Sweetpea

(Even if you don't want children, please weigh in on this.)

Being a working mom or a stay-at-home Mom:

Which would you like to be if/when you have children?

Which do you think has more value?

Which do you feel is better for the child?


With our economy, finances have forced many families to need two full time incomes and it is not a choice, day care is their only option . . . but also, some families make a choice to have both parents working.

Personally, I have noticed there seems to be a trend lately of allot of women choosing to be stay-at-home moms, even quitting their jobs to have children and also men are choosing to be the stay-at-home care providers more and more . . .

My mom was a stay-at-home until i was in high school and i certainly Loved knowing that when i came home i would have somone to help me with my homework and to talk to if i needed her, and to this day, i am very close with my mother, probably because she was able to stay at home to take care of us.

I respect women who choose to work and be moms
I respect women who choose to stay and work in the home.

It's all about choice....

What would/will YOU choose: to be a working mom or to stay at home with your children?

Sweet Pea

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Sage

I want to be a "housewife" anyway- not in the traditional sense but in the sense that I want to stay at home, perhaps be a potter or a photographer. I want to have all the time in the world to make Martel's home a castle, complete with queen. I don't have an intrest at all in being a "career woman." If we ever had kids, I would want to stay home with them. This is just my personal preference, and I would probably want to be doing pottery/photography from home while raising them. I don't think that either choice (working/staying at home) has more or less value, nor do I think that one is inherently better for the child.
You could be the world's greatest mom and still have a successful job, and you could be the worlds worst mom and stay at home all the time. The value of the parent doesn't depend on the job they have.

ps- aberkok, this IS Ladies' Lounge... I'd say that means dudes don't get to weigh in!

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KinkyKiwi

^not when its in teh ladies lounge

aimed at the guy.. (edit- i swear there was a guy!)

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KinkyKiwi

I want to be a working mom..but i know that putting time aside for biznatch and a future family will require work on my part. i like being powerful and i know that i can do alot business wise...i enjoy what i do and i plan of doing it for a long long time... i will make sure that my work doesnt interfere with my family and that i'm still around to cook for biznatch and help him relax when he gets home. and take care of my future kids whenever they need me. lol can i say i want to be half and half?

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Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

sexymama

I sometimes, as a teacher, feel that we need more parents at home. However, the truth is we need more involved parents.

I tried the staying home with my kids thing and it just didn't work for me. I'm a much better mother working. Then again, I have the best job in the world. I work when the children are at school and have time off most of the time they are off.

I have a great deal of respect for women (and men) who can stay home and do it well.

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lurkette

I think it depends on what the mother wants. If you'd be fulfilled staying home with your kids, then you should absolutely do that. If you long to have a career, then staying at home "for the good of your kids" is a cop-out for you and them. Kids will be happiest when their parents are happy and, as sexymama says, involved. I think young children probably do need at least one stay at home parent until they've established a secure attachment; after that, socialization through a QUALITY day care can be good for them. Every parent should do what they think is best for their individual kid, based on the kid's temperament and the parent's abilities.

If I did have kids I'd like to stay home for at least 18 months, and then work at least part time. I think I might want to home school them at least through elementary school but not by themselves - probably some kind of co-op home school where parents take turns teaching everyone's kids. I don't think I could be a full-time mom, though - I'd go out of my skull. Wait, what am I saying. I don't even want to BE a mom!

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Seeker

I have had full time work and I have stayed at home while raising my daughter. So I've experienced both standpoints.

Working full time I felt that I was not able to be as involved in my daughters life, we were out the door at 6am and we got home around 6-6:30pm. Then dinner, baths, quick story and then it was her bed time. After a year of this I realised that I just didn't know who she was or where she was at. I no longer had a connection or understanding of her personality. They grow and change so quickly during the younger years.

I feel it is better for both of us, my having the ability to stay home or at least do some part-time or casual work. I feel lucky, she shares her days with me. I get stories about friends and even if she feels something is hard to talk about, I know the look on her face when she comes to tell me something. I have never been upset with something she has said because I know her and we can always communicate. I think this is because I have the time to focus on her, as when working full time I didn't feel as capable, and I didn't feel I knew her well enough, and sometimes there was just not enough time. Now she is older (12yrs old), I feel it's even more important that I am here to maintain this communication and friendship as her life is getting more complex. I get frustrated with my 'stuckness' sometimes, but overall I think my staying at home is best for her, I, and society.

There are people who can work and keep up with what I am doing by staying at home, but I find it difficult myself.

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Disk_Pusher

I think it's good to try both, and not limit yourself. My mother was a stay at home mom for most of my life, but at different points she rejoned the workforce for her own reasons. It was good to have her as a rolemodel - she was an excellent stay-at-home mom and an excellent worker (BA in History, certed as a respitory tech, worked at 2 different schools, a hospital, and became a travel agent while I was a kid.).

As for myself, I've got to finish college, regardless of the baby that's on the way. So I'm going to be doing night classes only for a while, but I hardly consider that "working" - I like school. But the field I'm going into (high school education - hoping to teach History (my major), or Comp Sci, anything but English because I can't spell worth a damn) I think has a pretty kid-friendly schedule, so once I'm out of school, things will be better. In the end though, I plan on working, not staying at home.

Lead543

Stay at home!!!
When I was 3 my parents divorced so my mom had to go back to work. Which meant daycare for me. I HATED it. I would pout constantly, refuse to eat, throw tantrums. I missed the one on one attention from my mom.

When my mom was at home she had us out interacting in different environments 3-4 times a week. My brother could read and write (very well) before kindergarten, by age 7 with my mom's encouragement he was running his own business. Preying on gulliable tourists, teehee.

Although I refuse to condemn working mom's I really don't agree with doing it unless necessary. My friend's baby sister had her mom stay at home with her for one year, 2 months into daycare I saw a complete personality change. She's all over strangers, loud, quick tempered, pouty, etc. Before she was shy, quiet, and well behaved.

I plan on staying at home with my kids. And honestly, if I can't afford to, I simply won't have kids. Daycare and being away from my mom during the days was a particularly painful expierence for me and I wouldn't want the same for my child.

However, working mornings or afternoons until 3 when the child is in school is a different story. As long as you can give your child the energy, attention and quantity of time he or she deserves.

ngdawg

I was a stay-at-home mom by choice. It is hard on the finances, but I would encourage women(or men) to try at least for the first 2 years of their child's life.
Studies were done regarding the cost of daycare vs staying home(applying to couples) and it is not cost-effective at all. If you are making $500 a week, about half that goes to daycare, a portion goes to transportation and sundry other expenses, adding up to one working for less than minimum wage.
But the personal rewards are greater still. I stayed home until they went into first grade, then worked only while they were in school. I started reading to them at 6 months-by kindergarten they were reading and writing on their own.
They got individual attention, structure and the chance to just be-they weren't small parts of a large group, they got the kind of love only a parent can give 24/7; not a harried mom scooping them up, rushing home to get dinner going then getting them ready for bed after some brief 'quality' time.

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Sweetpea

Thank you everyone for your comments so far.

This a push button issue for some people, so i'm glad we're having such positive communication here and really stating our opinions!

Sweet Pea

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snowy

I want to be a stay-at-home mom until all of my future children are in school full-time. My mom stayed home with my brother and I until we were both in school full days five days a week, and then she got a job at my elementary school part-time so she could work and still be home when we were home. I was only in daycare a handful of times for various reasons and I disliked it immensely. I have no desire to do that to my children. I also want to do co-op preschool like my mom did--having my mom with me at preschool was incredibly helpful and helped to socialize me better from a younger age. Once my imaginary children are in school I'd probably resume work at least part-time--I'd like to be as available to them as possible.

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ColonelSpecial

Both of my parents worked full time when I was growing up which meant full time daycare in the summers, neighbors watching my sister and I until we were old enough to care for ourselves after school. I really think that being in daycare was good for us because it taught us to socialize and to see the world outside of our parents. My parents were very, very good about being at all the school events and making sure we knew that one of them would be there to pick us up at 5 pm everyday. I also think it was good for my parents to be away from us, to socialize with other adults and not have to focus on us completely. I never did feel alone or unloved. With that as my example, I think I will be a outside of the house working mom if I have children. It takes a lot to raise children but no one says I have to do it all alone myself.

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Gilda

I plan to be full time housewife and mommy while we still have children who aren't in school. Once they're in school, I'll go back to teaching, which is perfect, as my schedule will match theirs perfectly. We have an elementary attached to the middle school where I teach, so my kids could go to school with me for their first 8 years.

I plan to do it this way because I feel I can give them more time and support and early education by being there for them in their early childhood years, and I can be there saving money for thier college during their school years. In addition, when they're off in the summer, I'll still get to do the stay at home mommy thing.

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maleficent

With my sister, who is a stay at home mom of 4 rugrats. After the first one, she went back to work and my niece went to daycare, and was there for about 2 years til the other 3 got popped out in pretty rapid succession. She was home for the other 3. The eldest child is much more socialized and much more independent than the other 3 kids, who are clingy and very whiney children. Especially the youngest who is always around mommy and is used to gettign whatever she wants out of mommy. (She started preschool and was booted out because she was so unmanageable)

I also think that staying home has changed my sister. We have never been close, but her being mommy has taken her identity, life for her is all about shuttling the kids to play groups, or after school activities, or class trips. She never does anything for her. Her friends are all also mommies, if she spends time with non-mommies she has absolutely nothing to say, I don't think she's read a book in years, I know she hasn't read a newspaper, she used to be pretty intelligent, and now she's not.

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little_tippler

I want to work from home, and be a stay at home mom! There, problem solved Well maybe soon I'll be able to. I'm an artist and I do translation part-time too. So this is a possibility for me in the future. Lucky me, I think it's so important to be around for your kids.

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We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
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To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
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And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

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Sweetpea

I have two cousins who both have children.
One this has happened to, one it has not. It's like they become mommy robots, unable to feel anything for themselves. Or is it from sheer exhaustion? My mother, who stayed home with us until i was 13 . . . always kept her friends and interests my whole childhood, she taught us how to entertain ourselves for the evenings, which was healthy for my sister and i. She was a mom but she had her own life.

Is it personality i wonder? Or the culture of the community of moms they are friends with?

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snowy

That would be the Baby-Stole-My-Brain syndrome. My mom says you just get so used to doing 20 things at once, all mommy-related, that it gets hard to disengage, so to speak.

I think my parents (and my mother) really did two things right in raising my brother and I: we went to nursery school, preschool and so on, so we were socialized from a very young age (I started a special toddler program at 18 mos, my brother started school at 2 and a half). My mother also started playing soccer when I was three or so. It gave her a couple nights a week to get out of the house and do something non-mommyish. On those nights my dad watched us by himself (he got very good at changing diapers as my brother would poop himself anytime Mom left). When we were older (me 5ish, my brother 2-3ish) my mom started playing indoor soccer and took us along to her games and practices if we weren't in school--this gave us further opportunity to socialize with kids as a lot of the other players brought their young ones along. I know if/when I have kids I'm going to follow much the same pattern--I've seen what a lack of preschool does to kids when they hit kindergarten, and I've seen what happens when a mom does nothing for themselves. I don't want to go down those roads.

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ngdawg

Both, maybe. I'm not a conventional mom, so, while I was friendly to others, we certainly didn't hang out together and trade diaper secrets. Our kids played together at things the town had set up-library time and weekly activities centers, etc. I just found most of the other moms to be a bit 'smalltown'....

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Grasshopper Green

I am a working mom, and I like it that way. While we couldn't afford for me not to work, if we could I still would because I'm not stay at hom mom material. The last two weeks of my maternity leave I was pulling my hair out because I was going stir crazy. That kind of stress is not good for kids OR mommies; kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for and they know when their parent is unhappy.

My son goes to a wonderful babysitter while my husband is in school (he works nights, I work days, so our son is in daycare for 4-5 hours a day). He doesn't like staying home all the time either, and starts acting up when he's been cooped up in the house for several days in a row.

When I have time off, I take my son to the aviary, the zoo, the park. We read, play soccer, and sing. He knows all of his letters and numbers already (he is 3) He recognizes letter patterns, although he doesn't "read" yet.

My mom was a stay at home mom. She was also an alcoholic and drug addict until she went clean when I was in high school; even though she was home, she wasn't really "there". I don't think that one is better than the other; I think it's the quality of the parent that matters.

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Meditrina

When my daughter was born, I had no choice but to work full time. We would have never survived on just his salary alone. I hated every moment of it. I missed her so much and really wanted to be with her. Ihated that someone else was taking care of her. After my son was born, we were financially better, but still could not survive on 1 salary alone. So I work part time, 3 full days a week at work, 2 days home. I think this is the perfect medium for me. I do not think I could be a sahm completely. I think it is commendable for those that do, I am sure it is a tough job. But on the other hand being a working mom, whether full time or part time, is also very hard. You are still expected to take care of kids and home, as well as work.

Now I feel guilty that I can spend time with my son, that I did not get with my daughter. If I could change anything, I would have liked to work part time when my daughter was younger.

Which do you feel is better for the child? They both have pros and cons. While my daughter was in a full day daycare/preschool, they were able to teach her so much more than I could, and I didnt have to worry about her going to kindergarten. She was more than ready, academically and emotionally. Now my son is not getting this, but he has more time with me and his grandma. He is not getting the academics that my daughter got and it will be hard for him to go to school and leave home. But this is just me. I am sure there are sahm's that are able to teach their kids things. I just cannot. I do not feel comfortable saying either one is better. Full day daycare was bad for me, I felt guilty for not being with her, she knew no different.

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cellophanedeity

Yet again, I agree with Gilda. (Smart lady!)

(This is all for the far away future!)

I want to teach, but I also want to be mommy. The plan is, have kids and stay home with them until they're in school full time. If that doesn't work out and I can't stay at home for financial reasons, I'll be okay with leaving the kids with a babysitter, especially since the mother of the guy most likely to become the daddy babysits four lovely kids, and has babysat full time since she left college.

*shrugs* Either would be good I guess.

Apache

Well I am a stay at home mommy and I love it My son is only 2 months old but I was a housewife for 5 1/2 years before that. But now my husband works from home so we both get to spend time with the baby and we LOVE it. I'm glad he gets as much time with him as I do.
I think it depends on the person, I know some people just can't stay at home all day, my sister is one of them. Me on the other hand, I love it and we're lucky enough that he makes enough money that I can afford to.
I know some people have no choice but to work and leave their kids in daycare but I just feel like someone else would be raising my kids. I mean would they be the ones that see him crawl, walk, talk for the first time instead of me? We always said that we wouldn't have kids until I was able to stay home with them, and for now that's the case.
My mom stayed at home with us and I'm so happy she did, I think that we're so close to her because of that. SHe was always there for us. Then again my husband's mother stayed at home with her 4 children and when my husband (who is the youngest) started school she decided to start a nursing career and did that until recently when she had to retire because of health problems.
And as for the question "what's better for the child?" I think it can be either. Some people can't handle setting around the house all day. I know that if we're doing this good on just his salary then with me working we would just have bigger, better, or nicer things for our son, but it's just not worth it to me to let someone else basically raise my child for me.

Ralli

I am a working mum and have been since J was 5 months old - he is now 3. I reckon it is up to the individual and whether or not their finances and stuff allow them to stay home.
I would love to stay home with Jaiden and not work - but at the same time, in all honesty I think I would go nuts, and Jaiden wouldnt have the intraction with other children. Every child and every family is different. and I feel it is up to that family to make the decision.
our finances etc dont allow one of us to stay home as we just dont make enough, however we DO make enough to not get any assistance from the govt anyways.

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eMOTIONal20

I would love to be there for my kids and be the mother I never really had, but it would conflict with my career ambitions. I'm not quite sure yet if I can have both in my life and be as successful as I want to be in my career and be a great mother.

However, if everything works out the way I want it to (yeah, right) then I would love to work from home (I want to be a therapist, have a huge house, my own practice, not too many "clients"), which would help with being a working mom. I would not be fulfilled just taking care of my kids everyday for 18+ years. The idea even makes me cringe sometimes. If I do have kids, I wouldn't want to until I'm like 35 (I'm 20 now).

This is tough, because I do believe being a stay-at-home mom would be more benficial for a child. I wish I could find a way to do both and figure out which (career or kids) was more important to me. I hope this becomes more clear to me in the next several years... before it's too late.

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Sweetpea

a male member "shortynickel" wanted me to add this to our discussion.


"if i may add what my wife tells/has told me.

last year i wanted to be the stay at home dad cause she had a more stable job then i, but she said that as long as she can remember she has always wanted kids and that being a stay at home mom completes her...not just having kids its the being a stay at home mom!!"

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ChrystalRainne

As far as being a stay at home mom or a working mom, i would be a stay at home mom, for as long as i can recall that's what i wanted to do,
i don't think one has more value then the other, it's all about your personal preference, what's better for the child, depends on both the mother and the child, i know two different moms, and for one of them it is better for her and her daughter if she works, and the other it would be better for her child if she didn't work.

amonkie

Emotional20, you have said much of what I think - I LOVE being in the academic world, and want to get my Ph.D - been my dream for as long as I can remember. What has slowed me down was the same decision between career and family - I want both, and want them together. It takes time to have a baby, and I would want to BE there - and Amonkie only splits so many ways. I still haven't figured out whether this will resolve itself, or whether I will have to make a choice.

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Squishor

I think there are benefits to both, and a lot depends on the particular people and circumstances of course. I'm far removed from motherhood, but in general I'd say a child especially needs a constant maternal presence in the first few early years.

However, despite the risk of absentee parents, I think it's good for a mother to work in order to provide a role model for her children. This is very personal with me. My mother, despite her excellent education, was only sporadically employed while I was growing up. It wasn't for motherhood reasons entirely, as she fell into the whole counter-culture thinking of the 60s and didn't want to be a part of "the system." Which is all fine and well except that she didn't convey the importance of pursuing a career to little me. I bought into the world view she presented, and it was relatively late in life that I realized that I really should be concerned with the need to "make something" of myself. Plus, a lot of the women I see who don't have much going on outside of the home life seem to turn into these sort of mommy-drones (although thank god my mother wasn't one of these - she did provide lots of intellectual stimulation). I see far too much of this going on:

I think one of the more valuable things a parent can do is be interesting and teach their children to think. A lot of women I see staying home and taking care of their kids just have nothing to say anymore. No wonder the children are couch potatoes. Not wanting to insult anyone here, it's just that I fervently believe in maintaining an open and questioning mind, and I am eternally grateful to my mother for teaching me how to think, despite her other shortcomings.

p.s. - amonkie, I just noticed something in your post - my mother managed to get her Masters degree while raising infant me, and I have a friend who just did the same thing. It's possible to do both, apparently.

sillygirl

I agree with what a few people have said.

I think it's valuable for a parent (whether it be mom or dad) be involved in the child's life. My mom and I never really got along, but she was at home all through my education, and I at least felt secure in the fact that very very rarely would I go home to an empty house. Mom now has to work, and my youngest brother often comes home to dad, who is 'done' being a parent, whether he'll say it or not. Since then, he has been able to come and go as he pleases (til Mom gets home) and has gotten in enough trouble that he got kicked out of his school and has to attend an alternative school. This is not because he's a troublemaker.. he never got in trouble til he was missing out on the attention of an attentive parent.

I want to stay at home with my kids. However, I think I might go stir-crazy if I were to do that my whole life, which is why I am now considering teaching. I can then be at home when my children are at home. I want them to have the stability of having a parent at home when they get home, whether it be their dad or me.

This might also have something to do with how I was raised, in that women are supposed to stay at home and be the homemakers and the mothers and men are supposed to be the breadwinners and support the family. While I think there is great wisdom behind that, I also think that men should be expected to do more than go to work, then come home, crack open a beer and sit in front of King of the Hill, etc at night. Having one parent involved and one not can be just as detrimental to a kid as having both uninvolved. (ie, mom at work and dad uninterested)

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Hash_Browns

Being a working mom or a stay-at-home Mom:
Which would you like to be if/when you have children?
I am a sahm after a few attempts at going back to work, once for quite a while until I got pregnant with our second child. I miss the interaction other adults/customers at work provided and being able to help 'pay the bills' but am thankful for the privilage to be at home with my girls. I will admit it has put me in a place that I LOVE with myself and my girls. I also know it has made me a bit lazy, but that's another story

Which do you think has more value?
I think whatever works best for those involved. I can't say one way is better then the other because they each have thier own benifits. Seeing Mom and Dad doing thier best at all times gives kids something to look up to and grow to learn. I feel that can be done in many ways, stay at home or not. Like Mal said, I think its all about the involvment of BOTH parents reguardless of the fact they are working or not. I've seen to many cases where one stayed home and one worked, but only the one at home was invovled and it backfired hugely.
Which do you feel is better for the child?
I again have to say it all depends on the parent(s) and how they choose to spend the time they do have with thier kids.
What would/will YOU choose: to be a working mom or to stay at home with your children?

I have chosen to try them both and after much consideration have removed myself from the work force. I miss being able to have that little bit of cash that's just mine (as hubby is a pretty nice guy like that..haha) and being around other adults. I am pretty lucky to have a Mom and Dad who love thier Grandbabies, so we do get to get out once in a while, but I also have friends who are pretty welcoming to our whole family. But I don't miss work as much as I did my girls. I'm not a perfect mommy with a perfectly clean house or any of that, but I am here and able to be with my kids when they need me and when I need them (cuz I just need that little smile sometimes to make my day, it reminds me I'm loved no matter what...and that's kinda cool).

So yeah, I don't feel that I have a place to make a decision as to what's better. It's all a learning experience for each person/parent/child.

I am also very happy to see this kind of thing being so pleasantly discussed. When I first read the title I was a bit 'nervous' because these kinds of things can go in a million different directions. Thanks for a chance to once again share my views without having to censor them

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Minx

I have experienced both sides of this story. When my first boy was born I was a SAHM and I loved every second of it! When the second came along, I worked from my home for a short time and then went back to the office full time after only a few months. I regret not being able to spend as much time with him as I did the first. Children grow and learn so quickly and I feel like I missed out on a lot. I am very fortunate that I didn't have to put my boys in daycare when I did go back to work - my Mother lives very close to me so she is my daycare! It's so nice having family take care of them.

I have to admit there is a part of me that believes that a child would prosper more with a stay at home Mom/Dad but ultimately I think that it is more important to be involved in your child's life - regardless of where you work. For let's not forget that being a stay at home parent is just as much work (if not more) than holding down a "traditional" job.

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CaliGirl

I think that its a very personal decision for each woman. I have personally opted for the old fashioned SAHM/homeschooler/crafter because this is where I feel I am valuable. Sure, I have my moments when I feel useless and BORED OUT OF MY MIND, but overall I feel extremely blessed to have this oportunity and I wouldnt change it for the world.

On the other hand, how terrible would our world be now without some of the women who are out there molding and running it? Theres a lot to be said for female presence outside of the home as well.

Ella

I gave both of my children the same amount of "mum at home time" and went back to work part time when they were both around one year old and full time work when they were between two and three. I don't deal well with being at home all day...I get bored and find being a full time mother enough to sustain me mentally.

I didn't have to go back to work when I did, as I was married at the time, but now as a sole parent, I absolutely need to work full time, and have done ever since my husband and I separated in 2002. It was difficult when my youngest was in day care, as they seem to pick up all sorts of germs there, and I was the one who would have to take days off work to care for her. But this year she started school and we moved to the city, and I have negotiated more "child-friendly" hours with my new employer, so I get to pick them up from school two afternoons a week. So we catch up, do homework, have afternoon tea, chat....

I think it's whatever suits the individual. It's a life choice, and it's an individual choice. And it helps to have an understanding employer!

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DazednConfused

I am in the camp of staying home with the kids. Rob and I don't have anym and don't know if we will, but we do think the best thing is having s aparent who is available to the child when needed. I didn't have either of my parents around and I hated sitters and day cares. I even had one sitter who drugged me and some of the other kids with sleeping pills she was getting from her doctor boyfriend. Things like that scare me and I don't trust other people loving and caring for my child the way that I would. Like others have said, it's really all about choice and whether or not it will work for you. All moms should feel good about the jobs they do. They are raising the future afterall.

genuinegirly

I've seen how quickly a home and garden can fall apart when there is no one around to take care of it. Creating a nurturing environment for children is the most important calling that I have felt in my life. In my eyes, I'm still too young to manage children on a daily basis, I have none of my own. But my sister's children are dear to me, and I put in as much as I can toward the health and well-being of my sister's children.

I do not think that any one way of parenting has more value than the next. Everyone has their callings. I have known perfectly wonderful people that were not raised with a stay-at-home mother/father. Many families make it work with both parents in a job.

I do not believe that the world will fall apart without the phoilosophy "a mother's place is in the home." In fact, the world is better for more women and mothers in the workplace. As long as there is a loving woman in an office, I have hope for the growing fray of cut-throat businesses. Just because my place isn't an office, doesn't mean it isn't someone else's.

I see myself one day becoming a mother that makes her home and children her greatest concern. I'd still like a PHD in plant science, and I'd like to have a research lab at a university. But I also would like to be the woman who lives for her family, and gives them her greatest concern.

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Spiffgirl

I have always planned on staying home with my kids which, in my opinion, is what's ultimately best for children, for a number of reasons.
First of all, why do so many families need both parents working? Our standard of living has gone way up in the past couple of decades. Today, families are paying so much more for stuff they don't really need than they used to pay in, for example, the 50's. Everyone's gotta have TVs with hundreds of channels, computers, super fast internet, huge new houses, new cars, etc. Unless your partner has a seriously pitiful salary, chances are you can cut back on the "extras" and still survive on one salary.
Secondly... you say it's better for your child to have a good role model because their mom's out establishing her career. Did you ever stop to think about the impact you could have if you let your child know you love them so much that you're willing to sacrifice your own desires and goals to spend those precious first years of their life with them? And if you're not ready to make that sacrifice..don't have kids. I know that sounds harsh, but there seems to be a prevailing attitude that we need to follow our dreams and do what's best for us (i.e., have an awesome and satisfying career). I think, however, that it's very honorable to give up what we want in order to do what's best for someone else.
Finally, for those of you considering daycare...I worked for a year in a supposedly high-quality daycare (it was quite expensive, if that indicates quality :-) ). God forbid something should happen to my husband and I ever have to send my (future) child to a daycare! The staff had their issues, but most of the disturbing things I saw were what the kids would do to each other. Socializing, hmmm? And the kids that were there five days a week, 8 hours a day, were the worst-behaved...a shocking contrast to the kids who only came for 2 or 3 days a week and were very sweet, polite, and enjoyable to be around.
I'm sure all daycares/children are different...I just can't imagine how putting a child in a room with 11 of his peers and one or two adults is better than one-on-one time with mommy.

BugLover

I would have loved to have stayed at home to raise my children, but circumstances dictated otherwise and I'm happy the way things turned out. I was young, divorced, and uneducated. I chose not to subject my child to the poverty I grew up with, so I went back to school and worked a part time job. I decided that since I didn't have a choice about working, I would set an example for my children that anything is possible. I since earned my Master's degree, work full-time, and have raised wonderful, bright and loving children.

I remembered growing up poor, with a stay-at-home mother who was every bit as dysfunctional as anything you can imagine. Just because she was a stay-at-home mother did not make her a good mother. My father left us in poverty - my mother had never had a job and no education so when he and his paycheck left, we were left destitute. I chose not to subject our little family to such problems or the potential for such problems.

I think there are a lot of advantages for staying at home, but there are lots of good reasons to get a job as well. I now have a college fund saved for my children, a rock solid 401k so I won't be a burden when I age, and opportunities for myself once my children leave the nest. Had I stayed at home, it's possible that I would have been in the same place I was when I got pregnant with the exception of being 18 years older: poor and uneducated.

Of course, my situation is not everyone's situation. Each person should look within as well as out to make sure it's the right decision. You might decide that staying at home for the first few years makes sense and taking a day job when your child goes to school. If you have family support, you will also have many more options than those without.

bad jane

i would choose to stay home--at least till they were school age. working from home might be an option, but that would just be a bonus--the goal would be raising the children.

once they were in school, i would like to work part-time. but i don't think my choice would ever be to work full-time while i had school age kids at home.

i came home to an empty house. i recall forgetting my key one time and standing in the rain for an hour and a half, waiting on my parents to get home (this was before cell phones). another time i cut my foot pretty bad before my parents got home and i couldn't reach them at work. i ended up walking back to school to find a teacher who could come stay with me till my parents showed up an hour or so later and could take me to the er for stitches. getting sick at school and not having anyone who could come pick me up... just so many memories from my own childhood that i wouldn't want my kids to go through. it did make me a more independent person--which is great. but it also taught me from a young age that i couldn't rely on my parents to be there when i needed them--which imo, is very bad. the kids were secondary to the job. this isn't the situation my parents would have chosen, but financially they didn't have a choice at that time. (not to imply my parents were bad parents--they did the best they could and i love them dearly! but i would want more for my own kids.)