Quote:
Originally Posted by Halx
I feel its unfair to have this fairy tale image in your head when you head out to look for your partner. I couldn't ask for a more effective way to make others feel inadequate while remaining unhappy yourself.
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Sounds a lot like what many women say about porn... insert "porn" (or other sexually stimulating ideal) instead of "fairy tale," and it fits pretty well. When it comes to porn, people can either hold to beliefs that "this is what I want, this is hot, this is sexy" or they can face the reality that they are not going to get their ideal, so what kind of sexual reality will they be okay with?
Same thing goes for fairy tales. I agree heartily with what Snowy and Jewels said... some people will *only* see the fairy tale, the prince charming, the white horse, etc... and those people will be sorely disappointed (usually they're teenagers, in my experience). But I think the vast majority of mature adults know that they aren't going to get that fairy tale every day, just like they aren't going to have hot porn sex every night. We learn to recognize a relational reality that we can be okay with, and that makes us happy, truly happy.
In both situations, both people have to realize that they are never going to find perfection, in others or in themselves, physically or emotionally, and they have to come down to ground level and sort out what it is they really NEED to be happy on a day-to-day basis... and what they can provide on their own, without needing that from another person.
For myself, I know that our marriage is far from perfect. Our flaws are in each other's faces every day. But when we get home from work, after being in virtual touch all day, the first place we go is to each other's arms and lips, and we really are happy to see and be with that person, wwe are happy with that choice we made to be together, regardless of how imperfect we each are. It's not a Disney princess fairy tale, but it's our beautiful marriage, and it feels pretty darn special even after these years together with the same person, day in and day out. We work hard every day to make our home a place of joy--this was even a part of our wedding vows.
And yes, most of the time, this is the kind of "fairy tale" that ktsp and I DO want, and it IS possible... it's not some ephemeral dream to be crushed. We live it. There is no need to be cynical about what is real.