StellaLuna

I thought I had that, actually. My first marriage was full of those ideas-- we met online, we could "communicate", blahblahblah, we'd grow old together blahblahblah isn't life grand. We got engaged after meeting ONCE. How romantic! I lost my virginity to him... how sweet. He moved away from home and everyone he knew to be with me, because I asked it of him. To an eighteen year old girl living firmly in the concept of "ideal romantic love", this was perfection itself. Then he turned into a real person who left his underwear on the floor and dishes in the sink, who told me I was stupid, and who tried to live up to that ideal and just couldn't do it. He was a real person, living in the real world, and when I got that he was just trying to be what he thought I wanted, I saw that I didn't want that...

Now, I've got two real people. They're not perfect. I don't want them to be perfect. There's no room to grow in a fairy tale. Cinderella stays perfectly charming, the Prince is Mr. Chivalry. There's no room in the fairy tale ideal for a crying fit at 2 AM because my self-esteem hit a wall, or for me to sit around in my pajamas miserable and sick for two straight days. There's nowhere to go from "blissful splendor". You don't ever realize what amazing love looks like when you're waiting on someone to sweep you away. I'm so grateful to have what I have right now-- I'm not looking for a fairy tale character and there's nobody looking for perfection from me. I brought my own crazy with me into this relationship and it's accepted as part of who I am; I have found places where those gaps and bumps have smoothed away, and places where I still need to deal with my mess, but I'm safe in knowing that there are two other people doing the same thing.

Damn, I really am a lucky kid. Thanks, Hal, for asking the question. My little Martian death-flu addled brain enjoyed that.

__________________
Screw tradition!