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The bonfire
Which I lit
Doused with petrol
Laid out on this patch
Of dusty ground
Behind the fruit cage
In front of the second lawn
And the apple trees
Is burning
So pretty
How much of my life
Have I left behind
I was an only child
Because me and my
Sister hardly spoke
If I stood on the third wall
Of the neighbours fence
I could see the water tower
And the row of tall tree's
That stood to the left
Poplars, I think
A nest or ravens
Scattered the sky
I loved to watch
Them, nature's poetry
The hum of the stock cars
Or motorcycle
Speedway
From the Foxhall track
Filled my summer evenings
The fish pond
My little red boat
That you couldnt make sink
My sister's slide
The cricket strip
That patch of close trimmed lawn
Which my father secretly doctored
With mounds of earth
To help his spin bowling
This kitchen window
Where me and dad
Saw a UFO
oh man, 15 years ago
The hallway
Where I carefully unpacked
My Top Trump cars
and raced them down the carpet
Oh, it was a lonely childhood
Sometimes
Being an only child
But I had friends too
Back then
Playing games on the +2
Upgrade it to Amgiga
the three porno's
That my Dad made me
Never tell mum about
on the old Betamax
Thsi was the second part
of childhood
To go deeper
Younger
Further
Well, I might as well
Start with my first sister
She died when I was 5
The day after she was born
Never knew her
Never saw her
Never held her
What could she have been?
Who would she have been?
Fruitless to ask
I'm sorry that life
Worked out that way
Really, it breaks my heart
When I really think of it
But I hardly ever do
I can say honestly
I never shed a single tear
He rname was Eve
Cos mine was Adam
Kind of tacky
I guess
But it seems
I dont know
I doesnt matter
Anymore
Anyway
damp wallpaper
It was white
Faded grey with dirt
Red flowers, with no body
curled like barbed wire
A shadow
Faded light
A blow
A punch
I pretended not to hear
I was always the coward
I was always the one
Who never got
What was coming to him
I used to think
Maybe this house
Was haunted
I used to lie to myself
I used to wish
I had a gun
I tried to kill myself
When I was 11
Half heartedly
Oh, I didnt really mean it
I'm still alive, after all
So I couldnt have really meant it
It scared Father I think
He slapped me
I ran away and cried
And thought hard thoughts of murder
Heavy hammers
And fragile skulls
Tearing and choking
Burning and screaming with laughter
At the burned out cars
And the corpse within
Oh, I neevr did
Say how I felt
He used to call me Best Pal
I used to hate him
If I could go back now
Things would not be the same
Punch me in the mouth
I dare you
I'll bite off your hand
I'll grind my teeth into your wrist
And I'll twist and I'll spit
The flesh that I tear
Right back into your face
I'll take the butter knife
With the creamy beige handle
And flash it across your face
As you duck and come back
With a fist read to stike
I'll smach that glass bowl
Right into your face
The one that I dropped
When I was 7 or 8
And you went crazy
over
Yeah, irony and me
We go a long way back
I'll grind the sharp broken edges
Right into your face
I'll sink my teeth into your neck
I'll Gnash my teeth till they break
And rip out every vein
And atory I can find
I'll place my hands
On your temples
And squeeze
Liek the test of strength guy
Until my rage implodes
Oh, are you getting this?
oh, are you getting this?
My anger is impotent
More savage for it
The truth is more
demeaning
I was always the same
Slipped under the radar
The kidn that no one felt
Sure about
Dull eyes, hands that could make
Fists, but never do
Oh, my childhood
Is gone
Is gone
Look at me now
Right now
At this very instant
A fat piece of ****
Drinking beer
Living in a **** hole
Without a girl
Or a world
or a dream
Or anything
Well
Thats how it seems.
__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."
The Gospel of Thomas
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