Shauk

I'm so angry right now.

Im going to post everything thats happened between me and my gf in the last 2 days.

I need to know if i'm the one at fault here, or if she is.

I honestly dont understand how she thinks this is my issue...

this is all posted in my livejournal

username "Shauk"

Yeah so I got up at 11ish today, hopped on the puter and did my normal "check email, check LJ, check local party boards, check on websites im hosting to make sure they are still up."
all that took no time so I went and wasted some time in irc, ran into some old people I havent talked to in 5 years or so.

one of which is a girl named "sexkitten"
Its a stupid name but in the word of irc where they are all desensitized to even the grossest things like tubgirl and goatse.cx well, it didnt phase me back then and it still didnt now.

we were talking about piercings cuz I was whining about how I had to take mine out every time I clock in at work, and she wanted to see what I had in my ears.

at this point amanda is awake, sees me talking to someone named "sexkitten" sending her a link to a picture of me with the piercings, and scratching my nards not even conciously.

well this is what you call a situation that is "not what it looks like"

anyways, it was funny regardless, it was cute to see amanda take me so personally,

full post and her comments can be found here

and my newest post on what happened about an hour ago...

here

so I ask, is this hopeless? this has been off and on for the last year and a half. Its getting to the point that if she even cracks wise about me cheating on her I get furious. I hate being accused falsely, I hate having a relationship where I am constantly under a police state. This has to stop and i dont know how.


my thanksgiving is horrible.

la petite moi

Grrrrrr.

Holo

From what you have posted in you LJ I will say this: DUMP HER. You'll never have a good relationship with no level of trust. I wouldn't put up with being kicked out of my bed that I share for anything less than my cock in another girl's orifice, not for chatting and sending a pic.

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empu

From the blog I would say there's fault on both sides. You had several opportunities to deflect and diffuse and you were stubborn and abrasive and this only made the situation worse. Bottom line: the communication between the two of you is terrible, no real effort on either side to take a step back or to get to the feelings underneath the surface.

Shauk

im abrasive for a reason, because diplomacy with her has failed, she refuses to talk about it in a normal fasion and it always quickly escalates to insinuations and believe me, the 1st year of this relationship i did nothing but calmly assure her that everything was ok. she went so far as to snoop through my computer leaving all sorts of opened files in my history along with leaving a trail of installations of spy crap on my computer, then I jumped her about that, she didnt find anything (theres nothing to find) yet she still dod not trust me.

its just one act of distrust after another.

I told her I wasn't going to fight about it it anymore, it was getting old after a year, and that if she couldnt learn to trust me, then she needed to carry herself on elsewhere because I refuse to say "i love you" to a person who doesnt even trust me.

when she says "I love you" it strikes me like a lie in light of all of this.

so yes this continuous battle with no payoff and no trust gained seems so futile.

shes now awake after kicking me out of bed, i've been up this whole time. and she still is not talking to me, and the same from me to her. I dont want to hear anything from her except "im sorry" and "I was wrong"

fact are facts, accusing me of wrong doing is not fair, is not love, and is not understanding, and is not respectful in the least, especially when she can sit there and believe in her own lies.

bah.

empu

Yeah, I hear you. It sounds like she has some pretty deep insecurities and you've passed your patience limit trying to help her through it. As a result you're now in a pretty bad place.

I hope in the short term you can rise above the anger (easy for me to say) but in the long term it does sound like this relationship is not a healthy thing.

jay-g

It just sounds like she cares for you alot. She just doesnt want to lose you. You should just comfort her and reassure her on how you feel about her. Tell her to be comfortable in her position with you and not be so insecure. Also mention that if anything was to happen, that you wouldnt string her along and tell her the truth.

tommy thompson

Well dude, sounds like my Ex-Wife. If she is *that* angry about something simple such as this, either she herself is guilty of cheating in the past, or has seriously thought about it recently. If she refuses to listen, or understand, I say just forget it. If you guys have been off and on for a year, call it off. Love should not mean being subjective to beatings. Next time she does this, call the cops man. The cops may give you a funny look, but I did nothing, and my Ex-Wife (at the time) ended up chasing me around with a steak knife for not emptying the dishwasher. Her behavior was strikingly similar to what is happening to you. After the divorce, I really found out what had been going on. In hind sight, I should have called the cops, would have put me in a better place currently. My new wife is NOTHING like my Ex, in any way. My relastionship is a cake-walk in comparison. Sure we have disagreements, but they are civil. I say if you are gonna stay with her, talk to her about her anger problem,if she attacks again, call the cops man. If you talk to her about her anger problem, and she acts the same or starts the abuse again, call the cops and DITCH HER. Love is love, actions show it, words are meaningless.

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feelgood

Dude, you just pretty much answered everybody's questions about what is a bad relationship in your second post.

A: She doesn't trust you
B: She's paranoid
C: She ignores what you try to say and attempts to clam her down

Personally, that's a really really bad combination for a relationship. It's probably one of those times of the month but who knows, women are just out to get us ya know?

I know you've been living with her for a year (From what I read) I didn't read anything abour how long you've been together but it kinda seem vain if you and your gf were to break up, especially after a long meaningful relationship. I would suggest that you try counselling. She really really really needs to stop, take a deep breath and clam down and then when she's ready, then you guys should have a serious talk and try to figure out how this started, why it started that way and how it could be resolved.

I can see how things get out of control from your point of view but you should try seeing things from her perspective. What she may have saw is you sending a picture of yourself to another woman online and that can be blown out of portion and she may think that you're seeing somebody else and you're trying to cover your ass and "get your online friends to gang up on me". I know this kind of situation all too well.

My point is, you both need to clam down, take a breather and talk. That's all it may take to save your relationship.

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rainheart

My prediction:
You're going to break up with her and at some point she'll come running back to you...

And if you wanna know what happens after that call up Ms. Cleo.

emphant

I've never understood the concept of getting kicked out of bed. What happens if you refuse to leave? You pay rent too, don't you?

Shauk

i just got up and played FFXI all day, no turkey, just FFXI :P

screw it, she's being civil today though, I dunno, nothing is resolved though.

Johnny Rotten

Her actions seem fueled by a guilty conscience, either through past infidelities or consideration of future ones. Or maybe she was burned really badly by her last boyfriend. Either way, she has self-destructive trust issues.

I don't recommend talking, because it sounds like you've already talked her ear off trying to convince her of your decency. I don't recommend counseling, because you've only been together for a couple years and marriage doesn't sound like a factor.

Shauk, I don't think she wants to trust you, judging by how quickly and heavily she jumped on the slightest twinge of wierdness. Whatever you decide to do, don't, don't let her get a rise out of you. She wants you to feel the distress she feels, as payback for the misdeeds she is rather pathologically convinced you committed. Just calmly walk away from this one. This event is a symptom of a problem of hers that is not worth trying to fix, IMO.

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OFKU0

If people aren't mature enough to be in a relationship without acting like they are little children, they shoudn't be in one.

Drop the broad. The longer it lasts the longer you are to blame for not taking control of your life while letting others push your buttons.

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chrisg299

Ack, get a new chick bro. No need for you to have to put up with ish like that 24/7. Relationships are supposed to be fun not something you wake up every morning and think 'awh shit....i hope we don't fight again today :-O' type of thing. good luck to ya anyway.

analog

Dump her stupid distrustful ass. Anyone <b>that</b> paranoid has a guilty conscience somewhere in their present or past, and love cannot coexist with distrust.

I hope you don't have any kids or anything, because what relationship you have with her is going nowhere.

Move on.

suviko

I don't agree that she is thinking of being infidel or that she would have been. She might just be plain insecure personality as it seems? But I agree thaat it will take huge amounts of time and effort and the effort must start from herself to change and trust you. The thing with paranoia is that the accused can do nothing to help it. If you act differently cos she's accusing you, she's intepreting that as some sort of telling signal.

rogue49

When there is no trust, there is no trust.
For whatever reason.

I wish other's would try to place a reason or motive behind it,
because they could be totally wrong.

However, you do have to deal with the environment created because of it...
Do you really want to live your life in a soap opera?
Is this just something that comes up periodically or is it continual?
Has there been history before this that justifies her mistrust?

There's too many background missing in the story for me to be able say anything.
But only YOU can determine what is exceptable or not.
Only YOU can determine what is to be in your life or not. (with or without her)

raeanna74

I have encountered a ver similar situation with hubby. He has apologized for what it looked like and been willing to compromise to help me trust him more. Also I have been more calm in communicating my concerns. Neither one of you have handled this in a mature way. In my opinion you both need to walk away from the relationship and don't look back.

From reading your posts my instinct tells me you're the one at fault. I can't honestly say that though because I don't know the whole background. All I can say is that your posts sound rude, harsh, and unforgiving. When you have that kind of attitude most people will be unwilling to give in and apologize. You complicate matters not help them with a strident attitude. Personally I find your attitude very irritating. I don't doubt that she does too.

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bermuDa

she's grasping at straws.

she seems desparate to catch you doing something you shouldn't. my sister does this (but not to the same degree). She needs to realize that her greatest fears (other girls) aren't going to be the reason she loses you, it's her obsessive behavior.

if she can't admit she's wrong and start trusting you, then it shouldn't last much longer i'm afraid

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tritium

"Baby, it was good, but I think you know where the door is."

Buh-Bye Bitch... dump her.

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hu-man

You had a fight on a message board? And you live together?

Shauk

yeah cuz talking wasnt workin.

I wrote my entry and she waited till i was at work to attack.

then when i got back, she was at work.

then when she got back, I was asleep, then kicked out of bed.


anyways. she actually apoligized, I told her I'm done though, I wont take to the false accusations, I said to her that if shes willing to risk constantly damaging our relationship over fears and not facts then its not going to work and that I would leave because I refuse to pretend to be in an understanding relationship when its not being as such.

we on good terms right now, but since this has been ongoing. only time will tell if she sticks to the rules this time.

Bloodslick

Jesus God. Is your girlfriend like, the hottest woman on Earth or something? Are you going out with Paris Hilton and want the money and the sex? I know you've put a lot of time into this, but you put six years into elementary school, too, and I doubt you keep up with all of your buddies and teachers. Just end it. Cut it off with a sharp, sharp blade and leave it squirming in the dirt.

vveronica

Well from a girls view.. a lot of girlfriend i know are really hypersensative to internet sexual relationships... They really have a tough time with all the press about guys leaving for a cyber love...

If you want to keep the relationship disconnect the internet for a while.

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Averett

Wow.... If you guys can't talk this through and come to some sort of understanding I dont see how you can have a good relationship.

Seems messy to me....

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