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Old 07-27-2005, 08:30 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Old 07-27-2005, 08:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Weight! Now that one is a touchy subject. At least for me.

I personally hate the few curves that I have. Being a dancer, I have been guilty of envy over the flexibility and paper-thin bodies of the other ladies. Not that I'm fat to most people, mind you. I tend to wear leotards and sports bras in an attempt to hide my 32C and try to find shirts/pants that minimize my bum.

I have never had a SO tell me that I should gain a little weight, in fact, I have only heard that I'm "just right" or should "slim up" my thighs. My brother, on the other hand, tells me that I should weigh 10 lbs more than I do. I enjoy working out and consider myself an active person (avid mountain biker and backpacker as well as dancing). I have weighed in the 125lb range since age 11 (now 22), and am fairly well resigned to my body type.

I wouldn't worry too much about your gf. It's pretty standard for a woman to want to shed a few pounds here and there. Just keep being honest with her - tell her flat out that you love her the way and weight she is. Sometimes a woman likes to diet to feel in control of something in their life or to try to eat less junk food. Try to understand where she's coming from and keep up your good support.
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Old 07-27-2005, 08:56 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I find that taller thinner women when clothed tend to fit the mold of what I am more attracted to. When in bed though I definitely prefer a "softer" women as you put it. Curves are a wonderful thing. Women who are too thin can be bony and just not as nice to cuddle with. Not that thinner women can't have nice curves too. I'm not sure if that's the sort of input you were lookin for.

My SO is also at a perfectly healthy weight, but I think she has a similar view of her weight to your girlfriend. I think a lot of people are just naturally self conscious about that sort of thing. I imagine that you telling and showing her how much you appreciate her body is the best thing you can do. Of course you don't wanna overdo it 'cause then it won't seem genuine and she'll start reading into it.
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Old 07-27-2005, 09:11 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I've never been around a woman who didn't want to be thinner. Over the years I've been asked by women to comment on their size and my input never matters. I could say they look great, they're too thin or too fat (never tried that one, though) and they always stay the course about wanting to slim down.

So, in short, it doesn't really matter what we think. Body image is a personal thing that everyone has to work out for themselves. As long as my girlfriend isn't turning into Mamma Cass or Lindsey Lohan, I tend to leave the subject alone.
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Old 07-27-2005, 09:11 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm male, so I'm not really the target audience, but I figure I will chime in.
For a long time, I've been a good 20 pounds over weight. I know the girl I was with didn't care. She thought I was sexy, or did a good job of convincing me at any rate. But I still didn't like being that overweight.
I guess what it came down to is, while it is nice that my SO liked my body type, internally I wanted more. I wanted to be able to walk past a mirror without feeling like I was overweight. I wanted to stop feeling a little bit of dissapointment when I went to go buy clothes. I just wanted to feel like I looked like my internal view of myself.

I think, really all you can do for your girlfriend is be supportive. Realize that she probably likes the way you feel about her body, but she feels she needs to improve somewhat.
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Old 07-27-2005, 09:56 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Old 07-27-2005, 11:03 PM   #7 (permalink)
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i think womendont actualy realise how little men most men care or evennotice a few extra lbs..and i have never met a woman whom is happy with herself either!!

i will alaways want to be thinner-my weight goes upand down and my ex liked me when i put weight on-tothe point where he found mea lot more attractive-but i stil alwyas wanted tobe thinner!i just feel a lot more confident when i am thinner-around women as well asmen..personally isee any weight gain i have as a sign of weakness or loss of control on my part-i thik ppl will see me in a better light.shallow i kno!! but this is me i do not know why your gal feels the way she does!!

just make sure she knows she has an understanding SO!!
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Old 07-27-2005, 11:41 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Definitely. Sounds exactly like me. I am 120 pounds (maybe a few pounds more) and 5'3"...I am just fine with my weight, but I don't like the slight tummy pooch I have, or the curves on my legs.

nwlinkvxd loves my body and constantly says I'm hot, however.

Just keep complimenting your woman. She will appreciate it, even if she turns it down.
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Old 07-28-2005, 07:26 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I want to be thinner, and my guy doesn't pester me to. He doesn't mind where I am, but wouldn't mind me thinner either.

But it isn't only my guy that I want to be thinner for. I miss the times when I was a lot thinner and people would turn their heads as I walked by. It may be selfish or self-centered or egotistical, but I want all people to think I am hot.

Maybe that is why she does not care that you don't care.
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Old 07-28-2005, 07:56 AM   #10 (permalink)
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This is what scares me every time i hear about somebody wanting to diet. The almighty scale and the terrible "numbers" on it. Please do not let you or your girlfriend worry about whether she is 110 lbs or 150 lbs. What matters is your BMI ( Body Mass Index ). That determines the % of body fat you have and while yes, the lbs factor into that, and it IS possible to have too many or too little of them, most ppl have 10-30 lbs of wiggle room depending on bone structure and height. Lastly, if it is purely asthetics she is looking for, help her eat right and work out. I can't stress the need to excercise as a healthy part of a diet. Eat the right foods when you are hungry and go do something.

***NOTE***
CONSULT your Doctor before starting any major change in diet and before starting any heavy excercise regimin.


-cheers
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Old 07-28-2005, 07:59 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Ive always had the luck of tactful guys encouraging me to get in shape, not lose weight. Im small for the most part, but im a little brick with some padding. but rather, i like looking good for them, but i like knowing that they care more about my health (im a health nut, what can i say) so having a guy who will go running with me and keep me feeling encouraged is great. maybe try that. She sounds like a curvy girl and she'll never lose that (which is good dont get me wrong) however, perhaps taking it from that perspective may make a difference. it always did the trick for me.
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Old 07-28-2005, 08:37 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by festered
i think womendont actualy realise how little men most men care or evennotice a few extra lbs..and i have never met a woman whom is happy with herself either!!

i will alaways want to be thinner-my weight goes upand down and my ex liked me when i put weight on-tothe point where he found mea lot more attractive-but i stil alwyas wanted tobe thinner!i just feel a lot more confident when i am thinner-around women as well asmen..personally isee any weight gain i have as a sign of weakness or loss of control on my part-i thik ppl will see me in a better light.shallow i kno!! but this is me i do not know why your gal feels the way she does!!

just make sure she knows she has an understanding SO!!
this is true and being the ex before the ex i understand what you say even when i said you looked great and you didnt need to lose weight you always wanted to! even when you lost weight you wanted to lose more? i always liked you as you where at anyone time i remember you saying tell me when i do put weight on and you wouldnt mind me saying, and i did then you told everyone that i said you needed to lose weight i couldnt win lol one thing i do know is that you still look as beautiful as ever
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Old 07-28-2005, 09:22 AM   #13 (permalink)
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My girlfriend is similar, and like so many other have said, the most important thing IMO is to just be supportive of what she wants as long as she does it in a healthy manner.
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Old 07-28-2005, 10:24 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Man, I have dealt with feeling like a fat cow my entire life. I think i might have been "skinny" once, in first grade. But growing up I was always the fat girl. So I carried it around with me my whole life, and when I went to college and got into that fateful "first real love" (yeah right) relationship, I thought it was normal that I didn't feel beautiful or sexy because that's how I was used to feeling. I used to be so ashamed of my body that I wouldn't let my then BF put his arms around my waist, for fear he'd feel how "fat" my belly was. How fucked up was that?

Now, I'm with Martel, and I'm probably... 20lbs heavier. I freakin' hate it, I hate having more weight, I hate only being able to fit into two of my pairs of jeans (I've got a whole crateful that are too small), I hate having all this.. jiggle! BUT never once have I felt unsexy with Martel. I have never pushed him away because I was ashamed, and I have never felt uncomfortable being intimate with him. In fact, we have all our sex with the lights on! (something I never thought possible three years ago). So, it's all about who you're with. Me, I want to lose weight- but I want to do it for me. I want to do it to be healthy, so I don't have the increased risk of cancer, diabetes, or heart disease. I want to fit into the pants I used to wear when I was 16 (and thought I was "fat). So, if your girl is all about some "being skinny," just keep telling her how you REALLY feel about her, and sit and talk to her, let her know that you love her just the way she is, but that if she wants to lose weight you're there to support her and help her in any way. Knowing that Martel is going to keep pestering me until I go to the gym (because I told him to!) is motivation to go to the gym!
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Old 07-28-2005, 01:04 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Personally I don't like the super skinny look when looking at others and shy away from it for myself. I have plenty of curves. I have been heavier too. I like my curves pretty well. It's when they become little buldges over things or around my bra that I get selfconcious. I don't like when my belly flaps along with my boobs when I'm on top. So keep it down to a gentle curve and I don't really care what the guys say then.

When it comes to encouraging others that they look good to you with or without a little extra padding - that can be hard. Some people can't be motivated for themselves very well. They need some outside reasons to at least get started. Once they do get started and start to feel better about themselves then they start wanting to treat themselves better and be in better shape. As for someone wanting to be too skinny - I really don't know how to counter that. Unless they are sick from starving themselves I don't worry. If they are making themselves sick - they need help from someone better qualified than me.
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Old 07-28-2005, 01:23 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raeanna74
Personally I don't like the super skinny look when looking at others and shy away from it for myself. I have plenty of curves. I have been heavier too. I like my curves pretty well. It's when they become little buldges over things or around my bra that I get selfconcious. I don't like when my belly flaps along with my boobs when I'm on top. .

.
That had me laughing since I can't stand that either and am extremely hesitant to be on top! The men in my life think I'm beautiful and sometimes I believe it. But most times I simply don't see it and dream of making changes.
This was covered to an extent in another thread, but, to repeat it here: Women, especially caucasian women, have the lowest self-image of any group. Media has everything to do with that and until your girlfriend gets it through her head that those models are NOT the norm, that those actresses and rock stars pay thousands of dollars to professional make-up artists and hair stylists(just find that mug shot of Wynonna Ryder and give it to her), then she will probably always think she is less than the perfect woman she truly is for you.
As for me, it's dim lights and on the bottom
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Old 07-28-2005, 02:03 PM   #17 (permalink)
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My boyfriend thinks I'm fine but my Mom thinks I'm fat. I'm 5'3" or so, 116lbs. Sooo even when I get the positive form my boyfriend, I have to deal with the 7 year backlog and continuing dialouge of "You're fat.

Sometimes if you have a lot of negative from other people, you start believing it, you get your own negative self talk thing going on and its hard to let anyone else tell you differently.

Keep telling her what you truly think of her, eventually you'll break through (as my dear boyfriend is slowly starting to do with me).
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Old 07-29-2005, 11:23 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I dont like what most would consider thin or just right...
I like a woman who has some meat on her.
I have seen a study some where...They showed a picture of a malnurished, under weight child to ladies....Some thing like 85% said the child was too fat....
I have a brother who has a genetic disposition which makes his normal weight over 300lbs. He is 35 years old and 6'3"...He almost died from some diet pills that a doctor gave him. he lost so much weight that it messed up his metabolisim....
There are those that think its unhealthy for everone to be big.
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Old 07-31-2005, 12:05 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rival
I've never been around a woman who didn't want to be thinner.
[raises hand]

I just stepped on the scale and plugged my height and weight into a bmi calculator, and as usual, it indicates what I know is true. I'm too skinny. It isn't anything I try to do, I don't want to look this way. I'd like to have some curves; I'd kill to have breasts and hips big enough to wear a size 6 like Grace does.

She tells me I shouldn't even get on the scale. Exercise and eat healthy and let my body find its own natural weight, which for me seems to be about 112-115 at 5' 7'. But I can't help but look at her, with round hips and full breasts and curves from top to bottom, and look at me, with my hip bones and bottom ribs showing and breasts so small that I only wear a bra because it's a social convention, and I can't help but be envious.

I know I'm physically healthy, and that's what is most important, but I don't really like being built like a 12 year old boy.

She tells me she thinks I'm beautiful, but she has to say that because she loves me and she thinks I have a poor body image that she needs to prop up through constant reminders.

Grace may be the only woman I know who is completely satisfied with her how her body looks. Her face is another story--she's beautiful, but has some burn marks on one side that she is convinced are hideous. How a woman can look as good as she does and be so obsessed with such a small thing baffles me.
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Old 07-31-2005, 07:58 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Old 07-31-2005, 08:55 PM   #21 (permalink)
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I'm 5'1 and fluctuate from 105-110 lbs. I'm asian so I feel that this weight is actually a little too much for my small frame. I would like to lose a little weight in my waist and tummy area. I still have a layer of fat there, especially on my lower abs and have been working out 5 days a week and try to eat healthier. My boyfriend says I'm a little chubby which I sometimes think is unfair, but he's more concerned that I keep up with a healthier lifestyle than the results.

It's hard sometimes, because I'm never happy with how I look, even when I know some pants that fit me a year ago are now loose. I know my bf thinks i'm sexy but sometimes I just hear the other side of it (that I'm a "little chubby") instead of the oter aspects.

I know I'm not overweight, by any means and actually in a good weight range. I just have trouble having the confidence. The only times I've been told I was fat are when I visit the Philippines, where everyone is much tinier and I would be considered kind of bigger for an asian. Hence, I have always thought I'm too chubby for an asian.

*shrugs* I don't know what else to add here.
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Old 07-31-2005, 09:22 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JoseFlanders
...

With that said, do any of the ladies out there find themselves often wanting to be slimmer, when you have a guy who has admitted he doesn`t mind, and maybe even prefers a little bit more weight?

...
A woman has completely the right to look however she wants for herself.
I think that's an important part of self-esteem.

Ladies, please - take care of you for you, whatever that means. And if either gender comes across completely mismatched preferences, well either agree to disagree or go fishing.

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Old 07-31-2005, 11:30 PM   #23 (permalink)
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I'm a slim Asian. I wish I could gain some extra weight. I'm about 10lbs underweight. Doesn't look like it's going to happen anytime soon. Having an amazing metabolism has it's advantages and disadvantages I guess. I usually only interested in girls who also have the same amazing metabolism. So I've never been with a girl who complained about her weight.
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Old 08-07-2005, 04:25 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Girls are very pressured to be skinny and look a certain way. I can understand where your girlfriend is coming from. I myself am guilty of thinking much the same way. Weight is just such an issue now. I have a very loving boyfriend though that when I told him I was down about gaining a few pounds he was like "Wait..you did?". He didn't even notice and he told me repeatedly that he thought I was beautiful, so I can also see your side of it. Though his reassurance did cheer me up it also didn't make me completely forget about it. It still bothers me. It's hard to explain to a guy, I guess.
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Old 08-07-2005, 07:35 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilda
She tells me I shouldn't even get on the scale. Exercise and eat healthy and let my body find its own natural weight, which for me seems to be about 112-115 at 5' 7'. But I can't help but look at her, with round hips and full breasts and curves from top to bottom, and look at me, with my hip bones and bottom ribs showing and breasts so small that I only wear a bra because it's a social convention, and I can't help but be envious.
Well, hey, it could be worse--I'm exactly the same size and I'm male. It's irrelevant to me personally and I don't regularly think or care about it, but it's odd because there's this significant segment of the female population that is larger than me. Not that a woman's size is very relevant to me either, to a certain extent, but I could flip this question around a little bit and ask if women find themselves wanting a larger man or if it's undesirable for a man to be shorter or skinnier than they are.
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Old 08-07-2005, 08:01 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Weight, eh? Personally, I like a little meat on a girl's bones. I don't really like it when a girl is as thin as a rail
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Old 08-24-2005, 11:32 PM   #27 (permalink)
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I've always been curvy. Thats just me, but I've never had any complaints. I think the best thing you can do, is support her in whatever her decision. If anything, make her feel like the most beautiful women in the world. She'll love you and remember you for that.
I was with a naive guy for a long time. He told me I was pretty once, in the year and a half we dated. I can't believe I was with him for that long. The memories of him are terrible. All I remember is him making him feel bad about myself and then there was me who bending over backwards to meet his standards. I hated myself.
Treasure your girl...Show/Tell/Support her no matter the circumstances.
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Old 08-26-2005, 07:24 PM   #28 (permalink)
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My best friend is hung up on her self image too. She's about 5'4 or so and maybe 145ish.... But to me, she's absolutely perfect. I dont' know anyone else who says she's fat or anything, but in her mind, she would like to lose a few pounds to get rid of her extra baby weight and such from being pregnant and all that.

When I tell her she looks hot regardless, she always tells me to shut up, but I know that she hears what I'm saying. It's ok with me, she drags me to the pool and the gym, and I get a workout to get my ass in shape and she gets to workout, and I get to check her out the whole time.. So it's a win win there...

But personally, I favor a bigger girl, as opposed to a thinner girl. But I seem to attract the rail thin girls out there because to them, "you are such a big teddy bear"... It's kinda funny how that works.

HoneyPot's sig tells it all.. "Beauty IS in the eye of the Beholder"
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Old 08-26-2005, 07:35 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Location: O.C. California
like yourself

I say stand in front of the mirror naked....
If you like what you see (based on your own opinion and not that of our ever flakey society's standards) then rock on and you go with your sexy self!

Personally I like women with some curves on their frames!
I am an ass man....and the ladies with a little meat on their bones never have a problem satisfying my need for flesh.

What's ironic about that is that I always seem to end up with petite little pornstar looking girls with the store bought boobs and so many different colors in their hair that they even don't remember the original color anymore!
(must be the curse of living in Orange County CA. )
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Old 08-27-2005, 10:36 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Some days I think I'm shaped wonderfully. You can see the results of these days in the exhibition forum

But on most days I'm self concious and unhappy with my body. Over the past year or so, I've put on at least twenty pounds, and I feel unhealthy. What sucks even more is that I didn't get extra curves in my hips and breasts and bum, just one big curve in the belly.

sclocke42 and I are both too fat for our own good. It's not healthy anymore, and as far as I can tell, we're both unhappy with the shape we're in. But... I find him amazingly sexy, and I couldn't imagine someone I'd rather be with.
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