My poems/stuff - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Strange Famous · 10-10-2004, 12:59 AM

I thought I should make a unified thread rather than keep posting things on their own. Here is something I wrote the other day. I was in a bad mood.

REWRITE

The iron gant who haunted the silver birch wood of my childhood

Deedication: One

Crying
Tear that freeze
In the headlights of a
Dark blue car
Swinging round, outside my window;
It's squaring me up
I sense that one of these days
It's going to run right through the wall
And crush me into pieces.
I used to think that I would be murdered
One night in my bed
By a man in a darak balaclava
I used to see things sometimes
In the half dark, I would see it raining indoors
I wanted to scream
in terror, but who is there to run to?
There's still no one to run to.
I never cried much as I got older
There was no one to hold me
There's still no one to hold me
I might drift away one of these days
Or more likely
Sink to the bottom
And lay there for a while.

I see myself as a child
I am a crippled boy
I am a dead thing
Decaying, What was one alive
Was never enough
To hold on to
I was born in a thunder storm
And a great black bat with huge leather wings
Beat a slow menancing flight
over the village in the rain
The shadow crossing every home
From the doctors house
Up to the church
And right across the lane.

It moved from the place I was born
Out to the sea
It flew 37 miles from the coast
In a north north east direction
And then dropped down to the water
Food for the fishes
Now

I am not the child who was stillborn
I came to life that night
A twisted, blighted, sub creation
They couldn't face
Smuggle it away
Smuggle that thing away
And stop it crying
Stop it ****ing crying
JUST STOP ****ING CRYING
smother it with the blanket
JUST STOP ****ING CRYING

wrap it up
Weight it with a couple of pieces
of old masonary
From the wall of the pub
Where my father used to drink
Before I killed him
When he was dreaming
When I was still in limbo
Still in dreamland.

I bit of each of his fingers
Right down to the palm of his hand
Cut open the chest
Of a dead raven
Stuffed a handful of daddy inside
And it came to life
And flew right at him
Pecked out his eye's
Silly ****
He couldnt fight back
He only had bloody little stumps for hands
And he was dead drunk
Poor silly ****
He couldnt see
Where he was going
And he ran in front of an articulated lorry
They had to scrape his body
Off the road
With an old man's shovel
Oh, he'll never be able to clear
The snow from his driveway
And not think of it
Again.

If he had lived
My mother might have gone ahead
With the abortion
That's what he wanted
Yeah, I know for a fact
That that was what he wanted.

Let's not leave her behind
Lets not leave her behind
My funeral procession
Dead baby and swaddling
Cloth
Take it down
By the river
and chuck it in
It's just a stream really
But what does it matter
WHen you are dead
When you have never lived

Mummy's crying
Back in a wooden bed
In a damp little cottage
****ty place
I'll come back and haunt it
I'll make myself into a gale
I'll blow and I'll blow
and these ****ing walls will all fall in

I'll make a pattern with 15 knives
and clean them on your arms
Up and down
up and down
You need to hold my hand
I cant grip the handle
properly
My hand is to small
The muscles never developed
Wrap your mummy paw
Around my tiny five digits
We'll hold the knife together
Help me
Keep on hurting you
Like you hurt me
Like you killed me
26 years
or something
ago

Strange Famous · 10-16-2004, 11:57 AM

All of my bones
Arranged in a pile
In the shape of a heart
Which was broken
Three ugly witches
Dance round and round
Singing show tunes
Written in 1963
About Satan and the fall of the Kingdom of God
All of my skin
Is strecthed over
This soccer ball
It's thirteen layers
Deep
Take out my eyes
And feed them to worms
They can't see Anything
Good anymore.

Oh, but I'll still be standing
Somewhere no doubt
Get me a vodka
And Lucozade
Well, this can;t go on
Forever
But it feels indefinite

Oh I'll be standing all right
Dry eyed and grim
A pale imitation
Of the ghost I wished I was
I wish my face
Was covered with the scars
Of every blow I've taken
So everyone could see
Where I've been
A toadmap of pain

But I'm just me
Pale eyed and sullen
Slinking between
The liquer store and my room
With ackward flat steps
Doesn;t matter how drunk I get
I'll always be the same

Just a waste of ****ing skin
A life that started out wrong
I could never clear myself
Of this false beginning
On and on
Feeling so unhappy
Feeling so unworthy
Drive in the knife
What does it matter
I can see your point
Look at me
Ugly fat ****ing ****
Ugly fat ****ing ****
Oh, is it always prone
to such melodrama
And over reaction?

I'll just at home
On my own
Shut out the world
And everyone
It feels like a great
Many tenticled
Salivating monster
It feels like prism
Filled only with grey silence
From every side
It feels like a Beach
In winter, cold and harsh
Running from something unknown
Just screaming and screaming
It feels like a wall of radio static
At every side
Loud enough
To make me death
I was always deaf
In that ear
Anyway

Oh, it wasnt your fault
I've always been this way
Tomorrow I'll take a big hammer
And break every finger
In every hand
So I cant pick up the phone
And call your voice
There isnt any point
There isnt any meaning

Being together
Just didnt work
Wasnt what you wanted
The things you saw
Didnt turn out quite right
We all have the right
To be indecisive
You never thought in absolute's
Anyway
You have your life to make
I can appreciate
You only have one chance to get it right
So you have to be careful
And I am never careful

Oh, just leave right now
It doesnt matter
What was said
What we did
It was just another time
Another thing
Here is now
And it doesnt matter anymore

I'll take a sickle
I'll take an axe
I'll cut down three witches
I'll slash them and smach them
And grind them and bind them
I'll pick up my bones
And swim to the bottom of the sea
And place my hand inside the mouth
Of an ugly fish
Bite it off
I ****ing dare you
Just to make me scream

Strange Famous · 10-16-2004, 11:58 AM

The bonfire
Which I lit
Doused with petrol
Laid out on this patch
Of dusty ground
Behind the fruit cage
In front of the second lawn
And the apple trees
Is burning
So pretty
How much of my life
Have I left behind
I was an only child
Because me and my
Sister hardly spoke
If I stood on the third wall
Of the neighbours fence
I could see the water tower
And the row of tall tree's
That stood to the left
Poplars, I think
A nest or ravens
Scattered the sky
I loved to watch
Them, nature's poetry
The hum of the stock cars
Or motorcycle
Speedway
From the Foxhall track
Filled my summer evenings
The fish pond
My little red boat
That you couldnt make sink
My sister's slide
The cricket strip
That patch of close trimmed lawn
Which my father secretly doctored
With mounds of earth
To help his spin bowling
This kitchen window
Where me and dad
Saw a UFO
oh man, 15 years ago
The hallway
Where I carefully unpacked
My Top Trump cars
and raced them down the carpet
Oh, it was a lonely childhood
Sometimes
Being an only child
But I had friends too
Back then
Playing games on the +2
Upgrade it to Amgiga
the three porno's
That my Dad made me
Never tell mum about
on the old Betamax
Thsi was the second part
of childhood
To go deeper
Younger
Further
Well, I might as well
Start with my first sister
She died when I was 5
The day after she was born
Never knew her
Never saw her
Never held her
What could she have been?
Who would she have been?
Fruitless to ask
I'm sorry that life
Worked out that way
Really, it breaks my heart
When I really think of it
But I hardly ever do
I can say honestly
I never shed a single tear
He rname was Eve
Cos mine was Adam
Kind of tacky
I guess
But it seems
I dont know
I doesnt matter
Anymore
Anyway
damp wallpaper
It was white
Faded grey with dirt
Red flowers, with no body
curled like barbed wire
A shadow
Faded light
A blow
A punch
I pretended not to hear
I was always the coward
I was always the one
Who never got
What was coming to him
I used to think
Maybe this house
Was haunted
I used to lie to myself
I used to wish
I had a gun
I tried to kill myself
When I was 11
Half heartedly
Oh, I didnt really mean it
I'm still alive, after all
So I couldnt have really meant it
It scared Father I think
He slapped me
I ran away and cried
And thought hard thoughts of murder
Heavy hammers
And fragile skulls
Tearing and choking
Burning and screaming with laughter
At the burned out cars
And the corpse within
Oh, I neevr did
Say how I felt
He used to call me Best Pal
I used to hate him
If I could go back now
Things would not be the same
Punch me in the mouth
I dare you
I'll bite off your hand
I'll grind my teeth into your wrist
And I'll twist and I'll spit
The flesh that I tear
Right back into your face
I'll take the butter knife
With the creamy beige handle
And flash it across your face
As you duck and come back
With a fist read to stike
I'll smach that glass bowl
Right into your face
The one that I dropped
When I was 7 or 8
And you went crazy
over
Yeah, irony and me
We go a long way back
I'll grind the sharp broken edges
Right into your face
I'll sink my teeth into your neck
I'll Gnash my teeth till they break
And rip out every vein
And atory I can find
I'll place my hands
On your temples
And squeeze
Liek the test of strength guy
Until my rage implodes
Oh, are you getting this?
oh, are you getting this?

My anger is impotent
More savage for it
The truth is more
demeaning
I was always the same
Slipped under the radar
The kidn that no one felt
Sure about
Dull eyes, hands that could make
Fists, but never do

Oh, my childhood
Is gone
Is gone
Look at me now
Right now
At this very instant
A fat piece of ****
Drinking beer
Living in a **** hole
Without a girl
Or a world
or a dream
Or anything

Well
Thats how it seems.

Strange Famous · 10-23-2004, 01:43 AM

I was sleeping lightly
When unseen footsteps scampered past my bed
The door downstairs kept slamming
Your ghost was here again

I'll pick up my courage
I'll shape and mould my indifference
Yeah, you always said I was so cold
Your touch feels like ice to me

The telephone is silent, mocking
I'll pick it up and grind it into shreds
Against this wall one day
Dare me one more time... you know
I'm strong enough.

I'll take this birthday cake
And cut it straight down the middle
I'll leave my half till it's stale
And chuck it in the trash
I'll feed your half to dogs
Oh, that'll teach you
Huh?

I'll jump out of bed
Grabbing a fire iron in a heavy fist
Shoulders swinging and surly
I was always so craven and aggressive
I repressed this side of me
Most the time
Try and haunt me
And I'll heavy swing this iron giant
Right through the hole inside of you
It'll go straight through
I'll bare my teeth
You'd better disappear

I saw you in a bar the other day
Dont know if you noticed me
I drank my drink, and then another
Then walked out without saying a thing
Oh, you always said I was cold
Well, maybe you were half right
But listen
I am not some robot
I am not without care
But you can look right into my eyes
They will be cold and dry
A little dead and flat
Reminds me of a thing I once read
The father of a famous killer
Described his whole life as so:
A broad, flat pain
That ran thrugh everything
Oh, I know just what he felt
The father, of course, I mean.

You were my special girl
I wrote you a few poems
That were nicer than this
Less honest, more authentic
Do you know the difference
When I loved you I told myself you did
Maybe you dont, maybe you do
I dont really know
And that is the reason
You never call
That is the reason
You felt that we should just be friends
or a big part of it
Oh sometimes I act all wrong
But I am not unself-aware

Strange Famous · 10-23-2004, 11:02 AM

On this particular day
There is nothimg that we say
That really matters
'S how it seems, you'll
Be walking through a crisp
Fall air, the darkness is expectant
Will soon be filled
WIth kids and costumes, later - snow's
Or idea's of that kind
Jingle bells, that dream you had
That one special christmas
When you were old enough
to understand, young enough
to believe. And my birthday
But you didnt know that.
Maybe it's your birthday?
oh, I just dont know
There is not information
To weave between us
Anything at all
I'll be looking at the same sky
As I walk the streets round my way
Hands stuffed in warm pockets
Eyes down, jaw set, I dont like the space
The stars, the open ground
I like walls around me
You probably feel the opposite
Most people do
Listen
This is my love song
I wrote it down for you
At some point, we will stare
At the same empty sky
The same atrocity of space
Look at the stars
Such tiny fallible glitters
Of light, pathetic against
The vast blanket of nothing
That enfolds them
In such moments
Perhaps we will have the
Same frightening epiphany
That we are nothing
That are lives mean nothing
That we we are a fragment
So small and puny
That nothing we can ever do
Or achieve has any cosmic significance
The sky is so empty
So full of terrible potential
It will collapse on us all
With a frighteing velocity
What follows
No one living shall know
We both have our ideas I expect
The same as everyone.

Listen, I'll right you a second stanza
I'll clarify it for you
It's kind of like
The space behind your old house
When you were a kid
It went on forever
It made you feel timeless
I'll write you a love song
Though I'm not sure
I started out right

Strange Famous · 10-23-2004, 11:04 AM

I was born in 1978
At the end of winter
And nobody came to the funeral
A west wind blew
For forty Days
And forty one nights
Scattering garbage
In a vast circle
In the centre of which
Was my life
I took an old fashioned straight
Razor, and made 99 cuts
On the inside of my arm
All in a line
Pretty like soldiers
Weeping blood
Like wine
I dug up the grave
Of my oldest ancestor
And took the same knife
Cut the corners up from their mouth
Oh, a Chelsea smile
Where would we be
In this world of ours
Without a sense of humour

My arm never scars
No one can see
All of the marks
That show where I'm from
The pain is inside
Maybe One Day
I'll get better

Strange Famous · 10-23-2004, 11:06 AM

The sky was red last night
shepherds delight
thats what they say
I carefully studied
the rings you wear
One on each finger
I like the one with the
Celtic sign
And the green cut glass
I liked the green thread
You braided into your hair
But they made you take it out
It didnt fit in
With the regulations
Of the school board
So you wore a short skirt instead

The sky was red this morning
Shepherd's warning
Thats what they say
Thats what he said
I'm not of the world
But you are a part of the world
entrenched in time and place
You exist right here
On this patch of sun burnt grass
The dog running circles around you
As you stare at the blue sky
At an ugly little white cloud
That looks like an old man
That you hate
I see confusion in your eyes
Something is coming
You cant quite make it out
Shrug your shoulders
Walk back inside, shoulders slightly slumped
Reach through the cans of beer
That stack the fridge
And pick out a Pepsi instead

I remember
I remember
Memor is important
To me, because it is where
I concentrate my energy

You used to play hop scotch in the street
Like a little dinosaur
Like a hungry, angry raptor
Catious and vicious
Who's beauty can turn into great velocity
At the slightest spark

I think you're a hexagon
You have six sides and they all face each
Other, A different look for
Each day of the week, and
on Sunday you can be yourself.

I think you're like an alarm clock
I think you're like a TV show
Where the people all know each other
And tell the same jokes every week
It's safe there, and you always know
Who gets the girl
And the down on his luck guy
Always has his adventures
And always gets some other girl
To lose, how careless
She will end up with the good looking neighbour
The dramatic tension shifts
You might get one more series
Then she'll turn up in some other show

Like an angry dinosaur
One day she'll be a single mum
And find some Argentine dream boat
A life of happy endings
And new beginnings
Somehow it always works out
A sense of cosmic justice
You would call it karma
I call it gravity

The sky was green last night
From where I stood
6 foot underwater
I thought you were a fish
With skin that was gold and yellow and grey
Pink and sky blue and white
You swam 15 circles around me
I had a strange epiphany

You never wore green braids in your hair
You just had green eyes
You never gave me those transfer tattoo's
That freaked my mother out that time
Cos you always lived miles away
(so where the hell did I get them?)
You never wore that celtic ring
I never bought it for you
From the new age traveller
on Felixstowe market
You never taught me Hebrew words
You were raised in another church
So who taught me Hebrew words?
I know it wasnt them
Man, I KNOW it wasnt them

I must have been thinking about someone else
Someone I've never known
Someone who has never been
Here.

I'll grab a flight right now
And bring you a mirror
I'll leave it by your front door
And ring the bell and run

I'll sail the sea
In a pea green boat
With an owl
And a Golden retriever
If it sinks
We'll swim

I'm 6 foot underwater
Looking up at you
Your standing on a mountain
Frowing at the middle distance
Your eyes
Match the sky
From down here

And when you come down the mountain
You'll play a populat show tune
On my skeleton
They left it lying on the beach
Use the Femur and the knee cap
As the instruments
Bang out the tune on my ribs
If you hit the high notes too hard
And my skull falls off
Dont worry about it
It makes such pretty music
We all need pretty music
We all love pretty music

Water melon, cookie dough, crocodile, hammer
Cookie dough, crocodile, hammer, Madison
crocodile, hammer, Maddison
hammer, Madison
Madison
Madison
Madison
Madison

Strange Famous · 10-23-2004, 11:14 AM

sandpit, sand castle
1980's
lets race our toy cars
Around the edge of the sand
And they'll crash and they'll start
And the winner will always be
The one you hold
In the left hand
If you win
You have to be my best friend
If I win
I have to be your best friend
I keep racing ahead
and stopping so you can catch up
I want to win
But I want to lead all the way
Back then I was too young
To have the self awareness
To think about anyone else
My scheme
Just fitted into your scheme
Yeah, I see that now.

Lets skip on a few years
Lets leave behind
a Few scraped knee's
A few early summer evenings
Down the old rec
Lets leave out
The poplar trees
and the seagulls
Lets leave out the time
On the old school field
When the fog came in so deep
That you couldnt see the far fence
And the back yards of the house
on St Lawrence's
I was fascinated
I was enthralled
I loved it when they turned the lights
On in the day
It made me feel protected
From what was outside

Let's leave out the rounders games
Let's leave out the rain
And the wind
And the pink parker coat
With the fur hood
That you used to wear
And the white knee socks
Pulled all the way up
To the knee

Lets get past the memories
Lets get to where it's at

I bought a pewter mug today
With German writing on
I bought it just for how it would
look, I have other
glasses and mugs
That are adequate
And you, shook your head
And smile
I would almost imagine
You ruffled my hair
God, it means so much
I needed this so much
For the longest time

Listen

No, I changed my mind
Don't listen
I cant find the words
Instead, close your eyes
And see

The hot grass in the summer
The sidewalks echoing the heat
This space that was built
To be filled with people
Running here and there
And everywhere
Oh, and everywhere
Run, run, run, run
I see you here, on these streets
You dont run
And the world moves in slow
motion, because you are there
This girl, I talked about with all my friends
On the quite
One to one
She wasnt the one everybody chased
But I bet they wished they did
Now.

Dark hair, swinging like a
hurracaine
At every delicate
shrug of those shoulders
Oh, what would it feel like
if those shoulders were
To nudge into my chest
jokingly, and rest there
cheeck against my chin...
Oh God!
What would that feel like?
Eye's full of spakle
The sweater she wears
Always is too big in the sleeves
Not tight enough
Across the chest
Oh well... oh well...
And she dictates
the Pace that the whole world moves at
Cos without her, its just a place
Just a mess of reactions and actions
Just a school, just a college, just a job
Just a bunch of people, just a wall
Just a car, just a bottle, just a TV show

If I'd have been there then, the world
Would have been so different
Oh. I'd have changed it
I'd have changed it
I'd have changed
We'd have cut class
Sometimes
Not too much
And played pool
I'd get drunk on two beers
Just to impress you
I'd pretend I was letting you win
Even if you beat me
And you would know

I'd be there right now
On a desert island
With lush coconut trees
and fresh strawberry's
I'd make you a dwelling
And we would lie on the beach
Every night
And talk about the strange
Frightening poetry of the cars
I'd never be afraid
In your arms

You are 1988
You are 1989
You are 1990
You are 1991
You are 1992

You are here right now
You are here right now

You are the ocean
You are the North Sea
so powerful
so beautiful
so cold
so full of everything
a million fish
swam in the pattern
of the star of St David
last night while I was asleep

Lets go to church
I wont tell them
That my Dad was Jewish
They'll never find out
And I know you'll never tell them

Your hair is the colour of summer
I want to decorate it
With the sticky weed
That used to grow on the school field
I want to take you to a bbq
And run away together
to the bottom of the garden
Behind the sandpit
Where we used to race cars
I used to play soccer
Against the wall
If I saved the goal
I would be happy
I would be happy
I need you to save me
To throw your body down
In the long grass
Between the apple tree's
The ball hits the palsm of your hands
As you get soaked with dew
The ball spins wideof the post
And I will be happy
And I will be happy
For all time
I will be happy

I want to take you to Loch Ness
And drive round and round
100 times
And the monster
Will jump up and dance in front of us
And we wont notice
because we are too busy
I want to take you to the very patch of earth
My dad parked his car
SOme 27 years ago
And I want to walk hand in hand
With you
Right on past it
And not even notice
I know a few good restuarants
In that part of London
So why would we care
About the other stuff

Lets go to New York
You were planted there
a Few years ago
I want to see the flowers
That grow there right now
Youre like a venus flytrap
You are mythical
Youre like a brand new digital camara
You are a lot more than all of that

Lets go to New York
I'll get a job
working in accounts
I'll come home
With my tie loose
And my collar loose
And my jacket hanging of my shoulders
I'll take your hand
And kiss every finger tip
Five times
And we will live in an apartment
Featured in Friends
And I'll be the guy
Somehow connected to Joey
through some fleeting
Misunderstanding
I'll high five Chandler
Every time we meet in the corridor
And you'll be down with Rachael
Go shopping together
Yeah, I got this **** planned out

We'll make our own death star
And travel the galaxy
And we will find a plannet
And we'll spare them
And live there
Happily ever after
as King and Queen

Listen
I never really knew
How to say how I felt
This poem
Was just my attempt
To set it out

Let me pour you a glass
of bubble gum
Let me buy you
A netball skirt
Oh, if things could have been different
They would be so different
If only things could have been different
It would have been so much better
I wish things could have been different
I wish I could fall asleep tonight
Kissing your hair
Kissing your hair
Kissing your hair
Kissing your hair
Kissing your hair
Kissing your hair

Strange Famous · 10-23-2004, 11:15 AM

My pale, pragmatic, Polish Princess
I dont know if your name
Is Brittany or Katie
I can't figure it out
You stand over me
Like a collosus
Like the opposite of a porpoise
Like the Easterly wind.

Youre like a tri-angle
The sum of your interior angles
Is constant, fixed, mathematical

Lets stand arm in arm
Let me hold your hand
And we'll walk by the old river
And down to the park
I used to play rounders
When I was a kid

And we will shout at the people
Walking their dogs
Walking their kids
Walking their loves
I'll be shouting
"This is the real thing"
And you'll be shouting
"I am Spartacus!
I am Spartacus!
I am Spartacus!"

Let me take to the shop
At the end of the street I used to live
I will buy you a bottle of barley wine
But only if you promise
To share it with your friends

Strange Famous · 10-23-2004, 11:16 AM

posted 21 September 2004 02:33 AM
Everybody here
Says I'm fragile
Everybody here
Thinks their tactile
Everybody here
Hates me to smile
I think you're a
Pteradactyl
I dont love you
I dont like you
I dont hate you
Just wish I had
Never met you.

Strange Famous · 10-23-2004, 11:18 AM

This evening tastes like the city
On a hot summer day
This wine is the color of blood
That lives inside of me
I closed my eyes and wished that I could be
Invisible, but
You held onto me

Oh, the world could end on a night like this
Come and stand in my arms
Close to me
Oh, the world could end on a night such as this
Rest your face on my chest
Let me kiss your hair

The air tonight is humming with distant static
Like an untuned radio
The old factory tonight, it is haunted
At the back of our street
By Yesterday
I closed my eyes and wished I could be infinite
Spread out, and you touched
My arm, lightly with your
Hand, and held me together,
All bound up.

And the world could end on a night like this
Let me hold you under the stars
And let us listen
To the city and the night
And let me kiss your hair
Because the stars are still there.

Strange Famous · 10-27-2004, 11:29 AM

Just moving all my stuff into this thead:

A line of vodka
Clenchs inside
My chest, I still feel shaky
Since last night
And my elbows feel numb

My black tide
This rusty wave
Corroding me
I always end up
Back where I began
Back to what I was born
Into

The cola tastes bitter
The mix is too strong
The sky is epileptic
I shut it out
And turn off the phone

My black tide
No matter how hard I try
I cannot become
An absolute
I just keep walking
I'm still afraid
I still dont get it

Today I dont want to talk to anyone
Today I do not want my name to be spoken
By anone, they dont understand
Nobody cares, I know in such moments
Of bitter clarity, That there is not
A single person in the whole world
Who loves me. Of course, no one
decreed it had to be this way
I just started wrong, kept down this path
Living a life, but not of the world
Oh so they say, not of this world
Thats what they say, but I dont
Belong anywhere, I just keep telling the space
That one day I pull myself together.

But there is a long way down still
More terror that awaits me
With nothing to abjugate it
But more of this, getting by
A joke, a beer, a line of vodka
That clenchs my chest, a girl
A night, a disappointment, a
Searching, self loathing
An unspectacular dawn, bird stained
and hungry, the sun uncertain
But shining all the same
Then my black tide
The same corrosion
Rusty wave
Back here again
I'm me again

"Oh father, my mouth is full of stars"

Thats a line from a book
I remembered well

Oh father, I'll be there with you
One day, one day, and there
Will be songs and sunlight and flowers
And the world will be beautiful
We'll stand side by side
And I will be weeping

Oh father, what have you done
To me, how could I allow
you to walk by my side
After everything?

I'll buy you a whisky and sour
I'll kick your head in in the alleyway
I'll kiss the sole of your boot
If you lay on your back
And stick your legs in the air

Strange Famous · 10-27-2004, 11:40 AM

Today, the sky was grey and threatened
Rain which did not come

Today I went through the motions
of life and you werent there

Today I drank too much and felt sorry
For myself, somewhat ashamed

Today threatened lightening
That did not come

Today I didnt kiss you, didn't
Wake up in your arms

Today I cried, while reading a tacky
love story on the internet

And no one was there to see
It didnt mean anything.

2

This evening tastes like the city
On a hot summer day
This wine is the color of blood
That lives inside of me
I closed my eyes and wished that I could be
Invisible, but
You held onto me

Oh, the world could end on a night like this
Come and stand in my arms
Close to me
Oh, the world could end on a night such as this
Rest your face on my chest
Let me kiss your hair

The air tonight is humming with distant static
Like an untuned radio
The old factory tonight, it is haunted
At the back of our street
By Yesterday
I closed my eyes and wished I could be infinite
Spread out, and you touched
My arm, lightly with your
Hand, and held me together,
All bound up.

And the world could end on a night like this
Let me hold you under the stars
And let us listen
To the city and the night
And let me kiss your hair
Because the stars are still there.

3

posted 04 September 2004 10:11 AM
We talk less and less these days
I dont remember how it started
I dont remember the exact point
Which we started to move away
From one another.

The distance now is not so great
With an effort we could close it
Hold on tighter to each other
But every day brings greater
difficulty.

And you, who I lived like an only
friend, will go whichever way you
always wanted, I'm sure. I guess I'll
Be ok, It isnt your fault, Im sure
Ive always been this way.

One day, we might walk past each other
In the street, and I wouldnt speak, I
might nod a little, or just pretend not to
See. It might hurt for a second, but not
Enough to change anything.

4

Mother
Another sunny day, another long sunny day.
I'll never forgive you for the words you never spoke to me.
When I think of you, its always linked to geography
Here is the greenhouse, here the hall closet, here the sandpit
Where I cut my knee, you gave me iodine, I smelled booze on you
Even now I cant hate you, it hurts my heart still to think
Of you small and unprotected, but what does it mean
What good can it do, you are of no value to me now.
You still meen something, but it diminishes each day.
I'll write you a poem, because there's nothing left to say

5

Sky Blood Red
Raining Fire
The sun has gone out.
An atrocity of light
Purges the earth

Tears that rupture,
your heart implodes
The world was supposed
To End in a Whimper
Not a bang.

Ashes, ashes, grey vision
Unseen, a pile of
Junk that was once a home
Is now blasted ruin, shapes
That mean nothing anymore.

6

Imaginery scars run all directions over my skin
Like a roadmap of all the places that I've been
Here is my father, here is a broken down car
Here is my mother, here an out of tune guitar.

My eyes are damp with all the tears I've never cried
When I lost love, hope, when my baby sister died
If I could cry one last time, I would cry for you all
If you ever cried for me, if you ever cried at all

My heart feels heavy with the doubt and mistrust
One day everything will be dust.
I never wanted to be the way I am, Never wanted to be unhappy
I should have smiled more, I should have been a different me.

My neck is aching, angular, waiting for a rope
Waiting for a parting, waiting for a note
Here is my father, here is a broken down car
Here is my mother, here is an out of tune guitar
Here is my sister, here is an unused pack of cards
Here is my gravestone, here is a mirror reduced to shards
Here is my love, here is a empty burnt out hard drive
Here is my world, here is a beautiful meadow filled with summer flowers and a warm pacifice blue sky, the distant sound of children's laughter, a late afternoon sky, and a grass stained boy running happily, a butterfly, the big old tree's that line the left of here, and the boy is running happily, and now is gone.

7

My Love, here, inside, everywhere
My love, dressed in a little black dress
And tennis shoes, with hair
That is different colours

My love, came to me like an Angel
Which is Greek for messanger
Appeared to me like an Angel
The message was always inside of me

My love, who doesnt understand
Why helicopters fly, who
Doesnt understand why homeless people
Have nowhere to go and no one to love

I was homeless too, some of the time
I was living here, my heart
Is just a muscles that pushes the blood
Round and round my body.

My love, you are the heart of my life
I want to kiss your finger tips
I want to sit with you, and drink diet soda
And watch crappy TV shows and
you will laugh when I make fun of them

My love, how can I explain, how can
I record in words, the feeling of being
together, the syncronisity (sic) of movement
The way it feels when you rest your arm
against mine, without thinking of it.

8

So, just be... and be

The windows in my home
All look outwards
The desk and the telephone
Always just sit there
Sometimes I feel I'll always be alone
When you're not here

The sky in my town is always grey
Except the sun
Occasionally lights the way
Long enough to get an idea
Of a childhood unused, memories, they
Suffocate sometimes

I keep remembering you, I cant forget
The way your hair felt, when I ran
My hands across it, unthinking, The
Shape of shoulder, the exact shade
of pacific of your eyes, all these
Things mean nothing because I
am dead.

9

Gasping, shuddering, crying
Inside, clinging to something
That falls apart in your
Hands. Gravity will be
Stronger.

Screaming, quaking, dying
Silently, a blanket
replaces your soul, to
Sleep forever and never
Dream.

Silence, a grey stone
Unseen, broken apart
People come to remember
But they really come here
To forget.

10

My love is like electric
My love is like he media
It's eveywhere

Babies are born
Thousands of times a
Day, in every land

For each baby, a light
Fot each baby, her media
his media, their
Electric

For each baby
Strange media
For each baby
Electric lights

11

wrapped in three layers of coat
I shiver down the garden path
Armed with a cricket stump
And the first become the last

Dead water, waiting to be reborn
Devoid of memory, knowledge.
The grass whitened by frost
The wind shouldered by the hedge

That runs by the left of me
Dead water, numb hands, heavy swing
there's something alive under here
I dont know, I dont know anything.

12

Days bleed into weeks
Years, I am dying
Why arent they screaming
Like me?

The sky burns with
Temporary power
So transient
So unsure

The school field
God, was it really
Twenty years ago?
Listen to the cries

Of yoy and children's games
It's always summer
The grass is hot and green
And the world was bigger

Now, as it contracts
I cannot believe the
Time has gone
I cannot tell where
The time has gone

God, was it really
Twenty Years ago? Such
Dread, excites, no words
Can tell how the sky
Looked back then
Sat in my back yard
The Trees beyond the
Neighbours fence
The Apple Tree
What does it mean
I know that it has
Gone, and it will
Never be again
And to think of it
Makes me cry, and
This is all that I
Can say

13

Dying, Life
Scraped Away
To Bones
And Decay

The Sky Darkens
A Storm Is
Coming, Terror
Gravity, A Kiss

A Great Velocity
Tearing From Night
Sky, The Stars Are
Bleeding, My Sight

Implodes, My Mouth
Is Full Of Worms
Cannot See, Cannot Feel
That The World Still Turns.

Cannot See, Cannot Think
Cannot Cry, Cannot Sink

14

The sky is spinning and tumbling
The ground is shaking and rumbling
My heart is cold and suddenly cold
My universe, my house, my world
Contract, the sea's are rising higher
The plants are all dying, the fire
has gutted everything, left only
Junk, and ashes, and nobody to see.

15
Grey summer, a clammering
Of noise and white against
A green background.

I can still remember
The exact texture and
Feel of your stocking

And my hand, a movie theater
Half empty, its never
Half full

My dreams I lay out before me
My castle is broken
My home is my castle
My castle is broken

I remember discoteqthes
In nylon flurescence
Sweating cheap booze

And the shape of a girl
In the eclectic night,
False dawn.

I remember the play park
Behind the shopping arcade
And 20 Silk Cut

Ultra. Still in her uniform
Jesus, would you look,
Would you look at this now?

I lay out my dreams before me
I swallow them
Drenched in sex and fear
I swallow them

Im starving for you.

Strange Famous · 10-30-2004, 06:38 AM

posted 30 October 2004 10:24 AM
Rewrite this poem!

It's about a girl

XXIII

I walked in 15 circles
Round and round and round
Last night while I was sleeping
Starting at the church at the top of my old lane
And back round to the gypsy girl grave
I stood on the tatty grass
and jumped up and down
Shouting "Mary, Mary 1, 2, 3"
But nobody is haunting me
Yet
When I woke up my knees and wrists
Were covered in grass stains

I wanted to call you this morning
But somehow I didnt
End up doing it
What could I say? You would surely
Think I was making it up
I couldnt sleep walk that far.

I've got 24 cans of beer
And two microwave prawn curries
Sitting my fridge right now
Oh, a bachelors life for me
I'll leave a stack of dirty magazines
On the back of the toilet
Manhood is so confirmed
I'll set fire to the very clothes on my back
If its what you want
I'll let my bite my wrist
Sink your teeth in as far as you can
And drink your fill
Oh, I'd let you do all of this

I'll place you in my minds eye
If I cant see you anywhere
Else. You'll probably be
Up for a couple of hours
By the time Ive strugled out of bed
My hangover encasing me in
Depression and fatness
You'll probably be wearing a lime green skirt
And strappy tights
And a blue top
Well, I told you before I was color blind
You didnt ****ing care
I see now you are so cold

You'll probably tie back your hair
You'll probably go shopping with a friend
You might mention me once or twice
Unflatteringly
No doubt

What tied us together
Was never strong enough
To hold, when we both moved
At different frequencies
Look, Im not blaming you
Everyone has the right to the life
They want, why would it help
Having a guy like me around
Just dragging things down
I can keep joking
72 hours straight
But eventually I run out of lines
There's something else in you
I have always felt
As if I had a very meagre soul
The core of me was an emptiness
I disguise behind automatic reactions
And other people's lines

You took a blunt pen knife
And cut into my chest
Spent all night
Whittling away the skin
And sawing through my ribs
Cut to the left side of the heart
Couldnt find what you were looking for
The final rush of expectation
Just revealed another hole
That was suddenly coming out of my back
You stitched me back up alright
And replaced my flesh
With kitchen paper
Dipped in mint cordial and rum
Oh, I feel minty fresh
Alright

If you cried
I would kiss your tears
Or something
I promise I wouldnt pretend
I didnt see
I promise
I wouldnt poke out my eyes
Pour cement inside my ears
And lock myself in the trunk of your car

Lets go back in time
Look, I know what I am doing
How I betray myself
Say I dont care, then carry on so much
Say that I care, then never really be there
For you
Im not an idiot you know
Remember the BBQ I took you too
It rained most the day
And they had to set up in the conservatory
We sat in the doorway of the summer house
You looked very pretty
I could touch your hair
Just at the ends
I could kiss the side of your jaw
I could hold you and keep you safe
There's a lot of things I could protect you from
I really wish you were here right now
So I wasnt writing this ****.

_
"Jesus said: If those who lead you say to you: See, the kingdom is in heaven, then the birds of the heaven will go before you; if they say to you: It is in the sea, then the fish will go before you. But the kingdom is within you, and it is outside of you. When you know yourselves, then you will be known, and you will know that you are the sons of the living Father. But if you do not know yourselves, then you are in poverty, and you are poverty" - The Gospel of Thomas

Strange Famous · 11-05-2004, 12:53 PM

posted 04 November 2004 02:02 PM
Yo,
Things...
Things keep changing
I was sitting back, I never expected
A sharp pain, a tender shock
I never expected a metal bat
Around the head
A pearing knife
In th eback of the knee
I'm walking, wounded
I wear my blood stains with price
Makes red hand prints
All round the neighbourhood
Pull on my hooded jacket
Wrap a scarf around my face
I got a big metal bat
And a couple of knives
Of my own

All the little things
All the little places
Everything I said about
The nature of time and all of the saints
SO it comes to this

My only friend
My sweetest embrace
My ugly star
Your light is unpure
It blinds me all the same
Temporarily
I listened to that song
For a length of days
I couldnt count
On this tally roll
one at a atime

I see now where the edges were frayed
Where the sparkle was just rrefraction
Grim muddy light
bursting through broken class
Spilt on the floor
After a rough school disco

You want to dig me up
From my shallow grave
And use my bones
For your witchcraft
Do what you have to do
Hate how you have to hate
Bring a spade and pentogram
And a latin book
Of Satanic songs
Bring a length of rope
And ten black candles
Some deadly nightshade
and a dozen roses
Hate how you have to hate, man
Do what you have to do
Cos guess what, Im not buried were you left me
Im walking the moors
All wild and frightening
With my big metal bat
My pair of knives
My hooded jacket
My hooded eyes
Oh, Ive been feeling like ****
For a little long while
Oh, you didnt know
Guess what
I didnt care
Anyway

Strange Famous · 11-05-2004, 12:56 PM

The world is like a trap
Jaws poised, sharp, biting
The taste of velocity and steel
Brings a certain shock
I'll clench a fist
if it catches my wrist
I'll bare my teeth
Bite through the metal
One handed fool

Oh mother, I dedicate Plath
To you, oh Daddy
I just want to kill you
I could make it poetic
But I just want to choke you
With this protestant hands
I'm bigger than you
These days, oh I could do it
Best believe, son, I could so it
Oh mummy, you silly fat cow
All you did was drink and cry
What use is that to me?

I'll do the mans work
this laural hedge
I remember it well
The way the leaves felt
wet with dew sometimes
The frozen fish pond
Tall poplars, speedway bikes
Im not poetric, I'll makes
My own poetry
This part of my life
The last part of the first part
Doesnt belong to you
Oh, you wish it did
It doesnt belong to you
I know you wish it did
Whatever you did to me
Couldnt crack this facade
In a way that would reflect
Back to the front again
Oh you disagree?
SO fist fight me right now
I'll beat the **** out of you
You think I cant
Come and try me
I swing my fists like heavy bats
I am stronger now
These days

Naw, it doesnt belong to you
It is with Stephanie
I havent seen her in years
She was younger than me
Too much
Look, nothing happened
We used to play in her
Back yad, I used to sleep on the heath
A couple of times a year
Try and catch me?
I'll bite like an adder
So Steph, how are you doing
I romantacize you
Cos you were one of the only
Things that happened to me
Between 1987 and 1990
That I feel good about
You must be 21, 22 by now
Maybe one day we'll meet again
You know
Friends Reunited
Or something like that
If the guy that you date now
Doesnt treat you right
I'll kick off his door
Choke him and slam him
Oh, he doesnt think I'm strong enough
He'll find out
You'll kiss my finger tips
I'll run my hands through your hair
Or something
Look, Im not an idiot
I know its unrealistic
The past, the present
I can pretend
I have to do something
You know?

Oh Stephanie
I hate my mother
I hate my father
dont talk about my sister
Your hair was the colour of gold
When the sun shined
At a certain angle

Strange Famous · 11-05-2004, 01:53 PM

posted 05 November 2004 04:51 PM
Listen to the sound
of a dead man breathing
Very quietly
It only happens
When you turn off the lights
He gets closer
His eyes are red
And if he touches my hand
With his skeleton bones
It'll be a fist, or a throat
You know what I mean?

His eyes are red
The colour of Hades
The colour of an incredible scream of rage
and Hate and anger
That fills the whole the world
With its viciousness
I will roar
I will bite your neck
Im not talking about
Some stylized Dracula ****

There is a dead girl
Who's been here, oh I dont...
45 years?
Her brother pushed her tricycle
In front of a sand truck
By accident
They had to scrape the remains
Off the road with a shovel
She lived in this house
Dont know if she slept in this room
Or not

There is an adder
There is a dead goldfish
There is an old battered metal filing cabinet
Filled with bank statements
And porn

You were my girlfriend
For 75 days or so
Then you left me
Well, I can see why
And I dont say so
To seem like I do
Or make you feel sorry
I do actually understand
It wasnt anything I said it would be
You could cope with the obvious stuff
It was the unsaid words
Inside of me
No, I never knew what to say
SO most of the time I just talk bull****
instead
I cant even find
Any natural sense
of poetry
Now you are gone
You still call me all the time
Every other week
Same thing
Big difference
Right?
What do you want?
I told you once
So I told you a thousand times
I am not religiously
Or ethnically Jewish
Just because my father was
I ****ing hate him
Anyway
Ive killed him in a lot of dreams
Sometimes he just dies
And I find another life
Another me
You didnt cure me of that
huh?
if youre so ****ing clever
You didnt cure me of that

Yeah, I understand
Why you thought it was best
This way
I might repress these little things
But I see the sky
And I see thd dirt
Everything between
Is just gravity or
Evaporation
Right?

I had ten friends
five watched the sixth
Stab me in the back
with a phillips head
Screwdriver
two I never really liked anyway
the other two, who knows
one of them might be ok
I think, anyway

Ive got a bottle of vodka
Ive got two bottles
of Vanilla coke
Do you see what Im doing
Here?

I had a girlfriend
I had others before her
They were all good people
In their own ways
Some more, some less
They all were ok
And I did my best
They could have done worse
I could have done better
We never connected
In a way that the scattering winds
of fate could not pull apart

Angela, You were the first girl
I ever saw naked
We grew apart
By middle school
So dont go around
Telling people Im superficial
Cos I didnt reply to some anonymous
Valetimes card
You sent me when you were 15
We were not together
3 years already
I dumped you
I dont reemmeber why
So maybe you dumped me
I'll take the blame
If it makes you happy
BUt it was a long time before
You hit 300 lbs

Becky
I had this crazy thing
For at least 2 years
And I never even spoke to you
It was all the way
I was in Mr Lawson's class
And the first year
With Mr Bevan
Its really ****ed up
I have no idea who you are
That you took 2 years of my
Attention
I cant even guess
What colour hair you had

Jo, oh, you were to clever for me
But I was not so stupid
That I couldnt see
When you took the piss
School ties for bondage
In the woods behind the football pitch
It will always be
One of my fondest memories
I heard you were a doctor
check out my website
In case you didnt hear
I am a frustrated revolutionary
I am a wannabe
intellectual
Im not quite smart enough
But I know how to pretend

Emma, Emma B
Everyone used to call you
On account of the fact
There were so many girls
With your name in our year
The less said the better
About those few months
I heard that you had a steady girlfriend now
All I can say
Is that it wasnt as sexy
As people would think
That you were a lesbian

Gemma, yeah, that was never going to work
I introduced you to a guy
Who sold you drugs
I never told you at the time
But the way you styled your hair
Was really ****ing stupid
You know what I mean?

Manda
First love
I guess, all that sort of thing
My Jewish princess
I guess I never felt like you did
My world was an imitation
I never felt so bad
Never was so strong
Never was so indifferent
Everything I act like
You were the archetype
And you really are a pretty girl
We'd still be together
If I had had my way
You know
And so when I was sat cold eyed
And lonely
Staring at a screen
A pint of vodka and coke
A sad sad poem
You cried your eyes out
So, when I read my poems out
To that red haired girl
You were telling your counseller
That you really didnt care
What the difference was
Between a butterfly and Satan
So, so, so, what?
All those spikey haired creeps
You gravitate around
I could beat the **** out of any of them
Dont believe me?
Try me
Seriously
You know?

Leila, last time we spoke
Was when you failed all your exams
You used to talk
About your modelling work
I have to say I acted more
Impressed than I was convinced
You refused to so much
Let me undo the top three buttons
Of your blouse
You used to write poems
And they were even worse than mine
I say this with some certainty
And thats saying something

Mary, now in my university
You were the best
You could be
I did my best too
It was the wrong time for both of us
You will always have a place in my life
Cos I will never ever get tired
Of telling the story
Of how you dumped me
On valentines day
By text message
At half time of my soccer game
hehe

Rebecca, Im not saying this
Unaware of the irony
But if you lost a little weight
I think you would have been happier
I remember when I met your dad
He kept buying me beers
He was a nice guy
I hope he is keeping well

Louise
Ok, this is tenous
We only went on one date
And we never even kissed
Plus I turned up for dinner
Completely pissed
I just wanted you to know
Your a good girl
An excellent soccer player
I have a photo
Of you and Matty Parker
In an album somewhere
He was the only Orient fan
That I've ever met

Stefanie... Well, now
Onto tender ground
You liked to spell your name
Stephanie instead
The first spelling
Says a lot
About me, not you, I think
Too much to say, too close, too distant
If I had been stronger
No way would have I let you go
I dont think you wanted me too
You were the second one
I was really serious about
2 years, and then another year
Or the best part of it
Is not something you do likely
I cherish the fact
That Daryl Sutch
Tried to pull you
Ok, Im joking
I really loved you
I mean it, really loved you
I understand
There was something incompatible
In a way we were too alike
But I'll always be there
When you call

Katie, you were good fun
And you gave me free booze
Your number one with me
You and your crazy ex
And me
If I was a more reckless man
I'd have beaten him up for you
Or else got my head kicked in
Either way
Would have worked for you
I guess

Jenny, my latest squeeze
The disappointment I feel
Is the most fresh
But in the way
Cuts shallow
Against my well calloused wrists
I think we were
Just at different stages
Of our lives
If we had collided
2 years earlier
or a year later
It really would have stood a chance
I dont know
Who do I think I am
Anyway
Alanis Morrisette?

Ive got half a bottle of vodka
Ive got a bottle of coke
Ive got a begtable knife
Ive got sleek black telephone
Ive got a signed photograph
Of Christina Ricci
Ive got a dead sister
Ive got a alcoholic mum, am abusive dad
And two screw up's
Who adopted me
Ive got a sister
Who got dumped by her boyfriend
I know this woman
Who is dating my mum
Who is getting her into drugs

Ive got a baseball bat
Ive got a bad temper
I will walk the block
From the Chinese
Takeaway
Round to the Baptist church
Up to the Bank at the lights
Down to the double roundabout
Anyone I see
When I walk my squared Circle
I'll ask them free questions
If their gentiles
I'll give them three whacks
With my big heavy bat
Right in the knee caps
Then I'll pinch their mobile phone
I'll carry my loot
In a big linen sack
And take it to a charity shop
Bash the window in
Steal all their paperback books
Lug them all the way back home
And sell them on Amazon

I'll come to this board
With varying degrees of success
I'll name names
I'll sing songs
For the people who speak
I'll quote the gospel
of Jesus' twin
When you know yourself
You shall be known
When you know yourselves
You shall be known

The people I talk for
Are not anywhere
Close, far away
Purple elctric
Carving knife, tedy bear
Liquorice water, monkey nuts
Dried apricots, weighing scales
Blue chipped paint, coal bunker,
frozen soccer ball
Sister swing
Sister slide
Sister paddling pool
Anderson shelter
Top Trumps
Rats and Daddy longlegs
Isaac Asimov
Ghosts and UFO's
Double glazing
Kitchen Unit
Baby bleach
potato washing up liquid
Fruit machine
Toffee apple
bonfire
Hedgehog
Death
Death
Death
Death
Death

500 burned billywitches
motorcyle speedway
500 dead bugs
Spray can painted
Around the back lawn
Painted them orange
And they turned black
death
death
death
death
death

J.R.V.A. · 11-05-2004, 03:26 PM

Well I haven't read all these, but I will. The first few are very good, I would like to sit and talk to you you sometime. Thanks for sharing your writings

Strange Famous · 11-06-2004, 12:40 AM

Listen to the sound
of a dead man breathing
Very quietly
It only happens
When you turn off the lights
He gets closer
His eyes are red
And if he touches my hand
With his skeleton bones
It'll be a fist, or a throat
You know what I mean?

His eyes are red
The colour of Hades
The colour of an incredible scream of rage
and Hate and anger
That fills the whole the world
With its viciousness
I will roar
I will bite your neck
Im not talking about
Some stylized Dracula ****

There is a dead girl
Who's been here, oh I dont...
45 years?
Her brother pushed her tricycle
In front of a sand truck
By accident
They had to scrape the remains
Off the road with a shovel
She lived in this house
Dont know if she slept in this room
Or not

There is an adder
There is a dead goldfish
There is an old battered metal filing cabinet
Filled with bank statements
And porn

You were my girlfriend
For 75 days or so
Then you left me
Well, I can see why
And I dont say so
To seem like I do
Or make you feel sorry
I do actually understand
It wasnt anything I said it would be
You could cope with the obvious stuff
It was the unsaid words
Inside of me
No, I never knew what to say
SO most of the time I just talk bull****
instead
I cant even find
Any natural sense
of poetry
Now you are gone
You still call me all the time
Every other week
Same thing
Big difference
Right?
What do you want?
I told you once
So I told you a thousand times
I am not religiously
Or ethnically Jewish
Just because my father was
I ****ing hate him
Anyway
Ive killed him in a lot of dreams
Sometimes he just dies
And I find another life
Another me
You didnt cure me of that
huh?
if youre so ****ing clever
You didnt cure me of that

Yeah, I understand
Why you thought it was best
This way
I might repress these little things
But I see the sky
And I see thd dirt
Everything between
Is just gravity or
Evaporation
Right?

I had ten friends
five watched the sixth
Stab me in the back
with a phillips head
Screwdriver
two I never really liked anyway
the other two, who knows
one of them might be ok
I think, anyway

Ive got a bottle of vodka
Ive got two bottles
of Vanilla coke
Do you see what Im doing
Here?

I had a girlfriend
I had others before her
They were all good people
In their own ways
Some more, some less
They all were ok
And I did my best
They could have done worse
I could have done better
We never connected
In a way that the scattering winds
of fate could not pull apart

Angela, You were the first girl
I ever saw naked
We grew apart
By middle school
So dont go around
Telling people Im superficial
Cos I didnt reply to some anonymous
Valetimes card
You sent me when you were 15
We were not together
3 years already
I dumped you
I dont reemmeber why
So maybe you dumped me
I'll take the blame
If it makes you happy
BUt it was a long time before
You hit 300 lbs

Becky
I had this crazy thing
For at least 2 years
And I never even spoke to you
It was all the way
I was in Mr Lawson's class
And the first year
With Mr Bevan
Its really ****ed up
I have no idea who you are
That you took 2 years of my
Attention
I cant even guess
What colour hair you had

Jo, oh, you were to clever for me
But I was not so stupid
That I couldnt see
When you took the piss
School ties for bondage
In the woods behind the football pitch
It will always be
One of my fondest memories
I heard you were a doctor
check out my website
In case you didnt hear
I am a frustrated revolutionary
I am a wannabe
intellectual
Im not quite smart enough
But I know how to pretend

Emma, Emma B
Everyone used to call you
On account of the fact
There were so many girls
With your name in our year
The less said the better
About those few months
I heard that you had a steady girlfriend now
All I can say
Is that it wasnt as sexy
As people would think
That you were a lesbian

Gemma, yeah, that was never going to work
I introduced you to a guy
Who sold you drugs
I never told you at the time
But the way you styled your hair
Was really ****ing stupid
You know what I mean?

Manda
First love
I guess, all that sort of thing
My Jewish princess
I guess I never felt like you did
My world was an imitation
I never felt so bad
Never was so strong
Never was so indifferent
Everything I act like
You were the archetype
And you really are a pretty girl
We'd still be together
If I had had my way
You know
And so when I was sat cold eyed
And lonely
Staring at a screen
A pint of vodka and coke
A sad sad poem
You cried your eyes out
So, when I read my poems out
To that red haired girl
You were telling your counseller
That you really didnt care
What the difference was
Between a butterfly and Satan
So, so, so, what?
All those spikey haired creeps
You gravitate around
I could beat the **** out of any of them
Dont believe me?
Try me
Seriously
You know?

Leila, last time we spoke
Was when you failed all your exams
You used to talk
About your modelling work
I have to say I acted more
Impressed than I was convinced
You refused to so much
Let me undo the top three buttons
Of your blouse
You used to write poems
And they were even worse than mine
I say this with some certainty
And thats saying something

Mary, now in my university
You were the best
You could be
I did my best too
It was the wrong time for both of us
You will always have a place in my life
Cos I will never ever get tired
Of telling the story
Of how you dumped me
On valentines day
By text message
At half time of my soccer game
hehe

Rebecca, Im not saying this
Unaware of the irony
But if you lost a little weight
I think you would have been happier
I remember when I met your dad
He kept buying me beers
He was a nice guy
I hope he is keeping well

Louise
Ok, this is tenous
We only went on one date
And we never even kissed
Plus I turned up for dinner
Completely pissed
I just wanted you to know
Your a good girl
An excellent soccer player
I have a photo
Of you and Matty Parker
In an album somewhere
He was the only Orient fan
That I've ever met

Stefanie... Well, now
Onto tender ground
You liked to spell your name
Stephanie instead
The first spelling
Says a lot
About me, not you, I think
Too much to say, too close, too distant
If I had been stronger
No way would have I let you go
I dont think you wanted me too
You were the second one
I was really serious about
2 years, and then another year
Or the best part of it
Is not something you do likely
I cherish the fact
That Daryl Sutch
Tried to pull you
Ok, Im joking
I really loved you
I mean it, really loved you
I understand
There was something incompatible
In a way we were too alike
But I'll always be there
When you call

Katie, you were good fun
And you gave me free booze
Your number one with me
You and your crazy ex
And me
If I was a more reckless man
I'd have beaten him up for you
Or else got my head kicked in
Either way
Would have worked for you
I guess

Jenny, my latest squeeze
The disappointment I feel
Is the most fresh
But in the way
Cuts shallow
Against my well calloused wrists
I think we were
Just at different stages
Of our lives
If we had collided
2 years earlier
or a year later
It really would have stood a chance
I dont know
Who do I think I am
Anyway
Alanis Morrisette?

Ive got half a bottle of vodka
Ive got a bottle of coke
Ive got a begtable knife
Ive got sleek black telephone
Ive got a signed photograph
Of Christina Ricci
Ive got a dead sister
Ive got a alcoholic mum, am abusive dad
And two screw up's
Who adopted me
Ive got a sister
Who got dumped by her boyfriend
I know this woman
Who is dating my mum
Who is getting her into drugs

Ive got a baseball bat
Ive got a bad temper
I will walk the block
From the Chinese
Takeaway
Round to the Baptist church
Up to the Bank at the lights
Down to the double roundabout
Anyone I see
When I walk my squared Circle
I'll ask them free questions
If their gentiles
I'll give them three whacks
With my big heavy bat
Right in the knee caps
Then I'll pinch their mobile phone
I'll carry my loot
In a big linen sack
And take it to a charity shop
Bash the window in
Steal all their paperback books
Lug them all the way back home
And sell them on Amazon

I'll come to this board
With varying degrees of success
I'll name names
I'll sing songs
For the people who speak
I'll quote the gospel
of Jesus' twin
When you know yourself
You shall be known
When you know yourselves
You shall be known

The people I talk for
Are not anywhere
Close, far away
Purple elctric
Carving knife, tedy bear
Liquorice water, monkey nuts
Dried apricots, weighing scales
Blue chipped paint, coal bunker,
frozen soccer ball
Sister swing
Sister slide
Sister paddling pool
Anderson shelter
Top Trumps
Rats and Daddy longlegs
Isaac Asimov
Ghosts and UFO's
Double glazing
Kitchen Unit
Baby bleach
potato washing up liquid
Fruit machine
Toffee apple
bonfire
Hedgehog
Death
Death
Death
Death
Death

500 burned billywitches
motorcyle speedway
500 dead bugs
Spray can painted
Around the back lawn
Painted them orange
And they turned black
death
death
death
death
death

Strange Famous · 11-13-2004, 03:17 PM

I know a girl
who is shaped like a knife
all sharp edges
pointing outwards
I'll hold her close to my heart
embrace the blade
It wont cut through me
Any time soon
I know a Jewish Princess
who always wears the same style
of A-Line skirt
She takes me out sometimes
She takes me out sometimes
I have two hands
That are shaped like a bat
Heavy swing it right through
the ghost of the man
Who lived here
40 years ago
I know a girl
Who is shaped like a knife
Elbows always pointng
at right angles
from her throat
eyes the colour of chocolate
each fingernail painted black
she always wears the same style
Of A-Line skirt
I'm not complaining
I hold her close to me
She is always without
I'll turn up the heating
Till we're taking off clothes
It doesnt mean anything
It doesnt mean anything
I know this guy
Who sells stolen phones
Nokia's, mostly
I'll buy four of them
and set them all up
to ring each other again
and again, like 4 blind men
stuck in an eternal revolving door
dont laugh at me
I paid him in counterfit notes
The phones stopped working
In the second week
I know a girl
Who's shaped like a knife
I'll kiss her wrists
I'll kiss her neck
I dont really know
Where one goes from this
The moment is all
She exists in the present
Impossible to place in the
Past or the future
Or any other place
than where she is
Eye's the colour of chocolate
a tight pair of jeans
An old scruffy red car
A heart
A knife
A flag
The world will turn
As long as it seems
THat it must keep going on
My Jewish Princess
My rusty tide
My black wave
I'm here again
You can pull me out
But you dont have to
And Im not going to ask
Or anuthing

Strange Famous · 11-20-2004, 06:49 AM

When I wake up
I want to break up
I want to break up
My hands are made of crumpled glass
Wrapped around an ugly black wreath of tar
The core beneath
Is like heavy rotten wood
I cant touch
Anything
Without it getting
****ed up

My eyes are like
dirty paint
That does not relect the light
But seems to absorb it instead

I take heavy steps
Down to a local place
And I walk round and round
And then come back again

The eye of the sky
Blazes down myopically
Above me
Bleaching everything
With dirty sallow light

From where you are
You never go so far
From where you came
As you might wish

I can close my eyes
And see myself back
At the old house, the
Ugly red and white wallpaper
Covered in hand prints and
The pattern of shadow
As a sudden gust of wind
Catches an ugly curtain
And the unclean light
Dances unhappily against
The smudged faded wallpaper
A thump and a bump
A nump and a thump
Get in my face
Really, I want you to
Get right up in my face
Grap my shirt and shake it and tear it
I'll pick up a telephone, headset and all
And smash it right into teh centre of your
Face
Yeah, that would be good
Oh, that would be good
Its good to talk
You know
Its good to talk

I'll talk this green plastic sack
Thats filled with beer cans
And dump it on your car
Cos I have always had a flare
For irony

Oh mother, oh mother
My eyes are full of water
I need something
To tie around my face
And keep it all in

I'll wash my hands
I'll clean off the tar
I'll pick out th glass
I'll chip away the strong rotten wood
The shape of the log
We used to sit down upon
And eat supper together
Sometimes
Sometimes
Oh, it was beautiful
Those summers
The motorcycle speedway
Droning in the sweet evening air
I loved the pollution

And I'll break up the wood
I'll take it to the back
Of the last place I lived
And burn it real quick
Run off if the fire
Gets out of hand
And underneath
is just this boy
This poor fat boy
I am everything
That has ever happened to me
There was not enough of myself
To not become
A sum of my disappointment

I know a girl
Who'd hair doesnt curl
Oh, I know a girl
I know a girl
She has her own car
She has her own star
It exists
Because3 she does
She has her own car
She lives under a star
THat is very far away
And you cant actually see
But its there all right
I've heard it whispering
Sometimes
Usually at night
Out walking
These street
Far away from the woods
Of my youth
Out walking these streets
I stay out of the way
Of the odd wheeling drunk
Of the odd joy rider
Every house on every street
Keeps its secrets from me

Let's go to a bar
Let's go to a bar
No, dont drive
We may as well
Make a night of it
And get propper mashed
You dont have to work tomorrow
DO you?
Do you?

Star, car, bar
Bar, Star, Car
Car, Car, Car

I wish I could drive your car
Just once
Up to the cliff
Where me and my father
Used to eat fish and chips
When I was a boy
And when he was a man
Before all the hate
And everything

The stars tonight
Will crackle with the same untidy light
Meaningless and tidy
Enveloped in an everything
Of darkness, coldness, nothing
Once all the lights have gone out
The space will remain
Uncaring, unknowing
Oh, it frightens me
Thats why I hate their stars
Im scared of their smallness, their tiny life span
Their irrelevance

I'll tidy up my face
Rub away the scars
If I walk from here to the
First place I ever kissed a Girl
I'd be there before dark
If I set out right now
If I start out right now

I once wrote a book
The main character
Never appeared
Her name was Aleshia Star
Thats Star, not Starr
oh
oh
So literal
so self exposed
I want to live
I want to live
And be happy and free
And kiss the grass
And kiss the grass
Get it right in my teeth
Get it right in my teeth

Strange Famous · 11-27-2004, 05:22 AM

The sky impodes
Upon itself
I cant see, I cant see
Turn off the lights
Let darkness come
Let darkness come
These bones, these bones
Rattle in a big linen sack
Heave them into dirty prehistoric water
With biting red things
That come out of blankness
With terrible limpid dark speed
Turn off the lights, she is dead
She is dead, and nothing
Can come to any good no more

She wore a white night gown
And wondered the silver birch wood
Where I grew up
The night was wet and balmy
Her skin was as white
As her black hair was wet
Oh, some kind of ghost
some kind of ghost
Still haunting me
Here is the haunted the tree
My father once showed you
Made me jump, I came back later
With an axe, and if you can walk
I can walk
An abomindation of nothing
Hollows for eyes
Dead tooth smile
I stay out of the way, out of sight
Crawling round these ways
The old M.O.D. land
Feel like Im rising
Feel like Im rising
And if you can walk, I can walk

Ever since I was young
I always liked the night
The dsrkness keeps one safe, unseen
I like to watch
The lighted houses
And wait for them to go to sleep
Then dowse their house
in petrol and flames
Oh, hear them scream
And fight to tear off their halo's
It isnt my fault
I wasnt born this way

Strange Famous · 11-27-2004, 05:23 AM

A mouthful of smoke
Erupting inside
A halo of gunshots
Leaves a beautiful little dark haired girl
With the back of her head
Blown out
oh, it's so bad, it's so bad
Oh, nevermind, oh nevermind
Here is the spot
Where daddy and mummy
danced to a popular show tune
the children all giggled
Now they all rattle
Skeletons, skeletons
The sky is alive
A riot of colour as
Beautiful death dealing ribbons spiral down
From heaven, blue eyed boy
Flying away
High five, high five
Got a direct hit
His daddy drunk hard
Most of the time that he was growing up
So he grew up hard
Almost wanted something to believe in
Here is a kitchen
Here is a bedroom
Here is a doll, melted by fire
Here are the people
46
44
22
17
11
7
2
shots fired in the night
sometimes find their way in
oh, bury the little girl
oh, bury her away
they did this, you did this
you did this, they did this
God's soldiers
What will you say
on the day of judgment
When everything is revealed?
You carry on laughing now
You carry on waving that flag now
You carry on burning that flag now
You werent laughing then
Oh, you werent laughing then
What will you do
What will you say
If you are ever held to account
For the things you have done?

Strange Famous · 11-27-2004, 05:28 AM

just consolidating all my stuff ion this one thread:

They arent very good, actually, but her are some:

1,

Valentines Day

This is the day for love, for cupid, and gaudy wishes.
Heart shaped candy, strange coincidence, lingering kisses.
I'll be collapsed on our bed, head in my hands:
My failure laid before me in obscene glory. And plans
Are ruined before they've begun.

And meanwhile, outside my room, two boys play basketball
In the street. A blue car crawls passed, a woman's call
Brings a lazy cat running, a cold North wind whips
Up the street: a man stands with his hands on his hips
Glaring at the scattered litter.

Later, I go to the shop, buy bread, smile at a girl
Who is just too young to matter: within the swirl
Of self indulgent self reproach there's a life to make.
I can pretend to do it for your or my sake.
Because it’s all there is.

Dead eyes surveying a world made of equal measures
Of pain, fear and joy: sucker punched and hidden pleasures.
Only four people know that I cry in my sleep:
The hole in my life is fizzing, burning: how deep
is it? It's sucked up years

2,

T H E G I R L W H O C O U L D N ' T F L Y

I

Summer's dreams still born before they've even begun;
Becky just wanted to be loved by everyone.
Lurching through the hysteria of sleep each night
She made the mistake that any of us might.

Dancing alone in her room, to her own CD;
How come she's a size eight and she's still so lonely?
Choking sobs into her pillow; but no one sees
Such apathetic pleading and apologies.

Forcing down cheap vodka, reading about the stars,
Lying flat on her stomach, listening to cars
Speed past her window. How many cars till she knew
She couldn't ever become somebody like you?

II

A wicked tide picking at her soul every day,
She knew she needed help, but didn't know what to say.
Even if we'd have seen how it would end, who would
Have helped her mould her life into the shape it should
Have been?

Pressing herself against the rain streaked glass, her eyes
Bleeding mascara; broken heart, desperate for lies.
Living a death sentence: culture, remorse, fear. She
Feels like the insides of a broken clock when the
Rust sets in.

Which sad songs, and sadder books, played in her head?
It's so hard to take, that she wanted to be dead.
She put on a new skirt and top before she went,
And painted every finger nail a different
Colour.

III

Her Dad found her empty room, her stuff was all there;
Her tarty skirts and clever books; there was nowhere
She could have gone. No friends or boys or anything.
They didn't know what to do, or who they should ring.

They told us in assembly, a week after we
Already knew. Her teacher kept telling us she
Felt so guilty, and that we'd miss Becky so much.
Some of the girls cried anyway. No one talked much.

Her parents moved away not very long after.
Kids from our year made up ghost stories about her.
Once, when they were drunk, they tried spelling out her name
With a ouija board; but no reply ever came.

IV

Walking through wet grass in toeless shoes, she thought how
The life she had wanted was in tatters, how
No one could hold on to her - make her feel all right.
The paper stained with tears, the note she left that night
Said it all.

When she stood there; praying for something to hold her back
Gravity proved stronger, what should have held her back
Abandoned her. In that dark, her eyes must have seen
Such intense sadness, where a river should have been
Instead.

I sometimes cross her bridge. The water that took her
Looks too bright, and I feel too little. They found her
All messed up by fish, two miles further downstream.
It's so sad to watch the beer cans dance in that clean
Brittle water.

V

And I drank alcopops, and smoked with younger girls
While the mess of hate and pain and missing out swirled
Round and round her head. I write her name on my hand;
But she's dead, how can I pretend to understand
What she felt?

3,

Untitled

Silk blonde hair, perfect teeth and light blue eyes
A mirror held up to late summer skies.
That pretty face was not wasted on you,
But why do you do the things you do?
Why can't you be more like the girl of my dreams?
You look like her.
Sometimes it almost seems
Obscene, that way that you can hurt yourself.
Don't you cry? Don't you care about yourself?
I do. Yet you are not the one to blame.
Inverted, shared days all look the same:
Small and silly, and deathly silent,
Empty words and tacky - bright pink - intent,
And smiling into burning heat. We fit
In each other's eyes and say we like it.
At 4AM I see you're not so great
But daylight is coming and it wont wait
For me to make my resolutions strong.
I still love you, I can't help that it's wrong.
You're so stupid and wasted, but I still care
And still pretend that inside you is where
All your hidden virtues are stored intact
Ready to turn my illusions to fact:
For me. If only I could be more worthy.
If only...
But I am me. You're you too.
Perhaps there is nothing you can do
Except take drugs and drink and screw up life
While - strong, healthy - I'm dreaming you were my wife:
And telling myself that you really are she,
That imagined girl who really loves me.
So you just drink and smoke and I will lie,
And reality and love will pass us by.
Love, twisted and stillborn, dwarves my sight
And stains my mind with it's cold warped light.
It tells me one day my dreams will come true,
And superimposes my heart over you.
Weeping at dawn is so sad and so ugly.
If only you thought that you loved me.

4,

Unfinished

Remember, you remember: it took you two years
To shut my big mouth and make me choke back tears.

I can't stop now, thinking about the past:
Stumbling drunk through the dim lit world that couldn't last.
Fully dressed, laying on our stomachs on your
Bed; the clean light of TV rippling on your door.
Holding my hand without thinking. Calling my name
Without looking up - life cannot now be the same.
How to explain? When you pressed your weight against me,
What did it feel like, arching your back lazily?
For me, a haven from pain, deep in love, a place
I could like myself, at last drop to my own pace.
For you: a bored static void, where you throw away the day?
Or the best thing you ever had? How can I say?
But growing up so convinced that I was bad,
How could I ever make you anything but sad?
All I want now, is you submerged in the past:
Stumbling drunk through the dim lit world that couldn't last,
Cold eyed with regret, or at least very sad
To have lost the very real protection you had.
And if, when searching yourself, you still cannot see
Any reason to stay, at least don't forget me.

We finally cracked up one cold November.
I don't know. How can I make you remember?

5,

Star Girl (for Mandy Moore)

When I was younger I would watch the stars sometimes
With apprehension, I sensed their vast, sparse, timeless,
Burning hid a great velocity. The night shines
All the same, indifferent: I bet you weren’t afraid
Of things you couldn’t understand.

And there must have been much then, maybe there is now,
That seems so strange, so unexpected: your picture
In a magazine. The first time you saw it how
Sure that girl looked. I could have said how beautiful:
But you’ve heard that before.

And now your picture’s in a thousand magazines,
And you are still the same, that quiet certainty
Even when you don’t know, are lost, or your life seems
To be fizzing with haste and someone else’s
Direction, you have that faith in yourself.

Sometimes I listen to you sing, it makes me dream
I was someone else, on firmer ground, less afraid
Of things I don’t understand; in my mind I seem
To see you smile, every word every note. I think
That’s one of the reasons you made it.

Plus the talent, the looks, the hype, and all that.
Years of dedication, in front on the mirror
With a hairbrush for a mic, a pen and pad that
You scrawled a hundred songs you never get to sing
On. I suppose people forget about that.

A poem for a girl I’ll never meet, that she
Might not even read, and wouldn’t like if she did.
I can’t compare you to stars, I fear them still, the
Difference is that you belong down here, but yet
You shine like them in your way

A quiet glow that touches everyone you know
Just a little. Maybe it doesn’t seem that much
Or maybe I make it more than it is, but it’s so
Important to have hope in this life, I think you
Made most people here catch some of that.

When you were younger did you watch the stars sometimes
With apprehension, did you have the same fear I
Did, being lifted at terrible speed? It shines
The same, indifferent, but I bet you weren’t afraid
Of things that weren’t really there

8 Oct 2002

Adam Douglas

She loved it when the snows fell
It obliterated difference
And made everyone feel cold all the same.
She said the water in Mallorca
Was just like any other style of water
But it made her sick all the same
Just like they said it would
Hospitals made her feel strange and sad,
Like they do everyone
But the long field behind her house
Really made her feel afraid
She always wore her hemlines low,
Whether in self-defence or self-reproach
She never said
And I never asked
I never know what to say nowadays
Or maybe I never did
And only now do I realise.

Strange Famous · 12-01-2004, 02:49 PM

posted 01 December 2004 04:17 PM
Stand up tall
Dizzee, Dizzee
Blood rushs to my head
Magnificent
I open both hands
My open palms face the wall
And turn the windows red
I know five people that hate me
I know five people
I know five people that hate me
I know five people
I turn the windows red
I turn the windows black
I knock the windoes in
I stick the glass panes back

Laying on my back late one night
No longer alone, no longer alone
Bounce out of bed
Stand up tall, Stand up tall
Dizzy, Dizzy
Close my hands into angry little fists
I'll knock knock knock on his door
I got a pair of dusty heavy boots
Stomping on the floorboards
Of a younger girls school play
Bang, Bang, Bang
Clomp, Clomp, Clomp
Bust through the door
Waving a five iron
Fore, Fore, Fore
You wont front no more
With a broken jaw
And 10 Broken ribs
And your teeth like a jigsaw
All up on the floor
You wont front no more
My son, my brother, my only friend
When your blood is on the floor
With my bootprints on your door
Five people in this world, they hate me
Ugly dirty uncles
Rotten little nephews
I got a tyre iron
That weighs just right in my hand
I got a baseball bat
With 8 grooves in the handle
Strung round with black cord
I got a clean five iron
With a southpaw grip
And I've got a knife
And a length of dirty rope

Strange Famous · 12-07-2004, 11:58 PM

Mandy

You'll never know, you'll never know
The words I write, the places that I've been to
I'll never see, I'll never see
The woman you started out to be

A fragile dawn, this brittle sun
Touches us both
At different times
Wiping the same kind of dreams
From our clogged up eyes
Headache like bad traffic
You tip toed out of bed
About the time I had my head in my hands
Over something, over something
I can't remember now

You'll never know, you'll never know
The shape of my hands when the sky is blue
I'll never see, I'll never see
Your moment of sudden clarity

So, this much of it is the same
It can be measured, reduced, qualified
There's too much that's difference
Too. I think that skirt is pretty
And it really goes with those heels
I think that your eyes are pretty
And believe me man, it shows.
And here is the space where God belongs
I need it as much as you
Even if we use different names

You'll never know, you'll never know
Words I write, seeds I sow
I'll never see, I'll never see
You take pictures of the old city

I'll write you a song, I'll make it too long
By a verse, maybe two
Your smile is your currency
And I use a pair of dusty old boots
The same sunset leaves us both
Slightly uninspired
The stars glitter faintly with such great indifference
To either of our lives
All you can do in the world of mirrors
Is your best, be your best

You'll never know, you'll never know
You'll never see, you'll never see
Here is a book, here is a pen
Here is a screen, here is a sign

Clear crystal path, yellow brick road
You follow him, I'm rooting for you all the way
Just keep singing, just keep on singing
Each word lights the way
Somehow, somewhere... I feel its true
Anyway. Applejack sky
Blackberry shoes, liquorice water
To drink every day before two
I talk about my childhood more than you do
Because I wasnt that happy
I just wanted you to know
I'm getting a lot better, you know, these days
Lemonade rain storm, violent pink shirt
A broken recorder, a off brown leather skirt
I'll mend your recorder, I was always good
With mechanical things
I see your space
Down a telephone line
Between your face
And the headline
Is a good clean 3 inches
It's important, I guess you know already
But I would definitely advise you
To take your umbrella with you
When you walk in the park
There's black snow falling upwards
Round by the old swings and slide
Where the older kids used to play ouija board
Gravity has to take control
Some time, some time.
Hey, I saw a lot of things
The last time I walked those ways
There were christmas lights
In a seven sided pattern
Moving me from left to right
A lot of the things Ive heard from you
Ive taken to heart as well
Oh, I know it was just a song
But in a general way, I dont see why
It cant mean something, anyway
In this life of ours
Hope is important
You told me that, I always bore it mind
However long it rained

I'll never know, I'll never know
I never see, I never see
You were a girl, you were a woman
You were an actress, you won many of our hearts.

Strange Famous · 12-31-2004, 11:23 AM

I slump this cold path every day
Wearing this gaudy coat
Someone left at a church jumble sale
And no one bought

My life is like that cold village hall
Black shoes squeaking
Scattering this way and that, old music
Sugary tea in mugs

I kept every love poem I wrote you
When I was seventeen
In a tuppoware box underneath my bed
Though unread, for a while.

almostaugust · 01-01-2005, 03:03 AM

Thanks for posting your stuff.

Strange Famous · 01-01-2005, 03:36 AM

"and though the rain keeps falling down
I know the sun, wont wash away...."

I see my life through the mist of rain
I weep for happiness, cherish the pain
Because summer has gone, wont be back again
For a long time, grey days, months, years

I am less than I said, more than I portrayed
I left the party because you stayed
I left the party, I wish I'd stayed
But all you would tell me was that you'd prayed

The hole in my life, is festering, burning
Consumes the dreams that wont stop returning
From my nightmares, I cant help learning
The way things are, the way they always were

I stand up tall as I can, sticking around
Everything, all experiences, exists above ground
I talk to myself for the sake of creating sound
I kiss the chains with which I am bound

Pretty star, purple wolf, seaside hurracaine
I'll hide in a beach hut from the mist of rain
Pretty girl, fragile eyes, eclectic wrists, a dream
Neither you, or I, am what I made it seem
Neither I, not you, am how I made it seem
Pretty girl, backward wrists, pony tail, a dream

I am alone, I drink alone, because I am alone
Pretty song, sad song, listen on my own
Pretty song, sad song, you listen on your own
I presented as epiphany what was always known
I presented it as genius, oh, so overblown
I go back to my bedsit, and I drink alone

Pretty star, pony tail, red plastic hair tie
Can you tell the differences between truth and lie?
I'll protect you, from whatever you hate in life
I have a baseball bat and I have a knife
I may be clumsy, I understand, I may be slow
But I'll swing swing swing a heavy blow
I'll knock all of your demons down, they will
Shut up and cease and leave you alone for all time
Because I'll tell them to

I need you, I need you

Strange Famous · 01-01-2005, 03:37 AM

Sing: late summer afternoon, soft golden window break
Rhyme: the world's irretrievably ****ed up forever.
Hum: nothing that you ever do will really make sense.
Cry: sallow dead light rippling against faded wallpaper
THIS IS WHERE YOU LIVE

Listen to me carefully

All my life I have been convinced that I am right
I have never loved anyone more than I love myself
I am scared of turning my back on an empty room.
Since I was eight years old I wished I was someone else

Close your eyes and remember

Sat in a neutral room staring at the dead gas fire
While she nervoously told you you took milk and no sugar
A dust blanket of silence falling over the room
Her spastic hand knocking the empty cup to the floor
You didnt get up

The day you told your mother that you never never loved her
Paid her back for ten years of making you want to cry
Your eyes are so blank and she chokes on her tears and slides
Out of the room.

Nobody ever knew how to really make you care
You spent your whole life pondering what the right reaction is
THIS doesnt make you happy

Hidden, rolled into a fetus ball, in the silver wood
Trees overhang your body as you slowly rise
And stare at the dirty unnatural silence in dumb wonder
Unable to tell what this place should make you feel
Elemental May fly dusk, so poised with potential
Pouncing, tearing, running, screaming - all out of reach
The streets might not be safe, but the dark here is scary

I hate the way the world is, so **** all of you

We met when we were both 16 and I spent 2 years of my life
Trying to make her happy, and even in that I failed
When she started crying the last time I thought she would tear apart
Such was the hysteria of her hot Wednesday tears
I left the room dry eyed but with a thumping headache
And a re-broken heart

SING: the only way to clean the ****ing worthless junk from our of your life is to trash the whole ****ing thing.

SING: You are a worthless parasite, used up. NOTHING. No one will ever understand whats going on in your head

Sing: I ****ing hate this

SING: I ****ING HATE YOU

SING: I ****ING HATE YOU

S I N G : I F U C K I N G H A T E Y O U

Strange Famous · 01-01-2005, 03:38 AM

Somehow I was always different to them
There's something special locked inside of me
Hidden by the tears and method angst of youth
Was some kind of half baked capacity
That no one else has

Somehow she's alone in a busy room
A life that she just cannot understand
A destiny that no one else could see
In the slashed love lines of her cut up hand,
Her painted nails

His false smile and fake tears never could find
A way to unlock the doors he wanted.
This way of life, black eyed beaten up child
Who listens to mirrors and feels afrronted
Isnt that easy

Pretty face, fragile eyes, the way she sat alone
At her own birthday party and NO ONE
Noticed. Inside her room she doesnt care
She never saw a path in the long run
She's such a cliche

Doomed from the start, you really have to ask
Just how it was that they could ever see
Any future together, with all that
They were, let alone an eternity
To match the mad, mad stars

Strange Famous · 01-01-2005, 03:38 AM

Alone in his room, pen and pad
Old school book, chewed biro, so sad
Unsung and lonely, his words fall
Where they can do no good at all
Painful and pointless, words that share
Feelings and losses she doesnt care
About. Outdated, out of tune
Surely he'll run out of words soon

Strange Famous · 01-01-2005, 03:44 AM

Stupid
Waste of
Molecules
Scattered
Around
An
Idea
A shape
No one
See's
Anti matter
And a
Sticky black
Soul
My favoruite tears
Pained embrace
I'll walk back here
Hand
In
Hand
A million times
To the same beginning
A million times
Shimmering grey circles
Against a darker background
Mother
Father
Sister
Brother

Rotten decay
Marrow and filth
Sea weed for hair
Fire eyes
A throat
Made of whispering
Willows
Half rotten
eaten by maggots
Crawling with wood lice
Scream and flick your fingers
Jingle girlishly
I've been short changed
Most my life

Strange Famous · 01-01-2005, 03:45 AM

This ugly alarm clock scares me awake
While it's still dark, dreams that linger
Slowly retreat, close my eyes again, take
A long sad breath, and roll out of bed...

26 today
yesterday
tomorrow
probably

I limp over the broken coat hangers
Pull on some Hebrew language shirt
I hated my father so much, many years
But the irony I dress in doesnt hurt

dreaming
of car
chases and
dead girls

Beautiful day, beautiful day, we spent it
Together, or some of it at least, you looked
Put out when I shrugged my shoulders, is it
My fault that you dont like any of the music

on the radio
love song
John Peel
grave song

Flowers for the dead, for the living, Mcdonald's
Breakfast. Jesus, mayo on my tie, silly smile
Silly laugh, your hand my thigh, a moment
Catch it, talk about something else for a while

It passes
Self despriciating
Nod, silly
laugh, silly
kiss, dead
relatives and dry eyes

Pick me up about four, ok, ok. see you later
See you later. Wave a little, then shrug
Turn away and slump inside the world doesnt stop
Compare my left side to your right side, guess it measures up.

Pony tail
Tiger teeth
I'm not
A qualified accountant

Heavy drink, hurts my arm, kiss me right here
In the joint between my forearm and my elbow
Music too loud, make smy heart hollow, the fear
Creeps in and out, I dont like it so much here

The two of us, this strange symetry
your girl girl laugh, some epiphany
Jesus man, stare at my hands, the palms
Are full of lines, some ****ing epiphany.

vonstalhein · 01-01-2005, 07:15 AM

Fuck me, there's a lot of stuff there. Generally...good. I like

'The two of us, this strange symetry
your girl girl laugh, some epiphany
Jesus man, stare at my hands, the palms
Are full of lines, some ****ing epiphany.'

especially. Nice and vitriolic, how i like it.

Strange Famous · 01-01-2005, 10:03 AM

thanks man, I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read it!

Strange Famous · 01-07-2005, 11:45 AM

this is quite personal

The Haunting

Wet leaves whisper in the wind
They all speak your name
In the half dark this ugly moon gives
It could be your blood or mine
That's covering these hands
The sharp bark of a mobile phone
Infilitrates the night
Cuts off again, my eyes scan the ground
I grib my house keys
Around my fist and grit my teeth
Lately I've felt underawed
Lately I've felt like Ive been ignored
Oh mother, the smell of sweat
And talcum powder, you used to play guitar
Did I ever rell you
You were never any good
I really want to tell you
You were never any ****ing good.
Playing your silly hippy songs
Silly drunken cow, go down
Another bottle of fizzy white wine
Youre no ****ing use to me now
I never loved you, on the day that you die
I will cry and feel guilty
Thats all I can offer you.
My salvation, my blue tinted rope
Hangs from the rack in the garage roof
at the bungalow on Bell Lane
I'll make two nooses
And wrap each around a fist
And sneak up behind you
On a cold lonely country lane one night
And spin and bite and twist
What goes around
Always falls to the ground
One day
Im bigger than you than these days
And stronger than I was
My anger I internalised
It could break without a ripple
Or I could just walk right past you
And not give a ****
I dont really need any letters
Saying how sorry you are
I dont give a **** anymore
What you did to me you cant make better
And what you have taken
You cant give back
if you want to make yourself feel better
You can do it on your own
I told you that
The same day you told me
You would forget you had a son
And burn all the pictures
Because you hated me
Well, you still carry around this picture
Of me aged seven, smiling
At a boating lake
So I guess you were lying
And Im not all burned after all
But what do I care anymore?
I told you when you said it
Dont ever change your mind
Because when you say what you say
It is said, and there is nothing anymore
Im not so cold
But cold enough
You wont see anything but ice
I came back once
And left again
The best that happened in my life
Was you cutting me out of your life
The opart of me that haunts you
Is not attached anymore
Its that stumbling, uncertain
14 year old boy
If you meet him on a dark night
He might lash out
or most likely run
It doesnt mean anything
It doesnt mean anything to me
I hate a lot of things
Its not special anymore

Strange Famous · 01-10-2005, 01:53 PM

You said you'd always be there for me
But you're nowhere, really, you're nowhere

The sky is black, with a shade of orange
Street lights shine, and cars that sing
They're all singing the blues these days

The ground is solid, it pushes back
I sidestep *** packets and beer bottles
On my way home from work today.

I sing a song, I sing it on my own
I sing in perfect numbers, down the telephone
Father, brother, mother, sister, daughter, son

No one here tonight, I kiss electronically
But the radar makes no connection in my sonic boom
I shrug to myself, paint flowers in my room

This minature football reminds me of you
I'll make a toast, with burnt bread and beer
Do you my dear, on my birthday, to you.

You said you'd always be there for me
When I needed someone, when I was all alone
But I was calling out your name last, man
And you were nowhere... just nowhere
I was spelling out your name last night, girl
And you were nowhere... really... nowhere.

Strange Famous · 01-11-2005, 01:25 PM

My first real attempt at a happy and positive poem!!!!!

I dont think its any better, but at least its less depressing!

Tree's

Crooked arms scratching skywards, at night the sky
Is like a hole, and the earth beneath like a bolt
The frightening wind whips in from the north, and the leaves
Shake and whisper their ghost stories in a broken wet voice
I lock my windows and I lock my doors, but I still here
The alphabet you spell, youre just as near
To me as when I was seventeen, though farther away
Then when I was only 8, and you stood at the boundry
Of my world and the other, infested with death crows
And hungry for the rumble of motorcycle speedway
And morning will come, pale and bright with its vision
I'll walk the same path that was covered with snow
Not ten months ago, your voice may change tone
As the cold wind recedes, and the stories are different
In summer, you dont speak of ghosts anymore
But of childhood, what is lost, and what is gone
And what can be recovered, what remains
I'll walk hand in hand, with my only true love
Through a maze of staggeting green, and the smell of hot grass
Will run inbetween and about us, I'll hold your hand
On the cold days as well, these silent dark giants
They never sleep, even when the ghosts rush about them
The summer will return, a sense of timelessness
Stillness, and what was undead, will walk and breathe again
And I wont let go
Believe me, my darling, my heart
I wont let you go. I've got your back
I'm on your side. In this multi coloured world
When we all must grow older, when all childhood's torment
Love is our audicity, our electricity, a candle
That shimmers in the greatest hurracaine.

01-14-2005, 10:27 PM

wow, they are truly heavy, yet they dance so freely. thank you.

10-10-2004, 12:59 AM	#1 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	My poems/stuff I thought I should make a unified thread rather than keep posting things on their own. Here is something I wrote the other day. I was in a bad mood. REWRITE The iron gant who haunted the silver birch wood of my childhood Deedication: One Crying Tear that freeze In the headlights of a Dark blue car Swinging round, outside my window; It's squaring me up I sense that one of these days It's going to run right through the wall And crush me into pieces. I used to think that I would be murdered One night in my bed By a man in a darak balaclava I used to see things sometimes In the half dark, I would see it raining indoors I wanted to scream in terror, but who is there to run to? There's still no one to run to. I never cried much as I got older There was no one to hold me There's still no one to hold me I might drift away one of these days Or more likely Sink to the bottom And lay there for a while. I see myself as a child I am a crippled boy I am a dead thing Decaying, What was one alive Was never enough To hold on to I was born in a thunder storm And a great black bat with huge leather wings Beat a slow menancing flight over the village in the rain The shadow crossing every home From the doctors house Up to the church And right across the lane. It moved from the place I was born Out to the sea It flew 37 miles from the coast In a north north east direction And then dropped down to the water Food for the fishes Now I am not the child who was stillborn I came to life that night A twisted, blighted, sub creation They couldn't face Smuggle it away Smuggle that thing away And stop it crying Stop it **ing crying JUST STOP ING CRYING smother it with the blanket JUST STOP ING CRYING wrap it up Weight it with a couple of pieces of old masonary From the wall of the pub Where my father used to drink Before I killed him When he was dreaming When I was still in limbo Still in dreamland. I bit of each of his fingers Right down to the palm of his hand Cut open the chest Of a dead raven Stuffed a handful of daddy inside And it came to life And flew right at him Pecked out his eye's Silly He couldnt fight back He only had bloody little stumps for hands And he was dead drunk Poor silly He couldnt see Where he was going And he ran in front of an articulated lorry They had to scrape his body Off the road With an old man's shovel Oh, he'll never be able to clear The snow from his driveway And not think of it Again. If he had lived My mother might have gone ahead With the abortion That's what he wanted Yeah, I know for a fact That that was what he wanted. Let's not leave her behind Lets not leave her behind My funeral procession Dead baby and swaddling Cloth Take it down By the river and chuck it in It's just a stream really But what does it matter WHen you are dead When you have never lived Mummy's crying Back in a wooden bed In a damp little cottage ty place I'll come back and haunt it I'll make myself into a gale I'll blow and I'll blow and these **ing walls will all fall in I'll make a pattern with 15 knives and clean them on your arms Up and down up and down You need to hold my hand I cant grip the handle properly My hand is to small The muscles never developed Wrap your mummy paw Around my tiny five digits We'll hold the knife together Help me Keep on hurting you Like you hurt me Like you killed me 26 years or something ago __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-16-2004, 11:57 AM	#2 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	All of my bones Arranged in a pile In the shape of a heart Which was broken Three ugly witches Dance round and round Singing show tunes Written in 1963 About Satan and the fall of the Kingdom of God All of my skin Is strecthed over This soccer ball It's thirteen layers Deep Take out my eyes And feed them to worms They can't see Anything Good anymore. Oh, but I'll still be standing Somewhere no doubt Get me a vodka And Lucozade Well, this can;t go on Forever But it feels indefinite Oh I'll be standing all right Dry eyed and grim A pale imitation Of the ghost I wished I was I wish my face Was covered with the scars Of every blow I've taken So everyone could see Where I've been A toadmap of pain But I'm just me Pale eyed and sullen Slinking between The liquer store and my room With ackward flat steps Doesn;t matter how drunk I get I'll always be the same Just a waste of **ing skin A life that started out wrong I could never clear myself Of this false beginning On and on Feeling so unhappy Feeling so unworthy Drive in the knife What does it matter I can see your point Look at me Ugly fat ing Ugly fat ing Oh, is it always prone to such melodrama And over reaction? I'll just at home On my own Shut out the world And everyone It feels like a great Many tenticled Salivating monster It feels like prism Filled only with grey silence From every side It feels like a Beach In winter, cold and harsh Running from something unknown Just screaming and screaming It feels like a wall of radio static At every side Loud enough To make me death I was always deaf In that ear Anyway Oh, it wasnt your fault I've always been this way Tomorrow I'll take a big hammer And break every finger In every hand So I cant pick up the phone And call your voice There isnt any point There isnt any meaning Being together Just didnt work Wasnt what you wanted The things you saw Didnt turn out quite right We all have the right To be indecisive You never thought in absolute's Anyway You have your life to make I can appreciate You only have one chance to get it right So you have to be careful And I am never careful Oh, just leave right now It doesnt matter What was said What we did It was just another time Another thing Here is now And it doesnt matter anymore I'll take a sickle I'll take an axe I'll cut down three witches I'll slash them and smach them And grind them and bind them I'll pick up my bones And swim to the bottom of the sea And place my hand inside the mouth Of an ugly fish Bite it off I **ing dare you Just to make me scream __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-16-2004, 11:58 AM	#3 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	The bonfire Which I lit Doused with petrol Laid out on this patch Of dusty ground Behind the fruit cage In front of the second lawn And the apple trees Is burning So pretty How much of my life Have I left behind I was an only child Because me and my Sister hardly spoke If I stood on the third wall Of the neighbours fence I could see the water tower And the row of tall tree's That stood to the left Poplars, I think A nest or ravens Scattered the sky I loved to watch Them, nature's poetry The hum of the stock cars Or motorcycle Speedway From the Foxhall track Filled my summer evenings The fish pond My little red boat That you couldnt make sink My sister's slide The cricket strip That patch of close trimmed lawn Which my father secretly doctored With mounds of earth To help his spin bowling This kitchen window Where me and dad Saw a UFO oh man, 15 years ago The hallway Where I carefully unpacked My Top Trump cars and raced them down the carpet Oh, it was a lonely childhood Sometimes Being an only child But I had friends too Back then Playing games on the +2 Upgrade it to Amgiga the three porno's That my Dad made me Never tell mum about on the old Betamax Thsi was the second part of childhood To go deeper Younger Further Well, I might as well Start with my first sister She died when I was 5 The day after she was born Never knew her Never saw her Never held her What could she have been? Who would she have been? Fruitless to ask I'm sorry that life Worked out that way Really, it breaks my heart When I really think of it But I hardly ever do I can say honestly I never shed a single tear He rname was Eve Cos mine was Adam Kind of tacky I guess But it seems I dont know I doesnt matter Anymore Anyway damp wallpaper It was white Faded grey with dirt Red flowers, with no body curled like barbed wire A shadow Faded light A blow A punch I pretended not to hear I was always the coward I was always the one Who never got What was coming to him I used to think Maybe this house Was haunted I used to lie to myself I used to wish I had a gun I tried to kill myself When I was 11 Half heartedly Oh, I didnt really mean it I'm still alive, after all So I couldnt have really meant it It scared Father I think He slapped me I ran away and cried And thought hard thoughts of murder Heavy hammers And fragile skulls Tearing and choking Burning and screaming with laughter At the burned out cars And the corpse within Oh, I neevr did Say how I felt He used to call me Best Pal I used to hate him If I could go back now Things would not be the same Punch me in the mouth I dare you I'll bite off your hand I'll grind my teeth into your wrist And I'll twist and I'll spit The flesh that I tear Right back into your face I'll take the butter knife With the creamy beige handle And flash it across your face As you duck and come back With a fist read to stike I'll smach that glass bowl Right into your face The one that I dropped When I was 7 or 8 And you went crazy over Yeah, irony and me We go a long way back I'll grind the sharp broken edges Right into your face I'll sink my teeth into your neck I'll Gnash my teeth till they break And rip out every vein And atory I can find I'll place my hands On your temples And squeeze Liek the test of strength guy Until my rage implodes Oh, are you getting this? oh, are you getting this? My anger is impotent More savage for it The truth is more demeaning I was always the same Slipped under the radar The kidn that no one felt Sure about Dull eyes, hands that could make Fists, but never do Oh, my childhood Is gone Is gone Look at me now Right now At this very instant A fat piece of ** Drinking beer Living in a ** hole Without a girl Or a world or a dream Or anything Well Thats how it seems. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-23-2004, 01:43 AM	#4 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	I was sleeping lightly When unseen footsteps scampered past my bed The door downstairs kept slamming Your ghost was here again I'll pick up my courage I'll shape and mould my indifference Yeah, you always said I was so cold Your touch feels like ice to me The telephone is silent, mocking I'll pick it up and grind it into shreds Against this wall one day Dare me one more time... you know I'm strong enough. I'll take this birthday cake And cut it straight down the middle I'll leave my half till it's stale And chuck it in the trash I'll feed your half to dogs Oh, that'll teach you Huh? I'll jump out of bed Grabbing a fire iron in a heavy fist Shoulders swinging and surly I was always so craven and aggressive I repressed this side of me Most the time Try and haunt me And I'll heavy swing this iron giant Right through the hole inside of you It'll go straight through I'll bare my teeth You'd better disappear I saw you in a bar the other day Dont know if you noticed me I drank my drink, and then another Then walked out without saying a thing Oh, you always said I was cold Well, maybe you were half right But listen I am not some robot I am not without care But you can look right into my eyes They will be cold and dry A little dead and flat Reminds me of a thing I once read The father of a famous killer Described his whole life as so: A broad, flat pain That ran thrugh everything Oh, I know just what he felt The father, of course, I mean. You were my special girl I wrote you a few poems That were nicer than this Less honest, more authentic Do you know the difference When I loved you I told myself you did Maybe you dont, maybe you do I dont really know And that is the reason You never call That is the reason You felt that we should just be friends or a big part of it Oh sometimes I act all wrong But I am not unself-aware __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-23-2004, 11:02 AM	#5 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	On this particular day There is nothimg that we say That really matters 'S how it seems, you'll Be walking through a crisp Fall air, the darkness is expectant Will soon be filled WIth kids and costumes, later - snow's Or idea's of that kind Jingle bells, that dream you had That one special christmas When you were old enough to understand, young enough to believe. And my birthday But you didnt know that. Maybe it's your birthday? oh, I just dont know There is not information To weave between us Anything at all I'll be looking at the same sky As I walk the streets round my way Hands stuffed in warm pockets Eyes down, jaw set, I dont like the space The stars, the open ground I like walls around me You probably feel the opposite Most people do Listen This is my love song I wrote it down for you At some point, we will stare At the same empty sky The same atrocity of space Look at the stars Such tiny fallible glitters Of light, pathetic against The vast blanket of nothing That enfolds them In such moments Perhaps we will have the Same frightening epiphany That we are nothing That are lives mean nothing That we we are a fragment So small and puny That nothing we can ever do Or achieve has any cosmic significance The sky is so empty So full of terrible potential It will collapse on us all With a frighteing velocity What follows No one living shall know We both have our ideas I expect The same as everyone. Listen, I'll right you a second stanza I'll clarify it for you It's kind of like The space behind your old house When you were a kid It went on forever It made you feel timeless I'll write you a love song Though I'm not sure I started out right __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-23-2004, 11:04 AM	#6 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	I was born in 1978 At the end of winter And nobody came to the funeral A west wind blew For forty Days And forty one nights Scattering garbage In a vast circle In the centre of which Was my life I took an old fashioned straight Razor, and made 99 cuts On the inside of my arm All in a line Pretty like soldiers Weeping blood Like wine I dug up the grave Of my oldest ancestor And took the same knife Cut the corners up from their mouth Oh, a Chelsea smile Where would we be In this world of ours Without a sense of humour My arm never scars No one can see All of the marks That show where I'm from The pain is inside Maybe One Day I'll get better __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-23-2004, 11:06 AM	#7 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	The sky was red last night shepherds delight thats what they say I carefully studied the rings you wear One on each finger I like the one with the Celtic sign And the green cut glass I liked the green thread You braided into your hair But they made you take it out It didnt fit in With the regulations Of the school board So you wore a short skirt instead The sky was red this morning Shepherd's warning Thats what they say Thats what he said I'm not of the world But you are a part of the world entrenched in time and place You exist right here On this patch of sun burnt grass The dog running circles around you As you stare at the blue sky At an ugly little white cloud That looks like an old man That you hate I see confusion in your eyes Something is coming You cant quite make it out Shrug your shoulders Walk back inside, shoulders slightly slumped Reach through the cans of beer That stack the fridge And pick out a Pepsi instead I remember I remember Memor is important To me, because it is where I concentrate my energy You used to play hop scotch in the street Like a little dinosaur Like a hungry, angry raptor Catious and vicious Who's beauty can turn into great velocity At the slightest spark I think you're a hexagon You have six sides and they all face each Other, A different look for Each day of the week, and on Sunday you can be yourself. I think you're like an alarm clock I think you're like a TV show Where the people all know each other And tell the same jokes every week It's safe there, and you always know Who gets the girl And the down on his luck guy Always has his adventures And always gets some other girl To lose, how careless She will end up with the good looking neighbour The dramatic tension shifts You might get one more series Then she'll turn up in some other show Like an angry dinosaur One day she'll be a single mum And find some Argentine dream boat A life of happy endings And new beginnings Somehow it always works out A sense of cosmic justice You would call it karma I call it gravity The sky was green last night From where I stood 6 foot underwater I thought you were a fish With skin that was gold and yellow and grey Pink and sky blue and white You swam 15 circles around me I had a strange epiphany You never wore green braids in your hair You just had green eyes You never gave me those transfer tattoo's That freaked my mother out that time Cos you always lived miles away (so where the hell did I get them?) You never wore that celtic ring I never bought it for you From the new age traveller on Felixstowe market You never taught me Hebrew words You were raised in another church So who taught me Hebrew words? I know it wasnt them Man, I KNOW it wasnt them I must have been thinking about someone else Someone I've never known Someone who has never been Here. I'll grab a flight right now And bring you a mirror I'll leave it by your front door And ring the bell and run I'll sail the sea In a pea green boat With an owl And a Golden retriever If it sinks We'll swim I'm 6 foot underwater Looking up at you Your standing on a mountain Frowing at the middle distance Your eyes Match the sky From down here And when you come down the mountain You'll play a populat show tune On my skeleton They left it lying on the beach Use the Femur and the knee cap As the instruments Bang out the tune on my ribs If you hit the high notes too hard And my skull falls off Dont worry about it It makes such pretty music We all need pretty music We all love pretty music Water melon, cookie dough, crocodile, hammer Cookie dough, crocodile, hammer, Madison crocodile, hammer, Maddison hammer, Madison Madison Madison Madison Madison __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-23-2004, 11:14 AM	#8 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	sandpit, sand castle 1980's lets race our toy cars Around the edge of the sand And they'll crash and they'll start And the winner will always be The one you hold In the left hand If you win You have to be my best friend If I win I have to be your best friend I keep racing ahead and stopping so you can catch up I want to win But I want to lead all the way Back then I was too young To have the self awareness To think about anyone else My scheme Just fitted into your scheme Yeah, I see that now. Lets skip on a few years Lets leave behind a Few scraped knee's A few early summer evenings Down the old rec Lets leave out The poplar trees and the seagulls Lets leave out the time On the old school field When the fog came in so deep That you couldnt see the far fence And the back yards of the house on St Lawrence's I was fascinated I was enthralled I loved it when they turned the lights On in the day It made me feel protected From what was outside Let's leave out the rounders games Let's leave out the rain And the wind And the pink parker coat With the fur hood That you used to wear And the white knee socks Pulled all the way up To the knee Lets get past the memories Lets get to where it's at I bought a pewter mug today With German writing on I bought it just for how it would look, I have other glasses and mugs That are adequate And you, shook your head And smile I would almost imagine You ruffled my hair God, it means so much I needed this so much For the longest time Listen No, I changed my mind Don't listen I cant find the words Instead, close your eyes And see The hot grass in the summer The sidewalks echoing the heat This space that was built To be filled with people Running here and there And everywhere Oh, and everywhere Run, run, run, run I see you here, on these streets You dont run And the world moves in slow motion, because you are there This girl, I talked about with all my friends On the quite One to one She wasnt the one everybody chased But I bet they wished they did Now. Dark hair, swinging like a hurracaine At every delicate shrug of those shoulders Oh, what would it feel like if those shoulders were To nudge into my chest jokingly, and rest there cheeck against my chin... Oh God! What would that feel like? Eye's full of spakle The sweater she wears Always is too big in the sleeves Not tight enough Across the chest Oh well... oh well... And she dictates the Pace that the whole world moves at Cos without her, its just a place Just a mess of reactions and actions Just a school, just a college, just a job Just a bunch of people, just a wall Just a car, just a bottle, just a TV show If I'd have been there then, the world Would have been so different Oh. I'd have changed it I'd have changed it I'd have changed We'd have cut class Sometimes Not too much And played pool I'd get drunk on two beers Just to impress you I'd pretend I was letting you win Even if you beat me And you would know I'd be there right now On a desert island With lush coconut trees and fresh strawberry's I'd make you a dwelling And we would lie on the beach Every night And talk about the strange Frightening poetry of the cars I'd never be afraid In your arms You are 1988 You are 1989 You are 1990 You are 1991 You are 1992 You are here right now You are here right now You are the ocean You are the North Sea so powerful so beautiful so cold so full of everything a million fish swam in the pattern of the star of St David last night while I was asleep Lets go to church I wont tell them That my Dad was Jewish They'll never find out And I know you'll never tell them Your hair is the colour of summer I want to decorate it With the sticky weed That used to grow on the school field I want to take you to a bbq And run away together to the bottom of the garden Behind the sandpit Where we used to race cars I used to play soccer Against the wall If I saved the goal I would be happy I would be happy I need you to save me To throw your body down In the long grass Between the apple tree's The ball hits the palsm of your hands As you get soaked with dew The ball spins wideof the post And I will be happy And I will be happy For all time I will be happy I want to take you to Loch Ness And drive round and round 100 times And the monster Will jump up and dance in front of us And we wont notice because we are too busy I want to take you to the very patch of earth My dad parked his car SOme 27 years ago And I want to walk hand in hand With you Right on past it And not even notice I know a few good restuarants In that part of London So why would we care About the other stuff Lets go to New York You were planted there a Few years ago I want to see the flowers That grow there right now Youre like a venus flytrap You are mythical Youre like a brand new digital camara You are a lot more than all of that Lets go to New York I'll get a job working in accounts I'll come home With my tie loose And my collar loose And my jacket hanging of my shoulders I'll take your hand And kiss every finger tip Five times And we will live in an apartment Featured in Friends And I'll be the guy Somehow connected to Joey through some fleeting Misunderstanding I'll high five Chandler Every time we meet in the corridor And you'll be down with Rachael Go shopping together Yeah, I got this **** planned out We'll make our own death star And travel the galaxy And we will find a plannet And we'll spare them And live there Happily ever after as King and Queen Listen I never really knew How to say how I felt This poem Was just my attempt To set it out Let me pour you a glass of bubble gum Let me buy you A netball skirt Oh, if things could have been different They would be so different If only things could have been different It would have been so much better I wish things could have been different I wish I could fall asleep tonight Kissing your hair Kissing your hair Kissing your hair Kissing your hair Kissing your hair Kissing your hair __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-23-2004, 11:15 AM	#9 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	My pale, pragmatic, Polish Princess I dont know if your name Is Brittany or Katie I can't figure it out You stand over me Like a collosus Like the opposite of a porpoise Like the Easterly wind. Youre like a tri-angle The sum of your interior angles Is constant, fixed, mathematical Lets stand arm in arm Let me hold your hand And we'll walk by the old river And down to the park I used to play rounders When I was a kid And we will shout at the people Walking their dogs Walking their kids Walking their loves I'll be shouting "This is the real thing" And you'll be shouting "I am Spartacus! I am Spartacus! I am Spartacus!" Let me take to the shop At the end of the street I used to live I will buy you a bottle of barley wine But only if you promise To share it with your friends __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-23-2004, 11:16 AM	#10 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	posted 21 September 2004 02:33 AM Everybody here Says I'm fragile Everybody here Thinks their tactile Everybody here Hates me to smile I think you're a Pteradactyl I dont love you I dont like you I dont hate you Just wish I had Never met you. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-23-2004, 11:18 AM	#11 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	This evening tastes like the city On a hot summer day This wine is the color of blood That lives inside of me I closed my eyes and wished that I could be Invisible, but You held onto me Oh, the world could end on a night like this Come and stand in my arms Close to me Oh, the world could end on a night such as this Rest your face on my chest Let me kiss your hair The air tonight is humming with distant static Like an untuned radio The old factory tonight, it is haunted At the back of our street By Yesterday I closed my eyes and wished I could be infinite Spread out, and you touched My arm, lightly with your Hand, and held me together, All bound up. And the world could end on a night like this Let me hold you under the stars And let us listen To the city and the night And let me kiss your hair Because the stars are still there. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-27-2004, 11:29 AM	#12 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	Just moving all my stuff into this thead: A line of vodka Clenchs inside My chest, I still feel shaky Since last night And my elbows feel numb My black tide This rusty wave Corroding me I always end up Back where I began Back to what I was born Into The cola tastes bitter The mix is too strong The sky is epileptic I shut it out And turn off the phone My black tide No matter how hard I try I cannot become An absolute I just keep walking I'm still afraid I still dont get it Today I dont want to talk to anyone Today I do not want my name to be spoken By anone, they dont understand Nobody cares, I know in such moments Of bitter clarity, That there is not A single person in the whole world Who loves me. Of course, no one decreed it had to be this way I just started wrong, kept down this path Living a life, but not of the world Oh so they say, not of this world Thats what they say, but I dont Belong anywhere, I just keep telling the space That one day I pull myself together. But there is a long way down still More terror that awaits me With nothing to abjugate it But more of this, getting by A joke, a beer, a line of vodka That clenchs my chest, a girl A night, a disappointment, a Searching, self loathing An unspectacular dawn, bird stained and hungry, the sun uncertain But shining all the same Then my black tide The same corrosion Rusty wave Back here again I'm me again "Oh father, my mouth is full of stars" Thats a line from a book I remembered well Oh father, I'll be there with you One day, one day, and there Will be songs and sunlight and flowers And the world will be beautiful We'll stand side by side And I will be weeping Oh father, what have you done To me, how could I allow you to walk by my side After everything? I'll buy you a whisky and sour I'll kick your head in in the alleyway I'll kiss the sole of your boot If you lay on your back And stick your legs in the air __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-27-2004, 11:40 AM	#13 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	Today, the sky was grey and threatened Rain which did not come Today I went through the motions of life and you werent there Today I drank too much and felt sorry For myself, somewhat ashamed Today threatened lightening That did not come Today I didnt kiss you, didn't Wake up in your arms Today I cried, while reading a tacky love story on the internet And no one was there to see It didnt mean anything. 2 This evening tastes like the city On a hot summer day This wine is the color of blood That lives inside of me I closed my eyes and wished that I could be Invisible, but You held onto me Oh, the world could end on a night like this Come and stand in my arms Close to me Oh, the world could end on a night such as this Rest your face on my chest Let me kiss your hair The air tonight is humming with distant static Like an untuned radio The old factory tonight, it is haunted At the back of our street By Yesterday I closed my eyes and wished I could be infinite Spread out, and you touched My arm, lightly with your Hand, and held me together, All bound up. And the world could end on a night like this Let me hold you under the stars And let us listen To the city and the night And let me kiss your hair Because the stars are still there. 3 posted 04 September 2004 10:11 AM We talk less and less these days I dont remember how it started I dont remember the exact point Which we started to move away From one another. The distance now is not so great With an effort we could close it Hold on tighter to each other But every day brings greater difficulty. And you, who I lived like an only friend, will go whichever way you always wanted, I'm sure. I guess I'll Be ok, It isnt your fault, Im sure Ive always been this way. One day, we might walk past each other In the street, and I wouldnt speak, I might nod a little, or just pretend not to See. It might hurt for a second, but not Enough to change anything. 4 Mother Another sunny day, another long sunny day. I'll never forgive you for the words you never spoke to me. When I think of you, its always linked to geography Here is the greenhouse, here the hall closet, here the sandpit Where I cut my knee, you gave me iodine, I smelled booze on you Even now I cant hate you, it hurts my heart still to think Of you small and unprotected, but what does it mean What good can it do, you are of no value to me now. You still meen something, but it diminishes each day. I'll write you a poem, because there's nothing left to say 5 Sky Blood Red Raining Fire The sun has gone out. An atrocity of light Purges the earth Tears that rupture, your heart implodes The world was supposed To End in a Whimper Not a bang. Ashes, ashes, grey vision Unseen, a pile of Junk that was once a home Is now blasted ruin, shapes That mean nothing anymore. 6 Imaginery scars run all directions over my skin Like a roadmap of all the places that I've been Here is my father, here is a broken down car Here is my mother, here an out of tune guitar. My eyes are damp with all the tears I've never cried When I lost love, hope, when my baby sister died If I could cry one last time, I would cry for you all If you ever cried for me, if you ever cried at all My heart feels heavy with the doubt and mistrust One day everything will be dust. I never wanted to be the way I am, Never wanted to be unhappy I should have smiled more, I should have been a different me. My neck is aching, angular, waiting for a rope Waiting for a parting, waiting for a note Here is my father, here is a broken down car Here is my mother, here is an out of tune guitar Here is my sister, here is an unused pack of cards Here is my gravestone, here is a mirror reduced to shards Here is my love, here is a empty burnt out hard drive Here is my world, here is a beautiful meadow filled with summer flowers and a warm pacifice blue sky, the distant sound of children's laughter, a late afternoon sky, and a grass stained boy running happily, a butterfly, the big old tree's that line the left of here, and the boy is running happily, and now is gone. 7 My Love, here, inside, everywhere My love, dressed in a little black dress And tennis shoes, with hair That is different colours My love, came to me like an Angel Which is Greek for messanger Appeared to me like an Angel The message was always inside of me My love, who doesnt understand Why helicopters fly, who Doesnt understand why homeless people Have nowhere to go and no one to love I was homeless too, some of the time I was living here, my heart Is just a muscles that pushes the blood Round and round my body. My love, you are the heart of my life I want to kiss your finger tips I want to sit with you, and drink diet soda And watch crappy TV shows and you will laugh when I make fun of them My love, how can I explain, how can I record in words, the feeling of being together, the syncronisity (sic) of movement The way it feels when you rest your arm against mine, without thinking of it. 8 So, just be... and be The windows in my home All look outwards The desk and the telephone Always just sit there Sometimes I feel I'll always be alone When you're not here The sky in my town is always grey Except the sun Occasionally lights the way Long enough to get an idea Of a childhood unused, memories, they Suffocate sometimes I keep remembering you, I cant forget The way your hair felt, when I ran My hands across it, unthinking, The Shape of shoulder, the exact shade of pacific of your eyes, all these Things mean nothing because I am dead. 9 Gasping, shuddering, crying Inside, clinging to something That falls apart in your Hands. Gravity will be Stronger. Screaming, quaking, dying Silently, a blanket replaces your soul, to Sleep forever and never Dream. Silence, a grey stone Unseen, broken apart People come to remember But they really come here To forget. 10 My love is like electric My love is like he media It's eveywhere Babies are born Thousands of times a Day, in every land For each baby, a light Fot each baby, her media his media, their Electric For each baby Strange media For each baby Electric lights 11 wrapped in three layers of coat I shiver down the garden path Armed with a cricket stump And the first become the last Dead water, waiting to be reborn Devoid of memory, knowledge. The grass whitened by frost The wind shouldered by the hedge That runs by the left of me Dead water, numb hands, heavy swing there's something alive under here I dont know, I dont know anything. 12 Days bleed into weeks Years, I am dying Why arent they screaming Like me? The sky burns with Temporary power So transient So unsure The school field God, was it really Twenty years ago? Listen to the cries Of yoy and children's games It's always summer The grass is hot and green And the world was bigger Now, as it contracts I cannot believe the Time has gone I cannot tell where The time has gone God, was it really Twenty Years ago? Such Dread, excites, no words Can tell how the sky Looked back then Sat in my back yard The Trees beyond the Neighbours fence The Apple Tree What does it mean I know that it has Gone, and it will Never be again And to think of it Makes me cry, and This is all that I Can say 13 Dying, Life Scraped Away To Bones And Decay The Sky Darkens A Storm Is Coming, Terror Gravity, A Kiss A Great Velocity Tearing From Night Sky, The Stars Are Bleeding, My Sight Implodes, My Mouth Is Full Of Worms Cannot See, Cannot Feel That The World Still Turns. Cannot See, Cannot Think Cannot Cry, Cannot Sink 14 The sky is spinning and tumbling The ground is shaking and rumbling My heart is cold and suddenly cold My universe, my house, my world Contract, the sea's are rising higher The plants are all dying, the fire has gutted everything, left only Junk, and ashes, and nobody to see. 15 Grey summer, a clammering Of noise and white against A green background. I can still remember The exact texture and Feel of your stocking And my hand, a movie theater Half empty, its never Half full My dreams I lay out before me My castle is broken My home is my castle My castle is broken I remember discoteqthes In nylon flurescence Sweating cheap booze And the shape of a girl In the eclectic night, False dawn. I remember the play park Behind the shopping arcade And 20 Silk Cut Ultra. Still in her uniform Jesus, would you look, Would you look at this now? I lay out my dreams before me I swallow them Drenched in sex and fear I swallow them Im starving for you. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-30-2004, 06:38 AM	#14 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	posted 30 October 2004 10:24 AM Rewrite this poem! It's about a girl XXIII I walked in 15 circles Round and round and round Last night while I was sleeping Starting at the church at the top of my old lane And back round to the gypsy girl grave I stood on the tatty grass and jumped up and down Shouting "Mary, Mary 1, 2, 3" But nobody is haunting me Yet When I woke up my knees and wrists Were covered in grass stains I wanted to call you this morning But somehow I didnt End up doing it What could I say? You would surely Think I was making it up I couldnt sleep walk that far. I've got 24 cans of beer And two microwave prawn curries Sitting my fridge right now Oh, a bachelors life for me I'll leave a stack of dirty magazines On the back of the toilet Manhood is so confirmed I'll set fire to the very clothes on my back If its what you want I'll let my bite my wrist Sink your teeth in as far as you can And drink your fill Oh, I'd let you do all of this I'll place you in my minds eye If I cant see you anywhere Else. You'll probably be Up for a couple of hours By the time Ive strugled out of bed My hangover encasing me in Depression and fatness You'll probably be wearing a lime green skirt And strappy tights And a blue top Well, I told you before I was color blind You didnt **ing care I see now you are so cold You'll probably tie back your hair You'll probably go shopping with a friend You might mention me once or twice Unflatteringly No doubt What tied us together Was never strong enough To hold, when we both moved At different frequencies Look, Im not blaming you Everyone has the right to the life They want, why would it help Having a guy like me around Just dragging things down I can keep joking 72 hours straight But eventually I run out of lines There's something else in you I have always felt As if I had a very meagre soul The core of me was an emptiness I disguise behind automatic reactions And other people's lines You took a blunt pen knife And cut into my chest Spent all night Whittling away the skin And sawing through my ribs Cut to the left side of the heart Couldnt find what you were looking for The final rush of expectation Just revealed another hole That was suddenly coming out of my back You stitched me back up alright And replaced my flesh With kitchen paper Dipped in mint cordial and rum Oh, I feel minty fresh Alright If you cried I would kiss your tears Or something I promise I wouldnt pretend I didnt see I promise I wouldnt poke out my eyes Pour cement inside my ears And lock myself in the trunk of your car Lets go back in time Look, I know what I am doing How I betray myself Say I dont care, then carry on so much Say that I care, then never really be there For you Im not an idiot you know Remember the BBQ I took you too It rained most the day And they had to set up in the conservatory We sat in the doorway of the summer house You looked very pretty I could touch your hair Just at the ends I could kiss the side of your jaw I could hold you and keep you safe There's a lot of things I could protect you from I really wish you were here right now So I wasnt writing this **. _ "Jesus said: If those who lead you say to you: See, the kingdom is in heaven, then the birds of the heaven will go before you; if they say to you: It is in the sea, then the fish will go before you. But the kingdom is within you, and it is outside of you. When you know yourselves, then you will be known, and you will know that you are the sons of the living Father. But if you do not know yourselves, then you are in poverty, and you are poverty" - The Gospel of Thomas __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

11-05-2004, 12:53 PM	#15 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	posted 04 November 2004 02:02 PM Yo, Things... Things keep changing I was sitting back, I never expected A sharp pain, a tender shock I never expected a metal bat Around the head A pearing knife In th eback of the knee I'm walking, wounded I wear my blood stains with price Makes red hand prints All round the neighbourhood Pull on my hooded jacket Wrap a scarf around my face I got a big metal bat And a couple of knives Of my own All the little things All the little places Everything I said about The nature of time and all of the saints SO it comes to this My only friend My sweetest embrace My ugly star Your light is unpure It blinds me all the same Temporarily I listened to that song For a length of days I couldnt count On this tally roll one at a atime I see now where the edges were frayed Where the sparkle was just rrefraction Grim muddy light bursting through broken class Spilt on the floor After a rough school disco You want to dig me up From my shallow grave And use my bones For your witchcraft Do what you have to do Hate how you have to hate Bring a spade and pentogram And a latin book Of Satanic songs Bring a length of rope And ten black candles Some deadly nightshade and a dozen roses Hate how you have to hate, man Do what you have to do Cos guess what, Im not buried were you left me Im walking the moors All wild and frightening With my big metal bat My pair of knives My hooded jacket My hooded eyes Oh, Ive been feeling like **** For a little long while Oh, you didnt know Guess what I didnt care Anyway __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

11-05-2004, 12:56 PM	#16 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	The world is like a trap Jaws poised, sharp, biting The taste of velocity and steel Brings a certain shock I'll clench a fist if it catches my wrist I'll bare my teeth Bite through the metal One handed fool Oh mother, I dedicate Plath To you, oh Daddy I just want to kill you I could make it poetic But I just want to choke you With this protestant hands I'm bigger than you These days, oh I could do it Best believe, son, I could so it Oh mummy, you silly fat cow All you did was drink and cry What use is that to me? I'll do the mans work this laural hedge I remember it well The way the leaves felt wet with dew sometimes The frozen fish pond Tall poplars, speedway bikes Im not poetric, I'll makes My own poetry This part of my life The last part of the first part Doesnt belong to you Oh, you wish it did It doesnt belong to you I know you wish it did Whatever you did to me Couldnt crack this facade In a way that would reflect Back to the front again Oh you disagree? SO fist fight me right now I'll beat the **** out of you You think I cant Come and try me I swing my fists like heavy bats I am stronger now These days Naw, it doesnt belong to you It is with Stephanie I havent seen her in years She was younger than me Too much Look, nothing happened We used to play in her Back yad, I used to sleep on the heath A couple of times a year Try and catch me? I'll bite like an adder So Steph, how are you doing I romantacize you Cos you were one of the only Things that happened to me Between 1987 and 1990 That I feel good about You must be 21, 22 by now Maybe one day we'll meet again You know Friends Reunited Or something like that If the guy that you date now Doesnt treat you right I'll kick off his door Choke him and slam him Oh, he doesnt think I'm strong enough He'll find out You'll kiss my finger tips I'll run my hands through your hair Or something Look, Im not an idiot I know its unrealistic The past, the present I can pretend I have to do something You know? Oh Stephanie I hate my mother I hate my father dont talk about my sister Your hair was the colour of gold When the sun shined At a certain angle __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

11-05-2004, 01:53 PM	#17 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	posted 05 November 2004 04:51 PM Listen to the sound of a dead man breathing Very quietly It only happens When you turn off the lights He gets closer His eyes are red And if he touches my hand With his skeleton bones It'll be a fist, or a throat You know what I mean? His eyes are red The colour of Hades The colour of an incredible scream of rage and Hate and anger That fills the whole the world With its viciousness I will roar I will bite your neck Im not talking about Some stylized Dracula ** There is a dead girl Who's been here, oh I dont... 45 years? Her brother pushed her tricycle In front of a sand truck By accident They had to scrape the remains Off the road with a shovel She lived in this house Dont know if she slept in this room Or not There is an adder There is a dead goldfish There is an old battered metal filing cabinet Filled with bank statements And porn You were my girlfriend For 75 days or so Then you left me Well, I can see why And I dont say so To seem like I do Or make you feel sorry I do actually understand It wasnt anything I said it would be You could cope with the obvious stuff It was the unsaid words Inside of me No, I never knew what to say SO most of the time I just talk bull instead I cant even find Any natural sense of poetry Now you are gone You still call me all the time Every other week Same thing Big difference Right? What do you want? I told you once So I told you a thousand times I am not religiously Or ethnically Jewish Just because my father was I ing hate him Anyway Ive killed him in a lot of dreams Sometimes he just dies And I find another life Another me You didnt cure me of that huh? if youre so ing clever You didnt cure me of that Yeah, I understand Why you thought it was best This way I might repress these little things But I see the sky And I see thd dirt Everything between Is just gravity or Evaporation Right? I had ten friends five watched the sixth Stab me in the back with a phillips head Screwdriver two I never really liked anyway the other two, who knows one of them might be ok I think, anyway Ive got a bottle of vodka Ive got two bottles of Vanilla coke Do you see what Im doing Here? I had a girlfriend I had others before her They were all good people In their own ways Some more, some less They all were ok And I did my best They could have done worse I could have done better We never connected In a way that the scattering winds of fate could not pull apart Angela, You were the first girl I ever saw naked We grew apart By middle school So dont go around Telling people Im superficial Cos I didnt reply to some anonymous Valetimes card You sent me when you were 15 We were not together 3 years already I dumped you I dont reemmeber why So maybe you dumped me I'll take the blame If it makes you happy BUt it was a long time before You hit 300 lbs Becky I had this crazy thing For at least 2 years And I never even spoke to you It was all the way I was in Mr Lawson's class And the first year With Mr Bevan Its really ed up I have no idea who you are That you took 2 years of my Attention I cant even guess What colour hair you had Jo, oh, you were to clever for me But I was not so stupid That I couldnt see When you took the piss School ties for bondage In the woods behind the football pitch It will always be One of my fondest memories I heard you were a doctor check out my website In case you didnt hear I am a frustrated revolutionary I am a wannabe intellectual Im not quite smart enough But I know how to pretend Emma, Emma B Everyone used to call you On account of the fact There were so many girls With your name in our year The less said the better About those few months I heard that you had a steady girlfriend now All I can say Is that it wasnt as sexy As people would think That you were a lesbian Gemma, yeah, that was never going to work I introduced you to a guy Who sold you drugs I never told you at the time But the way you styled your hair Was really ing stupid You know what I mean? Manda First love I guess, all that sort of thing My Jewish princess I guess I never felt like you did My world was an imitation I never felt so bad Never was so strong Never was so indifferent Everything I act like You were the archetype And you really are a pretty girl We'd still be together If I had had my way You know And so when I was sat cold eyed And lonely Staring at a screen A pint of vodka and coke A sad sad poem You cried your eyes out So, when I read my poems out To that red haired girl You were telling your counseller That you really didnt care What the difference was Between a butterfly and Satan So, so, so, what? All those spikey haired creeps You gravitate around I could beat the ** out of any of them Dont believe me? Try me Seriously You know? Leila, last time we spoke Was when you failed all your exams You used to talk About your modelling work I have to say I acted more Impressed than I was convinced You refused to so much Let me undo the top three buttons Of your blouse You used to write poems And they were even worse than mine I say this with some certainty And thats saying something Mary, now in my university You were the best You could be I did my best too It was the wrong time for both of us You will always have a place in my life Cos I will never ever get tired Of telling the story Of how you dumped me On valentines day By text message At half time of my soccer game hehe Rebecca, Im not saying this Unaware of the irony But if you lost a little weight I think you would have been happier I remember when I met your dad He kept buying me beers He was a nice guy I hope he is keeping well Louise Ok, this is tenous We only went on one date And we never even kissed Plus I turned up for dinner Completely pissed I just wanted you to know Your a good girl An excellent soccer player I have a photo Of you and Matty Parker In an album somewhere He was the only Orient fan That I've ever met Stefanie... Well, now Onto tender ground You liked to spell your name Stephanie instead The first spelling Says a lot About me, not you, I think Too much to say, too close, too distant If I had been stronger No way would have I let you go I dont think you wanted me too You were the second one I was really serious about 2 years, and then another year Or the best part of it Is not something you do likely I cherish the fact That Daryl Sutch Tried to pull you Ok, Im joking I really loved you I mean it, really loved you I understand There was something incompatible In a way we were too alike But I'll always be there When you call Katie, you were good fun And you gave me free booze Your number one with me You and your crazy ex And me If I was a more reckless man I'd have beaten him up for you Or else got my head kicked in Either way Would have worked for you I guess Jenny, my latest squeeze The disappointment I feel Is the most fresh But in the way Cuts shallow Against my well calloused wrists I think we were Just at different stages Of our lives If we had collided 2 years earlier or a year later It really would have stood a chance I dont know Who do I think I am Anyway Alanis Morrisette? Ive got half a bottle of vodka Ive got a bottle of coke Ive got a begtable knife Ive got sleek black telephone Ive got a signed photograph Of Christina Ricci Ive got a dead sister Ive got a alcoholic mum, am abusive dad And two screw up's Who adopted me Ive got a sister Who got dumped by her boyfriend I know this woman Who is dating my mum Who is getting her into drugs Ive got a baseball bat Ive got a bad temper I will walk the block From the Chinese Takeaway Round to the Baptist church Up to the Bank at the lights Down to the double roundabout Anyone I see When I walk my squared Circle I'll ask them free questions If their gentiles I'll give them three whacks With my big heavy bat Right in the knee caps Then I'll pinch their mobile phone I'll carry my loot In a big linen sack And take it to a charity shop Bash the window in Steal all their paperback books Lug them all the way back home And sell them on Amazon I'll come to this board With varying degrees of success I'll name names I'll sing songs For the people who speak I'll quote the gospel of Jesus' twin When you know yourself You shall be known When you know yourselves You shall be known The people I talk for Are not anywhere Close, far away Purple elctric Carving knife, tedy bear Liquorice water, monkey nuts Dried apricots, weighing scales Blue chipped paint, coal bunker, frozen soccer ball Sister swing Sister slide Sister paddling pool Anderson shelter Top Trumps Rats and Daddy longlegs Isaac Asimov Ghosts and UFO's Double glazing Kitchen Unit Baby bleach potato washing up liquid Fruit machine Toffee apple bonfire Hedgehog Death Death Death Death Death 500 burned billywitches motorcyle speedway 500 dead bugs Spray can painted Around the back lawn Painted them orange And they turned black death death death death death __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

11-05-2004, 03:26 PM	#18 (permalink)
J.R.V.A. Junkie Location: Utah	Well I haven't read all these, but I will. The first few are very good, I would like to sit and talk to you you sometime. Thanks for sharing your writings __________________ And as she plays, her sweet song of laughter floats through the air and warms my heart

11-06-2004, 12:40 AM	#19 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	Listen to the sound of a dead man breathing Very quietly It only happens When you turn off the lights He gets closer His eyes are red And if he touches my hand With his skeleton bones It'll be a fist, or a throat You know what I mean? His eyes are red The colour of Hades The colour of an incredible scream of rage and Hate and anger That fills the whole the world With its viciousness I will roar I will bite your neck Im not talking about Some stylized Dracula ** There is a dead girl Who's been here, oh I dont... 45 years? Her brother pushed her tricycle In front of a sand truck By accident They had to scrape the remains Off the road with a shovel She lived in this house Dont know if she slept in this room Or not There is an adder There is a dead goldfish There is an old battered metal filing cabinet Filled with bank statements And porn You were my girlfriend For 75 days or so Then you left me Well, I can see why And I dont say so To seem like I do Or make you feel sorry I do actually understand It wasnt anything I said it would be You could cope with the obvious stuff It was the unsaid words Inside of me No, I never knew what to say SO most of the time I just talk bull instead I cant even find Any natural sense of poetry Now you are gone You still call me all the time Every other week Same thing Big difference Right? What do you want? I told you once So I told you a thousand times I am not religiously Or ethnically Jewish Just because my father was I ing hate him Anyway Ive killed him in a lot of dreams Sometimes he just dies And I find another life Another me You didnt cure me of that huh? if youre so ing clever You didnt cure me of that Yeah, I understand Why you thought it was best This way I might repress these little things But I see the sky And I see thd dirt Everything between Is just gravity or Evaporation Right? I had ten friends five watched the sixth Stab me in the back with a phillips head Screwdriver two I never really liked anyway the other two, who knows one of them might be ok I think, anyway Ive got a bottle of vodka Ive got two bottles of Vanilla coke Do you see what Im doing Here? I had a girlfriend I had others before her They were all good people In their own ways Some more, some less They all were ok And I did my best They could have done worse I could have done better We never connected In a way that the scattering winds of fate could not pull apart Angela, You were the first girl I ever saw naked We grew apart By middle school So dont go around Telling people Im superficial Cos I didnt reply to some anonymous Valetimes card You sent me when you were 15 We were not together 3 years already I dumped you I dont reemmeber why So maybe you dumped me I'll take the blame If it makes you happy BUt it was a long time before You hit 300 lbs Becky I had this crazy thing For at least 2 years And I never even spoke to you It was all the way I was in Mr Lawson's class And the first year With Mr Bevan Its really ed up I have no idea who you are That you took 2 years of my Attention I cant even guess What colour hair you had Jo, oh, you were to clever for me But I was not so stupid That I couldnt see When you took the piss School ties for bondage In the woods behind the football pitch It will always be One of my fondest memories I heard you were a doctor check out my website In case you didnt hear I am a frustrated revolutionary I am a wannabe intellectual Im not quite smart enough But I know how to pretend Emma, Emma B Everyone used to call you On account of the fact There were so many girls With your name in our year The less said the better About those few months I heard that you had a steady girlfriend now All I can say Is that it wasnt as sexy As people would think That you were a lesbian Gemma, yeah, that was never going to work I introduced you to a guy Who sold you drugs I never told you at the time But the way you styled your hair Was really ing stupid You know what I mean? Manda First love I guess, all that sort of thing My Jewish princess I guess I never felt like you did My world was an imitation I never felt so bad Never was so strong Never was so indifferent Everything I act like You were the archetype And you really are a pretty girl We'd still be together If I had had my way You know And so when I was sat cold eyed And lonely Staring at a screen A pint of vodka and coke A sad sad poem You cried your eyes out So, when I read my poems out To that red haired girl You were telling your counseller That you really didnt care What the difference was Between a butterfly and Satan So, so, so, what? All those spikey haired creeps You gravitate around I could beat the ** out of any of them Dont believe me? Try me Seriously You know? Leila, last time we spoke Was when you failed all your exams You used to talk About your modelling work I have to say I acted more Impressed than I was convinced You refused to so much Let me undo the top three buttons Of your blouse You used to write poems And they were even worse than mine I say this with some certainty And thats saying something Mary, now in my university You were the best You could be I did my best too It was the wrong time for both of us You will always have a place in my life Cos I will never ever get tired Of telling the story Of how you dumped me On valentines day By text message At half time of my soccer game hehe Rebecca, Im not saying this Unaware of the irony But if you lost a little weight I think you would have been happier I remember when I met your dad He kept buying me beers He was a nice guy I hope he is keeping well Louise Ok, this is tenous We only went on one date And we never even kissed Plus I turned up for dinner Completely pissed I just wanted you to know Your a good girl An excellent soccer player I have a photo Of you and Matty Parker In an album somewhere He was the only Orient fan That I've ever met Stefanie... Well, now Onto tender ground You liked to spell your name Stephanie instead The first spelling Says a lot About me, not you, I think Too much to say, too close, too distant If I had been stronger No way would have I let you go I dont think you wanted me too You were the second one I was really serious about 2 years, and then another year Or the best part of it Is not something you do likely I cherish the fact That Daryl Sutch Tried to pull you Ok, Im joking I really loved you I mean it, really loved you I understand There was something incompatible In a way we were too alike But I'll always be there When you call Katie, you were good fun And you gave me free booze Your number one with me You and your crazy ex And me If I was a more reckless man I'd have beaten him up for you Or else got my head kicked in Either way Would have worked for you I guess Jenny, my latest squeeze The disappointment I feel Is the most fresh But in the way Cuts shallow Against my well calloused wrists I think we were Just at different stages Of our lives If we had collided 2 years earlier or a year later It really would have stood a chance I dont know Who do I think I am Anyway Alanis Morrisette? Ive got half a bottle of vodka Ive got a bottle of coke Ive got a begtable knife Ive got sleek black telephone Ive got a signed photograph Of Christina Ricci Ive got a dead sister Ive got a alcoholic mum, am abusive dad And two screw up's Who adopted me Ive got a sister Who got dumped by her boyfriend I know this woman Who is dating my mum Who is getting her into drugs Ive got a baseball bat Ive got a bad temper I will walk the block From the Chinese Takeaway Round to the Baptist church Up to the Bank at the lights Down to the double roundabout Anyone I see When I walk my squared Circle I'll ask them free questions If their gentiles I'll give them three whacks With my big heavy bat Right in the knee caps Then I'll pinch their mobile phone I'll carry my loot In a big linen sack And take it to a charity shop Bash the window in Steal all their paperback books Lug them all the way back home And sell them on Amazon I'll come to this board With varying degrees of success I'll name names I'll sing songs For the people who speak I'll quote the gospel of Jesus' twin When you know yourself You shall be known When you know yourselves You shall be known The people I talk for Are not anywhere Close, far away Purple elctric Carving knife, tedy bear Liquorice water, monkey nuts Dried apricots, weighing scales Blue chipped paint, coal bunker, frozen soccer ball Sister swing Sister slide Sister paddling pool Anderson shelter Top Trumps Rats and Daddy longlegs Isaac Asimov Ghosts and UFO's Double glazing Kitchen Unit Baby bleach potato washing up liquid Fruit machine Toffee apple bonfire Hedgehog Death Death Death Death Death 500 burned billywitches motorcyle speedway 500 dead bugs Spray can painted Around the back lawn Painted them orange And they turned black death death death death death __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

11-13-2004, 03:17 PM	#20 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	I know a girl who is shaped like a knife all sharp edges pointing outwards I'll hold her close to my heart embrace the blade It wont cut through me Any time soon I know a Jewish Princess who always wears the same style of A-Line skirt She takes me out sometimes She takes me out sometimes I have two hands That are shaped like a bat Heavy swing it right through the ghost of the man Who lived here 40 years ago I know a girl Who is shaped like a knife Elbows always pointng at right angles from her throat eyes the colour of chocolate each fingernail painted black she always wears the same style Of A-Line skirt I'm not complaining I hold her close to me She is always without I'll turn up the heating Till we're taking off clothes It doesnt mean anything It doesnt mean anything I know this guy Who sells stolen phones Nokia's, mostly I'll buy four of them and set them all up to ring each other again and again, like 4 blind men stuck in an eternal revolving door dont laugh at me I paid him in counterfit notes The phones stopped working In the second week I know a girl Who's shaped like a knife I'll kiss her wrists I'll kiss her neck I dont really know Where one goes from this The moment is all She exists in the present Impossible to place in the Past or the future Or any other place than where she is Eye's the colour of chocolate a tight pair of jeans An old scruffy red car A heart A knife A flag The world will turn As long as it seems THat it must keep going on My Jewish Princess My rusty tide My black wave I'm here again You can pull me out But you dont have to And Im not going to ask Or anuthing __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

11-20-2004, 06:49 AM	#21 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	When I wake up I want to break up I want to break up My hands are made of crumpled glass Wrapped around an ugly black wreath of tar The core beneath Is like heavy rotten wood I cant touch Anything Without it getting ****ed up My eyes are like dirty paint That does not relect the light But seems to absorb it instead I take heavy steps Down to a local place And I walk round and round And then come back again The eye of the sky Blazes down myopically Above me Bleaching everything With dirty sallow light From where you are You never go so far From where you came As you might wish I can close my eyes And see myself back At the old house, the Ugly red and white wallpaper Covered in hand prints and The pattern of shadow As a sudden gust of wind Catches an ugly curtain And the unclean light Dances unhappily against The smudged faded wallpaper A thump and a bump A nump and a thump Get in my face Really, I want you to Get right up in my face Grap my shirt and shake it and tear it I'll pick up a telephone, headset and all And smash it right into teh centre of your Face Yeah, that would be good Oh, that would be good Its good to talk You know Its good to talk I'll talk this green plastic sack Thats filled with beer cans And dump it on your car Cos I have always had a flare For irony Oh mother, oh mother My eyes are full of water I need something To tie around my face And keep it all in I'll wash my hands I'll clean off the tar I'll pick out th glass I'll chip away the strong rotten wood The shape of the log We used to sit down upon And eat supper together Sometimes Sometimes Oh, it was beautiful Those summers The motorcycle speedway Droning in the sweet evening air I loved the pollution And I'll break up the wood I'll take it to the back Of the last place I lived And burn it real quick Run off if the fire Gets out of hand And underneath is just this boy This poor fat boy I am everything That has ever happened to me There was not enough of myself To not become A sum of my disappointment I know a girl Who'd hair doesnt curl Oh, I know a girl I know a girl She has her own car She has her own star It exists Because3 she does She has her own car She lives under a star THat is very far away And you cant actually see But its there all right I've heard it whispering Sometimes Usually at night Out walking These street Far away from the woods Of my youth Out walking these streets I stay out of the way Of the odd wheeling drunk Of the odd joy rider Every house on every street Keeps its secrets from me Let's go to a bar Let's go to a bar No, dont drive We may as well Make a night of it And get propper mashed You dont have to work tomorrow DO you? Do you? Star, car, bar Bar, Star, Car Car, Car, Car I wish I could drive your car Just once Up to the cliff Where me and my father Used to eat fish and chips When I was a boy And when he was a man Before all the hate And everything The stars tonight Will crackle with the same untidy light Meaningless and tidy Enveloped in an everything Of darkness, coldness, nothing Once all the lights have gone out The space will remain Uncaring, unknowing Oh, it frightens me Thats why I hate their stars Im scared of their smallness, their tiny life span Their irrelevance I'll tidy up my face Rub away the scars If I walk from here to the First place I ever kissed a Girl I'd be there before dark If I set out right now If I start out right now I once wrote a book The main character Never appeared Her name was Aleshia Star Thats Star, not Starr oh oh So literal so self exposed I want to live I want to live And be happy and free And kiss the grass And kiss the grass Get it right in my teeth Get it right in my teeth __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

11-27-2004, 05:22 AM	#22 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	The sky impodes Upon itself I cant see, I cant see Turn off the lights Let darkness come Let darkness come These bones, these bones Rattle in a big linen sack Heave them into dirty prehistoric water With biting red things That come out of blankness With terrible limpid dark speed Turn off the lights, she is dead She is dead, and nothing Can come to any good no more She wore a white night gown And wondered the silver birch wood Where I grew up The night was wet and balmy Her skin was as white As her black hair was wet Oh, some kind of ghost some kind of ghost Still haunting me Here is the haunted the tree My father once showed you Made me jump, I came back later With an axe, and if you can walk I can walk An abomindation of nothing Hollows for eyes Dead tooth smile I stay out of the way, out of sight Crawling round these ways The old M.O.D. land Feel like Im rising Feel like Im rising And if you can walk, I can walk Ever since I was young I always liked the night The dsrkness keeps one safe, unseen I like to watch The lighted houses And wait for them to go to sleep Then dowse their house in petrol and flames Oh, hear them scream And fight to tear off their halo's It isnt my fault I wasnt born this way __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

11-27-2004, 05:23 AM	#23 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	A mouthful of smoke Erupting inside A halo of gunshots Leaves a beautiful little dark haired girl With the back of her head Blown out oh, it's so bad, it's so bad Oh, nevermind, oh nevermind Here is the spot Where daddy and mummy danced to a popular show tune the children all giggled Now they all rattle Skeletons, skeletons The sky is alive A riot of colour as Beautiful death dealing ribbons spiral down From heaven, blue eyed boy Flying away High five, high five Got a direct hit His daddy drunk hard Most of the time that he was growing up So he grew up hard Almost wanted something to believe in Here is a kitchen Here is a bedroom Here is a doll, melted by fire Here are the people 46 44 22 17 11 7 2 shots fired in the night sometimes find their way in oh, bury the little girl oh, bury her away they did this, you did this you did this, they did this God's soldiers What will you say on the day of judgment When everything is revealed? You carry on laughing now You carry on waving that flag now You carry on burning that flag now You werent laughing then Oh, you werent laughing then What will you do What will you say If you are ever held to account For the things you have done? __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

11-27-2004, 05:28 AM	#24 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	just consolidating all my stuff ion this one thread: They arent very good, actually, but her are some: 1, Valentines Day This is the day for love, for cupid, and gaudy wishes. Heart shaped candy, strange coincidence, lingering kisses. I'll be collapsed on our bed, head in my hands: My failure laid before me in obscene glory. And plans Are ruined before they've begun. And meanwhile, outside my room, two boys play basketball In the street. A blue car crawls passed, a woman's call Brings a lazy cat running, a cold North wind whips Up the street: a man stands with his hands on his hips Glaring at the scattered litter. Later, I go to the shop, buy bread, smile at a girl Who is just too young to matter: within the swirl Of self indulgent self reproach there's a life to make. I can pretend to do it for your or my sake. Because it’s all there is. Dead eyes surveying a world made of equal measures Of pain, fear and joy: sucker punched and hidden pleasures. Only four people know that I cry in my sleep: The hole in my life is fizzing, burning: how deep is it? It's sucked up years 2, T H E G I R L W H O C O U L D N ' T F L Y I Summer's dreams still born before they've even begun; Becky just wanted to be loved by everyone. Lurching through the hysteria of sleep each night She made the mistake that any of us might. Dancing alone in her room, to her own CD; How come she's a size eight and she's still so lonely? Choking sobs into her pillow; but no one sees Such apathetic pleading and apologies. Forcing down cheap vodka, reading about the stars, Lying flat on her stomach, listening to cars Speed past her window. How many cars till she knew She couldn't ever become somebody like you? II A wicked tide picking at her soul every day, She knew she needed help, but didn't know what to say. Even if we'd have seen how it would end, who would Have helped her mould her life into the shape it should Have been? Pressing herself against the rain streaked glass, her eyes Bleeding mascara; broken heart, desperate for lies. Living a death sentence: culture, remorse, fear. She Feels like the insides of a broken clock when the Rust sets in. Which sad songs, and sadder books, played in her head? It's so hard to take, that she wanted to be dead. She put on a new skirt and top before she went, And painted every finger nail a different Colour. III Her Dad found her empty room, her stuff was all there; Her tarty skirts and clever books; there was nowhere She could have gone. No friends or boys or anything. They didn't know what to do, or who they should ring. They told us in assembly, a week after we Already knew. Her teacher kept telling us she Felt so guilty, and that we'd miss Becky so much. Some of the girls cried anyway. No one talked much. Her parents moved away not very long after. Kids from our year made up ghost stories about her. Once, when they were drunk, they tried spelling out her name With a ouija board; but no reply ever came. IV Walking through wet grass in toeless shoes, she thought how The life she had wanted was in tatters, how No one could hold on to her - make her feel all right. The paper stained with tears, the note she left that night Said it all. When she stood there; praying for something to hold her back Gravity proved stronger, what should have held her back Abandoned her. In that dark, her eyes must have seen Such intense sadness, where a river should have been Instead. I sometimes cross her bridge. The water that took her Looks too bright, and I feel too little. They found her All messed up by fish, two miles further downstream. It's so sad to watch the beer cans dance in that clean Brittle water. V And I drank alcopops, and smoked with younger girls While the mess of hate and pain and missing out swirled Round and round her head. I write her name on my hand; But she's dead, how can I pretend to understand What she felt? 3, Untitled Silk blonde hair, perfect teeth and light blue eyes A mirror held up to late summer skies. That pretty face was not wasted on you, But why do you do the things you do? Why can't you be more like the girl of my dreams? You look like her. Sometimes it almost seems Obscene, that way that you can hurt yourself. Don't you cry? Don't you care about yourself? I do. Yet you are not the one to blame. Inverted, shared days all look the same: Small and silly, and deathly silent, Empty words and tacky - bright pink - intent, And smiling into burning heat. We fit In each other's eyes and say we like it. At 4AM I see you're not so great But daylight is coming and it wont wait For me to make my resolutions strong. I still love you, I can't help that it's wrong. You're so stupid and wasted, but I still care And still pretend that inside you is where All your hidden virtues are stored intact Ready to turn my illusions to fact: For me. If only I could be more worthy. If only... But I am me. You're you too. Perhaps there is nothing you can do Except take drugs and drink and screw up life While - strong, healthy - I'm dreaming you were my wife: And telling myself that you really are she, That imagined girl who really loves me. So you just drink and smoke and I will lie, And reality and love will pass us by. Love, twisted and stillborn, dwarves my sight And stains my mind with it's cold warped light. It tells me one day my dreams will come true, And superimposes my heart over you. Weeping at dawn is so sad and so ugly. If only you thought that you loved me. 4, Unfinished Remember, you remember: it took you two years To shut my big mouth and make me choke back tears. I can't stop now, thinking about the past: Stumbling drunk through the dim lit world that couldn't last. Fully dressed, laying on our stomachs on your Bed; the clean light of TV rippling on your door. Holding my hand without thinking. Calling my name Without looking up - life cannot now be the same. How to explain? When you pressed your weight against me, What did it feel like, arching your back lazily? For me, a haven from pain, deep in love, a place I could like myself, at last drop to my own pace. For you: a bored static void, where you throw away the day? Or the best thing you ever had? How can I say? But growing up so convinced that I was bad, How could I ever make you anything but sad? All I want now, is you submerged in the past: Stumbling drunk through the dim lit world that couldn't last, Cold eyed with regret, or at least very sad To have lost the very real protection you had. And if, when searching yourself, you still cannot see Any reason to stay, at least don't forget me. We finally cracked up one cold November. I don't know. How can I make you remember? 5, Star Girl (for Mandy Moore) When I was younger I would watch the stars sometimes With apprehension, I sensed their vast, sparse, timeless, Burning hid a great velocity. The night shines All the same, indifferent: I bet you weren’t afraid Of things you couldn’t understand. And there must have been much then, maybe there is now, That seems so strange, so unexpected: your picture In a magazine. The first time you saw it how Sure that girl looked. I could have said how beautiful: But you’ve heard that before. And now your picture’s in a thousand magazines, And you are still the same, that quiet certainty Even when you don’t know, are lost, or your life seems To be fizzing with haste and someone else’s Direction, you have that faith in yourself. Sometimes I listen to you sing, it makes me dream I was someone else, on firmer ground, less afraid Of things I don’t understand; in my mind I seem To see you smile, every word every note. I think That’s one of the reasons you made it. Plus the talent, the looks, the hype, and all that. Years of dedication, in front on the mirror With a hairbrush for a mic, a pen and pad that You scrawled a hundred songs you never get to sing On. I suppose people forget about that. A poem for a girl I’ll never meet, that she Might not even read, and wouldn’t like if she did. I can’t compare you to stars, I fear them still, the Difference is that you belong down here, but yet You shine like them in your way A quiet glow that touches everyone you know Just a little. Maybe it doesn’t seem that much Or maybe I make it more than it is, but it’s so Important to have hope in this life, I think you Made most people here catch some of that. When you were younger did you watch the stars sometimes With apprehension, did you have the same fear I Did, being lifted at terrible speed? It shines The same, indifferent, but I bet you weren’t afraid Of things that weren’t really there 8 Oct 2002 Adam Douglas She loved it when the snows fell It obliterated difference And made everyone feel cold all the same. She said the water in Mallorca Was just like any other style of water But it made her sick all the same Just like they said it would Hospitals made her feel strange and sad, Like they do everyone But the long field behind her house Really made her feel afraid She always wore her hemlines low, Whether in self-defence or self-reproach She never said And I never asked I never know what to say nowadays Or maybe I never did And only now do I realise. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

12-01-2004, 02:49 PM	#25 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	posted 01 December 2004 04:17 PM Stand up tall Dizzee, Dizzee Blood rushs to my head Magnificent I open both hands My open palms face the wall And turn the windows red I know five people that hate me I know five people I know five people that hate me I know five people I turn the windows red I turn the windows black I knock the windoes in I stick the glass panes back Laying on my back late one night No longer alone, no longer alone Bounce out of bed Stand up tall, Stand up tall Dizzy, Dizzy Close my hands into angry little fists I'll knock knock knock on his door I got a pair of dusty heavy boots Stomping on the floorboards Of a younger girls school play Bang, Bang, Bang Clomp, Clomp, Clomp Bust through the door Waving a five iron Fore, Fore, Fore You wont front no more With a broken jaw And 10 Broken ribs And your teeth like a jigsaw All up on the floor You wont front no more My son, my brother, my only friend When your blood is on the floor With my bootprints on your door Five people in this world, they hate me Ugly dirty uncles Rotten little nephews I got a tyre iron That weighs just right in my hand I got a baseball bat With 8 grooves in the handle Strung round with black cord I got a clean five iron With a southpaw grip And I've got a knife And a length of dirty rope __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

12-07-2004, 11:58 PM	#26 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	Mandy You'll never know, you'll never know The words I write, the places that I've been to I'll never see, I'll never see The woman you started out to be A fragile dawn, this brittle sun Touches us both At different times Wiping the same kind of dreams From our clogged up eyes Headache like bad traffic You tip toed out of bed About the time I had my head in my hands Over something, over something I can't remember now You'll never know, you'll never know The shape of my hands when the sky is blue I'll never see, I'll never see Your moment of sudden clarity So, this much of it is the same It can be measured, reduced, qualified There's too much that's difference Too. I think that skirt is pretty And it really goes with those heels I think that your eyes are pretty And believe me man, it shows. And here is the space where God belongs I need it as much as you Even if we use different names You'll never know, you'll never know Words I write, seeds I sow I'll never see, I'll never see You take pictures of the old city I'll write you a song, I'll make it too long By a verse, maybe two Your smile is your currency And I use a pair of dusty old boots The same sunset leaves us both Slightly uninspired The stars glitter faintly with such great indifference To either of our lives All you can do in the world of mirrors Is your best, be your best You'll never know, you'll never know You'll never see, you'll never see Here is a book, here is a pen Here is a screen, here is a sign Clear crystal path, yellow brick road You follow him, I'm rooting for you all the way Just keep singing, just keep on singing Each word lights the way Somehow, somewhere... I feel its true Anyway. Applejack sky Blackberry shoes, liquorice water To drink every day before two I talk about my childhood more than you do Because I wasnt that happy I just wanted you to know I'm getting a lot better, you know, these days Lemonade rain storm, violent pink shirt A broken recorder, a off brown leather skirt I'll mend your recorder, I was always good With mechanical things I see your space Down a telephone line Between your face And the headline Is a good clean 3 inches It's important, I guess you know already But I would definitely advise you To take your umbrella with you When you walk in the park There's black snow falling upwards Round by the old swings and slide Where the older kids used to play ouija board Gravity has to take control Some time, some time. Hey, I saw a lot of things The last time I walked those ways There were christmas lights In a seven sided pattern Moving me from left to right A lot of the things Ive heard from you Ive taken to heart as well Oh, I know it was just a song But in a general way, I dont see why It cant mean something, anyway In this life of ours Hope is important You told me that, I always bore it mind However long it rained I'll never know, I'll never know I never see, I never see You were a girl, you were a woman You were an actress, you won many of our hearts. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

12-31-2004, 11:23 AM	#27 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	I slump this cold path every day Wearing this gaudy coat Someone left at a church jumble sale And no one bought My life is like that cold village hall Black shoes squeaking Scattering this way and that, old music Sugary tea in mugs I kept every love poem I wrote you When I was seventeen In a tuppoware box underneath my bed Though unread, for a while. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

01-01-2005, 03:03 AM	#28 (permalink)
almostaugust Junkie Location: Oz	Thanks for posting your stuff. __________________ 'And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe Maybe this year will be better than the last I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself To hold on to these moments as they pass'

01-01-2005, 03:36 AM	#29 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	"and though the rain keeps falling down I know the sun, wont wash away...." I see my life through the mist of rain I weep for happiness, cherish the pain Because summer has gone, wont be back again For a long time, grey days, months, years I am less than I said, more than I portrayed I left the party because you stayed I left the party, I wish I'd stayed But all you would tell me was that you'd prayed The hole in my life, is festering, burning Consumes the dreams that wont stop returning From my nightmares, I cant help learning The way things are, the way they always were I stand up tall as I can, sticking around Everything, all experiences, exists above ground I talk to myself for the sake of creating sound I kiss the chains with which I am bound Pretty star, purple wolf, seaside hurracaine I'll hide in a beach hut from the mist of rain Pretty girl, fragile eyes, eclectic wrists, a dream Neither you, or I, am what I made it seem Neither I, not you, am how I made it seem Pretty girl, backward wrists, pony tail, a dream I am alone, I drink alone, because I am alone Pretty song, sad song, listen on my own Pretty song, sad song, you listen on your own I presented as epiphany what was always known I presented it as genius, oh, so overblown I go back to my bedsit, and I drink alone Pretty star, pony tail, red plastic hair tie Can you tell the differences between truth and lie? I'll protect you, from whatever you hate in life I have a baseball bat and I have a knife I may be clumsy, I understand, I may be slow But I'll swing swing swing a heavy blow I'll knock all of your demons down, they will Shut up and cease and leave you alone for all time Because I'll tell them to I need you, I need you __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

01-01-2005, 03:37 AM	#30 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	Sing: late summer afternoon, soft golden window break Rhyme: the world's irretrievably **ed up forever. Hum: nothing that you ever do will really make sense. Cry: sallow dead light rippling against faded wallpaper THIS IS WHERE YOU LIVE Listen to me carefully All my life I have been convinced that I am right I have never loved anyone more than I love myself I am scared of turning my back on an empty room. Since I was eight years old I wished I was someone else Close your eyes and remember Sat in a neutral room staring at the dead gas fire While she nervoously told you you took milk and no sugar A dust blanket of silence falling over the room Her spastic hand knocking the empty cup to the floor You didnt get up The day you told your mother that you never never loved her Paid her back for ten years of making you want to cry Your eyes are so blank and she chokes on her tears and slides Out of the room. Nobody ever knew how to really make you care You spent your whole life pondering what the right reaction is THIS doesnt make you happy Hidden, rolled into a fetus ball, in the silver wood Trees overhang your body as you slowly rise And stare at the dirty unnatural silence in dumb wonder Unable to tell what this place should make you feel Elemental May fly dusk, so poised with potential Pouncing, tearing, running, screaming - all out of reach The streets might not be safe, but the dark here is scary I hate the way the world is, so all of you We met when we were both 16 and I spent 2 years of my life Trying to make her happy, and even in that I failed When she started crying the last time I thought she would tear apart Such was the hysteria of her hot Wednesday tears I left the room dry eyed but with a thumping headache And a re-broken heart SING: the only way to clean the ing worthless junk from our of your life is to trash the whole ing thing. SING: You are a worthless parasite, used up. NOTHING. No one will ever understand whats going on in your head Sing: I ing hate this SING: I ING HATE YOU SING: I **ING HATE YOU S I N G : I F U C K I N G H A T E Y O U __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

01-01-2005, 03:38 AM	#31 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	Somehow I was always different to them There's something special locked inside of me Hidden by the tears and method angst of youth Was some kind of half baked capacity That no one else has Somehow she's alone in a busy room A life that she just cannot understand A destiny that no one else could see In the slashed love lines of her cut up hand, Her painted nails His false smile and fake tears never could find A way to unlock the doors he wanted. This way of life, black eyed beaten up child Who listens to mirrors and feels afrronted Isnt that easy Pretty face, fragile eyes, the way she sat alone At her own birthday party and NO ONE Noticed. Inside her room she doesnt care She never saw a path in the long run She's such a cliche Doomed from the start, you really have to ask Just how it was that they could ever see Any future together, with all that They were, let alone an eternity To match the mad, mad stars __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

01-01-2005, 03:38 AM	#32 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	Alone in his room, pen and pad Old school book, chewed biro, so sad Unsung and lonely, his words fall Where they can do no good at all Painful and pointless, words that share Feelings and losses she doesnt care About. Outdated, out of tune Surely he'll run out of words soon __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

01-01-2005, 03:44 AM	#33 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	Stupid Waste of Molecules Scattered Around An Idea A shape No one See's Anti matter And a Sticky black Soul My favoruite tears Pained embrace I'll walk back here Hand In Hand A million times To the same beginning A million times Shimmering grey circles Against a darker background Mother Father Sister Brother Rotten decay Marrow and filth Sea weed for hair Fire eyes A throat Made of whispering Willows Half rotten eaten by maggots Crawling with wood lice Scream and flick your fingers Jingle girlishly I've been short changed Most my life __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

01-01-2005, 03:45 AM	#34 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	This ugly alarm clock scares me awake While it's still dark, dreams that linger Slowly retreat, close my eyes again, take A long sad breath, and roll out of bed... 26 today yesterday tomorrow probably I limp over the broken coat hangers Pull on some Hebrew language shirt I hated my father so much, many years But the irony I dress in doesnt hurt dreaming of car chases and dead girls Beautiful day, beautiful day, we spent it Together, or some of it at least, you looked Put out when I shrugged my shoulders, is it My fault that you dont like any of the music on the radio love song John Peel grave song Flowers for the dead, for the living, Mcdonald's Breakfast. Jesus, mayo on my tie, silly smile Silly laugh, your hand my thigh, a moment Catch it, talk about something else for a while It passes Self despriciating Nod, silly laugh, silly kiss, dead relatives and dry eyes Pick me up about four, ok, ok. see you later See you later. Wave a little, then shrug Turn away and slump inside the world doesnt stop Compare my left side to your right side, guess it measures up. Pony tail Tiger teeth I'm not A qualified accountant Heavy drink, hurts my arm, kiss me right here In the joint between my forearm and my elbow Music too loud, make smy heart hollow, the fear Creeps in and out, I dont like it so much here The two of us, this strange symetry your girl girl laugh, some epiphany Jesus man, stare at my hands, the palms Are full of lines, some ****ing epiphany. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

01-01-2005, 07:15 AM	#35 (permalink)
vonstalhein Insane Location: Where You Live.	Fuck me, there's a lot of stuff there. Generally...good. I like 'The two of us, this strange symetry your girl girl laugh, some epiphany Jesus man, stare at my hands, the palms Are full of lines, some ****ing epiphany.' especially. Nice and vitriolic, how i like it. __________________ No Win No Fee