Alyssa

You sound like my ex....


Anyway, I have been broken up from my first love/highschool sweetheart for 2 1/2 years now, we were together for over seven years. There still isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him. I have gotten a lot better than I once was...I probably should have seen a shrink or gotten on some medication because for the first year I was terribly depressed. I remember a day that I was in a video store looking for a movie, and out of nowhere, I started crying over him.

I was approaching the first anniversary of being without him and got up the guts to write him an email. It took him two weeks to respond. During those two weeks, I dragged myself through hell and back thinking that I made a fool of myself and a total mistake. When he responded, he wished me a Happy Birthday and answered all my questions about how he was doing etc. But didn't ask anything of me. There was nothing left for me to go on, so I let him be. Another year went by without a word from him, and while I was visiting my parents house, I found an old picture of the two of us when I was 16 and he was 18. That picture brought me back into a funk..something that I had been running from for months. I started wondering about what he was up to, wondering why he has NEVER once contacted me...and all sorts of other stuff. I was getting tired of pretending like we didn't exist to eachother. This was a person who I shared EVERYTHING with. We used to talk on the phone EVERY night. He was my boyfriend and friend...and I lost that over the phone when he told me he wanted to 'take a break'. Foolish me, I trusted him so much, that when he said that we would get back together within a month or so, I thought we would....I guess I trusted him too much. Long distance relationships suck may I add!

Well back to this summer. I got the guts up again to write him, and surprise-surprise, it took him three weeks this time to respond. More visiting hell again. His letter was very nice and everything and even left it open for me to write back...which silly me did. A week later I wrote him back and left it as saying, 'write back when you aren't too busy' That was sent at the end of this past July....it's almost October now with no letter from him. I guess he is pretty busy huh?. Don't worry, I get it. I do remember thinking, well he actually responded....now what? We've been apart for so long, I don't know what else to talk about.

So...I've decided that's it. No more making an ass of myself and bothering him in his new life. I need to concentrate on me and the fact that I am with someone else now. The guy I am with was in a similar situation a couple years back with an ex and is supportive of anything that will help me get through this past break-up, he didn't like the fact that I wanted to contact my ex, but said "If it helps you move forward, then I support you" Which is nice. That is one of the qualities that I love about him.