Sage

Man, I have dealt with feeling like a fat cow my entire life. I think i might have been "skinny" once, in first grade. But growing up I was always the fat girl. So I carried it around with me my whole life, and when I went to college and got into that fateful "first real love" (yeah right) relationship, I thought it was normal that I didn't feel beautiful or sexy because that's how I was used to feeling. I used to be so ashamed of my body that I wouldn't let my then BF put his arms around my waist, for fear he'd feel how "fat" my belly was. How fucked up was that?

Now, I'm with Martel, and I'm probably... 20lbs heavier. I freakin' hate it, I hate having more weight, I hate only being able to fit into two of my pairs of jeans (I've got a whole crateful that are too small), I hate having all this.. jiggle! BUT never once have I felt unsexy with Martel. I have never pushed him away because I was ashamed, and I have never felt uncomfortable being intimate with him. In fact, we have all our sex with the lights on! (something I never thought possible three years ago). So, it's all about who you're with. Me, I want to lose weight- but I want to do it for me. I want to do it to be healthy, so I don't have the increased risk of cancer, diabetes, or heart disease. I want to fit into the pants I used to wear when I was 16 (and thought I was "fat). So, if your girl is all about some "being skinny," just keep telling her how you REALLY feel about her, and sit and talk to her, let her know that you love her just the way she is, but that if she wants to lose weight you're there to support her and help her in any way. Knowing that Martel is going to keep pestering me until I go to the gym (because I told him to!) is motivation to go to the gym!

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