Intimate conversations as sex? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

abaya · 10-05-2005, 08:06 PM

This may not be the right forum, but I really want to know (especially from the ladies, or from guys whose SO's are like this) whether anyone else feels like conversation can be as intimate as sex.

For me, being in a long-distance relationship, conversations are pretty much all I have as a form of intimacy. What else is there, other than words, to express your thoughts and feelings when that person is not physically present? I'm not talking about phone sex or whatever. I just mean, talking about the deeper issues of the day, things that have been brooding in the mind that you want to share with your partner, things that you would talk about and go over in depth if you were together in person (and probably talk about while touching each other, laying together in bed, etc)... that kind of intimate conversation.

And if a person doesn't have time to talk about those things, maybe they're tired or whatever, then I can handle it if they say, "You know, I'd like to talk about those things with you, because I know they're bothering you, but right now I'm really tired and I have to go to sleep, do ____, etc." But if they just drop the conversation and say, "I gotta go," then I feel exactly the same as if they had stopped in the middle of sex, pulled out, and walked away from me. I feel pretty rejected at that moment, whether it's intimate conversation or intimate sex.

Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just... oversensitive?

hrandani · 10-05-2005, 10:21 PM

As a guy, since my mind constantly revolves around sex, more so the longer away from her, I am finding this time away from my lover useful to get to know all the little things I didn't have the courage to ask in person, and to have discussions about the future, horniness serving as the driving impetus. Fantasizing. Also it's really hot to nervously send a steamy email that you've been spending time on for days describing how you want them, where you want them, why you want them and get an equally responsive reply back. But for an older person I could very well see how this is all old hat. As it is my first relationship I'm trying to make the best of the time away to strengthen weak parts rather than beof it at myself up.

But yeah. It can be a bitch when you really want to hear their voice and they're busy with whatever.

Or as in my case, you're an isolated introvert at a huge university living with your senile grandmother and she's a busy dormdweller at a very small one

Yeah, some of the conversations I have had over the past month away have been just as intimate as ones in her arms, but I'm not going to pretend it's anywhere even near as nice. And you just have to accept the fact when they're busy / have to go that it's not you (or if it is you'll find out eventually and there's nothing you can do about it).

I have to admit I've been guilty of saying "I've got to go," and leaving, especially when something is tormenting me about the relationship. Sometimes it's just too much to handle that they are so far away and it's just easier to try hard not to think about it than reconcile your mind with your body.

abaya · 10-05-2005, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hrandani

But for an older person I could very well see how this is all old hat.

Hrandani, thanks for your reply. I have to say, I hope I'm not that much older than you!

(I'm a grad student.) And I also have to say, NOTHING is all old hat, no matter how long you've been together, or how many relationships you've been in (or how few). I think writing those hot steamy e-mails are what keeps things going... even 30 years from now. I think that when things like that become old hat, then something's wrong...

But I also thank you for the insight into my bf's perspective. Believe me, I understand the need to do other things, go to sleep early, etc. I support that 100%. I just need that to be communicated in the right way... as I said, "I want to listen to you, and I know this is a big deal for you, but honestly I don't have enough energy to participate right now. I still love you. Let's talk more later." Something like that. Not dropping out of the conversation after several one-word replies. Can someone help me understand why guys do that? Do any women do that, too?

PredeconInferno · 10-05-2005, 11:46 PM

I agree with the steamy hinting/email suggestion. I was in a relationship with a woman for 2 years long distance. We had awesome success by just speaking together on the phone about various things, not necessarily sexuality.

I must admit, getting sexy emails was quite amusing... I rather enjoyed sending her messages to her phone when she was in class

I'm evil like that, though.

Oh well... that relationship went the wayside. Ironically, it wasn't until the relationship became close-distance that things started really getting fucked up (pardon my language). It still hurts, I admit.

Anyway, I agree, it's quite... vexing when the person leaves like that with little or no explanation. In my case, I simply had to grin and bear it. Perhaps I would wait a while to cool down (it usually vexed me QUITE a bit... I'm an angry person) until I would call her again.

hrandani · 10-06-2005, 12:38 AM

At least in my case, when I had to leave it was the best way of dealing with a bad situation - how to deal with that desperation.

I'm easily depressed and sometimes I really can't stand to face what seems like an insurmountable problem, a giant wall crushing me. When your better half is not merely a long drive but a long flight away, to a screwball like me, it's almost like they've died.

So it's a lot easier to say "Sorry - I got to go" than to spill our your guts on a moment's notice to somebody who probably is busy or may not have the time to hear all that, because getting it off your chest doesn't even help. Especially when you've already talked about it. The feeling just doesn't go away.

Also sometimes if your girlfriend is on the phone and you know that there are other people around you just don't feel like bringing it up and saying that you're not comfortable talking with her friends around. I think it's kind of rude to carry on a conversation when other, warm bodies are present when they're not involved / don't know the other person on the phone because it at least annoys me when I'm in the reverse situation.

So I don't know if this is analagous to how other people feel, but that's the best I can do.

Oh and by the way Abaya, I'm 19, and as a junior in college, graduate students do seem a whole lot older. : p

abaya · 10-06-2005, 03:27 AM

Thanks again for the feedback, Samurai and Hrandani. Ha ha, I'm 26, so I guess I'm a little older than you Hrandani... but I still value your comments.

I realize that a lot of things feed into my reactions to my boyfriend, and that usually if I react to something as strongly as I did last night, there's other things going on. He knows this, too

but that doesn't mean we can't still work on our communication skills (especially when tired, and that goes for me too).

But in general, I think that I do view conversations with him (btw, we rarely talk for long on the phone, so almost all of our conversations are on MSN and we both live alone) as being our only form of intimacy during the weeks apart. And I'd still like to hear from anyone, especially women, who might feel the same way... do you equate conversational intimacy with a kind of verbal sex? (Again, I don't mean talking ABOUT sex, but just reflecting that level of being "naked" together, maybe.)

Thanks...

bubonico · 10-07-2005, 02:14 AM

I'd say you are definitely not oversensitive. I too am in a long distance relationship right now. I agree that words are very important to maintain a feeling of closeness and intimacy. It can be very hard when one person has more time for those things than the other. I think it's important to just try and remember that your SO still loves you and cares for you even if they don't always have the time for long conversations or extensive emailing.

I think there are two things that are very important in a long distance relationship. The first is making sure that you talk about every day things like what you did and the people you're around and stuff. The 2nd is to replace the lack of physical contact with mushy emails and phone conversations. I know you weren't talking specifically about phone sex, but I do think that's equally important for maintaining a feeling of closeness.

Daoust · 10-07-2005, 04:27 AM

Guys are all about the visual. Well, I am anyway. I lived 15 hours or more away from my GF for a full year, and our only contact was the phone which we used every night for hours on end. She wanted to talk to me every day, for at least an hour, and I grew to hating that phone. We would just sit, in silence, because we had nothing to talk about anymore, but we didn't want to hang up because we just wanted to be with each other....

I needed to see her, to touch her, to kiss her. Talking was nice, but after having already had physical contact with her it was hard to just have conversation as our only means of contact. From what I gather, women view conversation as more important than men. If you're equating sexual intimacy with conversation, that must be the case. I did not feel that strongly attached to our talks, although they were nice, and I knew they were important.

Long distance relationships can work. The girls can last longer than the guys because the girls can survive with just the conversation keeping them connected. I think guys have a harder time with long distance relationships because they need more than talk to keep the love alive.

abaya · 10-07-2005, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bubonico

I'd say you are definitely not oversensitive. -snip- I think there are two things that are very important in a long distance relationship. The first is making sure that you talk about every day things like what you did and the people you're around and stuff. The 2nd is to replace the lack of physical contact with mushy emails and phone conversations. I know you weren't talking specifically about phone sex, but I do think that's equally important for maintaining a feeling of closeness.

Thanks, bubonico, for saying that I'm not over-sensitive. It's nice to hear that, since I usually come down hard on myself for that. You have good advice... I think we've mastered talking about surfacy every-day things, but it's the deeper-running stuff that I don't know how to address. It needs to be talked about, and sometimes it can't wait for the weekend. We are working on boundaries/signals for when the conversation needs to end, though. And yeah, I think we could use more mushy stuff...

that came more easily when we were first dating and apart (and when I was incommunicado this summer, in Africa), but I think it would help to consciously do it now, in the distance. Mush is good!

And also thanks to Daoust for your post... I think you're right, most guys are visual... that's why I try to use the webcam at least once a week with my SO, because it helps both of us feel closer (definitely for me).

I guess both of you are guys?... so it's good to hear that perspective, though I'm still waiting for some ladies to respond!

(Maybe should've posted in the Ladies Lounge)

Cimarron29414 · 10-07-2005, 12:26 PM

I think that the thread should be called "Intimacy through conversations and through sex." It seems very reasonable for a female to have increased feelings of intimacy through conversation. Women tend to be much better communicators and also appreciate conversation more than men. The closeness you feel after a good conversation will always feel similar to the closeness you feel during sex. They both connect you to another's soul.

snowy · 10-07-2005, 03:22 PM

abaya, I think conversations can be as intimate as sex. I know my boyfriend and I have extremely intimate conversations (have since the beginning, which I think is one of the things that's made us move so fast). I'm sure if he left in the middle of such a conversation I would too be hurt or upset. The key is to let your partner know how intimate conversation is for you and to go from there.

ruggerp11 · 10-07-2005, 05:09 PM

I thought I would chime in. I am in a very long distance relationship. I think its easier to get closer when apart. You are more open with what you're talking about and the fear of an immediate bad reaction isn't there. I have grown closer to my SO than I might have in person, but thats hard to tell because we would be the same people either way.

WHile yes conversations can be equally intimate, they are in a different way than being physically intimate. I talk to her for hours every day and I find new reasons to love her every day because of how close we are. I love it, though as anyone will say here I would love it more if we were together.

dlish · 10-07-2005, 05:43 PM

dont u just hate it when ure getting busy with ure mrs, and she stops to ask you about the car repayments.....

AndTylerToo · 10-07-2005, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

Not dropping out of the conversation after several one-word replies. Can someone help me understand why guys do that? Do any women do that, too?

I haven't read the rest of the thread, but yeah, one of my VERY close friends - a girl - can do that from time to time, but she does listen very well and is engaged often and definately cares for my welfare, etc. When she does that, she usually has a whole hell of alot on her mind and is really busy and is unable to talk. I totally know how you feel about 'being cut off' so to speak, especially with the one word answers, but I can see how people can do that from time to time, and to be honest; if they were perfect listeners all the time, I would be confused and question whether it was genuine.
Anyway, I totally agree with you on the intimacy that conversations can have. Those always leave you feeling great and make you not want to end them... good memories.

fyrehair · 10-07-2005, 08:57 PM

I agree that a deep conversation can be just as intimate as sex. My bf and I have the most amazing conversations...they started when we first began seeing each other. We'd stay up all night, just talking....we always seemed so shocked when the sun came up!

It's amazing the things you'll talk about @ 5am.... We had such good conversations and learned so much about each other, our relationship moved forward quickly.

And when my bf says "Sorry, can we continue this tomorrow?", I admit I get a bit bummed. He goes out of town every other month and our conversations on the phone are short & sweet. Not much deep thought going on...mostly "How was your day? Can't wait to see you again." He makes up for it when he gets home though. He gives me his undivided attention and we catch up for the week.

HiddenEgo · 10-09-2005, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hrandani

As a guy, since my mind constantly revolves around sex

It's a curse. And it's nature doing it's thing. Even wild animal males continue to mate as they get older. The problem comes when human society makes social rules aorund them, and suddenly your an old pervert.

This is an interesting thread.

Poppinjay · 10-09-2005, 04:00 PM

<b>Abaya</b>

I like this topic. We've been through this a bit and I never really quite got the jist until you posted it.

We have three weeks to go on a long distance relationship. In my mind, those three weeks are like torture. But I can't really communicate because I try as hard as I can to replace the feelings with books, etc. So, I get a call in the middle of a great passage... I want to talk, but it's so hard.

I'm a guy.

I grunt and raise eyelids to communicate. grhhgerhhrhrh.

If there was ever a case in which three weeks could evaporate, I would endorse this. I want to be in that natural environment. But it is so hard to keep those conversations going.

Anxst · 10-09-2005, 04:21 PM

I definitely feel that conversations can be as initimate as sex. In fact, depending on mood, they might even be MORE intimate.

But then, I like to talk.

abaya · 10-10-2005, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poppinjay

But it is so hard to keep those conversations going.

Why are they hard to keep going?... this always puzzles me from guys. To me, a conversation has a natural flow once it gets going. It's like a wheel that you just have to tap lightly to keep it spinning... for me, I rarely run out of topics to discuss, but I find that doing so for an extended period is almost painful for guys. It's like they're "sore" from too much "intimacy" or something (to keep the conversation/sex parallel going)...

Meanwhile, thanks everyone for your replies... I am definitely feeling less alone and that I'm not weird for putting such a high value on conversations. And, btw, ktspktsp and I had a really intimate MSN convo when we were apart this weekend, and it felt soooooooo gooooooood to have him respond and ask questions the way he did...

it really is just as satisfying as physical sex, to me, in terms of expressing his love for me.

...not to mention that as a result of that convo, I felt much more turned-on and horny with him the following day. The sex was awesome!!

(Guys, take note... intimate conversations pay off in more ways than one.)

bubonico · 10-12-2005, 05:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

Why are they hard to keep going?... this always puzzles me from guys. To me, a conversation has a natural flow once it gets going. It's like a wheel that you just have to tap lightly to keep it spinning... for me, I rarely run out of topics to discuss, but I find that doing so for an extended period is almost painful for guys. It's like they're "sore" from too much "intimacy" or something (to keep the conversation/sex parallel going)

Try not to pigeonhole us males too bad. J/K, but in my relationship I'm often the one who is wishing we'd talk longer. I think it really boils down to me having A LOT more time to devote to the relationship right now. Just out of curiosity do you think maybe you have more time to devote to long conversations than your boyfriend does? Or maybe not specifically more time, but less things to do with your time?

Another thought I have is perhaps you can try talking about all the things you wanna do to him when you get the chance

Ya know like the things that are gonna make his eyes go

My girlfriend and I don't talk about that stuff real often, but when we do it usually leads to a good long conversation and both of us feeling fullfilled to some extent.

abaya · 10-12-2005, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bubonico

Try not to pigeonhole us males too bad. J/K, but in my relationship I'm often the one who is wishing we'd talk longer. I think it really boils down to me having A LOT more time to devote to the relationship right now. -snip- Another thought I have is perhaps you can try talking about all the things you wanna do to him when you get the chance

Thanks, bubonico. I do apologize for pigeonholing guys, but it comes from the sample I've been exposed to... biased it may be, I still have a feeling that chatty guys like you are probably at the far ends of the normal scale (and that's a good thing!).

As for the time difference... well, I am in grad school, so pretty much my work is all day and all night. I don't do anything for more than 3 hours at a time, at most (classes, work, etc).. but I don't usually have longer than 1-2 hours at a time to take a break between those activities. So I am obligated to pack meaningful conversations into smaller time periods. As for ktspktsp, he is working a 40-hour a week, 8-5 job (for the most part), and has activities after work on most days, but is usually home otherwise. I think the fact that he has to wake up at 7am affects our late-night conversations more than anything... not so much how much time we have, but our different allocations of the free time (schedules).

Lastly, oh believe me, we talk about what we want to do to each other ALL THE TIME.

But I can only talk about sex for so long before it gets a little dull (without the physical fulfillment). That's why I like talking about more emotional/philosophical/political issues in long, detailed, intense conversations... we get to know each other so much better through those, and it's just stimulating for our relationship in general. But as I said, it seems that most guys aren't into those kinds of conversations, at a distance.

bubonico · 10-12-2005, 08:23 PM

I can't speak for others, but in my relationship I find that it often takes some warming up for phone conversations to turn into something deep and meaningful. Usually half an hour at least. Maybe that's where the problem lies. Maybe you are just having problems with it 'cause you feel obligated to pack a lot of meaning into a short conversation. Just a thought. I do agree though that long emotional/philosophical/political conversations are pretty important for relationship development and just pretty fullfilling all around.

Sorry if before my comments weren't really directly related to the topic you initially stated.

10-05-2005, 08:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Intimate conversations as sex? This may not be the right forum, but I really want to know (especially from the ladies, or from guys whose SO's are like this) whether anyone else feels like conversation can be as intimate as sex. For me, being in a long-distance relationship, conversations are pretty much all I have as a form of intimacy. What else is there, other than words, to express your thoughts and feelings when that person is not physically present? I'm not talking about phone sex or whatever. I just mean, talking about the deeper issues of the day, things that have been brooding in the mind that you want to share with your partner, things that you would talk about and go over in depth if you were together in person (and probably talk about while touching each other, laying together in bed, etc)... that kind of intimate conversation. And if a person doesn't have time to talk about those things, maybe they're tired or whatever, then I can handle it if they say, "You know, I'd like to talk about those things with you, because I know they're bothering you, but right now I'm really tired and I have to go to sleep, do ____, etc." But if they just drop the conversation and say, "I gotta go," then I feel exactly the same as if they had stopped in the middle of sex, pulled out, and walked away from me. I feel pretty rejected at that moment, whether it's intimate conversation or intimate sex. Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just... oversensitive? __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

10-05-2005, 11:46 PM	#4 (permalink)
PredeconInferno Reclusiarch Location: Unfortunately Houston, TX	I agree with the steamy hinting/email suggestion. I was in a relationship with a woman for 2 years long distance. We had awesome success by just speaking together on the phone about various things, not necessarily sexuality. I must admit, getting sexy emails was quite amusing... I rather enjoyed sending her messages to her phone when she was in class I'm evil like that, though. Oh well... that relationship went the wayside. Ironically, it wasn't until the relationship became close-distance that things started really getting fucked up (pardon my language). It still hurts, I admit. Anyway, I agree, it's quite... vexing when the person leaves like that with little or no explanation. In my case, I simply had to grin and bear it. Perhaps I would wait a while to cool down (it usually vexed me QUITE a bit... I'm an angry person) until I would call her again. __________________ Samurai in Training Knowledge is power. Guard it well.

10-06-2005, 03:27 AM	#6 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Thanks again for the feedback, Samurai and Hrandani. Ha ha, I'm 26, so I guess I'm a little older than you Hrandani... but I still value your comments. I realize that a lot of things feed into my reactions to my boyfriend, and that usually if I react to something as strongly as I did last night, there's other things going on. He knows this, too but that doesn't mean we can't still work on our communication skills (especially when tired, and that goes for me too). But in general, I think that I do view conversations with him (btw, we rarely talk for long on the phone, so almost all of our conversations are on MSN and we both live alone) as being our only form of intimacy during the weeks apart. And I'd still like to hear from anyone, especially women, who might feel the same way... do you equate conversational intimacy with a kind of verbal sex? (Again, I don't mean talking ABOUT sex, but just reflecting that level of being "naked" together, maybe.) Thanks... __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

10-07-2005, 02:14 AM	#7 (permalink)
bubonico Upright Location: Iraq :(	I'd say you are definitely not oversensitive. I too am in a long distance relationship right now. I agree that words are very important to maintain a feeling of closeness and intimacy. It can be very hard when one person has more time for those things than the other. I think it's important to just try and remember that your SO still loves you and cares for you even if they don't always have the time for long conversations or extensive emailing. I think there are two things that are very important in a long distance relationship. The first is making sure that you talk about every day things like what you did and the people you're around and stuff. The 2nd is to replace the lack of physical contact with mushy emails and phone conversations. I know you weren't talking specifically about phone sex, but I do think that's equally important for maintaining a feeling of closeness. __________________ "People sleep peacably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf" -George Orwell

10-07-2005, 04:27 AM	#8 (permalink)
Daoust "I'm sorry. What was the question?" Location: Paradise Regained	Guys are all about the visual. Well, I am anyway. I lived 15 hours or more away from my GF for a full year, and our only contact was the phone which we used every night for hours on end. She wanted to talk to me every day, for at least an hour, and I grew to hating that phone. We would just sit, in silence, because we had nothing to talk about anymore, but we didn't want to hang up because we just wanted to be with each other.... I needed to see her, to touch her, to kiss her. Talking was nice, but after having already had physical contact with her it was hard to just have conversation as our only means of contact. From what I gather, women view conversation as more important than men. If you're equating sexual intimacy with conversation, that must be the case. I did not feel that strongly attached to our talks, although they were nice, and I knew they were important. Long distance relationships can work. The girls can last longer than the guys because the girls can survive with just the conversation keeping them connected. I think guys have a harder time with long distance relationships because they need more than talk to keep the love alive. __________________ I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys

10-05-2005, 10:21 PM	#2 (permalink)
hrandani Insane	As a guy, since my mind constantly revolves around sex, more so the longer away from her, I am finding this time away from my lover useful to get to know all the little things I didn't have the courage to ask in person, and to have discussions about the future, horniness serving as the driving impetus. Fantasizing. Also it's really hot to nervously send a steamy email that you've been spending time on for days describing how you want them, where you want them, why you want them and get an equally responsive reply back. But for an older person I could very well see how this is all old hat. As it is my first relationship I'm trying to make the best of the time away to strengthen weak parts rather than beof it at myself up. But yeah. It can be a bitch when you really want to hear their voice and they're busy with whatever. Or as in my case, you're an isolated introvert at a huge university living with your senile grandmother and she's a busy dormdweller at a very small one Yeah, some of the conversations I have had over the past month away have been just as intimate as ones in her arms, but I'm not going to pretend it's anywhere even near as nice. And you just have to accept the fact when they're busy / have to go that it's not you (or if it is you'll find out eventually and there's nothing you can do about it). I have to admit I've been guilty of saying "I've got to go," and leaving, especially when something is tormenting me about the relationship. Sometimes it's just too much to handle that they are so far away and it's just easier to try hard not to think about it than reconcile your mind with your body.

10-06-2005, 12:38 AM	#5 (permalink)
hrandani Insane	At least in my case, when I had to leave it was the best way of dealing with a bad situation - how to deal with that desperation. I'm easily depressed and sometimes I really can't stand to face what seems like an insurmountable problem, a giant wall crushing me. When your better half is not merely a long drive but a long flight away, to a screwball like me, it's almost like they've died. So it's a lot easier to say "Sorry - I got to go" than to spill our your guts on a moment's notice to somebody who probably is busy or may not have the time to hear all that, because getting it off your chest doesn't even help. Especially when you've already talked about it. The feeling just doesn't go away. Also sometimes if your girlfriend is on the phone and you know that there are other people around you just don't feel like bringing it up and saying that you're not comfortable talking with her friends around. I think it's kind of rude to carry on a conversation when other, warm bodies are present when they're not involved / don't know the other person on the phone because it at least annoys me when I'm in the reverse situation. So I don't know if this is analagous to how other people feel, but that's the best I can do. Oh and by the way Abaya, I'm 19, and as a junior in college, graduate students do seem a whole lot older. : p

10-07-2005, 12:26 PM	#10 (permalink)
Cimarron29414 Still Free Location: comfortably perched at the top of the bell curve!	I think that the thread should be called "Intimacy through conversations and through sex." It seems very reasonable for a female to have increased feelings of intimacy through conversation. Women tend to be much better communicators and also appreciate conversation more than men. The closeness you feel after a good conversation will always feel similar to the closeness you feel during sex. They both connect you to another's soul. __________________ Gives a man a halo, does mead. "Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

10-07-2005, 03:22 PM	#11 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	abaya, I think conversations can be as intimate as sex. I know my boyfriend and I have extremely intimate conversations (have since the beginning, which I think is one of the things that's made us move so fast). I'm sure if he left in the middle of such a conversation I would too be hurt or upset. The key is to let your partner know how intimate conversation is for you and to go from there. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

10-07-2005, 05:09 PM	#12 (permalink)
ruggerp11 Cautiously soaring Location: exploring my new home in SF	I thought I would chime in. I am in a very long distance relationship. I think its easier to get closer when apart. You are more open with what you're talking about and the fear of an immediate bad reaction isn't there. I have grown closer to my SO than I might have in person, but thats hard to tell because we would be the same people either way. WHile yes conversations can be equally intimate, they are in a different way than being physically intimate. I talk to her for hours every day and I find new reasons to love her every day because of how close we are. I love it, though as anyone will say here I would love it more if we were together. __________________ Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it. --Mark Twain Do What makes you happy --Me BUT! "Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

10-07-2005, 05:43 PM	#13 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	dont u just hate it when ure getting busy with ure mrs, and she stops to ask you about the car repayments..... __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

10-07-2005, 08:57 PM	#15 (permalink)
fyrehair Upright Location: Western NY	I agree that a deep conversation can be just as intimate as sex. My bf and I have the most amazing conversations...they started when we first began seeing each other. We'd stay up all night, just talking....we always seemed so shocked when the sun came up! It's amazing the things you'll talk about @ 5am.... We had such good conversations and learned so much about each other, our relationship moved forward quickly. And when my bf says "Sorry, can we continue this tomorrow?", I admit I get a bit bummed. He goes out of town every other month and our conversations on the phone are short & sweet. Not much deep thought going on...mostly "How was your day? Can't wait to see you again." He makes up for it when he gets home though. He gives me his undivided attention and we catch up for the week. __________________ I do not envy you the headache that you will have in the morning. Until then, sleep well and dream of large women.

10-09-2005, 04:00 PM	#17 (permalink)
Poppinjay You had me at hello Location: DC/Coastal VA	<b>Abaya</b> I like this topic. We've been through this a bit and I never really quite got the jist until you posted it. We have three weeks to go on a long distance relationship. In my mind, those three weeks are like torture. But I can't really communicate because I try as hard as I can to replace the feelings with books, etc. So, I get a call in the middle of a great passage... I want to talk, but it's so hard. I'm a guy. I grunt and raise eyelids to communicate. grhhgerhhrhrh. If there was ever a case in which three weeks could evaporate, I would endorse this. I want to be in that natural environment. But it is so hard to keep those conversations going. __________________ I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

10-09-2005, 04:21 PM	#18 (permalink)
Anxst Condensing fact from the vapor of nuance. Location: Madison, WI	I definitely feel that conversations can be as initimate as sex. In fact, depending on mood, they might even be MORE intimate. But then, I like to talk. __________________ Don't mind me. I'm just releasing the insanity pressure from my headvalves.

10-12-2005, 08:23 PM	#22 (permalink)
bubonico Upright Location: Iraq :(	I can't speak for others, but in my relationship I find that it often takes some warming up for phone conversations to turn into something deep and meaningful. Usually half an hour at least. Maybe that's where the problem lies. Maybe you are just having problems with it 'cause you feel obligated to pack a lot of meaning into a short conversation. Just a thought. I do agree though that long emotional/philosophical/political conversations are pretty important for relationship development and just pretty fullfilling all around. Sorry if before my comments weren't really directly related to the topic you initially stated. __________________ "People sleep peacably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf" -George Orwell