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maleficent - Yeah, it does depend on the breakup. But when you're in love with someone, it takes a LOT to break you apart. My ex cheated on me numerous times (I know she went out with a lot of guys, but only one I confirmed that she slept with) before I was able to let go of her. When something like that happens...friendship is impossible. It's like, when you're together, "Hi! How're ya doin'?" means, "I love you, I miss you, I can't wait to see you again!" After you've broken up, "Hi! How're ya doin'?" means, "If you tell me that life is grand, I'm gonna say the exact same thing, even though life fucking sucks without you around; you just don't deserve to know that because I mean nothing to you, don't I?"
One thing that adds to the pain is pride. Many a times I want to write my ex a letter, telling her that I don't go a day without her name crossing my mind. I want to call her and ask her if she remembers that day when I told her that my worst fear was for her to be just a memory to me. I want to go to her house, meet her face to face, and say, "Let's cut the bullshit. You've had your fun, but we were meant to be together and all this running around, searching for the right person is meaningless because I'm right here." ... But it doesn't work that way. Just as you were afraid of rejection when you first asked her out, you're afraid that when you spill your guts to her, she'll laugh in your face and tell you how glad she is that she's rid of you. And most of all, because she's hurt you so much, she doesn't deserve to know how much she means to you because all it will probably do is boost her ego and lower her views of you even more.
Moving on is the pits. I've moved on, but I haven't. I want someone else, but I still feel the regret that my relationship with her never worked out the way we planned it.
Oh well. :bites the bullet:
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