doncalypso

WTF?!?!? Sounds to me like you're not ready to let go, son... Dump the whore for good. She cheated on you and she deserves no mercy.

You hear me? NO MERCY!!!

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Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

TroutKind

There is lots of good advice from this thread for you. Each situation is different in many ways, but is ultimately the same as well, trust has been broken. That is the hardest part to regain. Having this happen to me, the initial reaction is to fix it and move on. Sometimes it works and sometimes not. The thought of that will linger with you forever if you stay together. That is the part that killed me. You have to truly evaluate what it is YOU want. Personally I am much happier now that we aren't together. Take care and remember you are #1.

william

Bottom line - she did not love you. It just doesn't work that way. If she did, it wouldn't have been a second thought. Sounds tough, but use that idea to help you move on. Love is unconditional. It doesn't look for a better this or a bigger that. Counseling might help, but she'd have to be completely honest about herself. She has moved on, and may not be willing to do that.

Deacon

This is possibly one of the greatest quotes ever.

Fact is, she cheated, she's probably done it before, and she'll likely do it again.

I think you'd be surprised by her answer if you started yelling, calling her a whore, pissing her off, and THEN ask her how many guys she's fucked behind your back.

That's just kinda what women do, dude. And it's funny because, supposedly, men are the worst cheaters. Not a chance. Some men won't stop fucking for anything, and cheat as a habit and love it.

As you've seen by the responses on this board - damn near all women cheat. And it's always the same fucking story. Every guy has the same story to tell you.

Going "on break" with her was, sorry to say, a pathetic and a half-assed approach to a serious situation. Either give the fuck up, know that she's fucked some dudes before and will again, drop any previously held self image of dignity and self-respect, be pathetic, and stay with her. Tell her how much you love her, be her bitch, etc. Then be REALLY fucked up when she does it again. Funny thing about that, is you get to watch her laugh (at you maybe, but definitely afterward with her friends - or one of the guys she's been fucking) when you find out and flip. She's just sorta new to being caught right now.

OR you drop her like a sack of shit. Keep your dignity etc, and if the relationship means something to her, she'll, as has been said, make all the right moves and get back with you.

But "going on break" is about the worst thing you can do. Right now she's out fucking that same dude she cheated with. And probably some other guys. While you're sitting at home crying like a bitch and thinking she is too. Well dude she isn't.

Of course, you could get back together with her and hope that it really WAS the first time and she really DID regret it. Maybe she really WON'T do it again.

That really is the case sometimes. But, as you've seen by all of the posts here, it's just not the case very often at all. Most women are ditchpigs who plot and scheme their way into cock behind their deceived boyfriend's back. Get used to it, don't get too down about it, just give people their one chance.

cudaboy

Man i feel for ya, been there it about killed me. Beleive me when i tell you if she did it once it will happen again. I wish I had taken a friends advice when it happened but i kept holding on like an idiot.
Id walk away before it's too late and you get hurt more then you already are.

abaya

Deacon, is that "most women" in your own experience, or just most women in general? I gotta say that there are a lot of us who have never cheated and don't intend to, so I don't think we qualify as, uh, ditchpigs...

I know I've made gross generalizations (usually fueled by bitterness) about males and females, but this one went a bit over the top. Come on, man... the guy did get screwed over, but don't lay the blame on all of womankind. Both genders cheat on each other, and it's not the majority in either gender that does it (at least, I'm trying to be optimistic here!).

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

dougiefresh

This is one of those situations where cliches prove to be true. Rip off the bandaid instead of slowly pulling it off. You've got 11 years under the bridge, one of the benefits to that should be not having to wonder if you trust her. Not to go all mushy on you, but a relationship is a separate entity. Once it is broken, all the logical desires to fix it are for naught. Suck it up brother!

MiSo

it really sounds like she was sorry for being caught.. and not sorry for cheating on you.

if she's cheated once, she will probably do it again.
if she loved you she wouldn't have let it happen in the first place.

the reason i said let it happen was because no where in your story did you say she had to hold back his advances.

Locobot

leave her immediately. It will never be the same between you again...

yournamehere

Bottom line:

She doesn't respect you.
You no longer trust her.

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StarCrossed

You meet someone, and fall in love. Things happens, and she does you wrong. But you still love her, so you make excuses for her and compromise your own dignity. Its all about self-worth. Let any girl know your blue-book value, and your not the one to be toyed with, becaue you would dump her in a second and move on. I know it hurts so bad inside; i have been there. Well actually, still there. Hang in there, because there is somebody special waiting for you.

EULA

I think it would have been more instructing if you had kept quiet when you first found out and see how far it was going to go. "So, honey, how was that third date with the guy you met at the beach?"

james t kirk

Lots of people cheat.

Most in fact. (Myself included, women I have been with also.)

It doesn't phase me anymore.

Plus, there are different kinds of cheating. There is the "just sex" kind of cheating (most men subscribe to this kind) and there is the "emotional cheating" (which irionically, always involves sex too) (Most women subscribe to this kind of cheating.) Which is why I think when a woman cheats it's worse than when a man cheats.

Frankly, the emotional sex is far worse than the quick piece of ass kind.

This is why in all marriage break ups, it's something like 70% of the time, it's the woman leaving the man. Men just need to be content and they are good to go in a relationship. If he needs a different pair of hips for a little variety, that is easy to come by, but generally, a man will never leave his wife for a piece of ass ever. Women however are much more complicated. They fuck around not just to have a different cock, but also the whole emotional thing. Then they get fucked up when they discover that Mr. New Cock isn't really any different than Mr. Old Cock, in fact, he's probably worse. It's just for the first time in years they felt they were "in love". Jokes on them though usually.

My advice:

Either leave, or re-invent your relationship so that you are both free to have other sex partners as long as you both understand that it's just to be about sex. (Believe it or not it can work and can be damn kinky too.)

My 2 cents

Seeker

And here my heart was sinking! I believe james t kirk brings in some very important points.

11 years, a lot can happen in that time and it's easy to get caught up. Something happens and it can bring about 'feelings' and 'emotions' that cause confusion which can ultimately lead to 'Accidents'.

You are left with three options - to work through it if there is enough reciprical value in the relationship;
to explore the reasons it has occurred, and decide mutually if there is anything left to repair;
or, to leave with a distrust and negative perspective/generalisation about relationships and/or the opposite sex or partner.

I don't encourage cheating, though I don't believe all cheating is intentional. I can't generalise everyones situations to that extent.

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~ Knowledge is not something you acquire, it is something you open yourself to.

wolf

If you count 11 years being together, that is a long time, longer than some marriages. You have to do what is right for you. If you want to try to work it out, then you should. This is going to take some time. You aren't going to wake up tomorrow and say, ok, forgiven, but not forgotten. There will be a healing process, there always is. Right now you are hurt, you have basically been stabbed in the heart. Next you are going to get over the hurt and probably get pissed. Try not to act on the pissed off emotions, this is where many people walk away. Then you will go into sad/depressed, and finally acceptance. At the point of acceptance, take a step back and see how you feel. If you feel like you want to work it out and she is willing to stop cheating, then you will be able to. If you feel like it isn't going to work because you can't stop seeing her with another guy, then walk. Don't second guess yourself either, you're first instinct at this point will be right. I have a friend who cheated on his wife and left her, now he really regrets it.

Make sure to communicate with her exactly what you are feeling. Don't bottle it up, you'll only hurt yourself.

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ConsoleMaster

Now now...

Don't get too attached to a cheater. If you know she has done something with another guy, I would leave immediately. In the end, you will only hurt yourself. I learned from experience. I went out with this girl for almost one year, she got pregnant with me. Well, during her pregnacy she decided it was still alright to become attached with her ex-boyfriend. They went out together, and done stuff together. It hurt me very dramatically financially and socially because I planned all these family events, and even planning on opening up a business so that we both can live happily ever after. As it turned out, I ended up hurting myself because I became more conservative when she's around him and I lost it. She also didn't care for how much work I spent trying to make a family. It's really painstakingly long process trying to make sure the family has income, and a nice living standard.

We broke up, and she is carrying my baby. I will tell you that you're still young. Please, just break up with her and move on. Don't make the same mistake I did. There are other girls out there. Ever thought of going to a club or bar to meet up with a girl. Trust me, it'll open up your mind. You'll loose focus around this girl in no time. Remember, listen to my story. It's better to learn from someone who experienced than to just no know anything at all. You, and only yourself, can control your own life. Do not go crazy about it. Don't think once that you did something wrong towards her, it'll make you regret even more.

doncalypso

I don't mean to sound like an ass, but in light of the events that transpired between you and your ex can you be sure the baby is yours?

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Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

G5_MYM

Dump the bitch, get on with your life. End of story. If you can't trust her, are you REALLY going to live the rest of your life wondering what she's doing and with who? Noone needs that kind of stress, next thing you'll be spying on her and neglecting your work, or whatever. GET RID OF HER. Hopefully you have no kids. My partner of 18 years and wife for 10 of those cheated on me because she was disillusioned at what her life was, she felt she missed out on things and now wants to "relive" her youth, the ones caught in the middle of this selfish act are my 7 and 9 yr old children. If you have no kids, GET OUT before you do have them and THEY are the ones to suffer.




MYM.....

Stompy

People who fuck around on you generally end up wasting your time in the long run.

It might be hard to fathom, but ... yeah, run away and get outta there fast.

However, this is a diff, IMO, between a temporary fling that's just for fun and actual "feelings" developed for another person. Naturally anyone is gonna want to experience other people knowing that they will be with only ONE person the rest of their life... but most people don't have the "temporary fling" agreements established between them.

I'd gladly set up such a thing w/ my future girlfriend - have all the temporary flings you want (well, haha don't be a SLUT about it), but the second you start having feelings for someone else, let me know so we can figure out the next steps.

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kazfalcion

I've recently gone through the same thing, and to be quite honest if you do still love her you're utterly fucked. Drop her like a ton of bricks and move on and you'll be miserable if your feelings are true. Stay with her and get that wonderful feeling of being cheated on over and over again because it WILL happen again. In my case it's led to working jobs seven days a week and staying drunk in between that and sleeping, so I hope you find a better solution than me.

imkeen

How old are you guys anyway? Is it possible that you were her only boyfriend since grade school? Just curious if age plays a part in this, and that it may have been unrealistic to expect that she would want to be with you for her ENTIRE life. People gotta get out and experience life to understand what we want in life. That can lead to giving her an understanding of how much and why she appreciates you. That doesn't excuse her from cheating, because if that was the case, she should have talked to you first about it, but it may help explain why it happened.

If you love her, let her free, if she loves you, she will come back. Make sure its a long time so you both can figure out how you really feel about this whole situation. Think YEARS....

Sage

I totally agree with imkeen- if you've been with her since high school she might feel like she's "missing out" on "all the other expierences she could have had." I'm not saying that it's impossible to find true love before the age of oh, 21, but you do a LOT of changing between ages 14 and 22 or so- she could just be feeling wanderlust.

Let her go, tell her not to let the door hit her on the way out. Perhaps in some time, she will come back, perhaps not. I CAN tell you this from expierence that LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOU MISERABLE!!!! I was with someone for a year who made my life a living hell (didn't cheat on me, but plenty of emotional abuse, which is what you're in for if you stay with her- cheating is a form of emotional abuse). That was over two years ago, and I STILL have some residual issues I've not worked thru. Please, for your sake, give yourself some space to greive, grow, and get on with your fun life!!

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StarCrossed

Sorry to get off the subject, but i think the idea of leaving someone special because of "lack of experience" is bullshit. It shouldnt take years of different relationships, one night stands, 3-somes, playing people, gettting played, and ending up jaded, to realize a special person, when they had him/her all along. But i guess thats the way it goes. Damn human race; nothing is ever enough, and somehow think, the grass is always greener. Again, i feel for you. Take it each day; the best you can.

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