abaya

Tempered, right?Very often true--but that doesn't mean that people who grew up in sucky situations will all have sucky relationships themselves, especially if they get their asses into therapy to sort out their unknown dysfunctionalities after screwing up too many relationships (which is what I had to do). I think it also helped me a great deal when I finally started picking stable people to date--well, ktspktsp, namely!--and quit looking for other dysfunctional people who only added to my insanity.

I am absolutely sure that my husband's rock-solid parental model (still married and always faithful to each other, 30+ years now) has a LOT to do with our own marital stability, because frankly... if it depended on my notion of stability, we would have been long over by now. It takes a dysfunctionally-raised person a long time to let go of the need for drama, and to realize that stability is fulfilling and healthy (again, therapy helps to rearrange the brain order here).
I don't know, I think it's plenty fair to your SO. He doesn't do his share... and thus your feelings are normal and natural, given your situation. It's not fair to YOU, if you ask me, that he doesn't help fulfill his part with the household and family. If you guys do get into therapy, I personally think it would be very fair to bring up this very statement in front of him, so that he knows exactly how you feel. Otherwise, why would he see a need to change his behavior, if he's benefitting from the situation? (He doesn't have to do as much work--bonus for him, to keep up status quo.) That's extremely unfair to you, in my biased opinion.
So you guys are back together? Wha-happen?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran