and then act like a child because they're not getting what they want.

Somebody here has to be the grown-up. Sounds like you're it.

Don't rise to the bait--just shrug off anything that you think means "expecting perfection". I mean, you're not perfect, are you? Is anybody? So they tell you you're not perfect. That's news? Ok, fine, what next. Keep coming from how you can make the difference in the situation, because you can.

JustJess

Rat's a smart guy - you should listen to him.

But just to play devil's advocate, just because they're sick, just because they're your parents... doesn't mean they get to step on you and take advantage of you. Make sure you're standing up for yourself (as respectfully as the situation allows). All considerations of stress of their issues aside... they still sound like assholes. My apologies.

__________________
My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

pornclerk

One thought about preventing them from taking things from your room is to get a lock on your bedroom door. It works like a charm for me.

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Who wants a twig when you can have the whole tree?

ratbastid

Oh, they're certainly BEING assholes. Doesn't necessarily mean they ARE assholes. But the behavior has to stop, for sure, and you have to be the one to stop it.

feelgood

I wouldn't go down that road if I were you, It'd just might make the situation worse, considering the fact that your Dad had used the excuse "It's MY house" before. I'm sure he wouldn't have a problem kicking down the bedroom door if he finds it locked.

__________________
Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

Socrates

Well hold your nuts people because this might beee a loooong post.

I don't think so.


I talked to my little sister whether or not IF my parents ARE having financial trouble and she assured me that they aren't, even though they are acting this way they don't need money. How does she know ...? because she is nosy. So I decided to not bring this topic up.

Its been kinda tense lately around the house because believe it or not I have been pissed and really don't talk much, but since I have to be the bigger man and make the first move I did today. I went to my university to pay for my tuition and my dad's business is near the campus so I decided to swing by the store and go for it. I get their and greet him and he asks me where Im coming from and I explain to him that Im coming from the university to which he asked why I wasn't going to the other campus...? I told him that since my appointment was late by the time my date arrived all the classes were full so I had to take it on the other campus, immediatly he went on a tangant AGAIN, talking about how careless I am and that its my fault for NOT registering for the classes which is NOT true. (I explained to him later that the appointment dates are set sequincially, you know freshmen, softmore, junior etc etc and some of the softmores come first aswell.)

Next thing you know I lost my cool and went off, he pretty much said that how I acted was wrong and that it was a joke he was playing because he IS a joking type BUT I explained to him that it was POINTLESS, I asked him what was the reason behind it and he continued to say how stupid I am for getting mad over something like that. I told him that IF I were to play with him like that (which I would never even think about doing) he would slap me across the face and kick me out of the house, because I KNOW for a fact any human with authority would do the same, their is no way in hell he wouldn't have gotten mad. He says that he wouldn't even care but I KNOW in my soul that anyone would have gotten mad. I explained to him that he "violated" if you want to call it, the trust and security I had placed in him as well as other members of the family to which again he dodged the subject again. I told him the reason I really got mad wasn't the fact he took the money BUT the fact he did something their was no reason of playing around with.

It was pointless, I told him that what he did just means you have nothing better to do, I know he ment no harm but what he did was really pointless and wasn't necessary. He told me that its a parents right to ask their child, trust them and be honest with them because they are really all I have, I explained to him that some of the things they said and their behavior wasn't nice either to which he said..."..what are you talking about...?", we take care of you, how I drive a better car then he does etc etc and how if they should even ask for something I should give it to them without hesitation and I told him that If I have nothing to give what do you expect out of me...? and he was silent. I told him that I am human too, put yourself in my shoes, Im workin, goin to school, I barely go anywhere, take care clean up the house once in a while I mean WTF do you guys want from me financially when I have nothing to offer you.

Regardless, he also said that my atitude wasn't too nice which I agree and he pointed out something that really scared me. My dad said that when he looked me in my eye I had this look that I was going to kill him, and I can honestly say that it takes alot for me to get mad but something in my brain happened that apparently I was soooooo F*in mad but didn't realize how rude I was acting or how mad I really was that it defied logic. I was soo pissed but didn't act that way with other people except with my parents which really scared me and I felt like sh** because it was true. I had really began to hate them in a sense even though I didn't but I guess....something had overcame me. I would barely say anything to them which I guess made them act that way towards me to get a reaction out of me. I am the type of person that I don't get mad easily it takes alot for me to get mad but I hadn't reached that level in a while I guess and did feel really bad because I did hurt them, he said it too plus his eyes told everything.

So Im now confused because according to him it was a stupid reason for me to get mad which I did and acted disrespectfully and feel bad about at the same time I was provoked...I honestly have too many mixed feelings right now...any suggestions or insight would be helpful.

Sultana

It boils down to this:
A) They are treating you badly. They are not respecting you.
You don't have a reason why that makes sense to you, but the fact is it doesn't really matter. There never will be a good enough reason. They cannot justify it. It is not justifiable.

B) You have a decision to make. Accept it, or Do Not Accept it.
Obviously you cannot be true to yourself and accept it, which is healthy. There are different ways to "Not Accept" this behavior. The number one way is to remove yourself from the immediate situation. You cannot control or change anyone else, only yourself. It's time *you* set the boundaries for how people are allowed to treat you, it's part of becoming an adult. And part of that is realizing that you may not please other people with your boundaries, and you know what? That's OK. You are in no way obligated to please anyone else with how you live your life (short of legal requirements)--and you CANNOT please others. If you live your life trying to please others regardless of how you feel about things, you doom yourself to an unhappy life and YOU STILL WILL NOT PLEASE THEM. Believe me when I tell you you can live your life sacrificing everything that makes you happy, everything that's important to you, one concept at a time, and at the end you will have lost yourself and *They* will still be unhappy. *They* will still want more.

C) It is time that *you* decide if something is a stupid reason to get mad or whatever, not your parents. It's part of becoming an adult.
Anger is not bad. It's not good. It's just an emotion. Now how you choose to deal with it can be classified as good or bad, I suppose. You can use the momentum that Anger generates to make positive changes in your life.
You know how when you fly, when the flight attendants go through the safety procedures and they tell you that if the oxygen masks deploy, even if you are traveling with children, you must put your own mask on first, and *then* take care of the others? That's because you MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST, or you are worse than useless to the others, no matter how much you love them and want to help them.
Of course that is a limited analogy, as they all are, but it illustrates the point.

__________________
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At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Socrates

Yesterday I couldn't sleep because I kept on thinking about what I had said and how it went down between my dad and I. It really began to bother me because my dad left the house late night and went somewhere and when he came back I think he had been crying and I realized that I HAD really hurt him which in turn hurt me. I know parents try their best and don't want to feel like failures which I think I probably told him that but in a different way. He wasn't their for a big portion of my life and even after REGARDLESS it had started getting pretty good up until lately and I don't know what came over me but I just started crying too, I had promised myself 3 years ago that I would never cry again but eventually I was hurt too and hurt someone else too and it just came out.

LOL, that is soo true. I learned that the hard-way early on because I got used by soo many people but now I only help those that help me, kinda like a give and take situation.

I was actually doing that but I will most definatly keep this in mind. Thank you for your beautiful post.

Marvelous Marv

Your parents are NOT trying their best. What decent parent steals money from their kid and claims they're entitled to?

Oh, I'd cancel that credit card if I were you. Or at least tell the company you lost it and need a new one.

__________________
"The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money."
Margaret Thatcher

lurkette

Man, what a tangle.

Try to remember that people are rarely upset about what they think/claim they're upset about. Your dad gives you this line about being entitled to take things from you, about how they take care of you, etc., because it is literally INTOLERABLE to him to admit even to himself, consciously, how low he has sunk and how dependent he is on you, when he KNOWS that he should be taking care of you and not the other way around.

The way you handled the situation may not have been the most productive - confronting him the way you did didn't give him any room to do anything but defend himself and rationalize his behavior, or to have his ego collapse, which makes you feel bad.

One thing you can do is to hear what is underneath what he's saying, and pretend you're interacting with that conversation instead of what you're hearing. If he were asking, politely, for your help, what would you give? Reasonably, not sacrificing your own financial well-being, but doing what you could? Can you "head him off at the pass" and offer that to start with, in a way that doesn't make him lose face or have to ask you? Better yet, can you start a conversation with him - with your "ego," in the Buddhist sense, in check - that acknowledges his needs, forgives him for his behavior, and offers what you can to help? Create the possibility of an open relationship with him in which you ask him to come to you for help, and while you may not always be able to give what he asks for, at least you have an open line of communication that YOU have opened, in a way that works for you? That way you're offering, and he's not begging for something he knows he doesn't deserve (so he has to pretend he does, and just take it).

You might also look up "fair fighting" to give you some guidelines of how to communicate in a non-confrontational way that still gets your feelings and needs across.

I'm SO not defending his actions, and I know from experience the kind of weight that descends on you when your parents are acting like children and you just want to curl up in a ball and roll away somewhere they can't find you rather than have to suck it up and be the adult. It's not okay for him to steal from you - and that's what it is - and it's not okay for him to coerce you into ruining your financial situation. But unless you want to just cut ties and leave them to their own devices, you're going to have to take control of the situation and set it up so you can help them ON YOUR OWN TERMS.

Best of luck, man.

And try to look after your sister - this is a lot for a 14-year-old to handle, although it sounds like they lean on you more than her. It's the curse of the eldest.

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

abaya

Your family doesn't happen to be Asian, do they? I ask because my mother is Thai and she (and many other Asian friends' parents of mine) has acted in similar ways at times. That is, the total denigration of the child to the point where the child is expected to kiss the parents' ass and wait on them hand-and-foot until the parent dies. Yeah, I've had my fill.

But even if they're not (or are!) Asian or "traditional" by any means, it's still WRONG. I firmly believe in equality of treatment between parents and children; I've never believed that my mother had any more right to tell me what to do than anyone else did, and have enforced that belief in our relationship since I was about 5 years old. It has strained our relationship, but the only alternative would have been to surrender and lose myself entirely and become completely incompetent, co-dependent, and lacking all self-esteem. That's actually what she wanted me to be like... never moving from home, never questioning her, never becoming my own person. Due to her own insecurity, she had hoped to use me as an emotional feed lot for her entire life. I've consistently rejected her attempts to do so. I don't know if it's the same for your family, but it does sound like both financial and emotional manipulation... and that's enough to fuck up any family.

I've been in counseling for a long time to deal with all the shit from my family, and the work will probably never stop... but it's better than fucking up my future relationships. It is my responsibility how to react to my parents, and no one else's. Listen to Sultana. It really comes down to YOU, not them. Never expect them to change. They won't. It's you who has to make the decision and do the work. I know, it sucks.

Have you considered counseling, by the way? The way you are writing about what's going on inside... it's obvious (to me) that there is a LOT of pain and anger down there, and you're only beginning to touch it. Seriously, give it a try if you haven't already. The fact that you "swore that you would not cry" is a huge signal in itself... why did you do that? There is absolutely nothing wrong with expressing strong emotions, and crying is a form of that. You need to allow yourself to feel and express what is going on with someone who is safe (not your sister, obviously not your parents). Anything else is going come back to haunt you many years from now, when you have your own family and children...

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Deltona Couple

Everyone here is giving you great advice, and I am glad that you are taking it, and being the bigger man in this situation. That being said, I have one concern, that you have only tipped at, but should be also considered in this situation: You say that you and your parents are having a difficult time, and are arguing, how is this affecting your little sister? I have a 14 year old daughter, and I KNOW that she takes in everything that is going on in the house. You are an adult(you said you were 21) so now you have a younger sister to worry about as well. I remember you said that she gets the brunt of things sometimes. You definately need to make sure she is safe. In my opinion SHE should be number one priority. but thats just my opinion, probably because I have kids!...lol.

__________________
"It is not that I have failed, but that I have found 10,000 ways that it DOESN'T work!" --Thomas Edison

Socrates

Sorry for the late reply but here it goes.

That really hit me because I DON'T think he stole the money from me but according to him he was just kidding. To be honest it was and still is very hard for me to believe he would steal from me. I don't know to be honest and I just can't get myself to believe that he would do that because that would defy logic. He doesn't need money according to what I know but the reality of it is that he DOES expect for me to provide for them when they get at a certain age BUT at the same time I have nothing to offer them but to help them around the house and not depending on them so much or asking them for anything. The last part is soo true about him depending on me, because growing up I always looked up and depended on him but for a big portion of my life he was never their. Even after he never gave me advice on anything when I needed it but, eventually I just took care of myself and learned from my many mistakes that I have made and I have made alot of mistakes.

So when he said that how all he is trying to do is help me and give me advice I snapped and told him that I don't even need advice from him anymore because he wasn't their when I needed it the most. I think that really hurt him because he realized how selfish he has been his life.

Honest to god, I didn't think anybody would know how I felt because that is how I felt, I just wanted to get away and go some place faar faar away from them. BUT I can't cut ties they are the only people I have, my other family back home I don't talk to because they are all greedy, lying and manipulative bastards. I think the situation is kinda good right now, my parents don't bug me as much and my dad has realized how I feel and is careful as to what he says and does around me.

I am not Thai but I am Asian and yes that is how they have acted pretty much my whole life until now.

I understand you completly but my relationship with my mom never even took off. I found out that the only reason she married my dad was if I wasn't included in the family. My grandmother and grandfather pretty much raised me so obviously I couldn't be thrown away like yesterdays trash. Eventually she started accepting me. Keep in mind that we live in the same house with my grandmother as well. So afcourse I loved her from the start since I was about 8 years old. I would save up money to buy her candy, chocolates things like that. One day she was teaching me math and I couldn't grasp the concept of rounding numbers and I still remember it to this day and she slapped me across the face very hard, afcourse that made me mess up even more and eventually she just continued to slap me harder and harder each time. I started crying and asked her to stop and I guess my grandmother heard me crying and she came in told my mom to stop and took me away.

I asked my grandmother why she hit me and she told me because that is your mom. As time progressed the physical abuse got more and more severe to the point where I had gotten bruises. I would always ended up going back to my grandmother and she always had this ability to put me to sleep. My grandmother would tell my dad who was in the states as to what my mother was doing but apparently it was falling on deaf ears. Eventually my grandmother stopped caring for me as well because it was too much for her to bear because she would end up crying as well whenever I showed her my bruises.

My aunts would come over during summer and stay in the house BUT they would talk crap about my mom IN FRONT OF ME, which was true to what they had seen but instead it had a negative reaction on me and I started hating her aswell because I started believing what they were saying hence my atitude started changing for the worse as well where it would lead me to back-talking and acting out. Keep in mind that I am about 9 or 10 years old and had not even fully "awakened" or realized to the extent what my aunts had actually done or were doing because they are very manipulative women.

Eventually this continued for another 2 - 3 years and we moved to the states with my uncle and aunt, our only REAL family in the states. My aunt hated me also for some apparent reason also and my mom and her would sometimes gang up on me and verbally attack me while my mom would do it physically. Eventually they kicked us out of the their house we were staying in because my aunt was getting jealous of my mom. The irony LOL .

Nevertheless, time continued and things are pretty smooth now but still I guess their is a lingering feeling and I ask myself sometimes why me...?

I thought about it but I don't think I do anymore because I've gotten past alot of my problems or I think I have. Maybe one day I might. As for the crying because it would just make me feel weak, I hate to feel weak and know that I have become to vunerable. I guess it happens eventually.

I've been explaining her things more from a positive aspect instead of telling her the reality of it. I just calmly told her that our parents are a little frustrated and stressed out and that is their way of taking it out because its normal. (Yeaa I know not the best idea) but I told her that they are our parents and they do love us and things will get better. She actually wants to be a doctor and Im always saying positive things to her because she is ridiculously smart and has a good work ethic. My parents don't seem to encourage her too much so I took the task to tell her what to do academic wise and people wise. She does take alot of the sh*t from my parents too sometimes but eventually it blows over and I tell her its going to be ok. My real goal is to get her to be smarter then me when I was her age so eventually she can figure things out on her own and doesn't have to depend on anyone.

JustJess

Okay... with more and more of your family history coming out, I have to say that I hope if it were me in your situation, that I would do the following:

Move out. As soon as humanly possible. Get some therapy, and try to unlearn all of the bullshit they have foisted on you. Emancipate your sister, in the hopes of her not being entirely screwed up too. Get her some therapy too.

I would hope that I could just cut ties. Because it doesn't sound like there's anything worth staying for.

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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.