Yet Another I just Broke Up Thread - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

MechCow · 09-06-2007, 11:08 PM

I'm a 23 year old male. Don't really expect you to care about this story (this is not a boo-hoo thread) but maybe we can both learn from talking about this rather weird experience I had with this girl.

So I was dating this reasonably hot girl who we can call Shelly, just turned 20 and studying graphic design. I loved her a lot, and she loved me. It wasn't a omg you are my soulmate my entire world has turned around since meeting you love - it was a comfortable kind of jigsaw pieces love where we just kind of "fit" together. Neither of us actually made moves on each other initially, which is very unusual for me I like to be the aggressor at first.

There was a guy we'll call Brad who was clearly totally infatuated with her from class but to be honest I didn't think too much about it. He was sort of such a dork and she told me how he had sat her down and told her how much her liked her - I guess I totally shrugged that off because well I thought she was happy with me she had told me that many times. At the time she said no I don't want to be with you I want to be with Joel I love him.

Before I went away snowboarding she was behaving kind of weird but I didn't think much of it because she was an erratic person at the best of times. We had a very uncharacteristic conversation about "Do you want to be with me?" which was uncharacteristic because it is very unlike her to bring up serious issues and there was absolutely no context. I said I love her and loved being around her. She said I was smart, funny and cute which at the time I thought meant yes I want to be with you but in hindsight I think meant you are everything I thought I wanted but I'm not really happy.

Came back from snowboarding and I was very upset with her because I had sent her texts saying that I was missing her and really got no love back. Also I had been heavily abusing coffee and alcohol for the weekend and was falling apart a bit. Had a tense conversation on the phone and she said she was going to drop around the next day.

She came around and told me she was no longer in love with me and wanted either a break or to split up. Totally out of left field for me.

Anyway on Friday of that week I sent her a text saying I wanted to meet up with her. She was very reluctant but I was insistent that it was necessary and she eventually agreed to give me an hour.

We met up and basically I told her I hadn't been paying enough attention to her, had been extremely busy with work and had been putting other priorities ahead of her. I told her I was very sorry, she said she forgave me. We had a great night together playing pool and video games in this dingy bar then headed back to my place.

At my place we kinda hung out drinking a little more and just chatting. Eventually kissing followed and she said she was going to stay the night. I didn't push sex because I knew she was still deciding upon her feelings and I didn't want to think that I brought her back to fuck her. Just as we are going to sleep around midnight she suddenly rushes to the edge of my bed and bursts into tears. I get up to comfort her aware something is majorly wrong but really having no idea what it is. After some prompting she told me that on the weekend I had been away snowboarding she had been very drunk and had had sex with Brad. I have never been cheated on before so this was a bit of a shock, but I basically just calmed her down told her not to take her shoes off and we can talk about it.

I told her that I don't necessarily forgive her yet but with time I'm sure I will, and to be honest I was more happy that it seemed like we weren't breaking up. I didn't really see Brad as a threat so I was hoping her sleeping with him would kind of make him forget about her and move on. The idea she had feelings for him didn't really enter my head which I guess was extremely naive. He had been into her the whole time I had been with her so I didn't really understand what had changed.

We had sex which was actually pretty fucking good for me even though I was physically and emotionally exhausted. In the morning we had quickie sex before saying parting I love you's then I headed off to work and she went to tafe. I had very mixed emotions but was mostly happy and optimistic.

We exchanged a few text's throughout the week. I was giving her space to clear out her head and y'know have the time she needed and whatever. On Friday she sent me a text saying it was over and she was no longer in love with me. She said she felt used by me last time she saw me.

On Monday I asked her whether she was ditching me for Brad. She said yes. I asked her whether she loved him. She said she thought so. We haven't spoken since, she has drawn on my facebook page and poked me on facebook but I don't know what that means so I have been ignoring it.

I dunno - this is weird behaviour yes? Perils of dating young women. Its just a very strange situation because we got on so well and had a good time together. I think at the end of the day when she realised I was analytical and Brad was the artist, she chose the artist.

ubertuber · 09-06-2007, 11:20 PM

There's a lot there to work through. My only advice is procedural:

Refrain from negotiating any part of this situation on facebook. It's your business, not the internet's.

BigDonkey2 · 09-07-2007, 12:13 AM

I think she's just being immature right now. She doesn't know what she wants. She was happy with you and when someone who had feelings for her and confessed those feelings for her came along she just went for it not taking your feelings into consideration. Being drunk is no excuse for anything. Your true colors shine when you're drunk and I think this is a good example of that. Although she probably used being drunk as an excuse, it just showed you how much she cares about you. Obviously she didn't really care because if she really loved you and/or cared about you she wouldn't have had sex with Brad. Thats just her age talking.

Of course she would feel used by you after you guys had sex. She was already checked out of the relationship. What else would happen when she doesn't have feelings for you anymore? She just feels like you're using her for sex, which doesn't make sense because if you were using her it would be YOU that didn't care about her and her that cared about you. She puts the burden on you for having sex with her when she was being emotional that way she can justify the sex.

I guarantee you that after Brad confessed his feelings for her that she was having second thoughts about your relationship. She was probably thinking "Well, WHAT IF he's better than my boyfriend? I wonder what its like to be with him." Those are the only things I can think of that she would be thinking.

When she tells you that she "thinks" she loves Brad, she really doesn't and I can guarantee that. Shes just infatuated with him just like he was with her. She probably just wants to test the waters with him. However, this is important, if she ends up not wanting to be with Brad and comes crawling back to be with you you need to say no. If you get back together she'll just do the same thing and you'll always be there to take her back because you really love her. Bullshit. There are plenty of fish in the sea to get all riled up over one. If she comes crawling back just kick her to the curb.

My advice to you would be to stay away from the younger girls because they seem immature. I'm not saying stay away from ALL young girls because there are always exceptions to the rules. However, but be weary when you get involved with a younger girl that this might happen to you again. Don't even pay attention to her writing on your Facebook and poking you. Just ignore it. It's the best thing you can do. You guys had a good time together and now its time to move on. She obviously wasn't the one for you so now its time for you to upgrade and move on to something bigger and better. You'll find what you're looking for out there. There are plenty of women. Go have fun.

MechCow · 09-07-2007, 01:20 AM

Thanks for your advice and words BigDonkey2. If she said tomorrow "we should get back together" of course I would say no (although it would be very difficult).

I'm not ready to be with someone else but I'm certainly moving on.

The hardest part for me now is I need to decide what the lesson is for me here and to learn to read the warning signs a bit better.

JustJess · 09-07-2007, 02:46 AM

The warning signs: changes in behavior, etc. Just trust your gut - your gut was telling you something was up, and it was. I'm not saying to leap to the conclusion that she was cheating as in this case, but trust that *something* is interfering with the flow here, and you need to investigate. Perhaps it's more prevalent in the younger women... but I suspect that people in general want the other person to notice and ask. We're all kind of bad at offering this kind of question and concern to a partner.

However... it seems to be a rather honest interaction. She wasn't trying to play you, nor you her, there didn't seem to be any games involved... just poor communication leading to the breakup etc.

Ha, well, yes, there's the rub.... trust your instincts, and COMMUNICATE.

I think I need to tattoo that on my forehead or something.....
I'm sorry about the breakup - but you really seem to be handling it well. At least there's that.

pig · 09-07-2007, 03:27 AM

yep...the only lesson i can really see here mech is that you gotta break a few eggs to make an omlette. by which i mean that these situations happen to all of us. some relationships only have a finite shelf life, and then they're done. maybe down the road you two run into each other and have great sex in a seedy motel talking about the good old days...but for now this one is busted. doesn't mean you can't be friends with her...as jess says - trust your gut. follow your nose...it always knows.

tecoyah · 09-07-2007, 04:14 AM

Personally, having been in like situations on a few occasions I only offer a small bit of advice:

Take what you have learned, and apply it to the next relationship, this one is over.

Kabsnow · 09-07-2007, 09:20 AM

I'm only 19 but I can offer a tidbit of experience: Text messaging on the surface appears great, but its lack of emotion and ease-of-use makes it a deadly weapon, avoid it at all costs. Sure its great for flirting & other harmless conversation, but as soon as something gets serious, do not use the internet/chatting as a medium. At the very least call her/him. I have seen far too many people, including myself, enter a world of confusion and hurt because of text messaging. I no longer have text messaging enabled on my phone simply because I don't ever want to deal with it again.

Jinn · 09-07-2007, 09:31 AM

Quote:

I have seen far too many people, including myself, enter a world of confusion and hurt because of text messaging.

Count me as one of them. IMing is just as bad.

To the OP:

Young women (and ordinarily, young men) are very often confused about they want, who they want, where they want to be, who they are, etc etc ad nauseum. You're right in saying that it's the peril of dating young women (and in fairness, men).

I'd say be glad that you got what you did out of the relationship, but I wouldn't bother rekindling anything. She'll be a totally different person in 6 months, and probably not one you're intellectually attracted to.

ruggerp11 · 09-07-2007, 11:45 AM

My best advice is this (and it comes from some experience):

Do not talk to her, do not respond to her and avoid her in every way at all possible.

Brad (captain mcDouchery if you ask me) lavished some attention on her and she ate it up. In a few weeks she'll realize that it was that and want to contact you. If you want to thats up to you.

This may not happen but I say have no interaction with her at all because that will allow you the distance and time you need to start doing stuff for yourself and concentrating on having a good time and doing well in school. You didn't use her or do anything wrong. Leave it alone and it will be the best option.

Ballzor · 09-08-2007, 11:00 PM

I tell you man this summer its as if me and everyone i know went through the same shit you've had to deal with. I can tell you mate, I know what its like and to all those people who tell you to just move on and get over it, they can get bent cause its not that easy.

Listen, tecoyah has it right, learn from this one and try to move on. But if I can share with you what I share with everybody in this situation. You need to reevaluate the way you approach relationships. Most people experience moments of bliss and peace in relationships, and they get addicted, its like a mild anesthetic for your mind. You get a chance to forget all your problems and from there on out you spend the rest of the time with your partner trying to get back to that time when it just didnt hurt anymore. When things end up not working the way you desire, you break down and act out hoping your partner will behave. But its just not going to work, it never does. The fact that you're on this forum asking for advice tells me that you're more conscious than this girl. So be the bigger person, forgive her for being so immature and work on finding inner peace, peace that doesn't require someone else for it to be achieved. Then once you no longer need anyone else, move on and find someone who can appreciate you for who you are.

I know so many good guys who have just been tossed to the side by these ridiculous girls who think they can get whatever they need from them and then go off and fuck whoever should give them the slightest bit of attention.

Ladies please for the love of god appreciate the good ones, when they get fucked over like this they dont always recover...

analog · 09-08-2007, 11:30 PM

Lesson learned to all: Never underestimate the attraction power of another man, or their "threat" level, no matter how dorky/nerdy/weird YOU may think he is.

The major reason for this? When you shrug off the advances of another guy because you believe your chick is out of his league, he's a loser, she'd never like his type, etc... you are already taking your girl for granted in your head, and your actions towards her, and your relationship, will follow suit.

The worst thing you can do is take someone for granted. I think most people have a relationship where that happens, at some point in their lives... and things are either strengthened for it, or everything falls apart.

This is not to say I'm holding you responsible- not at all. She cheated, and you lost your girlfriend to another guy. Been there, it sucked... though as far as I know, she didn't actually cheat on me physically, she'd been talking to a guy for about 2 weeks, with the intention of leaving me, before actually doing so.

I have to repeat what I've said many times before, but I think really gets across the point for "don't look back" break-ups... move along, there's nothing more to see here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tecoyah

Take what you have learned, and apply it to the next relationship, this one is over.

^^

MrFriendly · 09-09-2007, 01:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by analog

Lesson learned to all: Never underestimate the attraction power of another man, or their "threat" level, no matter how dorky/nerdy/weird YOU may think he is.

Quoted for truth.

Arrogance, inflated ego, and self delusion are all very powerfully destructive things in a relationship. It basically makes you completely blind to whats going on and you loose all perspective, and then all of a sudden when what should have been obvious happens it comes as a total surprised.

You don't even have those negative attributes I described before. Let's face it, we ALL have a tendency to get rapped up in our own shit and internalize. And that is when we loose sight of things happening around us.

Push-Pull · 09-09-2007, 06:49 AM

Jeez, it seems like there's a whole bunch of this kind of thread lately.....

SOP in this situation....

1) Walk away. Don't talk to her, don't visit her, don't look forlornly at her from afar. Just let it go. And yes, this means ignoring her if she calls you.

2) Take up new hobbies/interests. Exactly what it says. Find something else to fill up your time.

3) Forget about girl. Each morning, remind yourself that you got by without her the day before and that today, you will get by even better. This isn't to say that you shouldn't reflect on the relationship, but realize that it is better for you to be alone than to be subject to that kind of bullshit.

4) Armed with new perspective and insight, don't be afraid to try again. (With a different woman that is....)

Good luck man!

Ballzor · 09-09-2007, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Push-Pull

4) Armed with new perspective and insight, don't be afraid to try again. (With a different woman that is....)

Of all the things people have said this is the most important thing you need to work on when getting over a girl. Let this break up be the catalyst for massive mental overhaul. Be happy with yourself first, no matter what your situation is, then move on and find another, this way if and when things dont go your way it will be so much easier to walk away.

james t kirk · 09-09-2007, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pig

yep...the only lesson i can really see here mech is that you gotta break a few eggs to make an omlette. by which i mean that these situations happen to all of us. some relationships only have a finite shelf life, and then they're done. maybe down the road you two run into each other and have great sex in a seedy motel talking about the good old days...but for now this one is busted. doesn't mean you can't be friends with her...as jess says - trust your gut. follow your nose...it always knows.

Exactly.

This one is busted.

Relationships take work and Brad was more into her than you, or had more opportunity than you, so he out manouvred you, dorky or not. She likes the attention that he is giving her and she picked him over you.

At this point, no amount of work on your part will make any difference. It will only serve to make her respect you even less. This isn't hollywood - there's not going to be any "boy gets girl back" scenario.

Best advice would be to move on and find a new GF. Prove to her that you are a desireable man to other woman.

No more "text messaging" (I feel so old), or facebook (even older), or phone calls or sex.

She's only 20, you're only 23 (I'm jealous). Odds are that she is just going to end up in the ship that passed in the night file.

snowy · 09-09-2007, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kabsnow

I'm only 19 but I can offer a tidbit of experience: Text messaging on the surface appears great, but its lack of emotion and ease-of-use makes it a deadly weapon, avoid it at all costs. Sure its great for flirting & other harmless conversation, but as soon as something gets serious, do not use the internet/chatting as a medium. At the very least call her/him. I have seen far too many people, including myself, enter a world of confusion and hurt because of text messaging. I no longer have text messaging enabled on my phone simply because I don't ever want to deal with it again.

Text messaging, and as JinnKai suggested, IMng, do not take the place of actual communication, as much as we would like to think they do. I find a lot of people fool themselves into thinking that just because they sent a text to their SO or IMd a bit that they "talked" sufficiently with their partner. That's an absolute falsehood. Texting and IMng are best used for making plans, not conveying actual feelings or emotional truths. Unless you're in a long-distance relationship, there is NO REASON to rely on texting/IMs to communicate. None at all. You should be giving your SO face time--and that works both ways.

Take that as an important lesson learned for your next relationship.

pig · 09-09-2007, 11:48 AM

*caveat to snowy:

txt messages and im can help when language is a factor, or one of the participants is a redneck and the other is not. i would imagine the same would pertain with people from boston or the jersey shore.

MechCow · 09-09-2007, 06:24 PM

Thanks for all the replies and advice.

Re: Ignoring her and not paying enough attention - I work 50 - 60 hours a week, have housemates that are completely mental and have a lot of other shit going on in my life. Yeah I completely took my eye off the ball with her didn't think that would mean should would run away with another guy but that's life ;-)

Re: IM's and text messages - I totally agree. Believe me when I say that between 23 and 20 there is a large generation gap in terms of the use of technology. I grew up with the internet as new and largely empty compared to what it is now, she grew up with mobile phones and the internet being the norm. I definitely tried to call her more than text her but you have to approach these girls on their level.

I am definitely not talking to her but this one is going to be difficult to walk away from because it really was so right. I wish we had had a screaming match argument or something, we virtually had no disagreements.

I was stressing a lot about a lesson but I think in a weird way its hit me subconsciously. I find already I'm attracted to older more assertive women - women who know what they want. I'm cautiously optimistic and if you don't mind I'll keep y'all updated.

I will certainly be trying again but I'm going to spend the next few months keeping it about reclaiming my life :-)

09-06-2007, 11:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
MechCow Upright Location: LSD	Yet Another I just Broke Up Thread I'm a 23 year old male. Don't really expect you to care about this story (this is not a boo-hoo thread) but maybe we can both learn from talking about this rather weird experience I had with this girl. So I was dating this reasonably hot girl who we can call Shelly, just turned 20 and studying graphic design. I loved her a lot, and she loved me. It wasn't a omg you are my soulmate my entire world has turned around since meeting you love - it was a comfortable kind of jigsaw pieces love where we just kind of "fit" together. Neither of us actually made moves on each other initially, which is very unusual for me I like to be the aggressor at first. There was a guy we'll call Brad who was clearly totally infatuated with her from class but to be honest I didn't think too much about it. He was sort of such a dork and she told me how he had sat her down and told her how much her liked her - I guess I totally shrugged that off because well I thought she was happy with me she had told me that many times. At the time she said no I don't want to be with you I want to be with Joel I love him. Before I went away snowboarding she was behaving kind of weird but I didn't think much of it because she was an erratic person at the best of times. We had a very uncharacteristic conversation about "Do you want to be with me?" which was uncharacteristic because it is very unlike her to bring up serious issues and there was absolutely no context. I said I love her and loved being around her. She said I was smart, funny and cute which at the time I thought meant yes I want to be with you but in hindsight I think meant you are everything I thought I wanted but I'm not really happy. Came back from snowboarding and I was very upset with her because I had sent her texts saying that I was missing her and really got no love back. Also I had been heavily abusing coffee and alcohol for the weekend and was falling apart a bit. Had a tense conversation on the phone and she said she was going to drop around the next day. She came around and told me she was no longer in love with me and wanted either a break or to split up. Totally out of left field for me. Anyway on Friday of that week I sent her a text saying I wanted to meet up with her. She was very reluctant but I was insistent that it was necessary and she eventually agreed to give me an hour. We met up and basically I told her I hadn't been paying enough attention to her, had been extremely busy with work and had been putting other priorities ahead of her. I told her I was very sorry, she said she forgave me. We had a great night together playing pool and video games in this dingy bar then headed back to my place. At my place we kinda hung out drinking a little more and just chatting. Eventually kissing followed and she said she was going to stay the night. I didn't push sex because I knew she was still deciding upon her feelings and I didn't want to think that I brought her back to fuck her. Just as we are going to sleep around midnight she suddenly rushes to the edge of my bed and bursts into tears. I get up to comfort her aware something is majorly wrong but really having no idea what it is. After some prompting she told me that on the weekend I had been away snowboarding she had been very drunk and had had sex with Brad. I have never been cheated on before so this was a bit of a shock, but I basically just calmed her down told her not to take her shoes off and we can talk about it. I told her that I don't necessarily forgive her yet but with time I'm sure I will, and to be honest I was more happy that it seemed like we weren't breaking up. I didn't really see Brad as a threat so I was hoping her sleeping with him would kind of make him forget about her and move on. The idea she had feelings for him didn't really enter my head which I guess was extremely naive. He had been into her the whole time I had been with her so I didn't really understand what had changed. We had sex which was actually pretty fucking good for me even though I was physically and emotionally exhausted. In the morning we had quickie sex before saying parting I love you's then I headed off to work and she went to tafe. I had very mixed emotions but was mostly happy and optimistic. We exchanged a few text's throughout the week. I was giving her space to clear out her head and y'know have the time she needed and whatever. On Friday she sent me a text saying it was over and she was no longer in love with me. She said she felt used by me last time she saw me. On Monday I asked her whether she was ditching me for Brad. She said yes. I asked her whether she loved him. She said she thought so. We haven't spoken since, she has drawn on my facebook page and poked me on facebook but I don't know what that means so I have been ignoring it. I dunno - this is weird behaviour yes? Perils of dating young women. Its just a very strange situation because we got on so well and had a good time together. I think at the end of the day when she realised I was analytical and Brad was the artist, she chose the artist.

09-06-2007, 11:20 PM	#2 (permalink)
ubertuber spudly Location: Ellay	There's a lot there to work through. My only advice is procedural: Refrain from negotiating any part of this situation on facebook. It's your business, not the internet's. __________________ Cogito ergo spud -- I think, therefore I yam

09-07-2007, 02:46 AM	#5 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	The warning signs: changes in behavior, etc. Just trust your gut - your gut was telling you something was up, and it was. I'm not saying to leap to the conclusion that she was cheating as in this case, but trust that something is interfering with the flow here, and you need to investigate. Perhaps it's more prevalent in the younger women... but I suspect that people in general want the other person to notice and ask. We're all kind of bad at offering this kind of question and concern to a partner. However... it seems to be a rather honest interaction. She wasn't trying to play you, nor you her, there didn't seem to be any games involved... just poor communication leading to the breakup etc. Ha, well, yes, there's the rub.... trust your instincts, and COMMUNICATE. I think I need to tattoo that on my forehead or something..... I'm sorry about the breakup - but you really seem to be handling it well. At least there's that. __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

09-07-2007, 03:27 AM	#6 (permalink)
pig pigglet pigglet Location: Locash	yep...the only lesson i can really see here mech is that you gotta break a few eggs to make an omlette. by which i mean that these situations happen to all of us. some relationships only have a finite shelf life, and then they're done. maybe down the road you two run into each other and have great sex in a seedy motel talking about the good old days...but for now this one is busted. doesn't mean you can't be friends with her...as jess says - trust your gut. follow your nose...it always knows. __________________ You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

09-07-2007, 04:14 AM	#7 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	Personally, having been in like situations on a few occasions I only offer a small bit of advice: Take what you have learned, and apply it to the next relationship, this one is over. __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

09-07-2007, 12:13 AM	#3 (permalink)
BigDonkey2 Insane Location: California	I think she's just being immature right now. She doesn't know what she wants. She was happy with you and when someone who had feelings for her and confessed those feelings for her came along she just went for it not taking your feelings into consideration. Being drunk is no excuse for anything. Your true colors shine when you're drunk and I think this is a good example of that. Although she probably used being drunk as an excuse, it just showed you how much she cares about you. Obviously she didn't really care because if she really loved you and/or cared about you she wouldn't have had sex with Brad. Thats just her age talking. Of course she would feel used by you after you guys had sex. She was already checked out of the relationship. What else would happen when she doesn't have feelings for you anymore? She just feels like you're using her for sex, which doesn't make sense because if you were using her it would be YOU that didn't care about her and her that cared about you. She puts the burden on you for having sex with her when she was being emotional that way she can justify the sex. I guarantee you that after Brad confessed his feelings for her that she was having second thoughts about your relationship. She was probably thinking "Well, WHAT IF he's better than my boyfriend? I wonder what its like to be with him." Those are the only things I can think of that she would be thinking. When she tells you that she "thinks" she loves Brad, she really doesn't and I can guarantee that. Shes just infatuated with him just like he was with her. She probably just wants to test the waters with him. However, this is important, if she ends up not wanting to be with Brad and comes crawling back to be with you you need to say no. If you get back together she'll just do the same thing and you'll always be there to take her back because you really love her. Bullshit. There are plenty of fish in the sea to get all riled up over one. If she comes crawling back just kick her to the curb. My advice to you would be to stay away from the younger girls because they seem immature. I'm not saying stay away from ALL young girls because there are always exceptions to the rules. However, but be weary when you get involved with a younger girl that this might happen to you again. Don't even pay attention to her writing on your Facebook and poking you. Just ignore it. It's the best thing you can do. You guys had a good time together and now its time to move on. She obviously wasn't the one for you so now its time for you to upgrade and move on to something bigger and better. You'll find what you're looking for out there. There are plenty of women. Go have fun.

09-07-2007, 01:20 AM	#4 (permalink)
MechCow Upright Location: LSD	Thanks for your advice and words BigDonkey2. If she said tomorrow "we should get back together" of course I would say no (although it would be very difficult). I'm not ready to be with someone else but I'm certainly moving on. The hardest part for me now is I need to decide what the lesson is for me here and to learn to read the warning signs a bit better.

09-07-2007, 09:20 AM	#8 (permalink)
Kabsnow Registered User Location: CA	I'm only 19 but I can offer a tidbit of experience: Text messaging on the surface appears great, but its lack of emotion and ease-of-use makes it a deadly weapon, avoid it at all costs. Sure its great for flirting & other harmless conversation, but as soon as something gets serious, do not use the internet/chatting as a medium. At the very least call her/him. I have seen far too many people, including myself, enter a world of confusion and hurt because of text messaging. I no longer have text messaging enabled on my phone simply because I don't ever want to deal with it again.

09-07-2007, 11:45 AM	#10 (permalink)
ruggerp11 Cautiously soaring Location: exploring my new home in SF	My best advice is this (and it comes from some experience): Do not talk to her, do not respond to her and avoid her in every way at all possible. Brad (captain mcDouchery if you ask me) lavished some attention on her and she ate it up. In a few weeks she'll realize that it was that and want to contact you. If you want to thats up to you. This may not happen but I say have no interaction with her at all because that will allow you the distance and time you need to start doing stuff for yourself and concentrating on having a good time and doing well in school. You didn't use her or do anything wrong. Leave it alone and it will be the best option. __________________ Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it. --Mark Twain Do What makes you happy --Me BUT! "Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

09-09-2007, 06:49 AM	#14 (permalink)
Push-Pull I'll ask when I'm ready.... Location: Firmly in the middle....	Jeez, it seems like there's a whole bunch of this kind of thread lately..... SOP in this situation.... 1) Walk away. Don't talk to her, don't visit her, don't look forlornly at her from afar. Just let it go. And yes, this means ignoring her if she calls you. 2) Take up new hobbies/interests. Exactly what it says. Find something else to fill up your time. 3) Forget about girl. Each morning, remind yourself that you got by without her the day before and that today, you will get by even better. This isn't to say that you shouldn't reflect on the relationship, but realize that it is better for you to be alone than to be subject to that kind of bullshit. 4) Armed with new perspective and insight, don't be afraid to try again. (With a different woman that is....) Good luck man! __________________ "No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me- "Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown- DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer- Last edited by Push-Pull; 09-09-2007 at 06:51 AM..

09-09-2007, 11:48 AM	#18 (permalink)
pig pigglet pigglet Location: Locash	caveat to snowy: txt messages and im can help when language is a factor, or one of the participants is a redneck and the other is not. i would imagine the same would pertain with people from boston or the jersey shore. __________________ You don't love me, you just love my piggy style*

09-09-2007, 06:24 PM	#19 (permalink)
MechCow Upright Location: LSD	Thanks for all the replies and advice. Re: Ignoring her and not paying enough attention - I work 50 - 60 hours a week, have housemates that are completely mental and have a lot of other shit going on in my life. Yeah I completely took my eye off the ball with her didn't think that would mean should would run away with another guy but that's life ;-) Re: IM's and text messages - I totally agree. Believe me when I say that between 23 and 20 there is a large generation gap in terms of the use of technology. I grew up with the internet as new and largely empty compared to what it is now, she grew up with mobile phones and the internet being the norm. I definitely tried to call her more than text her but you have to approach these girls on their level. I am definitely not talking to her but this one is going to be difficult to walk away from because it really was so right. I wish we had had a screaming match argument or something, we virtually had no disagreements. I was stressing a lot about a lesson but I think in a weird way its hit me subconsciously. I find already I'm attracted to older more assertive women - women who know what they want. I'm cautiously optimistic and if you don't mind I'll keep y'all updated. I will certainly be trying again but I'm going to spend the next few months keeping it about reclaiming my life :-)