The Offical Old School Yo Mamma Thread

[Prophecy]

How many of you remember playing the Dirty Dozens when you were younger? well here is a collection of Yo mamma jokes people told when I was younger...
---------------------------
Yo mama's so stupid, she climbed over a glass wall to see what was behind it.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Grape Nuts was an STD.
Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Yo mama's so stupid, I told her it was chilly outside and she ran and got a bowl.
Yo mama's so stupid, she spent twenty minutes lookin' at an orange juice box because it said "concentrate".
Yo mama's so stupid, she asked me what yield meant. I said "Slow down" and she said "What... does.... yield... mean?"

Yo mama's so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection looks back shaking it's head.
Yo mama's so ugly, when the terminator said "I'll be back" he left running.
Yo mama's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter from the condom factory.
Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.

Yo mama's so fat, when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.
Yo mama's so fat, she don't wear a G-String, she wears an A, B, C, D, E, F, G-String.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses diet soap.

Yo mama's so old, she got slapped by Eve for blowing Adam.
Yo mama's so old, when I slapped her on the back her tits fell off.

Yo mama has one arm and when she fights, the announcer says "She throws a right, a right, and another right."
Yo mama has so much hair on her chest, her tits look like coconuts.
Yo mama's got 3 toes and 3 knees and they call her Toni Tone Tony.
Yo mama's got an eating disorder, she be eating dis order, dat order, she be eating all the damn orders!

[Mad_Gecko]

Yo mama's a good ole soul she got a ten ton pussy an' a rubber ass hole.

[bryanzera]

Yo mama's so fat she sweats gravy.

[DisFunctional]

Yeah. Its was more like.... Dude get your mom off my lawn.... She has been there for days. Hippys think shes a whale and tring to get her back to the ocean.

[bryanzera]

-Yo momma so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
-Yo momma so dumb, she went to buy a color tv, and didn't know what color to buy.
-Yo momma so poor, I saw her kickin a can down the street, so I axed her what she was doin, and she said "Movin, Jack. Movin."
-Yo momma's house so small I put the key in the lock and stabbed five people sitting in the living room.
-Yo momma so old, her social security number is 3.
-Yo momma so fat, when I fuck her, I have to roll over twice to get off her fat ass.

[bryanzera]

Two more.

-Yo momma so fat, her nickname is "DAAAAAAAAAAAMN!"
-Yo momma so fat, she snacks on Wheat Thicks.

[trixarnt4kidz]

-Yo momma so stanky, when she goes into taco bell everybody runs for the border.

-Yo momma so stupid, when i said it was chilly outside she went and grabed a bowl.

[potpie]

-Yo momma's so stupid, she took the Pepsi Challenge and chose Mountain Dew.
-Yo momma's so fat, her picture fell off the wall.
-Yo momma's so old AND fat, when God said, "Let there be light," she moved her big ass out of the way.

[TequilaJr]

Yo mamma's so old she farts dust.
Yo mamma's so old that when I told her to act her age she died.

Yo mamma's so fat that the last ime she wore heels she struck oil.
Yo mamma's so fat that on the bus shew sits next to everybody.
Yo mamma's so fat she broke a branch on the family tree.
Yo mamma's so fat when she stepped n the scale at the mall it said "one at a time please"
Yo mamma's so fat she's got more rolls than Pillsbury's.
Yo mamma's so fat she gets group discounts at KFC.


Yo mamma's so stupid she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mamma's so stupid she couldn't pass a blood test.

[reverendjay]

Yo mamma's so fat she puts Mayonaise on Aspirin.

[stankybcn1]

Yo mamma's so stupid she got fired from the m&m factory for throwing out all the w's

[BlueFaceBeast]

Yo mamma's so fat when she wears a red dress all the kids in the neighborhood start yelling 'Kool-Aid Man, Kool-Aid Man!!'
Yo mamma's so fat she was standing in the middle of the road I swirved to avoid her and I ran outta gas.
Yo mamma's so poor she thought a quarterback was a refund.
Yo mamma's so poor she thought a nickle defense was the person handing out well-fare checks.

[Crooky]

Yo mamma's so ugly that they use her picture as birth control 'round here.

[TerresqueÜ]

Yo momma's so poor I came through your front door and I was in the back yard.

[Kadath]

Yo momma's so fat at Halloween she says "Trick or meatloaf!"

I stayed away from the "yo momma so black" jokes, because I'm not trying to be racist, but this one is sort of special. It actually got a guy killed right in front of a friend of mine, so if you take offense, you aren't special.

Yo momma's so black you cut her and she just smokes.

[billege]

Yo mama's so fat she plays pool with the planets.

Yo mama's so fat she wears a VCR for a pager.

Yo mama's so dumb she sad on the TV and watched the couch.

Yo mama's so dumb when the radio says "stand by" she gets up.

Yo mama's so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

Yo mama's so stupid when she asked me what kind of jeans I wore, I said Guess and she said "Ah Levi's?"

Yo mama's so stupid, at bottom of application where it says Sign Here - she put Sagittarius.

Yo mama's so stupid, her idea of safe sex is locking the car doors.

Yo mama's so stupid, her shirt says TGIF- tits go in first.

Yo mama's so stupid, her shoes say TGIF- toes go in front.

Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.

Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope, asked what she was doing, and she said sending a voice mail.

Yo mama's so stupid, I taught her how to do the running man and I haven't seen the bitch since.

Yo mama's so stupid, I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it.

Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose.

Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were gas she wouldn't have enough to power a flea-mobile around the inside of a Fruit Loop.

Yo mama's so stupid, if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

Yo mama's so stupid, if you gave her a penny for her intelligence you'd get change.

Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.

Yo mama's so stupid, on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911.



(caution: pop-ups like a mad beeatch.) Pop-Up Stopper AWAY!!

http://members.tripod.com/donaldchase/jokes/yomamma.htm

[MikeyChalupa]

I was WAITING for this thread!

Unfortunately, you guys already got 'em all...

Yo mama's so old, she got a push-pedal vibrator in her attic.
Yo mama's so fat, she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama's so black, she got marked absent in night school.
Yo mama's house so small, she gotta eat a large pizza outside.

-Mikey

[opentocomments]

MORE PLEASE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Hycdubg]

Yo mama's so poor, I came over and asked to use the bathroom and she said "Pick a corner."

[Force 10]

Yo momma so fat, she squeeze on a pair of Guess jeans and pop out an answer.

Yo momma so stupid, she try to wake up a sleeping bag.

[reconmike]

yo momma so fat that when she gets out of a metal chair they need to fluff it back up.

[Dustallica]

yo mama so stupid she took an umbrella to see Purple Rain.
yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
yo mama so stupid she went to see Dr. Dre for a Pap Smear.

yo mama so ugly Freddie Kruger has nightmares about her.
yo mama so ugly her vibrator went soft.

Yo mama so old she walked into an antique store and they put her on display.

Yo mama's armpits are so hairy it looks like she got King Kong in a headlock.

[gfandy]

Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Your Momma's so fat the National Weather Service assigns names to her farts.

[jch41878]

Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her

ahh hahahahahaha!

[riptide4070]

Yo mama's so fat, she got her own zipcode.
Yo mama's so ugly, her parents had to feed her with a sling shot.
Yo mama's so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama's house so dirty, the cockroaches goota ride around in dune buggies.
Yo mama's teeth so yellow, when she smiles it looks like the sun is rising.
Yo mama's so fat, she bleeds gravy.
Yo mama's so ugly, her parents had to tie a porkchop around her neck just to get the dog to play with her.
Yo mama's so stupid, she went to a strip club and asked "where can I put my clothes."
Yo mama's so poor, she got foodstamps on layaway.
Yo mama's so stupid, she waits for stop signs to turn green.

Yo mama's so stupid, when the doctor told her she was pregnant, she waited night and day by the fireplace for the stork to come by!
Yo mama's so stupid, she had to take classes to learn ebonics...and still can't speak it!

[BatmanMan]

Yo momma so fat when the bitch sits around the house she sits AROUND the house.
Yo momma so fat she has to iron her undies in the driveway.
Yo momma so nasty even the crabs ran away.
Yo momma so old her birthday expired.
Yo momma like a coke machine 25c and anybody gets a pop
Yo momma like the neighborhood bicycle everybody's had a ride
Yo momma so fat when she walks her thong catches on fire.

[Kllr Wolf]

Yo momma so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out

[Xixox]

Yo momma so fat... when goes dancing, the band skips

[wakelagger]

your mama's so big, that when she backs up, her ass beeps

[bender]

Your Mama is so fat that when she went missing they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton

[Sensei]

Wonderful thread!! Man, middle school, good times....

[Midlandmadman]

bump this......we need more your momma jokes

[Frowning Budah]

My favorite, your mama's so fat that when she wears BVDs and bends over it spells boulevard.

[NoSoup]

How about

"Yo momma's so fat, her blood type is RAGU"

[pharmer]

Your momma's so fat she has to pull down her pants to get in her pockets

[dmitry1981]

yo mama is like a race car...burns four rubbers a night!!

[Hydralisk]

Your mom's weight is the answer to Fermat's equation
Your mom is so skinny she is living proof for the string theory
Your mom is so ugly, her ugliness intensity is equal to 10^5 units of ugly at a distance of 1 meter and the threshhold of ugliness for the average human is 10^-12 uglies/m^2
Your Mom's so large that objects fall toward her at a rate of 9.8 m/s^2
Your mom is so dense not even intelligence can escape her.
At 6 cents per Kilowatt Hour, Your Mom is worth about 10^50 in rest Mass energy!
Your Mom must be named Jean, because she has Jean's Mass!
Your mom's such a nerd, her G-spot is (6.6726 ± 0.0001)x10 -11 N·m 2 /kg
Your Mom is so into physics that she called me last night and instead of having phone sex we talked about high-energy positron annihilation.
A YIG oscillator can not vibrate near the frequency at which your mom has intercourse.
The Tran conductance of your mom's ass varies inversely with her density
Your Mom is so fat that if one would calculate her Broglie-Wave-Length at the speed of 10^-50 m/s one would get 10^-90
Your Mom is so dense that neutrons cannot penetrate her head
Your Mom is so fat, her lee side develops clear air turbulence.
Light cannot escape from your mom
Your Mom is so old that she has been traveling at a velocity just short of the speed of light all her life and she still appears to be 40 years old.
By Pauli's exclusion principle, your mom cannot exist in a room with any other person of the same fat-spin.
Your mom so stupid, she thought a hydride shift was a waterslide.
Your mom is so dumb she thought that the thrust of a modern rocket was equal to only 1 million pounds, whereas there are many designs exceeding 10 million pounds of Thrust!!
Your Mom is so wide, the enhance-adjusted Euler manifold constant of 11th dimensional quantum tunneling through a 2 foot lead wall are less than 3.88 x 10^-596477745 per Planck!!!
Your Mom's breath is so bad its measured by the reflective power ratio
Your mom's weight is modeled by the summation of a diverging sequence.
Your Mom is so fat, that on mole of her multiplied by Avagadros number, would have her equal to the mass of an atom of an element not yet discovered. Upon discovery of this element, a new type of orbital would be required to account for the immense number
Your Mom is so fat that she makes neighboring carbons split into 5 peaks on her NMR spectrum.
The mass of Your Mom at rest is approximately equal to that of a neutron star traveling at (1-(10^-1000))c.
Your mom is a convenient proof that the universe is still expanding exponentially
Your Mom is so fat that she can theoretically eat as much as she wants and can't get any fatter or she would create a spinning vortex and engulf herself.
If your mom was a polar solute then intelligence would be a non-polar solvent.
If we were to put the fat content your mom through SPSS, the findings would show the distribution would be highly leptokutotic.
Your Mom is such a ho even the noble gases are attracted to her.
Your Mom is so fat that you can't hear her abdominal aorta aneurysm with a duplex dopler.
Your Mom is so stupid, her exchange particle is a "moron"
Your Mom is so dense she refracts light
Your Mom has a gravitational pull equal to that of the Sun.
The moon rotates around the Earth, the Earth rotates around the Sun and the Sun rotates around your Mom!
Your Mom is so large that, in theory, she can see the universe dying around her.
The limit of your mom's ass goes to infinity.
Your Mom is such a slut that around her electrons have a positive charge.
Suppose your mom is skinny, then there exists a domain her ass fits in. Contradiction, hence she has a huge ass.
Your Mom is so massive that the gravitational lensing effect is so great around her that a light beam passing within 1 AU has a radius of curvature of 6E9 meters!
Your Mom's mass to volume ratio is such that she is able to float in a area of pure nitrogen dioxide.
The topology of your mom is very complicated: it involves surfaces which fold back on themselves.

[nowthen]

"Yo momma's so fat, when her cellular rings people think shes reversing...."

[ultrascoob]

Yo Mom is so fat when she wears a belt the size says "equator" on it.

Your Moms is so fat, she fell down and broke her leg......gravy spilled out.

lets get off Momma's......seriously, cause I just got off your Momma last night.

[BrinlyNoya]

Yo momma's so stupid she tried to put quarters in her cell phone to make a call.