Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Need advice or someone to knock some sense into me.

raeanna74 · 08-17-2004, 01:12 PM

Things sound all fine and dandy right now. There's one problem that I see. You are taking the time to cultivate a friendship with this girl. That's fine too. BUT cultivating friendship takes time. You will most likely find that you begin putting more and more effort into this new friendship. It may very well be just that all the way - a friendship. The Problem is this - that time and thought (as I think you probably think about this girl and your conversations later as well) that you are putting into this new relationship would be better used to help your marriage. As long as you are EXTREMELY careful not to spend more time in positive thought and effort on this new relationship than you spend on your wife and her marriage then it's ok. The minute you start spending any more positive time and thought on this girl than you do on your wife - you are in trouble.

When was the last time you took your wife out to lunch? Just you two. When was the last time you asked her some questions like you asked this girl? Yeah I realize you both know about each other's pasts and likes and dislikes but have you just sat and daydreamed with her? Ask your wife what she'd like to do on her dream vacation or something outlandish. Even if it could never happen it prompts positive conversation. It's a building block to a good relationship. It says our relationship matters MOST to me. With 3 kids it's hard to find the time to have a simple conversation that isn't griping about finances, the house, the kids, or work. Try very hard to focus on something else just once. It's a step in the right direction. Communication works 2 ways. Just because she isn't talking to you doesn't mean you can't talk to her about something new and different. TRY HARD. It will pay off.

08-17-2004, 01:12 PM	#29 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Things sound all fine and dandy right now. There's one problem that I see. You are taking the time to cultivate a friendship with this girl. That's fine too. BUT cultivating friendship takes time. You will most likely find that you begin putting more and more effort into this new friendship. It may very well be just that all the way - a friendship. The Problem is this - that time and thought (as I think you probably think about this girl and your conversations later as well) that you are putting into this new relationship would be better used to help your marriage. As long as you are EXTREMELY careful not to spend more time in positive thought and effort on this new relationship than you spend on your wife and her marriage then it's ok. The minute you start spending any more positive time and thought on this girl than you do on your wife - you are in trouble. When was the last time you took your wife out to lunch? Just you two. When was the last time you asked her some questions like you asked this girl? Yeah I realize you both know about each other's pasts and likes and dislikes but have you just sat and daydreamed with her? Ask your wife what she'd like to do on her dream vacation or something outlandish. Even if it could never happen it prompts positive conversation. It's a building block to a good relationship. It says our relationship matters MOST to me. With 3 kids it's hard to find the time to have a simple conversation that isn't griping about finances, the house, the kids, or work. Try very hard to focus on something else just once. It's a step in the right direction. Communication works 2 ways. Just because she isn't talking to you doesn't mean you can't talk to her about something new and different. TRY HARD. It will pay off. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.