Halx

One thing that I can probably say for everyone in the world is that they've read a book, seen a movie, watched a show or listened to a song about some fabulous love story. Unmatched devotion and ultimate longing. Maybe it was some Disney animation. Maybe it was a Danielle Steel novel. Maybe it was a Bette Midler weeper. Maybe it was that really early John Cusack flick. The feeling that it probably left you with was that you really wanted to have the same emotions that those fake people in that work of fiction did. Amazing blissful splendor.

Now here's the problem. You turn to this real world that you actually live in and you hold every relationship you have to this fabricated ideal. Why can't I ever meet a guy like Richard Gere? Where's MY Meg Ryan? And all of the normal people with a real set of dimensions are standing there, watching you be discontent that you can't find this storybook ending to your exasperated search.

Ok, maybe the second paragraph doesn't apply to everyone, but I'm sure you can relate it with someone you know or the way you used to feel at some point.

My point is that our access to fiction en masse is shaping the expectations of people to have a certain kind of relationship - one that they've seen happen and liked how it turned out. The problem is that the perfectly matching pieces to the puzzle don't really exist. In the real world, you sometimes have to fit those pieces together by mashing them a few times and bending corners. There are always gaps and frayed edges, and then we take those with us to the next relationship.

I feel its unfair to have this fairy tale image in your head when you head out to look for your partner. I couldn't ask for a more effective way to make others feel inadequate while remaining unhappy yourself.

Do you have any experiences with this mentality?

__________________
You have found this post informative.
-The Administrator
[Don't Feed The Animals]

MSD

I used to insist on perfection with dealbreakers around every corner. That got me nowhere. I'm a lot happier accepting people for who they are and not trying to find a version of me without the Y chromosome. When everything is laid out in front of me ahead of time (in an online dating profile,) I nitpick about everything and don't tolerate imperfection. That's why my attempt at online dating lasted about three months, not contacting anyone and declining everyone who contacted me. Knowing someone's personality before you find out everything about them can turn potential dealbreakers into minor things.

StellaLuna

I thought I had that, actually. My first marriage was full of those ideas-- we met online, we could "communicate", blahblahblah, we'd grow old together blahblahblah isn't life grand. We got engaged after meeting ONCE. How romantic! I lost my virginity to him... how sweet. He moved away from home and everyone he knew to be with me, because I asked it of him. To an eighteen year old girl living firmly in the concept of "ideal romantic love", this was perfection itself. Then he turned into a real person who left his underwear on the floor and dishes in the sink, who told me I was stupid, and who tried to live up to that ideal and just couldn't do it. He was a real person, living in the real world, and when I got that he was just trying to be what he thought I wanted, I saw that I didn't want that...

Now, I've got two real people. They're not perfect. I don't want them to be perfect. There's no room to grow in a fairy tale. Cinderella stays perfectly charming, the Prince is Mr. Chivalry. There's no room in the fairy tale ideal for a crying fit at 2 AM because my self-esteem hit a wall, or for me to sit around in my pajamas miserable and sick for two straight days. There's nowhere to go from "blissful splendor". You don't ever realize what amazing love looks like when you're waiting on someone to sweep you away. I'm so grateful to have what I have right now-- I'm not looking for a fairy tale character and there's nobody looking for perfection from me. I brought my own crazy with me into this relationship and it's accepted as part of who I am; I have found places where those gaps and bumps have smoothed away, and places where I still need to deal with my mess, but I'm safe in knowing that there are two other people doing the same thing.

Damn, I really am a lucky kid. Thanks, Hal, for asking the question. My little Martian death-flu addled brain enjoyed that.

__________________
Screw tradition!

Cynthetiq

all the fairy tales end with "And they lived happily ever after...."

bunch of horseshit IMO.

The fairy tale is no more a lie than the rest of the lies of get a study hard, get good grades, good grades will get you a good education, a good education will get you a good job, a good job will get you a good lifestyle...

but one has to have some hope, some faith in something greater. Otherwise, we'd all just be cynics sitting around chiding and bemoaning everything.

I had that for the girl of my dreams.... and that all crumbled. I kept up the standard for those that followed and they couldn't compare to the One. It was stupid.

I left it all by the wayside just so that I could just let things occur naturally and organically.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

little_tippler

I used to have the fairy tale love idea in my head a lot more than I do now. You live and learn I guess. Experience is a good thing and it shows you how reality can be so much more than those fictional accounts that only last a couple of hours on a screen.

I never actually believed there was one perfect person for me out there. Just someone who I'd like a lot, and not be having too many doubts about spending my time with. Sounds practical I know, but then I am. From seeing my parents, I know how hard it is for two people to share their lives constantly.

But then I also have a silly romantic side. Sometimes I really want a few fairy tale components. Because that keeps the rational, compromise side of things, worthwhile. Little surprises, or gestures. It doesn't have to be grand. It just has to be heart-felt, and thoughtful.

I think something in-between is the key. With a little bit of practical, I accept you as you are attitude, and a few let's be crazy in love moments, it should work out fine. The important thing is to stay excited about your relationship.

I have had the experience where I was very happy with someone but they were permanently dissatisfied with me, physically and otherwise. I think in that case it didn't work out because his expectations were highly unrealistic.

I am always careful of not going down that path myself and keeping things grounded in reality. On that note, I have to say that I am finding it increasingly harder to envision ever finding someone I'd like to share most areas of my life with. Because of me, and because of them.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

cadre

I think my belief that love is a fairy tale died when I was about 15. I don't walk around looking for true love or any of that bs, I don't believe it exists but every once in a while I meet someone that makes me question that. I live my life, I meet people and I stay open to possibilities. If we all lived in a perfect world I think I would die of boredom.

__________________
My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

lotsofmagnets

i love how almost everyone has said they believed until a certain point, but are now worldly and think of it as untrue. it seems a right of passage that you believe in true love, then somehow the world screws you over and now you´re busy screwing it back. so my last g/f turned out to be, well, stupid. so the last girl i slept with turned out to have issues. lots of them. is this my progression into the "real world"? unfortunately i was able to watch the "fairy tale love" happen between my own parents. my dad has hit my mum on occasion (many years ago now) and my mum has jumped on the high horse on occasions that she shouldn´t have. you know what? who cares? when i travelled with my dad the last time he spoke to my mum on the phone like they were teenagers in love for the 1st time - more than 30 years after they married. so yeah, they fairy tale does exist. people fail to see the perfection in each person and only end up looking at the flaws and in the end it´s "holier than thou" syndrome. i´m guilty of it myself but i live in hope rather than give up and fuck everything that moves since i have the right to and can use the fact that i´m not ugly to "gain appreciation". i can see this as nothing but shallow. this coming from an atheist ps for what it´s worth i find both msd´s and stella´s words quite agreeable.

__________________
mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

snowy

I've read a lot of romance novels; not all of them trade in the fairy tale myth you propose in the OP. They do trade in archetypes, though, and some authors favor particular archetypes over others. A couple of my favorite authors, using a feisty heroine, often arrive at the conclusion that real romantic love is not a bed of roses, but rather comes with a lot of hard work and occasional disagreement (of course this occasional disagreement comes with hot sex afterwards). The hero in the novel may or may not be overtly masculine; rather, it may be that both characters just have a great deal of backbone. Often the hero or heroine has already survived what you would call the "fairy tale myth of love" and is therefore wary of further romantic entanglement.

I never believed in that myth. I knew it was a myth. Instead, I've always wanted to have what my parents have, which is a loving, functional relationship. They squabble a lot, but so do my SO and I, and it works for us. It's not perfect. He's not perfect. But he doesn't have to be in order to make it work for both of us, and vice-versa.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

jewels

I think we buy into it as long as we hold on to the expectation of perfection in ourselves. At least it was this way for me. Not until I realized it was okay if I wasn't perfect, I began to realize I couldn't expect it from others or in relationships.

But if happily ever after means two people care enough about each other to continue on a journey together, are willing to work on ways to deal with and overlook the flaws and issues, and work constantly at keeping things fresh, then I do believe in it. Doesn't mean that you're always happy, though. Remember, it's the reader's take on "Happily ever after" that allows them to believe those words mean that everything was always rosy.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

lostgirl

Some wise words from wise people. I agree with what most everyone has to say, especially Snowy and Jewels.

I am very happy in the relationship I am in now. It's not perfect, we have our ups and downs, but that is the way life is. I have never been so head over heels for someone in my life. It just feels so right, it is the closest I can get to a fairy tale romance.

abaya

Sounds a lot like what many women say about porn... insert "porn" (or other sexually stimulating ideal) instead of "fairy tale," and it fits pretty well. When it comes to porn, people can either hold to beliefs that "this is what I want, this is hot, this is sexy" or they can face the reality that they are not going to get their ideal, so what kind of sexual reality will they be okay with?

Same thing goes for fairy tales. I agree heartily with what Snowy and Jewels said... some people will *only* see the fairy tale, the prince charming, the white horse, etc... and those people will be sorely disappointed (usually they're teenagers, in my experience). But I think the vast majority of mature adults know that they aren't going to get that fairy tale every day, just like they aren't going to have hot porn sex every night. We learn to recognize a relational reality that we can be okay with, and that makes us happy, truly happy.

In both situations, both people have to realize that they are never going to find perfection, in others or in themselves, physically or emotionally, and they have to come down to ground level and sort out what it is they really NEED to be happy on a day-to-day basis... and what they can provide on their own, without needing that from another person.

For myself, I know that our marriage is far from perfect. Our flaws are in each other's faces every day. But when we get home from work, after being in virtual touch all day, the first place we go is to each other's arms and lips, and we really are happy to see and be with that person, wwe are happy with that choice we made to be together, regardless of how imperfect we each are. It's not a Disney princess fairy tale, but it's our beautiful marriage, and it feels pretty darn special even after these years together with the same person, day in and day out. We work hard every day to make our home a place of joy--this was even a part of our wedding vows.

And yes, most of the time, this is the kind of "fairy tale" that ktsp and I DO want, and it IS possible... it's not some ephemeral dream to be crushed. We live it. There is no need to be cynical about what is real.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

curiousbear

I never read any such fairy tale as a kid or teenager! But I developed a passion for love even before reading anything. I had this amazing crush for a series of girls whom I loved, trusted, respected and valued. It happened at 8 years, 10 years, 13 years, none during 15 to 21, again at 21 and at 25. Every switch was due to separation due to distance, relocation, etc. I value all of them even today. But I was very sure that is NOT marriage or lifelong love. But I am sure I was searching something in them. And I still meet some of them and they still like me. One of my friend said it happened to me because I dint have a sister.

But my craving is answered. My wife loves me so much I just cant stand it sometimes

But in reality, I have changed so much, I dont do justice by cherishing her presence in my life. It is very sad but honestly that is the truth.

Anormalguy

Life has a way of diminishing fairy tale expectations.

__________________
In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow

digme

We all want the ideal. But who can deliver? Is the grass always greener?

little_tippler

Hey, Hal. I just realized - where's your experience with this? Hmmm? *taps foot*

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

ShaniFaye

"Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you"

I have to be the dissenting voice, I grew up on fairy tales and romance novels and never thought it would happen to me and at age 35 it did, 5 years later, its still true....will it be over one day? who knows, but Im certainly not going to worry about it, I'd rather spend my time and energy enjoying my prince in the here and now

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Charlatan

I just don't believe in fairy tales... the one thing I know if that relationships take a lot of work... romantic relationships doubly so.

Sure a meeting can be "magical" and "sparks can fly" but in the end there is still the mundane parts of life that come into play. Money. Sex. Paying the bills. Cleaning the house. Working late hours. Remembering birthdays. Everything.

I think my wife and I have a very strong marriage. We have been together for 20 years and married for 10 with two cool kids. But I can tell you, as much as I am in love with her today there have been many (many!!) days were there was stress and frustration to be managed.

We work well together... physically, mentally, emotionally.

There is nothing magical about it. It just takes good communication. The ability to empathize and compromise.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Lucifer

You forgot the funky bathroom smells coming from someone you love! Nothing like a good old fashioned fart to put the kibosh on "romantic love!"

__________________
I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.
- Job 30:29

1123, 6536, 5321

abaya

Yes, on everything you said. We are two human beings--there is bound to be conflict and disagreement--but at our core, the "real" fairy tale part of it is that we continue to make it work and find happiness in each other. Even during those times of stress/frustration, we always know that it's temporary, and that we'll go back to our usual equilibrium once we communicate and find an answer that suits both of us (that whole compromise thing).

Compared to my parents' hellish relationship, which was as far from a fairy tale as you can imagine (a complete nightmare, really)... yes, I do feel like what we have is pretty damn cool. Not all couples have ready access to communication, empathy, and compromise skills... so to me, it does feel a bit "magical" when we make it work consistently, on a day-to-day basis, over a period of years.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

thespian86

Yes ma'am. Agreed.

Riddled with a couple of breakups, sexual dry patches, and fights about her parents we are still going. Even after the last rocky patch I love her more then anything. It's work but not dysfunctional.

It's love.

__________________
EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

Jinn

Fairy tale ideas can be fairly tempted by a good parental relationship. Sure I was into the idea of a fairy tale life, but I also had parents in a loving stable relationship for the 18 years I was at home and more than 30 years now. I knew that if fairy tale love never came true, real love like my parents had could always be something to fall back on.

The problem, however, is that so many people are growing up in fatherless (or motherless) homes, homes rocked by divorce or abuse, or just a destructive relationship between mother and father.

Nothing destroys your chance for a healthy relationship more than watching a terrible one play out over an entire childhood. It certainly conveys more meaning than a few silly movies ever will.

Parental relationships cause more than just relationship problems for their children, too. Check out the statistics for boys raised in homes without a steady father figure if you get a chance. They're stunning.

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Meditrina

I don't know that I hold my relationship up against any "fairy tale" type of love. The problem I deal with is the "grass is greener on the other side" comparison. While I know this is not fair to my SO, I can't help but feel jealous when I see the neighbor's SO, who works 2 jobs, playing with his children outside and taking care of the yard.

__________________
"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

Willravel

"Happily ever after" really isn't explored in many fairy tales, which always led me to believe that it was just time for the movie to end. Even as a boy, I don't recall thinking that the budding relationship in the course of the story was necessarily going to continue on. I just figured that was the story and nothing that happened after was worth telling.

Because I don't think I ever developed an understanding of love and relationships based on some sort of "meet, kill a dragon, fall in love, happily ever after" formula, it wasn't there to apply to later relationships. Frank conversation with family and peers helped me understand relationships, as well as experience.

BTW, I know it's off topic, but I didn't know Bambi was male until after his mother died. Is anyone else in this boat or am I all alone on this one?

abaya

Tempered, right?Very often true--but that doesn't mean that people who grew up in sucky situations will all have sucky relationships themselves, especially if they get their asses into therapy to sort out their unknown dysfunctionalities after screwing up too many relationships (which is what I had to do). I think it also helped me a great deal when I finally started picking stable people to date--well, ktspktsp, namely!--and quit looking for other dysfunctional people who only added to my insanity.

I am absolutely sure that my husband's rock-solid parental model (still married and always faithful to each other, 30+ years now) has a LOT to do with our own marital stability, because frankly... if it depended on my notion of stability, we would have been long over by now. It takes a dysfunctionally-raised person a long time to let go of the need for drama, and to realize that stability is fulfilling and healthy (again, therapy helps to rearrange the brain order here).
I don't know, I think it's plenty fair to your SO. He doesn't do his share... and thus your feelings are normal and natural, given your situation. It's not fair to YOU, if you ask me, that he doesn't help fulfill his part with the household and family. If you guys do get into therapy, I personally think it would be very fair to bring up this very statement in front of him, so that he knows exactly how you feel. Otherwise, why would he see a need to change his behavior, if he's benefitting from the situation? (He doesn't have to do as much work--bonus for him, to keep up status quo.) That's extremely unfair to you, in my biased opinion.
So you guys are back together? Wha-happen?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Tully Mars

Jealously is one of the feelings I'm uneasy with. So I'm not sure I'd feel jealous. I know for 10, maybe 15 years, I worked two jobs and came home to cook dinner while my SO worked half time and spent the other "half time" either watching TV or sleeping in a darken room. Personally it made me sad and unhappy. I try to keep my feelings focused on my life, not the life I see my friends and neighbors living. IMHO, If you spend energy thinking others have it better then you you're just setting yourself up to be unhappy.

__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

jewels

LMAO You're breaking my heart, will.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

ngdawg

Maybe it's coincidence, but my favorite fairy tale didn't have a happy ending, it had a very sad one.
The protagonist is on a beach and a beautiful mermaid beckons him. He immediately falls for her and goes into the ocean, assured by her that nothing will happen to him as long as they are together in the sea. She hands him a box,saying to never open it, but he must own it nevertheless.
After a while, he gets lonely for his home and family and she agrees to let him go back for a short time. He goes back to find no one he knew, his home gone....
Depressed, he sits on the shore and, finding the little box in a pocket, opens it.
A whirl of ghostly dust rises and as it does, he grows instantly older and older, dies and turns to dust....


So no, I never thought of happy endings.....

Jinn

Even taking apart the admitted bias of the site I took this from (a pro-custody site for fathers) and the slight threadjack, I have to believe that juveniles raised in these situations are also very unlikely to have healthy ideas of "love" or stable relationships. The only successful 'relationships' they've seen are likely the fairy-tale love stories of their childhood, not their own personal experience.

These are the ones truly in danger of being mislead by the belief that love is a fairy tale, free from responsibility and hard work.

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

abaya

Right, but what did you do as a result? Did the situation improve, or did something change? (I take it that since you're currently living in Mexico, something changed.)

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Tully Mars

Yes, something changed. Overtime I realized (learned?) you're responsible for your own happiness. Ones happiness can not be controlled by others regardless of effort.

__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

abaya

That's what I figured. Going on from that point... for me, if something makes me unhappy, I either: 1) Chalk it up to my unrealistic expectations (and after that, learn to make myself happier with the situation at hand), or 2) See that there are real reasons for my unhappiness, and then actively change the situation or get myself out of the situation altogether, in order to find my own happiness. Either way, it's my responsibility.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Vigilante

I never found myself in the fairy tale mentality, but our marriage is what most of our friends call a fairy tale marriage. Go figure... I knew there was a girl out there right for me, and she knew there was a guy out there right for her. It was never spoken, but it happened anyways. It was never really a conscious thought.

__________________
We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-Winston Churchill

Jinn

Statistically, there are probably a half dozen in your geographic area 'right for you', and those odds only increase if you're in the majority (white, Christian, etc..)

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Vigilante

I know that, but it's deeper than that and hard to explain. I'm an odd case, and that may be something you don't pick up from me on the web. I spent 4 years in an orphanage (met her while I was there), was on the way to trial (looking at 2 to 20 inside if the judge felt it was necessary), was about to drop out with my GED already finished and at a dead end job, was treated as a near psychopath at the orphanage, spent lots of time either fighting, close to fighting, or beating people down that I lived with when they went to bed, or making booby traps and other creative mischief for the staff to stumble into, and stealing food, beer and smokes from the local drive-ins. My off time I spent in the woods living off the land. Basically, I was going nowhere fast, and many people felt I was a hopeless case and had very little idea what was going on in my head. My medical records from there reflect that when they say in bold: DO NOT ARGUE WITH HIM, DO NOT BOX HIM IN A CORNER!. I found that to be quite humorous.

Anyways, it took her mom to actually say "come live with us" and then tell me if I was going to date her daughter I had to go to school and graduate. I brought all my grades up and did nearly anything I wanted as long as my grades held up (orphanage kept us under lock and key, big difference) and when I got suspended for one day, I nearly got kicked out of the house. That was the end of suspensions for me. Wife and I lived in separate rooms, and believe it or not, when we did get married, we both lost our virginity to each other. Her mom is now my mom, since I wasn't raised my my mother, but rather my drunk and violently abusive grandfather. She saved my life and my wife gave me a reason to pull myself out of the hole I was in. I honestly would be either dead or in prison if I hadn't met her and her parents. They were even at the courthouse before I lived with them, which is where I was told I could live with them if they would sign for my bond. So from there her mom showed me what it means to have a mother, and her dad showed me how to be a man instead of an angry teenager with a death wish.

So to say that there are several "right for me" might be possible in the genetic/biological sense, and even in the cultural sense, but none of them could have helped me this way, and half of them would have probably been a party to my crimes if I had dated them.

So when looking at this, you are looking at her and her parents, because they'd played much much more of a role than normal. Do you still believe the statistic?

__________________
We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-Winston Churchill

Hyacinthe

I was actually never exposed to those fairy tales until I got to school and we started reading them in class - out of school I was always given fairytales like the one ngdawg describes

For example these are some of the fairy tales I grew up with

The Little Mermaid
Echo & Narcissus
The Happy Prince

So I never really had the whole idea of story book romance, even when I was exposed to it it was followed quickly by my mother and aunt making comments along the lines of

"Watch out for that Prince on the white stallion who's going to come charging into your living room cause before you know it he'll be asking for dinner, wanting his boots shined and the horse will have cr*pped on the rug"

__________________
"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

Zeraph

OP, hell yes. It seems like every girl I meet these days has this ridiculous fairy tale image stuck in her head. It's really frustrating. In fact I'm going through something similar as we speak.

For the last 10 minutes I tried writing about my current experience but couldn't get it out coherently. Another time.

curiousbear

Your case is an exceptional brother. It proves that Miracles DO HAPPEN. Hatsoff to your (her) Mom and Dad.
But Statistics reflect more of normal instances ...

anti fishstick

the root of this is expectation, that is so damaging. this also goes along with people in porn, or the ideal image of beauty (often photoshopped), to find the "perfect" attractive mate. Does porn dictate your view of sex, positions, that you need to shave, etc? It is all similar. Girls also tend to have that fairytale wedding in their minds, and socialized to strive for this... Think of all those TLC shows about weddings, Buff Brides, Bridezilla... or whatever. This socializes us for the image-valued wedding. I often think we focus more on the wedding than the relationship itself. No wonder there is so many people divorced.. It is sometimes hard to get out of the fairytale or idealized mentality since it's culturally all around us. If you live by this, you may end up putting your partner on a pedestal...

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin