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I'm going through this right now. My girlfriend of two years and I broke up (for the last and final time) a little over a month ago. I pretty much did the breaking up all three times, because we were great friends and loved each other, but the relationship part wasn't quite right. We kept trying because, I thought, we loved each other so much. The reality is, she like a lot of girls, is just looking for a decent person to marry them. It justifies them, and makes them socially accepted in their mind. Being a 28 year old unmarried woman is bad, in their mind. So as soon as we were completely done and it was clear I wasn't going to marry her, she grabbed on to the next guy that came along (within two weeks) and is holding on for dear life hoping for the ring (validation). What sucks to me is that I truly cared about her as a person and a friend, and I thought she did me too. Since the breakup I have worked at staying in touch, and trying to work through the awkwardness to remain friends. She has not. Why should she? She has her next seat filler in place. I didn't marry her, so I'm of no worth now. I think what's hard for men or women, is coming to a realization that a relationship was a farce, a label, and once it's over, there's nothing there. People like myself always want to believe that people are deeper than they usually end up being. To spend a huge chunk of you life with someone, and then realize it was almost worthless, because you gained nothing, save for more lessons, out of it. You end up exactly where you started, alone, and without that person in your life. How pointless. That's why my new mantra is, no relationships until I'm with a girl that I just can't let go of, and can't be without. If or when that happens, I've hopefully found the one I can spend the rest of my life with, and it will be my last relationship. I just can't settle on this one. It's way too big. Committing to and being with one person forever. That just has to be the end all be all. Unfortunately in my experiences, a lot of women (probably men too) don't look at it like this. They just grab on to whatever they can find, settle, and try to make it work. It really minimizes the power of it and of love, and that sucks. Wow, I am really rambling. Sorry for the long, journal, therapy post. I've just been dealing with all of this recently, and the phone thing made me think of it, since she's probably thinking "don't call, or try to be my friend, I've got a new man." I'm just hoping that the love we shared wasn't superficial and worthless, but it looks like it's heading that way. Oh well. We live and learn right? All's good. For anyone that read all of this drivel, I'm sorry. Go back to enjoying your Saturday.
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