Need advice or someone to knock some sense into me. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Sargeman · 08-08-2004, 09:26 AM

I'll try to keep it short.

This has nothing to do with sex but figured I'd get more looks here than anywhere else on this MB.

I'm married and have three kids. For the past year my wife and I don't really communicate like we used to and she just doesn't like going out with friends or stuff like that.

Anyway, where I work at, I deal with many people. One is a girl in her mic 20's that is single and extremely good looking. But I mostly talk to her on the phone. A couple of weeks ago I stopped by her office when I was out in the field. She lives about 20 miles away in another small town. I'd seen her before about two yrs ago but didn't think anything of it.

Well we were talking and laughing and what not. Now I was there on official work business. As I was leaving I jokingly asked her where she was going to take me to lunch and she replied by asking me where I was going to take her. Then told me she went to lunch at 11:30. I laughed it off and went about my business. I went back to my office to pick up some stuff I'd forgotten and some paper work for her. Sure I could of faxed it but I'm funny like that.

When I got to her office we did a little small talk. As I was leaving she told me that the next time I was in the area that she went to lunch at 11:30 and that we needed to do lunch together.

Now, I'm not looking for sex or some other type of relationship. But I enjoy the company of ALL females and she is just so easy to talk to and we make each other laugh. Is it wrong to take her to lunch under the assumption that it is only as friends or even "coworkers". I go to lunch with women all the time and don't think of it as anything other than eating luch with friends. I am a little attracted to her but in a she makes me feel good and I would love for her to be a good friend type of way. Honestly, I'm not looking for anything else.

Thoughts, ideas and responses......

maleficent · 08-08-2004, 09:46 AM

Who wouldn't like the attention of an attractive 20 something year old.

If you can honestly tell yourself that if she told you, take me here,take me now, you'd tell her, that you are honestly only interested in being a friend, then by all means, have lunch with her, be friends with her. But... if you, somewhere in your subconscious are hoping for more, even if it's just for your ego, then it's not fair to either her or you, it's a hell of a temptation.

I stand my my statement that men and women can be friends, friends go to lunch, friends talk about all sorts of stuff, you are aware of that because you already go to lunch with women. What makes her different? Does she make you nervous?

YOu asked for sense to be knocked into you -- so here goes.

Your problem isn't with this young lady, it's really at home, with your wife, what's changed in that relationship, and where is it going? Don't use the other young lady to get something that you are missing at home.

Talon Valdez · 08-08-2004, 09:52 AM

Took the words right out of my mouth.

If you can honestly say, no matter what, I will not have anything other than a friendly relationship with this woman, than go right ahead. However. This is important now, make sure she knows that.

Also, do you see yourself being able to come home from work and tell your wife that you had lunch with this young woman? Could you talk about it as you would talk about having lunch with the guys? Granted it could never be discussed exactly in the same fashion (In all practicality) because of the natural minor jealousies that exist in a relationship...But would YOU feel the same talking about it? Would it give you a little flutter in your stomach? If it did, meh, might be that you're actually a little more attracted to her than you think.

My 2 cents.

roboshark · 08-08-2004, 10:32 AM

The mere fact that you're having problems deciding how to approach this situation indicates that she's not just another of the women that, as you said, you go to lunch with all the time. If it was that, then you wouldn't be posting about it.

I think you're attracted to her, and are flattered by her showing interest in you. And what with things not going quite ok at home, it's all a little confusing. I mean, if there was no physical attaction, you'd have no problems taking her to lunch and defining the nature of your relationship.

In the light of all this, I'd advise against taking her out to lunch. It's awkward, and confusing, especially if you're not really sure about what she expects from you, and even more because you yourself don't seem to realise that you might want more than what you're willing to admit.

ratbastid · 08-08-2004, 11:53 AM

Look, take her to lunch and be her friend. Go ahead and be attracted, just be big enough not to act on it. You're not an animal, after all. I'm attracted to all sorts of women that I don't put the moves on. We're all adults, we can manage ourselves.

Mal's dead on about the rest, though. Why are you tolerating a lack of communication with your wife? That's what there REALLY is to deal with.

Sargeman · 08-11-2004, 06:59 AM

I can see that by putting this up here that I did seem a little guilty of there being more than a little bit of attraction to her. I guess I was trying to justify and even get others approval before doing it.

I have decided that I will probably go ahead and take her out to lunch as it will be in a public place. Believe me when I say I can let things go so far and then I CAN totally stop it before it goes too far. But I don't plan on putting myself in that type of situation. I have done it before even when I was very very inebriated.

I will meet her at the restaraunt and then keep it to social friend conversation. I won't ask her about sex or the types of guys she likes just keep it to general conversation.

AfterBurn · 08-12-2004, 12:44 AM

ok as soon as i read "As I was leaving I jokingly asked her where she was going to take me to lunch" it made it pretty ibvious to me that you made her attracted to you, the cocky funny crap really works..a couple of months ago i asked some girl who was sitting beside me at school what she was getting in the class and shes like 75 but i think im gonna fail and i was like yeah you are and i was like busting on her and a few weeks later she somehow got my # off a friend and asked me out.. and i didnt compliment her once or anything..you just gotta know what to do

Meier_Link · 08-13-2004, 11:29 AM

Ok.... It's obvious by your flirtatious manner with her that you are in some way attracted to her. Taking her to lunch is the next logical step toward getting in her pants. If the situation were reversed you would likely feel that your wife was being somewhat unfaithful.

That being said, and to play the devil's advocate, I know a lot of guys who think it's a good thing to get a little "strange" every now and then.

Personal choices... I don't think anyone here is in a position to judge you, no matter what you do.

MSD · 08-13-2004, 11:57 AM

If you're OK wiht telling your wife you went to lunch with her, it's fine. If you wouldn't tell her, it's a problem.

st33lr4t · 08-13-2004, 12:47 PM

to me you seem conflicted because she fits the stereotype of the "girl you would cheat on your wife with". i think if you are being honest with yourself and not trying to fill some void you arent getting from home your fine.

if your wife asked you what you did today would you include your lunch date or would you skip over that detail?

Sargeman · 08-13-2004, 01:03 PM

Well I don't have a problem telling my wife. It just so happens that we did go out to lunch today and it was in a crowded restaraunt. No hush hush quiet picnic lunch at her house. You're right I do feel I owe it to my wife to let her know. Like I said before, I have gone out to eat with many other girls before. For the record, my wife has gone out to eat with guys before but we trust each other.

I did pull the old Happy Gilmore routine on her. I told here we were going out to lunch as friends and she said yeah as friends you're a married man.

The only void that I want filling is the void of meeting someone new and getting to know them. I had about a million questions to ask her but conversation was so smooth and all, that I asked her a fraction of the questions because we would go into so much detail that it took up most of the time. Nothing too personal like her bra size or crap like that. Just mainly about her life where she's originally from and about why she doesn't have a boyfriend/boyfriends and that kind of small talk. There was a little flirtation going on before and after but nothing that I wouldn't do in front of my wife. I will say this, she does have the most beautiful crystal clear blue eyes, that's what attracted me to her. We had great conversation and agreed that we needed to do it again.

Also she's not desparately looking for a man that she had to choose a married man. She's a single mom who was engaged to her son's (who is now 8) daddy but she broke it off because he was cheating on her. I promise getting in her pants is the last thing on my mind. Being cool with her and having another friend is what I'm looking for.

doncalypso · 08-13-2004, 04:19 PM

I don't know how much this will do for you, but it'll definitely knock some sense into you.

unoaman · 08-13-2004, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sargeman

I did pull the old Happy Gilmore routine on her. I told here we were going out to lunch as friends and she said yeah as friends you're a married man.

Also she's not desparately looking for a man that she had to choose a married man. She's a single mom who was engaged to her son's (who is now 8) daddy but she broke it off because he was cheating on her. I promise getting in her pants is the last thing on my mind. Being cool with her and having another friend is what I'm looking for.

Sargeman, I'm not saying this like I give a rats ass...but you have already made up your mind. and I would say that she has also. You have kids and a wife, although maybe a little cold right now, she has incredible blue eyes...what the hell do you need each other for but sex? You gonna leave your family for her? she gonna hook up indefinitely with a married man? Or are you gonna just keep having casual lunches, until you go somewhere and screw? Thats when the real trouble starts...good as it may be, exciting as it may be...it will cost you baby, it will cost you. Asking us is fine, and good, but you are the only one that can decide how high a price you are willing to pay to feel good.

TM875 · 08-13-2004, 05:11 PM

Go out to lunch with her. Fuck her if you can / want to. Your married life seems to be rocky, at best, so why are you worried? And besides, if your wife won't find out...

ManWithAPlan · 08-13-2004, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by maleficent
Who wouldn't like the attention of an attractive 20 something year old.

If you can honestly tell yourself that if she told you, take me here,take me now, you'd tell her, that you are honestly only interested in being a friend, then by all means, have lunch with her, be friends with her. But... if you, somewhere in your subconscious are hoping for more, even if it's just for your ego, then it's not fair to either her or you, it's a hell of a temptation.

I stand my my statement that men and women can be friends, friends go to lunch, friends talk about all sorts of stuff, you are aware of that because you already go to lunch with women. What makes her different? Does she make you nervous?

YOu asked for sense to be knocked into you -- so here goes.

Your problem isn't with this young lady, it's really at home, with your wife, what's changed in that relationship, and where is it going? Don't use the other young lady to get something that you are missing at home.

i agree completely. Talk to your wife. You might need to start doing something new together.. try to find a weekly class or group to go to so you have something new in your relationship

powerclown · 08-13-2004, 06:15 PM

Here's what you should do:

Take a picture of this chippy and show it to your wife.
Ask your wife what she thinks about you going out to lunch with her.
Whatever she says, do that.

Kalnaur · 08-13-2004, 08:22 PM

Drop this girl. Talk to your wife. Fix things. If you have a family, your duty and responsibility is to them before yourself.

Aladdin Sane · 08-14-2004, 05:10 AM

Forget about crystal blue.
Fix things with your wife.

pinkie · 08-14-2004, 07:13 AM

How 'bout, "No."

Carno · 08-14-2004, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by doncalypso
I don't know how much this will do for you, but it'll definitely knock some sense into you.

Damn, that dude looks like he got his neck broke.

But yeah, just to reinforce everyone else's advice, I'd say break it off with the new girl. The only thing it will lead to is trouble.

Sargeman · 08-16-2004, 07:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doncalypso

I don't know how much this will do for you, but it'll definitely knock some sense into you.

Honestly, after reading the replies of which most of them I had already thought about and then getting some sense knocked into me while watching the above dude get cold-cocked, I think that the lunch thing was a one time deal and even though I will still have to call her and talk to her, part of my work, I will keep it to a professional level.

While I said before that all I wanted was a friend, unoaman was right. How long do we play this game until something happens? Then what, nothing but more problems. I've had the last four days and a good friend of mine to talk to, to realize what just the appearances could cause.

tooth · 08-16-2004, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sargeman

Honestly, after reading the replies of which most of them I had already thought about and then getting some sense knocked into me while watching the above dude get cold-cocked, I think that the lunch thing was a one time deal and even though I will still have to call her and talk to her, part of my work, I will keep it to a professional level.

While I said before that all I wanted was a friend, unoaman was right. How long do we play this game until something happens? Then what, nothing but more problems. I've had the last four days and a good friend of mine to talk to, to realize what just the appearances could cause.

You have made a wise decision. As innocent as intentions are, you just don't need to put yourself in a situation like that. Be it playful flirtation that actually goes too far, or just talkative co-workers, something would eventually turn this into something that didn't need to be.

A pat on the back for taking the high-road and avoiding trouble before it starts.

Carno · 08-16-2004, 12:03 PM

Man I can watch that guy get slugged for hours.

Cynthetiq · 08-16-2004, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrSelfDestruct

If you're OK wiht telling your wife you went to lunch with her, it's fine. If you wouldn't tell her, it's a problem.

there's your answer right there....

maleficent · 08-16-2004, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sargeman

I've had the last four days and a good friend of mine to talk to, to realize what just the appearances could cause.
.

Isn't it nice when friends can be honest with you? and not necessarily tell you what you want to hear, but rather the way it is... Good for your friend, and good for you for listening...

Kazic · 08-16-2004, 07:49 PM

I can only say from experience that, that road is a bad one. Don't go there. if you can honestly say you just want to be friends you wouldn't have brought it up. So you do have an obvious attraction. Keep your distance and rekindle what you have lost with your wife. maybe take her to lunch and maybe spice things up at home. pour the attention you are craving out into your relationship.

whocarz · 08-16-2004, 10:30 PM

You made the right decision to stop going out to eat with this girl. You are obviously sexually attracted to her, I can tell just by reading what you've written. If you continued, something most likely would have happened. You have an obligation to your three kids to make sure that even the remote possibility of this happening is nil.

bbrown4 · 08-17-2004, 10:51 AM

Reach out to your wife. There is something wrong there. Once that issue is settled you'll be able to determine for yourself what to do about the other stuff.

raeanna74 · 08-17-2004, 01:12 PM

Things sound all fine and dandy right now. There's one problem that I see. You are taking the time to cultivate a friendship with this girl. That's fine too. BUT cultivating friendship takes time. You will most likely find that you begin putting more and more effort into this new friendship. It may very well be just that all the way - a friendship. The Problem is this - that time and thought (as I think you probably think about this girl and your conversations later as well) that you are putting into this new relationship would be better used to help your marriage. As long as you are EXTREMELY careful not to spend more time in positive thought and effort on this new relationship than you spend on your wife and her marriage then it's ok. The minute you start spending any more positive time and thought on this girl than you do on your wife - you are in trouble.

When was the last time you took your wife out to lunch? Just you two. When was the last time you asked her some questions like you asked this girl? Yeah I realize you both know about each other's pasts and likes and dislikes but have you just sat and daydreamed with her? Ask your wife what she'd like to do on her dream vacation or something outlandish. Even if it could never happen it prompts positive conversation. It's a building block to a good relationship. It says our relationship matters MOST to me. With 3 kids it's hard to find the time to have a simple conversation that isn't griping about finances, the house, the kids, or work. Try very hard to focus on something else just once. It's a step in the right direction. Communication works 2 ways. Just because she isn't talking to you doesn't mean you can't talk to her about something new and different. TRY HARD. It will pay off.

Sargeman · 08-17-2004, 01:47 PM

Very good points you have brought out about the thinking of the other girl. I knew that would be a problem initially and no matter how much I try not to think about her I do, but most of it is because I have paper work that her and I have to exchange or because we do the most "business" with the company she works for. I work for the government so we don't have customers per say. Since the lunch thing I've called her twice, including today, and kept it to strict work talk, other than the opening "Hey what are you doing?" type of conversation. That has been as personal as it gets.

I will have to see her one time this week as I have to go to her office. I really don't think it will be a problem to go in and out of there without a little flirtation going on. Even if she or I say something playfully I will leave just as soon as I can.

Now about my wife. Why don't I take her out to lunch. Simple, she works through lunch. She has a part time job where she works from10-2. On days where she works all day they just pick something up and bring it back to the office to eat it. She works for a local cellular phone company, so they stay pretty busy.

The problem is and has always been communication between her and me. She's real quiet and not very outgoing. I'm just the opposite. When something is on my mind I'm going to speak it. She would rather keep things inside of her than to talk to me. Believe it or not that has been what we argue about most. I tell her to talk to me and she just won't. I know when something is bothering her but she won't talk to me. We've been married for almost 14yrs.

08-08-2004, 09:26 AM	#1 (permalink)
Sargeman Insane Location: Texas	Need advice or someone to knock some sense into me. I'll try to keep it short. This has nothing to do with sex but figured I'd get more looks here than anywhere else on this MB. I'm married and have three kids. For the past year my wife and I don't really communicate like we used to and she just doesn't like going out with friends or stuff like that. Anyway, where I work at, I deal with many people. One is a girl in her mic 20's that is single and extremely good looking. But I mostly talk to her on the phone. A couple of weeks ago I stopped by her office when I was out in the field. She lives about 20 miles away in another small town. I'd seen her before about two yrs ago but didn't think anything of it. Well we were talking and laughing and what not. Now I was there on official work business. As I was leaving I jokingly asked her where she was going to take me to lunch and she replied by asking me where I was going to take her. Then told me she went to lunch at 11:30. I laughed it off and went about my business. I went back to my office to pick up some stuff I'd forgotten and some paper work for her. Sure I could of faxed it but I'm funny like that. When I got to her office we did a little small talk. As I was leaving she told me that the next time I was in the area that she went to lunch at 11:30 and that we needed to do lunch together. Now, I'm not looking for sex or some other type of relationship. But I enjoy the company of ALL females and she is just so easy to talk to and we make each other laugh. Is it wrong to take her to lunch under the assumption that it is only as friends or even "coworkers". I go to lunch with women all the time and don't think of it as anything other than eating luch with friends. I am a little attracted to her but in a she makes me feel good and I would love for her to be a good friend type of way. Honestly, I'm not looking for anything else. Thoughts, ideas and responses...... __________________ ...because there are no facts, there is no truth, just data to be manipulated. I can get you any results you like, what's it worth to you.....

08-08-2004, 09:46 AM	#2 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Who wouldn't like the attention of an attractive 20 something year old. If you can honestly tell yourself that if she told you, take me here,take me now, you'd tell her, that you are honestly only interested in being a friend, then by all means, have lunch with her, be friends with her. But... if you, somewhere in your subconscious are hoping for more, even if it's just for your ego, then it's not fair to either her or you, it's a hell of a temptation. I stand my my statement that men and women can be friends, friends go to lunch, friends talk about all sorts of stuff, you are aware of that because you already go to lunch with women. What makes her different? Does she make you nervous? YOu asked for sense to be knocked into you -- so here goes. Your problem isn't with this young lady, it's really at home, with your wife, what's changed in that relationship, and where is it going? Don't use the other young lady to get something that you are missing at home. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

08-08-2004, 09:52 AM	#3 (permalink)
Talon Valdez Upright Location: Georgia	Took the words right out of my mouth. If you can honestly say, no matter what, I will not have anything other than a friendly relationship with this woman, than go right ahead. However. This is important now, make sure she knows that. Also, do you see yourself being able to come home from work and tell your wife that you had lunch with this young woman? Could you talk about it as you would talk about having lunch with the guys? Granted it could never be discussed exactly in the same fashion (In all practicality) because of the natural minor jealousies that exist in a relationship...But would YOU feel the same talking about it? Would it give you a little flutter in your stomach? If it did, meh, might be that you're actually a little more attracted to her than you think. My 2 cents. __________________ It begins and ends with this...You simply can't care what the answer will be.

08-08-2004, 10:32 AM	#4 (permalink)
roboshark Crazy	The mere fact that you're having problems deciding how to approach this situation indicates that she's not just another of the women that, as you said, you go to lunch with all the time. If it was that, then you wouldn't be posting about it. I think you're attracted to her, and are flattered by her showing interest in you. And what with things not going quite ok at home, it's all a little confusing. I mean, if there was no physical attaction, you'd have no problems taking her to lunch and defining the nature of your relationship. In the light of all this, I'd advise against taking her out to lunch. It's awkward, and confusing, especially if you're not really sure about what she expects from you, and even more because you yourself don't seem to realise that you might want more than what you're willing to admit. __________________ I want no escape.

08-11-2004, 06:59 AM	#6 (permalink)
Sargeman Insane Location: Texas	I can see that by putting this up here that I did seem a little guilty of there being more than a little bit of attraction to her. I guess I was trying to justify and even get others approval before doing it. I have decided that I will probably go ahead and take her out to lunch as it will be in a public place. Believe me when I say I can let things go so far and then I CAN totally stop it before it goes too far. But I don't plan on putting myself in that type of situation. I have done it before even when I was very very inebriated. I will meet her at the restaraunt and then keep it to social friend conversation. I won't ask her about sex or the types of guys she likes just keep it to general conversation. __________________ ...because there are no facts, there is no truth, just data to be manipulated. I can get you any results you like, what's it worth to you.....

08-08-2004, 11:53 AM	#5 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Look, take her to lunch and be her friend. Go ahead and be attracted, just be big enough not to act on it. You're not an animal, after all. I'm attracted to all sorts of women that I don't put the moves on. We're all adults, we can manage ourselves. Mal's dead on about the rest, though. Why are you tolerating a lack of communication with your wife? That's what there REALLY is to deal with.

08-12-2004, 12:44 AM	#7 (permalink)
AfterBurn Psycho	ok as soon as i read "As I was leaving I jokingly asked her where she was going to take me to lunch" it made it pretty ibvious to me that you made her attracted to you, the cocky funny crap really works..a couple of months ago i asked some girl who was sitting beside me at school what she was getting in the class and shes like 75 but i think im gonna fail and i was like yeah you are and i was like busting on her and a few weeks later she somehow got my # off a friend and asked me out.. and i didnt compliment her once or anything..you just gotta know what to do __________________ smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away

08-13-2004, 11:29 AM	#8 (permalink)
Meier_Link Psycho Location: in a state of confusion	Ok.... It's obvious by your flirtatious manner with her that you are in some way attracted to her. Taking her to lunch is the next logical step toward getting in her pants. If the situation were reversed you would likely feel that your wife was being somewhat unfaithful. That being said, and to play the devil's advocate, I know a lot of guys who think it's a good thing to get a little "strange" every now and then. Personal choices... I don't think anyone here is in a position to judge you, no matter what you do. __________________ life is a sexually transmitted disease

08-13-2004, 11:57 AM	#9 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	If you're OK wiht telling your wife you went to lunch with her, it's fine. If you wouldn't tell her, it's a problem.

08-13-2004, 12:47 PM	#10 (permalink)
st33lr4t Psycho Location: Dallas, Tx	to me you seem conflicted because she fits the stereotype of the "girl you would cheat on your wife with". i think if you are being honest with yourself and not trying to fill some void you arent getting from home your fine. if your wife asked you what you did today would you include your lunch date or would you skip over that detail?

08-13-2004, 01:03 PM	#11 (permalink)
Sargeman Insane Location: Texas	Well I don't have a problem telling my wife. It just so happens that we did go out to lunch today and it was in a crowded restaraunt. No hush hush quiet picnic lunch at her house. You're right I do feel I owe it to my wife to let her know. Like I said before, I have gone out to eat with many other girls before. For the record, my wife has gone out to eat with guys before but we trust each other. I did pull the old Happy Gilmore routine on her. I told here we were going out to lunch as friends and she said yeah as friends you're a married man. The only void that I want filling is the void of meeting someone new and getting to know them. I had about a million questions to ask her but conversation was so smooth and all, that I asked her a fraction of the questions because we would go into so much detail that it took up most of the time. Nothing too personal like her bra size or crap like that. Just mainly about her life where she's originally from and about why she doesn't have a boyfriend/boyfriends and that kind of small talk. There was a little flirtation going on before and after but nothing that I wouldn't do in front of my wife. I will say this, she does have the most beautiful crystal clear blue eyes, that's what attracted me to her. We had great conversation and agreed that we needed to do it again. Also she's not desparately looking for a man that she had to choose a married man. She's a single mom who was engaged to her son's (who is now 8) daddy but she broke it off because he was cheating on her. I promise getting in her pants is the last thing on my mind. Being cool with her and having another friend is what I'm looking for. __________________ ...because there are no facts, there is no truth, just data to be manipulated. I can get you any results you like, what's it worth to you.....

08-13-2004, 04:19 PM	#12 (permalink)
doncalypso TFP Mad Scientist Location: Philadelphia, PA	I don't know how much this will do for you, but it'll definitely knock some sense into you. __________________ Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation Last edited by doncalypso; 08-13-2004 at 04:21 PM..

08-13-2004, 05:11 PM	#14 (permalink)
TM875 Addict Location: Amish-land, PA	Go out to lunch with her. Fuck her if you can / want to. Your married life seems to be rocky, at best, so why are you worried? And besides, if your wife won't find out... __________________ "I've made only one mistake in my life. But I made it over and over and over. That was saying 'yes' when I meant 'no'. Forgive me."

08-13-2004, 06:15 PM	#16 (permalink)
powerclown Junkie Location: Detroit, MI	Here's what you should do: Take a picture of this chippy and show it to your wife. Ask your wife what she thinks about you going out to lunch with her. Whatever she says, do that.

08-13-2004, 08:22 PM	#17 (permalink)
Kalnaur Psycho Location: Portland, Oregon	Drop this girl. Talk to your wife. Fix things. If you have a family, your duty and responsibility is to them before yourself. __________________ PC: Can you help me out here HK? HK-47: I'm 98% percent sure this miniature organic meatbag wants you to help find his fellow miniature organic meatbags. PC: And the other 2 percent? HK-47: The other 2 percent is that he is just looking for trouble and needs to be blasted, but that might be wishful thinking on my part.

08-14-2004, 05:10 AM	#18 (permalink)
Aladdin Sane Degenerate Location: San Marvelous	Forget about crystal blue. Fix things with your wife. __________________ Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

08-14-2004, 07:13 AM	#19 (permalink)
pinkie Helplessly hoping Location: Above the stars	How 'bout, "No."

08-16-2004, 12:03 PM	#23 (permalink)
Carno Junkie	Man I can watch that guy get slugged for hours. __________________ http://how-to-spell-ridiculous.com/

08-16-2004, 07:49 PM	#26 (permalink)
Kazic Psycho Location: Fortress of Solitude	I can only say from experience that, that road is a bad one. Don't go there. if you can honestly say you just want to be friends you wouldn't have brought it up. So you do have an obvious attraction. Keep your distance and rekindle what you have lost with your wife. maybe take her to lunch and maybe spice things up at home. pour the attention you are craving out into your relationship. __________________ "Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989

08-16-2004, 10:30 PM	#27 (permalink)
whocarz Jarhead Location: Colorado	You made the right decision to stop going out to eat with this girl. You are obviously sexually attracted to her, I can tell just by reading what you've written. If you continued, something most likely would have happened. You have an obligation to your three kids to make sure that even the remote possibility of this happening is nil. __________________ If there exists anything mightier than destiny, then it is the courage to face destiny unflinchingly. -Geibel Despise not death, but welcome it, for nature wills it like all else. -Marcus Aurelius Come on, you sons of bitches! Do you want to live forever? -GySgt. Daniel J. "Dan" Daly

08-17-2004, 10:51 AM	#28 (permalink)
bbrown4 Upright	Reach out to your wife. There is something wrong there. Once that issue is settled you'll be able to determine for yourself what to do about the other stuff.

08-17-2004, 01:12 PM	#29 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Things sound all fine and dandy right now. There's one problem that I see. You are taking the time to cultivate a friendship with this girl. That's fine too. BUT cultivating friendship takes time. You will most likely find that you begin putting more and more effort into this new friendship. It may very well be just that all the way - a friendship. The Problem is this - that time and thought (as I think you probably think about this girl and your conversations later as well) that you are putting into this new relationship would be better used to help your marriage. As long as you are EXTREMELY careful not to spend more time in positive thought and effort on this new relationship than you spend on your wife and her marriage then it's ok. The minute you start spending any more positive time and thought on this girl than you do on your wife - you are in trouble. When was the last time you took your wife out to lunch? Just you two. When was the last time you asked her some questions like you asked this girl? Yeah I realize you both know about each other's pasts and likes and dislikes but have you just sat and daydreamed with her? Ask your wife what she'd like to do on her dream vacation or something outlandish. Even if it could never happen it prompts positive conversation. It's a building block to a good relationship. It says our relationship matters MOST to me. With 3 kids it's hard to find the time to have a simple conversation that isn't griping about finances, the house, the kids, or work. Try very hard to focus on something else just once. It's a step in the right direction. Communication works 2 ways. Just because she isn't talking to you doesn't mean you can't talk to her about something new and different. TRY HARD. It will pay off. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

08-17-2004, 01:47 PM	#30 (permalink)
Sargeman Insane Location: Texas	Very good points you have brought out about the thinking of the other girl. I knew that would be a problem initially and no matter how much I try not to think about her I do, but most of it is because I have paper work that her and I have to exchange or because we do the most "business" with the company she works for. I work for the government so we don't have customers per say. Since the lunch thing I've called her twice, including today, and kept it to strict work talk, other than the opening "Hey what are you doing?" type of conversation. That has been as personal as it gets. I will have to see her one time this week as I have to go to her office. I really don't think it will be a problem to go in and out of there without a little flirtation going on. Even if she or I say something playfully I will leave just as soon as I can. Now about my wife. Why don't I take her out to lunch. Simple, she works through lunch. She has a part time job where she works from10-2. On days where she works all day they just pick something up and bring it back to the office to eat it. She works for a local cellular phone company, so they stay pretty busy. The problem is and has always been communication between her and me. She's real quiet and not very outgoing. I'm just the opposite. When something is on my mind I'm going to speak it. She would rather keep things inside of her than to talk to me. Believe it or not that has been what we argue about most. I tell her to talk to me and she just won't. I know when something is bothering her but she won't talk to me. We've been married for almost 14yrs. __________________ ...because there are no facts, there is no truth, just data to be manipulated. I can get you any results you like, what's it worth to you.....