Socrates

Well hold your nuts people because this might beee a loooong post.

I don't think so.


I talked to my little sister whether or not IF my parents ARE having financial trouble and she assured me that they aren't, even though they are acting this way they don't need money. How does she know ...? because she is nosy. So I decided to not bring this topic up.

Its been kinda tense lately around the house because believe it or not I have been pissed and really don't talk much, but since I have to be the bigger man and make the first move I did today. I went to my university to pay for my tuition and my dad's business is near the campus so I decided to swing by the store and go for it. I get their and greet him and he asks me where Im coming from and I explain to him that Im coming from the university to which he asked why I wasn't going to the other campus...? I told him that since my appointment was late by the time my date arrived all the classes were full so I had to take it on the other campus, immediatly he went on a tangant AGAIN, talking about how careless I am and that its my fault for NOT registering for the classes which is NOT true. (I explained to him later that the appointment dates are set sequincially, you know freshmen, softmore, junior etc etc and some of the softmores come first aswell.)

Next thing you know I lost my cool and went off, he pretty much said that how I acted was wrong and that it was a joke he was playing because he IS a joking type BUT I explained to him that it was POINTLESS, I asked him what was the reason behind it and he continued to say how stupid I am for getting mad over something like that. I told him that IF I were to play with him like that (which I would never even think about doing) he would slap me across the face and kick me out of the house, because I KNOW for a fact any human with authority would do the same, their is no way in hell he wouldn't have gotten mad. He says that he wouldn't even care but I KNOW in my soul that anyone would have gotten mad. I explained to him that he "violated" if you want to call it, the trust and security I had placed in him as well as other members of the family to which again he dodged the subject again. I told him the reason I really got mad wasn't the fact he took the money BUT the fact he did something their was no reason of playing around with.

It was pointless, I told him that what he did just means you have nothing better to do, I know he ment no harm but what he did was really pointless and wasn't necessary. He told me that its a parents right to ask their child, trust them and be honest with them because they are really all I have, I explained to him that some of the things they said and their behavior wasn't nice either to which he said..."..what are you talking about...?", we take care of you, how I drive a better car then he does etc etc and how if they should even ask for something I should give it to them without hesitation and I told him that If I have nothing to give what do you expect out of me...? and he was silent. I told him that I am human too, put yourself in my shoes, Im workin, goin to school, I barely go anywhere, take care clean up the house once in a while I mean WTF do you guys want from me financially when I have nothing to offer you.

Regardless, he also said that my atitude wasn't too nice which I agree and he pointed out something that really scared me. My dad said that when he looked me in my eye I had this look that I was going to kill him, and I can honestly say that it takes alot for me to get mad but something in my brain happened that apparently I was soooooo F*in mad but didn't realize how rude I was acting or how mad I really was that it defied logic. I was soo pissed but didn't act that way with other people except with my parents which really scared me and I felt like sh** because it was true. I had really began to hate them in a sense even though I didn't but I guess....something had overcame me. I would barely say anything to them which I guess made them act that way towards me to get a reaction out of me. I am the type of person that I don't get mad easily it takes alot for me to get mad but I hadn't reached that level in a while I guess and did feel really bad because I did hurt them, he said it too plus his eyes told everything.

So Im now confused because according to him it was a stupid reason for me to get mad which I did and acted disrespectfully and feel bad about at the same time I was provoked...I honestly have too many mixed feelings right now...any suggestions or insight would be helpful.