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I was sleeping lightly
When unseen footsteps scampered past my bed
The door downstairs kept slamming
Your ghost was here again
I'll pick up my courage
I'll shape and mould my indifference
Yeah, you always said I was so cold
Your touch feels like ice to me
The telephone is silent, mocking
I'll pick it up and grind it into shreds
Against this wall one day
Dare me one more time... you know
I'm strong enough.
I'll take this birthday cake
And cut it straight down the middle
I'll leave my half till it's stale
And chuck it in the trash
I'll feed your half to dogs
Oh, that'll teach you
Huh?
I'll jump out of bed
Grabbing a fire iron in a heavy fist
Shoulders swinging and surly
I was always so craven and aggressive
I repressed this side of me
Most the time
Try and haunt me
And I'll heavy swing this iron giant
Right through the hole inside of you
It'll go straight through
I'll bare my teeth
You'd better disappear
I saw you in a bar the other day
Dont know if you noticed me
I drank my drink, and then another
Then walked out without saying a thing
Oh, you always said I was cold
Well, maybe you were half right
But listen
I am not some robot
I am not without care
But you can look right into my eyes
They will be cold and dry
A little dead and flat
Reminds me of a thing I once read
The father of a famous killer
Described his whole life as so:
A broad, flat pain
That ran thrugh everything
Oh, I know just what he felt
The father, of course, I mean.
You were my special girl
I wrote you a few poems
That were nicer than this
Less honest, more authentic
Do you know the difference
When I loved you I told myself you did
Maybe you dont, maybe you do
I dont really know
And that is the reason
You never call
That is the reason
You felt that we should just be friends
or a big part of it
Oh sometimes I act all wrong
But I am not unself-aware
__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."
The Gospel of Thomas
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