|
... a rear end shot.<p>Whamo is...
|
...either a frisbee or a hula hoop.
an idle mind is... |
... the devil's playground.<p>The saying "idle hands is..."
|
"a kitten's best friend."
Stuck in a snowbank is... |
Stuck in a snowbank is...
... a cold garden gnome! Garden ornaments are... |
.....more attractions for birds to pick at.
Rearranging a room is....... |
...not as much fun as it wants to look.
television is... |
...deadening to the mind
convex programming strategies are... |
...way overrated when it comes to looking for pornography.
Avoiding a telephone-contest scam is... |
as easy as a 2 cent whore
Duct Tape is... |
Duct tape is a rednecks best friend!
A redneck is... |
... is a group of people I am all to famliar with.<p>Valentines day is...
|
a guarantee for sex.
A sheet of paper is... |
...all it takes to beat 'rock'.
Moving is... |
groovin'
Overheating is... |
...nature's way of saying, "check your radiator fluid, dummy!!!"
a snowstorm is... |
... something I'll not see in Florida next week.<p>Wearing a tux with flip flops is...
|
Wearing a tux with flip flops is...gauche.
A tuxedo is... |
... another name for a dressed up Pengiun.<p>The weather in Florida next week is...
|
.....not at all like the weather in Washington next week.
Unpredictable weather is........ |
.... a staple of life in Oklahoma.<p>A staple in your life is...
|
...at the end of the day you're another day older.
quoting musicals is... |
...REALLY a blast out of the past.
internet access is... |
internet access is expensive around here!
Livin' out n the sticks is.... |
... not as bad as living in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!<p>Having company is...
|
...the only reason i clean my house.
Walking down the hall is... |
... is better than falling down in it.<p>Having the A/C on in winter...
|
...works in the lower hemisphere.
a pie in the sky is... |
like a kiss on the thigh!
a thigh is... |
not as big as a wing
timothy leary is... |
leary is lost in the sixties.
Champagne is... |
...the nectar of the gods.
Bill Murray is... |
Bill Murray is one weird dude!
The Dude is ......... |
... just the dude, man.<p>The man is...
|
Wondering where his food is at, BIATCH!
My signature is from... |
(My signature is) ...a line from a movie.
and ballantine beer is... |
Ballantine Beer is not available in our market.
Newcastle Brown Ale is... |
... a fine drop which is quite hard to find in Sydney.
Louis Vuitton is... |
... is a song by Shonen Knife. It goes like:
Every dog and every cat and every people has Louis Vuitton Rich people and poor people genuine spurious Louis Vuitton A kindergarden pupil has it with her mom is Louis Vuitton A college student has her tennis racket in her big Louis Vuitton Japanese Punk music is... |
... not as successful (nor amusing) as J-Pop (i mean, just look at the incredible success of Morning Musume, and Hamasaki Ayumi)...
Morning Musume is... |
not as good as morning nookie. ;)
Strumming your guitar is... |
...not as good as chocking the chicken. ;)
Willie Nelson is... |
... the Red Headed Stranger.<p>Islands in the steam is...
|
out of the past.
The past is... |
...best left in the past.
Chicago is... |
a good musical, the winday cit-hay.
Naked is... |
so nice!
Being clothed is.. |
to be ashamed of our apehood.
Uranus is... |
Surrounded by dark rings.
DVDA is... |
Double Vaginal Double Anal.
Michael Jackson is... (sidenote- uncle phil, my sig is from Family Guy, not a movie):) |
losing it
Genital herpes is... |
Something you tell an ugly chick you have, so that she will go away.
Hemorrhoids is... |
...a lot more irritating than asteroids (unless you get hit by one...)
the Fox channel is... (sorry, cobra, my mistake...) |
my favorite source for news.
CNN is... |
the only thing keeping Larry King aLive.
Greta Van Susteren is... |
an ugly bitch.
A bitch is... |
...usually bug with a mattock and a shovel...
veal parm is... |
...........fucking saweeeeeeeet baby.
151 proof rum is....... |
...is definitely not for me. i hate rum. tequila... well that's another story!
grocery shopping is... |
no fun at all.
Fun is... |
..........tequila to bernadette.
tequila is... |
......only good after a few other drinks in ya first so you don't feel the burn
pudding is........ |
for nude chicks to wrestle in.
Wrestling is... |
as real as you'd like to make it.
Kermit the Frog is... |
a pig lover.
A Hamburger without meat is... |
A salad roll.
A naked woman on a unicycle is... |
...second cousin to a crotch-rocket.
albania is... |
...one of those crazy places.
The smell of chili farts is... |
music to my feet.
My calloused toe is... |
...entrusted with the very secrets that kept the gardens of shalimar hidden for oh, so very long.
earthworms are... |
good with ceasar salad!
Tax ruturns are... |
......always less than what you want them to be
Taco Bell is........... |
...Steamin good!
Congegal visits are... |
...sticky.
The question which preceeded the answer to the meaning of life, the universe and everything is... |
...forgotten.
ring lardner, on the other hand, is... |
"are you now, or have you ever been a member of...
Being a member is... |
...kind of cold, if your zipper is down.
estes kefauver was... |
... often mistaken for a sneeze.
Mucus is... |
really snotty!
Bein' snotty is... |
...more fun with your hands tied behind your back.
alamagordo is... |
Better than being snot!
Being mooey is... |
Spanish for "our Chubby".
Nivea Lotion is... |
........good on the legs of the woman you love
warm beer is..... |
....often served at flyman's place.
big fat joints...... |
are under a big fat ass.
A fat ass is.......... |
more cushion for the pushin'!
rubbers are... |
...cut lower than waders.
if a tree falls in a forrest and no one is close by, the sound it makes is... |
sort of a dull thud followed by little crackling noises.
Noise is... |
....abnoxious to some.
"Chingao" is.... |
...what you get when you pull the handle on a slot machine too hard and the quarters (rolled, of course) fall into your lap.
QUANTAS is... |
Queensland and Northern Territory Aerial Services Limited - a.k.a. the safest airline in the world!
Giardia are... |
infectious.
Disease is ......... |
...contagious.
a rainbow is... |
... something that really pisses me off, like, when it it crawls up your leg and starts biting the inside of your ass. I hate that!
Festively plump is... |
not for me.
35-25-35 is... |
... also a winning hand.
Anne Coulter and Arianna Huffington are... |
bags of hot air.
Hot air is... |
...coming from my heater.
bamboo is... |
painful when used as a disciplinary tool.
This game is.... |
.....quite addicting in a strange, nonsense way
Star Search is........ |
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