The Virgin's Ultimate question. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

medlar · 06-25-2007, 09:34 AM

I wouldn't take this face to face with anyone I know ..so:

I know it makes a difference who you are with, if you care/love them and how long you've been waiting for this. And of course being up on all the consequences, the protection required, etc.. But I keep hearing this. The first time is largely over-rated.

Is it the universal truth, that is over-all, the first time will be awkward, unenjoyable, sweaty, clumsly, and poorly done and worse very painful for her? Especially if both parties are having their first time. Or is it the cliched fireworks setting off and 20,000 people in the room cheering? Maybe for the guy the bad portions can be over-shadowed by the whole OM MY GOD IM ACTUALLY HAVING SEX factor and the girl is meanwhile painfully dissappointed and having wasted two minutes of her time. Just wondering, any inspirational takes or warning I should heed?

Jinn · 06-25-2007, 10:02 AM

Roughly speaking, I'd say sex can take the following paths:

It hurts her too much to continue
It hurts you too much to continue
Your genitals bleed
Her genitals bleed
You get scared
She gets scared
You lose your erection
She loses interest
The condom breaks
She cries
You cry
Parents / roommates walk in
You're too drunk to continue
She's too drunk to continue
It's bad (for non-specific reasons)
It's good
It's great
It's so good you can't speak

That's just a general listing from my brain. Over all, there are 18 possible combinations.

Your first time, they're all roughly the same odds of happening. This gives you 3/18 (1/5) possibility of having a good/great/amazing time. This also unfortunately gives you 15/18 possibility of having a not-so-great time.

Luckily for you, the probability of the first 15 happening decreases proportionally to the number of times you've had sex. So yea, your first time can (and probably will) encounter difficulties, but it'll only get better looking forward. And "looking forward" can be again that same night.

hambone · 06-25-2007, 10:07 AM

It will be different, but no matter what TRY to relax (easier said than done) and TAKE YOUR TIME. Be clear on what hurts and what is good.

While the first time may not be the best physical time, it can be a fantastic experience.

Have fun

medlar · 06-25-2007, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JinnKai

Roughly speaking, I'd say sex can take the following paths:

It hurts her too much to continue
It hurts you too much to continue
Your genitals bleed
Her genitals bleed
You get scared
She gets scared
You lose your erection
She loses interest
The condom breaks
She cries
You cry
Parents / roommates walk in
You're too drunk to continue
She's too drunk to continue
It's bad (for non-specific reasons)
It's good
It's great
It's so good you can't speak

That's just a general listing from my brain. Over all, there are 18 possible combinations.

Your first time, they're all roughly the same odds of happening. This gives you 3/18 (1/5) possibility of having a good/great/amazing time. This also unfortunately gives you 15/18 possibility of having a not-so-great time.

Luckily for you, the probability of the first 15 happening decreases proportionally to the number of times you've had sex. So yea, your first time can (and probably will) encounter difficulties, but it'll only get better looking forward. And "looking forward" can be again that same night.

Those are some odds there, but not enough to deterr me. Let's make it a possible 13/18 though..that I can foresee at least Just one of a few that raises a bit of concern:

It will hurt..I know on her part it would, but myself? I'm willing to put up with a bit of pain on my part but how much will this actually hurt?
My genitals will bleed

As for having fun..I'm counting on that inspite of a realistic listing of possiblities where the bad considerable outnumbers the good.

thanks for the advice and all

Cervantes · 06-25-2007, 10:33 AM

From my experience it is just a median on the overall experiences. Being that most dive into it without fully grasping what they are getting into and having too high expectations on themselves and their partners. (how many confused teenagers haven't started wondering about their sexual alignment just because their first time was a total turnoff?)

The first time is grossly overrated in the "Public-eye" in the sense that they put all these impossible expectations of fireworks and magical showers of pleasure on something that when it comes down to it is "just" another form of human interaction.

Observe: Do not for a second think that it being "just" another form of interaction means anything negative. Quiet on the contrary, it is something very positive.

By realizing that it is "just" a form of interaction it will open up to the mindset of "Here we have something that might become awkward in one way or another. How can we increase the fun and pleasure while decreasing the awkwardness?".

Having expectations that reach the sky is just going to make you disapointed, in the end it will not serve any good.

But knowing what you get yourself into is gold worth. It may be awkward at first but when the chain finds the teeth of the cogwheel and the whole thing starts turning (you start to make sense of how the theory applies to the practical act) even though you don't perform at a pornstar level (those guys cheat, they take long breaks

) it can be a very magical moment.

It's not "The world stops spinning" it is more of finding a new way of connecting to another person (no no NO.. Get your mind out of the gutter

) on an emotional plane we can't grasp before we've actually done it.

In the sense of fireworks and unicorns it is completely false. But going into it level headed and with both of you fully aware of what you are doing not only to yourselves but to each other aswell will open up a whole new world. Which can be mind boggling all in it self.

BTW. Most people doesn't grasp this "connection" the first time, like everything else it takes Practice.. (see where I'm going with this

)... and more practice. (now you're getting it..

)...

The first time is like popping open a bottle of ketchup, first comes nothing, then you shake it a bit, still nothing and when you are about to shake it again everything wells out all over your food before you even have time to react.

My only advice on this matter is: Don't do what I did, don't jump into the full blown act of full sexual intercourse the first thing you do. Experiment, let it happen incrementally, grow accoustomed to one level before moving on to the next. It might feel like a waste of time but later I'm willing to bet you will be glad you did it that way.

The way I did it, left me with more questions than answers, it left me frustrated over "Was this all? What was the big hype about?". It took a new and more understanding partner that was willing to give me a "second first time" and this time: to do it "right", for me to fully grasp what is was all about.

catback · 06-25-2007, 10:42 AM

Your first time will not be your best time, not that it's gonna be horrible (unless you become a parent unexpectedly) but it'll be far from what you will eventually deem good/great. Just with anything in life practice makes perfect and rarely do you achieve perfection the first time out. All that said don't sweat the small stuff, make sure you are protected and don't worry about the "first time is over-rated" cuse you can't beat it and it surely has to be better than your never done it before.

medlar · 06-25-2007, 11:37 AM

[QUOTE=Cervantes]

Quote:

From my experience it is just a median on the overall experiences. Being that most dive into it without fully grasping what they are getting into and having too high expectations on themselves and their partners. (how many confused teenagers haven't started wondering about their sexual alignment just because their first time was a total turnoff?)

Aiming too high..That has been the problem on my part, which in turn leads to a bit of doubting the self confidence. The best part of this, being that I've know this girl for a bit over three months, we've been friends before that. Having found out she is on the girls soccer team just puts her right up there in my books. But lately its been impossible to talk to each other without this high level of sexual tension going on. We've done the holding hands, and a bit (fair bit actually) of making out and enjoying that enough to take it to the next level. We've even got a date and time and location worked out. I know or at least I feel that she is as ready as I have been.

Quote:

The first time is grossly overrated in the "Public-eye" in the sense that they put all these impossible expectations of fireworks and magical showers of pleasure on something that when it comes down to it is "just" another form of human interaction.

Observe: Do not for a second think that it being "just" another form of interaction means anything negative. Quiet on the contrary, it is something very positive

.

Very realistic take here. Good to know.

Quote:

By realizing that it is "just" a form of interaction it will open up to the mindset of "Here we have something that might become awkward in one way or another. How can we increase the fun and pleasure while decreasing the awkwardness?".

Foreplay..if I can hold out before the "moment" . Bluntly put I know, but another concern of mine. We have discovered the fun factor.

Quote:

But knowing what you get yourself into is gold worth. It may be awkward at first but when the chain finds the teeth of the cogwheel and the whole thing starts turning (you start to make sense of how the theory applies to the practical act) even though you don't perform at a pornstar level (those guys cheat, they take long breaks

) it can be a very magical moment.

I have a feeling the cogs and chain won't be in sync. Porn stars have fluffers so I'm told. I'll probably have the shakes all the way through.

Quote:

It's not "The world stops spinning" it is more of finding a new way of connecting to another person (no no NO.. Get your mind out of the gutter

) on an emotional plane we can't grasp before we've actually done it.

We've been ready for this and I hope its going to cement things between us. I'd like to see a relationship ahead. But my mind has been deeply entrenched in the gutter as well.

Quote:

BTW. Most people doesn't grasp this "connection" the first time, like everything else it takes Practice.. (see where I'm going with this

)... and more practice. (now you're getting it..

)...

...agreed!

Quote:

The first time is like popping open a bottle of ketchup, first comes nothing, then you shake it a bit, still nothing and when you are about to shake it again everything wells out all over your food before you even have time to react.

So there is going to be some blood. Seriously..like a ketchup bottle beaten too hard? gah. Or is that in reference to my stamina level..either way. tricky.

Quote:

My only advice on this matter is: Don't do what I did, don't jump into the full blown act of full sexual intercourse the first thing you do. Experiment, let it happen incrementally, grow accoustomed to one level before moving on to the next. It might feel like a waste of time but later I'm willing to bet you will be glad you did it that way.

This has been, and from everyone else who has responded (initially I really had to hold myself back from clicking the submit) excellant advice for someone who has only had text book reference, and online porn..and locker room talk/bs..thanks for putting a realistic reasonable take on this pretty significant step for me.

Well, I could do a follow-up but I'm not sure you'd all want to be subjected to possible comedy/tragedy outcomes. Just that my calendars marked, I have the trojans tm and the advice has been absorbed. And now I'm in need of a cold shower or a run around the block...or something. You don't know how much helpful this has been.

hambone · 06-25-2007, 11:40 AM

about blood, I don't think the ketchup comment was about that.

Anyway, my wife and I were both virgins and she didn't bleed at all the first time....well at least not enough to notice during the act. Afterwards there was some.

If you feel resistance, take more time and it will be good.

guthmund · 06-25-2007, 01:47 PM

Yeah, I read the ketchup comment as a reference to ejaculate....

Look, the point, in my opinion, is to just have fun. Checklists and such of what to expect are kind of helpful, but, in the end, do more to increase anxiety levels than calm worried minds, in my opinion. Do what feels good and work it from there. You can have "bad sex" sex, but it as long as you're up on basic anatomy it's almost impossible to have "no sex" sex.

Ilow · 06-25-2007, 05:48 PM

I would suggest taking your time and exploring other sexual, but not intercourse interactions, i.e. handjobs, oral sex etc. Get to know your and her equipment and it will be easier to figure out how to insert tab A into slot B. Not everyone bleeds (generally not a concern for guys). Use some lube, but don't go crazy, it's easier if you lubricate the mechanism a little. I wouldn't do it when you were drunk. Make sure you both are really into it, not a lot of fun if in the back of your head there is a nagging "I don't think she really wants to do this." Oh yeah, and try to enjoy it

MrFriendly · 06-25-2007, 08:53 PM

I think If you guys are both into each other, then you shouldn't need to feel too rushed into it. Like Ilow suggests, have a bit of fun exploring each others bodies first.

When I lost my virginity we were both virgins. But it wasn't an awkward experience because the months previous we'd spent so much time exploring each others bodies that we were both very comfortable.

The emotional connection and just that feeling of being close far outweighed the physical sensations.

Like others have said, just relaaaaaaaaax man :-)

Cervantes · 06-26-2007, 07:05 AM

Well as stated before the ketchup metaphor was not about blood. More about male stamina and giving a reference to that most guys don't last very long the first time and it usually comes almost out of the blue when the thing starts shooting.

Many get discouraged because of it and think something is wrong with themselves when it really isn't. Like everything concerning the human body, to be able to exert control over it you have to practice but practicing with your hand can only take you so far.

Best bet is probarbly to make sure you come first then focus all your energy on making your partner feel good and when you are ready again you are a bit calmer and in better control. (This can be done either during the act itself. Just make sure your partner aware that this is just a way for you to deal with the anxiety. Or before it if you can find some way.)
There is such a thing as going for seconds and thirds when it comes to sex (I have yet to meet a woman who didn't want to go at it a second and third time

).

The anxiety, expectations and misconceptions is the killer in this kind of very intimate human relations. I've found that getting off quickly then focusing my attention fully on her pleasure to be the best way to rid oneself of most of the anxiety.
And yes, I still feel it on the rare occasions I am with a new partner for the first time. The perk is that it will become easier to deal with as you gain some experience and familiarity.

medlar · 06-26-2007, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guthmund

Quote:

Yeah, I read the ketchup comment as a reference to ejaculate....

I see the reference now...

I take it, it might be over, maybe before its even started...

Quote:

Checklists and such of what to expect are kind of helpful, but, in the end, do more to increase anxiety levels than calm worried minds, in my opinion. You can have "bad sex" sex, but it as long as you're up on basic anatomy it's almost impossible to have "no sex" sex

.

A list or a break down is actually helpful for me. It pretty much clears up my hieghtened/misinformed expectations in a more realistic take. Especially from others who have gone through this. I had been going through a fair bit of anxiety and kind of a fear I think, of the unknown since this has come up with us. It's uncovered alot of what I wouldn't have known or considered. A big part of it was just the anticipation of finally getting mine.I mean I haven't been obsessing about it, in that I'm still carrying on with my day to day activities. But until I'm with her..(actually as the day nears, I have been thinking on it alot) I didn't think I would take this matter to a forum,

much less one I'd just recently joined, and wasn't sure what to expect in the response but its all been good. I had though some would be telling me I can't be knowing I'm ready and I should be focussing on other things etc and maybe a listing of all the consequences.

And in concluding..I know I've splagged on about this...I can take most of what I've learned here to her. Maybe not the fact I've taken it to a forum..

It would be good for her to have her first time something positive to remember, even if we're not together, who can predict that? But hopefully she won't be having any regret. I know I won't no matter how the initial part of it unfolds.

Thanks for all the input. Now I can probably post something that won't pertain to my personal dilemmas too much.

Maybe I won't be obsessing about sex half as much once I've done it, or maybe more so ..again who knows.

I feel I'm ready for this and ready for taking our relationship to a new level. We are pretty comfortable with each other. I'm not sure what might happen as a result in regard to a emotional consequence, but physicaly I now think I do.I know she's feeling anxious, if not more and I'm not going to push things beyond what she is comfortable with. If she says no, I'll respect that..even if it means suffering a bit of let down ther after..maybe more physically then emotionally on my part.

woohoo im going to get mine \o/

snowy · 06-26-2007, 09:09 AM

There have been a lot of males commenting on this thread...so I thought I'd throw in a female's 2 cents.

You will most likely hurt her. It's a fact. Sex hurts. But that's not a bad thing. It's something that has to be done to get to the pleasure. She's just going to have to grit her teeth and bear it, and you should offer to stop if it hurts her too much. But if she still has her hymen, and hasn't explored herself much, it will hurt. She might not bleed, but she might. I didn't bleed, but it fucking hurt like a bitch. Feels great now, though. I just had to get through the first two weeks of sex, which SUCKED. After two weeks, everything sort of stretched out a little, and all of a sudden it felt wonderful.

It's been so long, but I remember I felt like I was going to be torn in two. Literally.

Just take it slow, and easy, and follow her lead as far as speed. Some women have no pain at all the first time, so who knows. She might be one of those lucky ones.

Lots of foreplay, lots of lube, stop if she asks--I think that's about it.

Plan9 · 06-26-2007, 09:28 AM

The first time I had sex... Did the deed a few times, went home, took a hot shower, and looked down at my non-virgin'd mansword for a long time.

"Wow. Was that it? That sucked. God, beating off is SO much better."

I wanna say a lot of people feel the same thing at that particular time.

medlar · 06-26-2007, 09:28 AM

[QUOTE=onesnowyowl]

Quote:

There have been a lot of males commenting on this thread...so I thought I'd throw in a female's 2 cents.

A woman's take on this is always good. Thanks..but

Quote:

You will most likely hurt her. It's a fact. Sex hurts. But that's not a bad thing. It's something that has to be done to get to the pleasure. She's just going to have to grit her teeth and bear it, and you should offer to stop if it hurts her too much. But if she still has her hymen, and hasn't explored herself much, it will hurt.

This part has me a bit concerned, I'll put aside my own feeling of awesomeness and be well of aware when it's hurting her.

Quote:

After two weeks, everything sort of stretched out a little, and all of a sudden it felt wonderful.

I'm counting on trying for two weeks or more

Quote:

I remember I felt like I was going to be torn in two. Literally.

*I have to add..I'm not quite that impressively equipped but I do know that anatomicly it's pretty erm..tight there and obstructed.

Quote:

Lots of foreplay, lots of lube, stop if she asks--I think that's about it.[/

This is alot to take in but the foreplay and the likes, thats a given.

Thanks thats been helpful!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cervantes

Well as stated before the ketchup metaphor was not about blood. More about male stamina and giving a reference to that most guys don't last very long the first time and it usually comes almost out of the blue when the thing starts shooting.

Many get discouraged because of it and think something is wrong with themselves when it really isn't. Like everything concerning the human body, to be able to exert control over it you have to practice but practicing with your hand can only take you so far.

Best bet is probarbly to make sure you come first then focus all your energy on making your partner feel good and when you are ready again you are a bit calmer and in better control. (This can be done either during the act itself. Just make sure your partner aware that this is just a way for you to deal with the anxiety. Or before it if you can find some way.)
There is such a thing as going for seconds and thirds when it comes to sex (I have yet to meet a woman who didn't want to go at it a second and third time

).

The anxiety, expectations and misconceptions is the killer in this kind of very intimate human relations. I've found that getting off quickly then focusing my attention fully on her pleasure to be the best way to rid oneself of most of the anxiety.
And yes, I still feel it on the rare occasions I am with a new partner for the first time. The perk is that it will become easier to deal with as you gain some experience and familiarity.

Exactly what I was concerning myself about...I can now take the matter to hand before hand.. I know haha

But that's a good strategy..can you believe I never thought of that? god i am just that virginal.

Cervantes · 06-29-2007, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by medlar

Exactly what I was concerning myself about...I can now take the matter to hand before hand.. I know haha

But that's a good strategy..can you believe I never thought of that? god i am just that virginal.

Bah, you'll do fine, the attitude you have about the subject is very admirable. You've already taken the first steps towards becoming good in the sack by researching the subject and asking others for their input.
The strategy isn't my own invention, it actually comes from this very forum where I read about it some years ago. (can't remember who posted it though

)

Like you I read up on the subject and decided to actually understand the theory of it. I discussed it with friends and here, I located references to other works both printed and online texts.

One of the funniest and most interesting ways to flesh out your theoretical knowledge is to read other's questions here in Tilted Sexuality. Sometimes you find information that you never even though of asking about as well as answers to questions you wouldn't be thinking about until well into your sexually active life that might become very usefull to you now.

abaya · 06-29-2007, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onesnowyowl

It's been so long, but I remember I felt like I was going to be torn in two. Literally.

I've heard this from more than a couple of my girlfriends... many of them took several attempts to even get the penis in, because it just hurt so bad. It traumatized some of them a bit at first, but in most circumstances the guys were patient enough to let it take as long as necessary... which eventually helped the girls relax. So yeah, be as patient and understanding as possible, because she's most likely going to be under a lot of pressure to make it a "good" first time, even if she's in pain.

Reese · 06-30-2007, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JinnKai

...
Your genitals bleed
...

If this ever happens to me... well I don't know what I'd do.. but I sure as hell wouldn't do whatever caused it again.

elydian · 07-02-2007, 11:28 AM

The first time Tiger Woods swung a golf club he likely didn't hit in under par.

Sex is like anything, nobody's an expert first time, and consequently it's never going to be the greatest. The more you have the better you get.

The first time is overrated merely because people expect the first time to be what most people refer to when they say "sex is great". When they say that, they're not usually referring to the first time.

loquitur · 07-02-2007, 05:20 PM

actually, there is another possibility: first time a girl gets hold of you, you might just be too tense to come. Not used to having someone else there when Mr. Willy is out and in need, you know. That problem by definition gets solved with time. In my case, the second time.

medlar · 07-05-2007, 08:54 AM

*Bumping up my own thread.

I'll apologxe in advance however..

Well, I'm not going to be posting another thread devoted to it. And I see it as a conclusion or result to all the input here.But I also reckon the best part of that is not telling everyone but making sure they know by sort of being a quiet authority on the subject in the outside world.. If I hadn't posed my question here, I'd likely not be thinking that alot of people may say the first time is largely overrated ( I can totally understand this from a girl's point of view now) but when your feeling this good about yourself, you've got to be thinking theY're dead wrong. It was brilliant, not me, myself.. but just the fact that I've finally gotten mine. Selfish that. i also had the best night's sleep that I've had in a long time last night.

All the advice, lists, pointers, tips and experences that everyone contributed here to a question I couldn't have taken to anyone else, I'm completely appreciating that as I'd have likely plowed into something I know relatively nothing about, and with way too high expectations, (there was a brief fireworks moment on my part though) not to mention being less sensitive to her needs and expectations.we talked alot before hand thanks to my collected knowlede

. So again thanks for clearing things up and enlighting me on a pretty major step for me.

Bear with me..you don't need to read all this by any means..I just need to get it out somehow, without splagging about it in the locker room at soccer practice.

Not to say I hadn't been badly on edge since yesterday. As it has been adviced in the above, I had taken the matter to hand twice before meeting her that morning until I was worrying that there'd be nothing left to perform on. Good rebound theory in that though. Bonus..Her parents were away for the day, all day and far away, so we had time and less fears/terror of being walked in on. That in itself would be a one way ticket back home for me. Still the initial atmosphere was very awkward, so it was, like we just met. When we eventually made the move to her room it got alot better. Again taking to mind and following the advice of taking time on foreplay. I just didn't want to be taking things a step faster than she was ready or myself. I was getting pretty anxious on performance. I'm not up on the workings of the female anatomy southward so it was having her help me out in what she wanted. This was brilliant.Which led to stepping things up. I had to stave off a loss of major control to bring myself to a tolerable level just to get the frigging condom on. It was almost game over right there.

This part is daft.
I wasn't sure of my aim, like a dippit, I couldn't figure it out, so she took the initiative there, felt pretty amateurish on my part with a fair bitof fumblilng about. I was minding that I was going to be hurting her alot and there was a moment when I lost any chance of starting, in what Loquitur stated above. When she tensed up it hurt me to stopping and yet I had to continue dead carefully. I felt badly and apologized between tentative shaky thrustings wll not really like that, and asking if we should stop. Though at this point my body and mind seemed to have suffered a serious disconnection. In reality it was really hard to have to stop, but three times we regrouped and tried again. This part I'll skip over, you will be thankful for that. Because I thought impenetrable might come into the equation here..until it did give way, I can't describe this part.. she was in alot of pain I tried and she woueln't let me stop.. but I couldn't have put a stop on myself anyway. at the same time.

Absolutely no rythm or pace could be reached.

It felt really good for about ten seconds.

Which was actually a good thing for her and not so bad for myself, it actually did hurt for me, quite abit. And there after..

It was nothing like I'd ever expereinced in all my right handed ways.

But we did it!\o/

A sense of humour helps, we tried a second time but it was too painful for her. She did bleed quite abit as well.

She though she had hurt me at my moment.

So..Sorry if you're still reading this..I commend you for that..Its off my chest now as for as making this public.. I just want to see her again. We talked this morning and she's still bleeding though, Im worried now that I might have done some damage besides on her hymen..If she keeps bleeding today I want her to go to the clinic or something. She won't go though.I feel badly and worried on this.

I hope the next time her pleasure in it will be as good as mine. Nothing compares to it. I feel like Im on a new level in life here. Now the mystery of its over, but I know its going to be an important part of my life for now. That and I know its going to be taking us to more intimate and closer level in our relationship. I hope she will have good memories of this ten years from now.

woohoo a rite of passage well met!

Can't seem to stop thanking you guys.

JustJess · 07-05-2007, 09:34 AM

It sounds like you did a FINE job of it. Keep an eye on the bleeding, of course, but don't worry too much, it's probably just spotting and such. Enjoy your explorations!

medlar · 07-05-2007, 09:45 AM

I can't seem to get rid of the grin on my face.
I keep calling her about the bleeding, she's getting a bit annoyed, and telling me not to worry, she's thinking her period might be brought on as she was due,

So that could mean more explorations ahead

at least until after her courses.

medlar · 07-05-2007, 09:45 AM

Oops double post..Im scattered.

Cervantes · 07-06-2007, 03:34 AM

Glad it went so well mate, from this point on it will only get better and better (at least that was the way for me..

)

I'm glad you talked it through first, got attuned to each others thoughts and feelings around it.

All in all, It read like it went pretty well. Don't hesitate to ask if there is anything more you wonder about, me and the good folks in here are more than happy sharing what we know about the subject.

Congrats to getting yours for both of you!
/C

tnt666 · 04-10-2009, 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by medlar

[...]
It will hurt..I know on her part it would, but myself? I'm willing to put up with a bit of pain on my part but how much will this actually hurt?
My genitals will bleed

Yep, you could hurt, I had a bf who had phimosis, generally this is due to improper handling/practice of the foreskin, it could indeed even cause you to bleed!

Oh and the list is missing one item, feel nothing at all...

bloody_rose20 · 04-10-2009, 02:25 PM

Alright, I don't get where people say the first time is always horrible. Because mine was good. Yes it hurt at first, and there was blood, but once things got relaxed and whatnot, it felt good. Granted it wasn't the best sex I have ever had (that wasn't possible with my ex), but it still wasn't horrible. *shrugs* That was my experience with losing my Virginity. My best friend had good sex her first time as well, so its not horrible for every girl when they lose their virginity.

Aurakles · 04-10-2009, 06:21 PM

Pleasure takes time. You have to learn what makes the person tick; what works or doesn't. You have to understand moods and nuances, unspoken language. You simply will not know all this on the first try, but that is not to say that the first time is a waste. It's a starting point. Just be patient and realize that it's a step toward better times.

06-25-2007, 09:34 AM	#1 (permalink)
medlar Tilted Location: In this flesh and bone thing	The Virgin's Ultimate question. I wouldn't take this face to face with anyone I know ..so: I know it makes a difference who you are with, if you care/love them and how long you've been waiting for this. And of course being up on all the consequences, the protection required, etc.. But I keep hearing this. The first time is largely over-rated. Is it the universal truth, that is over-all, the first time will be awkward, unenjoyable, sweaty, clumsly, and poorly done and worse very painful for her? Especially if both parties are having their first time. Or is it the cliched fireworks setting off and 20,000 people in the room cheering? Maybe for the guy the bad portions can be over-shadowed by the whole OM MY GOD IM ACTUALLY HAVING SEX factor and the girl is meanwhile painfully dissappointed and having wasted two minutes of her time. Just wondering, any inspirational takes or warning I should heed?

06-25-2007, 10:02 AM	#2 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	Roughly speaking, I'd say sex can take the following paths: It hurts her too much to continue It hurts you too much to continue Your genitals bleed Her genitals bleed You get scared She gets scared You lose your erection She loses interest The condom breaks She cries You cry Parents / roommates walk in You're too drunk to continue She's too drunk to continue It's bad (for non-specific reasons) It's good It's great It's so good you can't speak That's just a general listing from my brain. Over all, there are 18 possible combinations. Your first time, they're all roughly the same odds of happening. This gives you 3/18 (1/5) possibility of having a good/great/amazing time. This also unfortunately gives you 15/18 possibility of having a not-so-great time. Luckily for you, the probability of the first 15 happening decreases proportionally to the number of times you've had sex. So yea, your first time can (and probably will) encounter difficulties, but it'll only get better looking forward. And "looking forward" can be again that same night. __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

06-25-2007, 10:07 AM	#3 (permalink)
hambone Zeroed In Location: CA	It will be different, but no matter what TRY to relax (easier said than done) and TAKE YOUR TIME. Be clear on what hurts and what is good. While the first time may not be the best physical time, it can be a fantastic experience. Have fun __________________ "Like liquid white from fallen glass, Nothing to cry over"

06-25-2007, 10:33 AM	#5 (permalink)
Cervantes Psycho Location: Above you	From my experience it is just a median on the overall experiences. Being that most dive into it without fully grasping what they are getting into and having too high expectations on themselves and their partners. (how many confused teenagers haven't started wondering about their sexual alignment just because their first time was a total turnoff?) The first time is grossly overrated in the "Public-eye" in the sense that they put all these impossible expectations of fireworks and magical showers of pleasure on something that when it comes down to it is "just" another form of human interaction. Observe: Do not for a second think that it being "just" another form of interaction means anything negative. Quiet on the contrary, it is something very positive. By realizing that it is "just" a form of interaction it will open up to the mindset of "Here we have something that might become awkward in one way or another. How can we increase the fun and pleasure while decreasing the awkwardness?". Having expectations that reach the sky is just going to make you disapointed, in the end it will not serve any good. But knowing what you get yourself into is gold worth. It may be awkward at first but when the chain finds the teeth of the cogwheel and the whole thing starts turning (you start to make sense of how the theory applies to the practical act) even though you don't perform at a pornstar level (those guys cheat, they take long breaks ) it can be a very magical moment. It's not "The world stops spinning" it is more of finding a new way of connecting to another person (no no NO.. Get your mind out of the gutter ) on an emotional plane we can't grasp before we've actually done it. In the sense of fireworks and unicorns it is completely false. But going into it level headed and with both of you fully aware of what you are doing not only to yourselves but to each other aswell will open up a whole new world. Which can be mind boggling all in it self. BTW. Most people doesn't grasp this "connection" the first time, like everything else it takes Practice.. (see where I'm going with this )... and more practice. (now you're getting it.. )... The first time is like popping open a bottle of ketchup, first comes nothing, then you shake it a bit, still nothing and when you are about to shake it again everything wells out all over your food before you even have time to react. My only advice on this matter is: Don't do what I did, don't jump into the full blown act of full sexual intercourse the first thing you do. Experiment, let it happen incrementally, grow accoustomed to one level before moving on to the next. It might feel like a waste of time but later I'm willing to bet you will be glad you did it that way. The way I did it, left me with more questions than answers, it left me frustrated over "Was this all? What was the big hype about?". It took a new and more understanding partner that was willing to give me a "second first time" and this time: to do it "right", for me to fully grasp what is was all about. __________________ - "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.." - "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong." - "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

06-25-2007, 11:40 AM	#8 (permalink)
hambone Zeroed In Location: CA	about blood, I don't think the ketchup comment was about that. Anyway, my wife and I were both virgins and she didn't bleed at all the first time....well at least not enough to notice during the act. Afterwards there was some. If you feel resistance, take more time and it will be good. __________________ "Like liquid white from fallen glass, Nothing to cry over"

06-25-2007, 10:42 AM	#6 (permalink)
catback Psycho Location: North America	Your first time will not be your best time, not that it's gonna be horrible (unless you become a parent unexpectedly) but it'll be far from what you will eventually deem good/great. Just with anything in life practice makes perfect and rarely do you achieve perfection the first time out. All that said don't sweat the small stuff, make sure you are protected and don't worry about the "first time is over-rated" cuse you can't beat it and it surely has to be better than your never done it before.

06-25-2007, 01:47 PM	#9 (permalink)
guthmund big damn hero	Yeah, I read the ketchup comment as a reference to ejaculate.... Look, the point, in my opinion, is to just have fun. Checklists and such of what to expect are kind of helpful, but, in the end, do more to increase anxiety levels than calm worried minds, in my opinion. Do what feels good and work it from there. You can have "bad sex" sex, but it as long as you're up on basic anatomy it's almost impossible to have "no sex" sex. __________________ No signature. None. Seriously.

06-25-2007, 05:48 PM	#10 (permalink)
Ilow Junkie Location: Pats country	I would suggest taking your time and exploring other sexual, but not intercourse interactions, i.e. handjobs, oral sex etc. Get to know your and her equipment and it will be easier to figure out how to insert tab A into slot B. Not everyone bleeds (generally not a concern for guys). Use some lube, but don't go crazy, it's easier if you lubricate the mechanism a little. I wouldn't do it when you were drunk. Make sure you both are really into it, not a lot of fun if in the back of your head there is a nagging "I don't think she really wants to do this." Oh yeah, and try to enjoy it __________________ "Religion is the one area of our discourse in which it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about" --Sam Harris

06-25-2007, 08:53 PM	#11 (permalink)
MrFriendly Psycho Location: Australia	I think If you guys are both into each other, then you shouldn't need to feel too rushed into it. Like Ilow suggests, have a bit of fun exploring each others bodies first. When I lost my virginity we were both virgins. But it wasn't an awkward experience because the months previous we'd spent so much time exploring each others bodies that we were both very comfortable. The emotional connection and just that feeling of being close far outweighed the physical sensations. Like others have said, just relaaaaaaaaax man :-) __________________ You are not a slave

06-26-2007, 07:05 AM	#12 (permalink)
Cervantes Psycho Location: Above you	Well as stated before the ketchup metaphor was not about blood. More about male stamina and giving a reference to that most guys don't last very long the first time and it usually comes almost out of the blue when the thing starts shooting. Many get discouraged because of it and think something is wrong with themselves when it really isn't. Like everything concerning the human body, to be able to exert control over it you have to practice but practicing with your hand can only take you so far. Best bet is probarbly to make sure you come first then focus all your energy on making your partner feel good and when you are ready again you are a bit calmer and in better control. (This can be done either during the act itself. Just make sure your partner aware that this is just a way for you to deal with the anxiety. Or before it if you can find some way.) There is such a thing as going for seconds and thirds when it comes to sex (I have yet to meet a woman who didn't want to go at it a second and third time ). The anxiety, expectations and misconceptions is the killer in this kind of very intimate human relations. I've found that getting off quickly then focusing my attention fully on her pleasure to be the best way to rid oneself of most of the anxiety. And yes, I still feel it on the rare occasions I am with a new partner for the first time. The perk is that it will become easier to deal with as you gain some experience and familiarity. __________________ - "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.." - "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong." - "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

06-26-2007, 09:09 AM	#14 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	There have been a lot of males commenting on this thread...so I thought I'd throw in a female's 2 cents. You will most likely hurt her. It's a fact. Sex hurts. But that's not a bad thing. It's something that has to be done to get to the pleasure. She's just going to have to grit her teeth and bear it, and you should offer to stop if it hurts her too much. But if she still has her hymen, and hasn't explored herself much, it will hurt. She might not bleed, but she might. I didn't bleed, but it fucking hurt like a bitch. Feels great now, though. I just had to get through the first two weeks of sex, which SUCKED. After two weeks, everything sort of stretched out a little, and all of a sudden it felt wonderful. It's been so long, but I remember I felt like I was going to be torn in two. Literally. Just take it slow, and easy, and follow her lead as far as speed. Some women have no pain at all the first time, so who knows. She might be one of those lucky ones. Lots of foreplay, lots of lube, stop if she asks--I think that's about it. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

06-26-2007, 09:28 AM	#15 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	The first time I had sex... Did the deed a few times, went home, took a hot shower, and looked down at my non-virgin'd mansword for a long time. "Wow. Was that it? That sucked. God, beating off is SO much better." I wanna say a lot of people feel the same thing at that particular time. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

07-02-2007, 11:28 AM	#20 (permalink)
elydian Upright	The first time Tiger Woods swung a golf club he likely didn't hit in under par. Sex is like anything, nobody's an expert first time, and consequently it's never going to be the greatest. The more you have the better you get. The first time is overrated merely because people expect the first time to be what most people refer to when they say "sex is great". When they say that, they're not usually referring to the first time. __________________ Now watch this drive.

07-02-2007, 05:20 PM	#21 (permalink)
loquitur Junkie Location: NYC	actually, there is another possibility: first time a girl gets hold of you, you might just be too tense to come. Not used to having someone else there when Mr. Willy is out and in need, you know. That problem by definition gets solved with time. In my case, the second time.

07-05-2007, 08:54 AM	#22 (permalink)
medlar Tilted Location: In this flesh and bone thing	incredibly unnecessarily long and tedious reading if you will.. Bumping up my own thread. I'll apologxe in advance however.. Well, I'm not going to be posting another thread devoted to it. And I see it as a conclusion or result to all the input here.But I also reckon the best part of that is not telling everyone but making sure they know by sort of being a quiet authority on the subject in the outside world.. If I hadn't posed my question here, I'd likely not be thinking that alot of people may say the first time is largely overrated ( I can totally understand this from a girl's point of view now) but when your feeling this good about yourself, you've got to be thinking theY're dead wrong. It was brilliant, not me, myself.. but just the fact that I've finally gotten mine. Selfish that. i also had the best night's sleep that I've had in a long time last night. All the advice, lists, pointers, tips and experences that everyone contributed here to a question I couldn't have taken to anyone else, I'm completely appreciating that as I'd have likely plowed into something I know relatively nothing about, and with way too high expectations, (there was a brief fireworks moment on my part though) not to mention being less sensitive to her needs and expectations.we talked alot before hand thanks to my collected knowlede . So again thanks for clearing things up and enlighting me on a pretty major step for me. Bear with me..you don't need to read all this by any means..I just need to get it out somehow, without splagging about it in the locker room at soccer practice. Not to say I hadn't been badly on edge since yesterday. As it has been adviced in the above, I had taken the matter to hand twice before meeting her that morning until I was worrying that there'd be nothing left to perform on. Good rebound theory in that though. Bonus..Her parents were away for the day, all day and far away, so we had time and less fears/terror of being walked in on. That in itself would be a one way ticket back home for me. Still the initial atmosphere was very awkward, so it was, like we just met. When we eventually made the move to her room it got alot better. Again taking to mind and following the advice of taking time on foreplay. I just didn't want to be taking things a step faster than she was ready or myself. I was getting pretty anxious on performance. I'm not up on the workings of the female anatomy southward so it was having her help me out in what she wanted. This was brilliant.Which led to stepping things up. I had to stave off a loss of major control to bring myself to a tolerable level just to get the frigging condom on. It was almost game over right there. This part is daft. I wasn't sure of my aim, like a dippit, I couldn't figure it out, so she took the initiative there, felt pretty amateurish on my part with a fair bitof fumblilng about. I was minding that I was going to be hurting her alot and there was a moment when I lost any chance of starting, in what Loquitur stated above. When she tensed up it hurt me to stopping and yet I had to continue dead carefully. I felt badly and apologized between tentative shaky thrustings wll not really like that, and asking if we should stop. Though at this point my body and mind seemed to have suffered a serious disconnection. In reality it was really hard to have to stop, but three times we regrouped and tried again. This part I'll skip over, you will be thankful for that. Because I thought impenetrable might come into the equation here..until it did give way, I can't describe this part.. she was in alot of pain I tried and she woueln't let me stop.. but I couldn't have put a stop on myself anyway. at the same time. Absolutely no rythm or pace could be reached. It felt really good for about ten seconds. Which was actually a good thing for her and not so bad for myself, it actually did hurt for me, quite abit. And there after.. It was nothing like I'd ever expereinced in all my right handed ways. But we did it!\o/ A sense of humour helps, we tried a second time but it was too painful for her. She did bleed quite abit as well. She though she had hurt me at my moment. So..Sorry if you're still reading this..I commend you for that..Its off my chest now as for as making this public.. I just want to see her again. We talked this morning and she's still bleeding though, Im worried now that I might have done some damage besides on her hymen..If she keeps bleeding today I want her to go to the clinic or something. She won't go though.I feel badly and worried on this. I hope the next time her pleasure in it will be as good as mine. Nothing compares to it. I feel like Im on a new level in life here. Now the mystery of its over, but I know its going to be an important part of my life for now. That and I know its going to be taking us to more intimate and closer level in our relationship. I hope she will have good memories of this ten years from now. woohoo a rite of passage well met! Can't seem to stop thanking you guys. Last edited by medlar; 07-05-2007 at 08:57 AM..*

07-05-2007, 09:34 AM	#23 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	It sounds like you did a FINE job of it. Keep an eye on the bleeding, of course, but don't worry too much, it's probably just spotting and such. Enjoy your explorations! __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

07-05-2007, 09:45 AM	#24 (permalink)
medlar Tilted Location: In this flesh and bone thing	I can't seem to get rid of the grin on my face. I keep calling her about the bleeding, she's getting a bit annoyed, and telling me not to worry, she's thinking her period might be brought on as she was due, So that could mean more explorations ahead at least until after her courses.

07-05-2007, 09:45 AM	#25 (permalink)
medlar Tilted Location: In this flesh and bone thing	Oops double post..Im scattered.

07-06-2007, 03:34 AM	#26 (permalink)
Cervantes Psycho Location: Above you	Glad it went so well mate, from this point on it will only get better and better (at least that was the way for me.. ) I'm glad you talked it through first, got attuned to each others thoughts and feelings around it. All in all, It read like it went pretty well. Don't hesitate to ask if there is anything more you wonder about, me and the good folks in here are more than happy sharing what we know about the subject. Congrats to getting yours for both of you! /C __________________ - "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.." - "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong." - "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

04-10-2009, 02:25 PM	#28 (permalink)
bloody_rose20 Crazy Location: In Vermont	Alright, I don't get where people say the first time is always horrible. Because mine was good. Yes it hurt at first, and there was blood, but once things got relaxed and whatnot, it felt good. Granted it wasn't the best sex I have ever had (that wasn't possible with my ex), but it still wasn't horrible. shrugs That was my experience with losing my Virginity. My best friend had good sex her first time as well, so its not horrible for every girl when they lose their virginity. __________________ "The only way to enjoy life, is to try different things, and take risks. Sometimes you just have to jump in with both feet and hope for the best "

04-10-2009, 06:21 PM	#29 (permalink)
Aurakles Crazy Location: behind open eyes	Pleasure takes time. You have to learn what makes the person tick; what works or doesn't. You have to understand moods and nuances, unspoken language. You simply will not know all this on the first try, but that is not to say that the first time is a waste. It's a starting point. Just be patient and realize that it's a step toward better times. __________________ Our truest life is when we are in our dreams awake.