CityOfAngels

If you broke the heart of your ex-boyfriend, NEVER call him. I mean NEVER. I just got a call from my ex-girlfriend about five minutes ago, and she wished me a happy birthday (my birthday was a month ago), and all of those memories came flashing back. Just the sound of her voice almost sent me into tears.

Now I gotta cut my fingers off (not really going to) to prevent calling her back.

MrsRight41401

Ugh - I hated when my ex's would do that to me. I'm on the other side of the gender gene pool but the guys that would call me back would call to see how I was doing... really I think they just wanted sex. But whatever their reasoning - pure fuckin' torture. I feel for you man.

Rachel

__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss

HockeyGuy

I gotta say that in general i've kept pretty good touch with most of my ex-gf's but i would like to make this point ESPECAILLY if you (the gf) have been drinking. My last ex whom i broke up with after she cheated called me the next week at 2am on night 'I miss you... I miss you as a friend.. do you miss me...' NOT what i needed to hear.....

Cynthetiq

annoying.

i've tried the be friends thing... i've tried the move on thing...

the move on thing is much more beneficial and healthy.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

maleficent

If you truly loved the person, not just a puppy love crushy kinda thing, then the friend thing is almost impossible, and moving on is essential, otherwise - -it is possible to be friends, but it depends on the break up.

A few months back, I saw a number come up on my caller id... Hadn't heard from this person in more than two years, and couldn't bring myself to answer the phone. In a small part in the back of my twisted brain, I do wonder what he wanted... No message was left...

Just move on...

__________________

screamincheetah

I'm going through this right now. My girlfriend of two years and I broke up (for the last and final time) a little over a month ago. I pretty much did the breaking up all three times, because we were great friends and loved each other, but the relationship part wasn't quite right. We kept trying because, I thought, we loved each other so much. The reality is, she like a lot of girls, is just looking for a decent person to marry them. It justifies them, and makes them socially accepted in their mind. Being a 28 year old unmarried woman is bad, in their mind. So as soon as we were completely done and it was clear I wasn't going to marry her, she grabbed on to the next guy that came along (within two weeks) and is holding on for dear life hoping for the ring (validation). What sucks to me is that I truly cared about her as a person and a friend, and I thought she did me too. Since the breakup I have worked at staying in touch, and trying to work through the awkwardness to remain friends. She has not. Why should she? She has her next seat filler in place. I didn't marry her, so I'm of no worth now. I think what's hard for men or women, is coming to a realization that a relationship was a farce, a label, and once it's over, there's nothing there. People like myself always want to believe that people are deeper than they usually end up being. To spend a huge chunk of you life with someone, and then realize it was almost worthless, because you gained nothing, save for more lessons, out of it. You end up exactly where you started, alone, and without that person in your life. How pointless. That's why my new mantra is, no relationships until I'm with a girl that I just can't let go of, and can't be without. If or when that happens, I've hopefully found the one I can spend the rest of my life with, and it will be my last relationship. I just can't settle on this one. It's way too big. Committing to and being with one person forever. That just has to be the end all be all. Unfortunately in my experiences, a lot of women (probably men too) don't look at it like this. They just grab on to whatever they can find, settle, and try to make it work. It really minimizes the power of it and of love, and that sucks. Wow, I am really rambling. Sorry for the long, journal, therapy post. I've just been dealing with all of this recently, and the phone thing made me think of it, since she's probably thinking "don't call, or try to be my friend, I've got a new man." I'm just hoping that the love we shared wasn't superficial and worthless, but it looks like it's heading that way. Oh well. We live and learn right? All's good. For anyone that read all of this drivel, I'm sorry. Go back to enjoying your Saturday.

KirStang

Cheetah, that was actually pretty deep. Good Stuff

trevlya006

werd..

my X talks to me like were best friends again.. and as soon as i get over her she comes back telling me about the head she gave some guy or how her roommates are nuts and fucking in front of her..

its just that i had(ve) good memmories of our relationship.. she was a first love.. and then she tells me things like that and i realize how much of a damn fucking bitch/slut she is (i am letting out a little rage here)

SORRY.. :-\ :starts crying::

ok

/end rant

-trev

__________________
"Untill all that is different around you, you will be different"

read about my situation Here!

and always check back because i update it all the time

CityOfAngels

maleficent - Yeah, it does depend on the breakup. But when you're in love with someone, it takes a LOT to break you apart. My ex cheated on me numerous times (I know she went out with a lot of guys, but only one I confirmed that she slept with) before I was able to let go of her. When something like that happens...friendship is impossible. It's like, when you're together, "Hi! How're ya doin'?" means, "I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again!" After you've broken up, "Hi! How're ya doin'?" means, "If you tell me that life is grand, I'm gonna say the exact same thing, even though life fucking sucks without you around; you just don't deserve to know that because I mean nothing to you, don't I?"

One thing that adds to the pain is pride. Many a times I want to write my ex a letter, telling her that I don't go a day without her name crossing my mind. I want to call her and ask her if she remembers that day when I told her that my worst fear was for her to be just a memory to me. I want to go to her house, meet her face to face, and say, "Let's cut the bullshit. You've had your fun, but we were meant to be together and all this running around, searching for the right person is meaningless because I'm right here." ... But it doesn't work that way. Just as you were afraid of rejection when you first asked her out, you're afraid that when you spill your guts to her, she'll laugh in your face and tell you how glad she is that she's rid of you. And most of all, because she's hurt you so much, she doesn't deserve to know how much she means to you because all it will probably do is boost her ego and lower her views of you even more.

Moving on is the pits. I've moved on, but I haven't. I want someone else, but I still feel the regret that my relationship with her never worked out the way we planned it.

Oh well. :bites the bullet:

Esco

My brother is going through a break up and he simply cannot let go. I can't tell you how many hours and hours he's gone on and on about her over the phone with me. I've never seen him broken hearted and luckily I've never been broken hearted so it's an extremely difficult situation.

But, I do know one thing. Time is the only thing that will heal my brother. He struggles to move on and haves days/nights when he wants to stop by or call her. It's the hardest thing he's had to go through. My advice to him: Keep facing forward. If he's not taking baby step in the right direction I hope he's at the very least facing the right direction ... and not taking steps backward. Breaking all communication with her is key to his healing.

hubie

Cheetah, that was a most excellent post. Hang in there! I always enjoy reading this forum, because alot of times someone has the ability to write down what I feel like! Thanks

HockeyGuy

To continue rant... this 'friend' of an ex that i made an EFFORT to get down to the pub to see with her mates before she left for uni two days ago didn't bother to call or text me a happy birthday.... really makes ya wonder why 9 months were spent there... Don't get me wrong had many good times too, but at the end of the day because we both wanted to work it as 'friends' as i have in the past (all but one). Something like this is like a kick to the gut and really leaves me to wonder.... I think a lesson is coming to be learned here. /end of new rant

btw- good posts in her guys and gals good to know that this is not
just a personal thing to go through! T

D_Nice

I've been through it and still kind of going through it. Removing all of the pictures I had of her, both physical and on the computer was the hardest thing ever. It took me 3 times to get them all. The first time I made i through about a folder or so in the computer and broke out into tears and couldn't go any further. The second time, I got just about everything off the computer, but lost it when I went through a box that had some pics of her/us. The last time I wiped out the remaining computer pics and was out of it for the rest of the day.

CityOfAngels

I remember I had two photographs of my ex and I that I considered my favorites. They were pictures of me carrying and kissing her in a park, and they took place at a time where we had no problems in our relationship. During our last fight, I gave them to her and told her to burn them. After she left, I then called her cell and told her not to burn them, but to keep them (they were after all my favorite pictures). I'm glad I did because I know if I still had them, I'd be looking at them once a day like I used to.

D_Nice

I held no real attachment to the reason why the pictures were taken, just that it was either her or the two of us in them. They were a constant thorn in my paw. I knew they were there and knew how hurt I'd be if I looked at them. I needed to get rid of them and help myself to move on with my life. It's been almost a month since the last of the pics where removed, and I honestly feel better now.

OFKU0

I had my heart broken once and WASTED an inordinate amount of time feeling sorry for myself. It didn't help. What did though was reflecting on a certain time and place in my life with that person and how lucky I was that I had that experience. The girl who broke my heart fucked around on me too, but she was drunk,...you know the rest.

In the end though it changed my perception of all the relationships I have and continue to have in my life. Life is a journey. Experience everything from a positive sense and accept everything as it comes. Some people do shitty things to others. Learn from it. And revel in it when someone does you a good turn.

Can you be friends? Why not. You only live once. Life is hard enough without putting up anymore barriers to try and get over. And believe me, adopt a positive attitude towards everything in live without dwelling on the past and the rewards with be varied and plentiful. I'll guarantee it.

__________________
" In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.

cxnaj20

I've always been a "once you're an ex stay out of my life" kind of guy.

la petite moi

I talk to both my exs and we're pretty good friends. Sure, we don't go and hang out or anything, but we still talk online and stuff.

skills1

Im friends with some so it doesn't bother me at all

Alyssa

You sound like my ex....


Anyway, I have been broken up from my first love/highschool sweetheart for 2 1/2 years now, we were together for over seven years. There still isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him. I have gotten a lot better than I once was...I probably should have seen a shrink or gotten on some medication because for the first year I was terribly depressed. I remember a day that I was in a video store looking for a movie, and out of nowhere, I started crying over him.

I was approaching the first anniversary of being without him and got up the guts to write him an email. It took him two weeks to respond. During those two weeks, I dragged myself through hell and back thinking that I made a fool of myself and a total mistake. When he responded, he wished me a Happy Birthday and answered all my questions about how he was doing etc. But didn't ask anything of me. There was nothing left for me to go on, so I let him be. Another year went by without a word from him, and while I was visiting my parents house, I found an old picture of the two of us when I was 16 and he was 18. That picture brought me back into a funk..something that I had been running from for months. I started wondering about what he was up to, wondering why he has NEVER once contacted me...and all sorts of other stuff. I was getting tired of pretending like we didn't exist to eachother. This was a person who I shared EVERYTHING with. We used to talk on the phone EVERY night. He was my boyfriend and friend...and I lost that over the phone when he told me he wanted to 'take a break'. Foolish me, I trusted him so much, that when he said that we would get back together within a month or so, I thought we would....I guess I trusted him too much. Long distance relationships suck may I add!

Well back to this summer. I got the guts up again to write him, and surprise-surprise, it took him three weeks this time to respond. More visiting hell again. His letter was very nice and everything and even left it open for me to write back...which silly me did. A week later I wrote him back and left it as saying, 'write back when you aren't too busy' That was sent at the end of this past July....it's almost October now with no letter from him. I guess he is pretty busy huh?. Don't worry, I get it. I do remember thinking, well he actually responded....now what? We've been apart for so long, I don't know what else to talk about.

So...I've decided that's it. No more making an ass of myself and bothering him in his new life. I need to concentrate on me and the fact that I am with someone else now. The guy I am with was in a similar situation a couple years back with an ex and is supportive of anything that will help me get through this past break-up, he didn't like the fact that I wanted to contact my ex, but said "If it helps you move forward, then I support you" Which is nice. That is one of the qualities that I love about him.

cmc

1.) The question we all want the answer to is who is right for me ?
2.) How can I tell it they are right for me ?
3.) How can I tell if I'm right for them ?
4.) How can we transcend the ENTIRE - one of us is attracted to the other, but never, rarely, or seeminlgy seldom does a situation develop wherein both individuals are drawn to each other from a place of wholeness ( vs. a place of lack, whether that lack is emotionally, mentally, financially, career / service wise, etc. )
5.) Is there a good reason that SO MANY people have this screwed up ?
6.) Does the fact that $ / fame, looks does not answer these questions ( see rich, celebrity makeups, divorces, breakups.)
7.) How can I find peace & happiness, rather than lack & insane attractions ?

8.) Hello God -- I think I'm talking to you !

tman17m

wow, i hear all of you so clearly...
my g/f of 2 years just broke it off with me a few days ago. its been really really hard. to make a long story short, she came back from this road trip, said that she met this cool guy and gave him her phone number. i was sorta like wtf??...and she just flat out said, and i quote..."i just dont love you anymore". this completly came out of nowhere, i hadnt the slightest clue. she gave me some stupid thing like "oh, dont you remember all those times ive tried to talk to you....." to which i reply, NO!...if i would have known that our relationship was in that much of trouble i definately would have done something!....so needless to say, its been a hard, very hard few days....im finally starting to eat again, but i still cant sleep without tylenol pm....she has said that we should stay in touch, and left me IM's every once in a while, and ill respond. i dont know if this is making it so much harder for me to let go...i mean 2 years, and it wasnt like we fought or anything....little squabbles over stupid shit, but i mean come on....i just couldnt believe it....


sorry for ranting, it helps to tell anyone

/rant

cmc

A few questions you've got to ask yourself is --

* Do I want to partner with someone is on the prowl while in a committed relationship with me ? ( she gave her # out while on a road trip ... ? - is there a good reason you guys weren't 'road tripping' together ?

* Do I want to be with someone who either doesn't have the skills or the willingess to use her communication skills with me to clearly and reasonably address the issues & problems in our relationship ?

* Do I want to partner with someone who continues to use 'flight & flight' responses to problems - as opposed to using reason, logic & love to solve problems in our parternship ?

* How would I feel if I had a partner who trusted me completely, LOVED to peacefully, work out problems, and INSISTED that we take Road Trips TOGETHER !

* What is going on within me that finds a girl like this ( old GF) attractive ?

* What if I knew, Knew, KNEW that I could share EVERYTHING with my partner and celebrate life together ?

You know you DESERVE to have a great partner, and that means someone who is fun, pretty, happy, self sufficient, expressive, sexy, dedicated, loving and who, most of all, WANTS to be with YOU !

Good luck -- this may be a HUGE break for you dude !
Better now, than 5 years, 10 years, 20 years from now !

Go for the gold, it's waiting for you !

tman17m

thanks for the advice. a lot of people have said that im lucky that i found out now as opposed to later in life. i do agree with that completly. i do find her attractive, but its more of, ive invested 2 years of my life loving and caring for her the absolute best i could, and this is what i get for it....thats how i feel

denim

My most recent ex called to me in a store I was walking into. We chatted briefly. She'd dumped me a while ago, so I figured maybe she was interested in resuming SOME kind of relationship, so I e-mailed her. No response.

If she does that kind of thing again, I'm just going to tell her to make up her mind, and if she's not interested in even being friends, don't bother me, ever.

CityOfAngels

Yeah man...it's like one day she loves you more than anyone in the world, and the next, she doesn't. Here's my breakup sob story:
My girlfriend had been acting strange, going out with other guys and saying she was with her friends, etc. Well one day when she was sleeping, I checked her cell phone (which I can't stress how wrong it is, but I still did it out of the paranoia that grew in me throughout our relationship) and found this guy's number. I was extremely hesitant to call, because if it was just one of her co-workers, I would've been made the dumbass.
So I get a call from my girlfriend one day when we were supposed to hang out, "I think I'm coming up with a fever. I'm sorry but I'm just going to stay home." Being the stupidly-in-love guy that I was, I immediately got ready, bought her two-dozen roses, and took an hour-long bus ride to her house to surprise her and make her feel better. I show up, and she's acts all happy, looks at me deep in the eyes and says, "I love you so much. I'm so lucky that you're all mine," kisses me, and I tell her that she should get inside so her fever doesn't get any worse (I couldn't go in because her dad was strict about letting anyone in the house while they were in their leisure clothes).
So on the hour-long bus ride back home, that phone number is nagging me constantly. Finally I say to myself, "Man, what if all this, all she said, is a lie? What If I'm living a lie?" So I decided to call that number when I got home. I get home, call the number, and find out that she's been seeing this guy behind my back, and that she slept with him for the first time the night before. That day still replays in my head like it was yesterday, even though it was over half a year ago.

tman17m

i completly understand where you are coming from....
i know for me its only been a few days, but im having such an incredibly hard time letting go....i just dont know

ive been trying to get out as much as possible to do things and/or meet people, but i cant be out all the time, and whenever im at home its so hard for me. i live alone so that doesnt help much either.

tman17m

wow that really sucks, that reminds me of another relationship that i had....i think i just have really bad luck with relationships or something...

and on another note, thats exactly what would crush me now...even though i know we are broken up and its her free will to do whatever she wants....i just couldnt stand the thought of her with some other guy....

bah

CityOfAngels

Yeah, it's tough, but her being with someone else is not only inevitable, but has probably already happened on multiple occasions. My advice to you is to not ask her any questions about how/what she's doing (she'll make it a point to brag about her sexual encounters with other men if she's as much of a bitch as my ex), and don't give her the satisfaction of telling her that you love her. Love isn't something you can just turn on and off, but you can keep it to yourself that you love her.
I know it's hard, but you need to see her as a lost cause and cut your losses now before you do what I did and hurt yourself for many months afterwards.

Shades

I am going through the same exact thing as so many of you. In a way, it's kind of comforting. Here's my scandal.

After dating this girl for a year and a half, first love, first lover, she breaks up with me at the start of May. It was over a stupid thing, but she did it anyway. Since this was the third time, I have to steel myself and turn her down when she inevitably tries to get back together. But we continue talking, and having sex, for about another month and a half. Then it stops. School starts again in late August, and I make a decision.

I want to emphasize that I make the right decision, I think. Even with the absolute hell I'm in now, it was still the correct choice. In my head, I didn't think it was a good idea. My heart told me I had to do it. If I am ever going to be happy with anyone, I am going to have to listen to my heart. I call her.

We talk. We see eachother in person and talk about getting back together. She admits that she has a fuck buddy (I say that because the guy explicitly stated that he would, under no circumstances, be involved with her beyond fucking her). I am devastated. I do my best to push it away. She agrees to instantly drop him. We discuss a relationship more seriously, and decide to go for it. She tells me that she loves me. Full in the face. It is everything I ever wanted to hear, and I believe her. A day later, she tells me that she doesn't want to see me anymore. I fly into a rage, give her everything she gave me back, take everything I gave her and throw it in the dumpster.

The next day, I go get the stuffed animals out of the dumpster and clean them. I plan to give them back to her and ask for my stuff back. I don't have the courage to call her. What if she's with him? I couldn't take that.

I don't know how the story ends. I can't be alone. I'm on a constant emotional roller coaster. I can't seem to stop the tears. If we had lasted until this week, our relationship would have spanned two years. I talk to all of my friends constantly, just anyone who will listen. I try to put this into words, the best I can come up with is that it's like she died, but of course that isn't so. It's worse, she chose to die but just for me, or killed me, just relative to her. A friend of mine looks surprised when I struggle for words and tells me, "What you're feeling is grief." The clarity of it makes me cry again, here and now as I write it.

I don't know how the story ends. I hope that I get through this a little older and a little wiser, and I hope that somebody worthy of me is waiting at the end of this dark tunnel. It would be nice if, just this once, life could work out for the best. But it's awfully hard to see it here in the black.

tman17m

shades - i know exactly how you are feeling....im sure its something close to how i feel....like you said, its good to know im not alone....its just really hard for me becuase she just broke up with me 4 days ago, and i still want her to desparately love me...its hard to let go....but im sorry for everything thats happened to you

tman17m

edit: its 7:06 here, im going to go out and try to have some fun to try and take my mind off things....hope you all have a good night too....my best advice is to get out of your old surroundings, try new things...like today, i went rock climbing, and i had a blast. i know its hard because even though you are out and doing things, its not like you can be out all of the time. and i know for me, whenever im home, i get so depressed because i just think about her. so that sucks for me, becuase i have to be here a lot to study, i just started another quarter.....okay thats long enough for now...i could type a novel...take care people

chickentribs

I will go out and see my ex somewhere and I know that within a couple of days I will get the same call I have gotten from her over the past year. It always starts off friendly and how important it is to her that we be friends... and then quickly falls into all the things she thinks I did wrong and why am I such a jerk. I don't have to say a word - it has been the same thing like five times now. I swear she calls just because she misses fighting with me. Hmph.

__________________
Oft expectation fails...
and most oft there Where most it promises
- Shakespeare, W.

CityOfAngels

Haha, well, with my ex, she would call, we'd talk about "how important it is to...be friends...", and then we both quickly end up in bed, screwing like monkeys. Thing is it would mean more to me than it would to her, so everything would screw up.