im abrasive for a reason, because diplomacy with her has failed, she refuses to talk about it in a normal fasion and it always quickly escalates to insinuations and believe me, the 1st year of this relationship i did nothing but calmly assure her that everything was ok. she went so far as to snoop through my computer leaving all sorts of opened files in my history along with leaving a trail of installations of spy crap on my computer, then I jumped her about that, she didnt find anything (theres nothing to find) yet she still dod not trust me.
its just one act of distrust after another.
I told her I wasn't going to fight about it it anymore, it was getting old after a year, and that if she couldnt learn to trust me, then she needed to carry herself on elsewhere because I refuse to say "i love you" to a person who doesnt even trust me.
when she says "I love you" it strikes me like a lie in light of all of this.
so yes this continuous battle with no payoff and no trust gained seems so futile.
shes now awake after kicking me out of bed, i've been up this whole time. and she still is not talking to me, and the same from me to her. I dont want to hear anything from her except "im sorry" and "I was wrong"
fact are facts, accusing me of wrong doing is not fair, is not love, and is not understanding, and is not respectful in the least, especially when she can sit there and believe in her own lies.
bah.
|