A Calendar, and a Big Red Marker. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

BigBen · 10-26-2005, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoJoPokeyBlue

If we were sitting across from each other, I'd hand you a calendar and a big red marker and tell you to "Pick a day when your leaving, and let's start planning backwards to make this work."

MoJo

This post hit me like a ton of bricks. You guys know that my marriage is on the rocks, and we are going to counselling. I have tried to make things work, and every time I think things are going to get better, they just don't.

Well, I had a lot of sympathy for the poster in Tilted Sexuality who wasn't getting enough sex (once a month) and was contemplating cheating. I read all of the replies and saw that the responses were all things that I have tried. Then I went back to my original thread where I talked about my situation and looked at the responses. Same kind of thing.

I have been ignoring the situation, in the futile hopes that things will get better, and this is just "A Bump In The Road". I have bent over backwards and kissed my own ass to try to improve, and yet still I feel like I have been punched in the stomach. I am in the corner, on the ropes, use any number of cliches to describe where I am, emotionally and relationship-wise.

Why don't I grab that Big Red Marker and a calendar, and start making plans? Because that scares me so much I feel physically sick. Staying in this situation is not any better. Living with these problems is just as bad.

Here I sit. Looking at a calendar. Which day is okay?
End of the month? No, the moving vans are probably booked.
Middle of November?
Tomorrow? Too soon. Way too soon.

What about bills that we share?
Do I need a lawyer? Yeah, probably. Where do I get one?
What stuff should I take? I look around the house and wonder if I should take different things.

I guess if this was easy, I would have done it long ago.

Here I am, looking at the calendar.

Thoughts?

maleficent · 10-26-2005, 07:34 AM

{{{HUGS}}}

You spend a lot of time making other people laugh, and giving other people smiles with your stories and your great personality... We should make you laugh...

/me bops Ben with a big fluffy pillow and tickles him...

Seriously bub. I'm sorry it's come to this, and I'm sorry that you are having a hard time with these decisions. I think you've done the best you can and it's time to do what's best for you... You're important.

What shoudl you take? take what makes you happy and what's meaningful to you.. Don't take what you know she would be upset at losing (you've been the better person thru out all this, don't stop now)

Definitely get a lawyer, you want to protect your interests, and if need be, let someone else be the bad guy. How to find one? I'd check resources at work, see if anyone has any recommendations, if not is there a Canadian Bar Association that could give you some reccommendations.

When do leave? When you are ready. You will know when it's right, of that I'm convinced, if you leave too soon, you might be left with regrets that you didn't try hard enough or didn't do all you can. But also, don't stay too long, I've seem people stay too long in relationships that suffer personality changes.. It's not healthy.

/me puts on a disguise while she gets all serious-like...

You know we're here for ya, big guy, you aren't alone... and if there's anything you need... we got your back

Poppinjay · 10-26-2005, 07:54 AM

I read through the other threads... soon to be former Mrs. Big Ben, this is for you.

Only because there's no middle digit emoticon.

Remember that whatever happens is not a reflection on you or a clue that you may somehow be deficient. More than likely, the people around you feel like something is up. Nobody will think worse of you, and you won't be downgraded if you start talking about it. You don't have to swallow your pride when you respect yourself enough to make changes. People will respect your stand, and when the dark time is over, they will help you find someone new.

Damn, a lot of shit happens through life. Sometimes we cling to the thing that is hurting us most, afraid to let go. We hold it so tightly, disbelieving that release would be mutually beneficial.

snowy · 10-26-2005, 09:57 AM

My uncle is going through much the same thing you are now, BigBen. He tried to bend over backwards to please his wife, but even after 25 years he found he had to throw in the towel.

No one's saying you have to take a great flying leap into the void of divorce--you can take baby steps if you want. Make a list of steps. Check one off every day, every two days, and eventually you'll know where that big red circle on the calendar should be.

This is hard, and none of it's going to be easy, but you have to know we're here for you. Anything you need to talk about, we're here to listen. And I mean that.

Best wishes, BigBen.

denim · 10-26-2005, 10:58 AM

Friends of mine tried to do "it" w/o a lawyer. Then one day he came home and found out that she'd taken $40k out of their shared account for "expenses"...

Supple Cow · 10-26-2005, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigBen

I guess if this was easy, I would have done it long ago.

Here I am, looking at the calendar.

Thoughts?

I think you already know what you need, and it's probably not as hard as you think. What's kept you from doing it is the pain... but the pain is going to be there no matter what you decide. I trust that you'll know when and how to make the best of it, and we'll be here to support you throughout the way.

Charlatan · 10-26-2005, 11:27 AM

Ben... as Mal suggests, you will know when it's time to move on. Don't straggle. If you know that you've given it your best shot (and I have a good feeling that you don't really do much of anything half way) then you know there is nothing else you can do to change things for the better.

The fact is, once you know this, you will be one step closer to getting on with your life. Sure it will be tough. But it really is just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other (sorry for the Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer reference but it is apt).

As for the other thread, you are not in the same situation at all... pay it no heed.

Stay strong and know that there are many here who have your proverbial back.

Charlatan · 10-26-2005, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Supple Cow

I think you already know what you need, and it's probably not as hard as you think. What's kept you from doing it is the pain... but the pain is going to be there no matter what you decide. I trust that you'll know when and how to make the best of it, and we'll be here to support you throughout the way.

Supple Cow is bang on with this... Embrace the pain and soon it will be gone (or at least it will receed into the background).

guthmund · 10-26-2005, 07:33 PM

It's one of those 'gut check' moments that, unfortunately, pop up from time to time.

I've never been married, to be honest, I've never even been close, so I have absolutely no idea what you're going through, but I can say this... I've seen a lot of folks in your situation hold on much, much longer than they should've.

Some of the best and brightest the forum has to offer have already weighed in and offered their words of wisdom. Advice you'd do well to heed, in my opinion.

Peace be with you BigBen in whatever path you decide to follow.

serlindsipity · 10-26-2005, 08:12 PM

I agree with Supple Cow. Avoiding pain will make anyone do just about anything. but at the same turn, to drag it out will be just as painful, if not moreso.

I guess just circle a date you hope will never have any importance to you, get a lawyer cuz it will inherintly get nasty (and if it doesnt, hurrah to you, youre one of the few lucky ones) and just go through the motions.

Baby steps Ben, Baby steps.

G'luck. We'll all be here too.

nightstuff · 10-27-2005, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by serlindsipity

Baby steps Ben, Baby steps.

G'luck. We'll all be here too.

Well, i think i know what you mean serlin, but often in the end of the relationship, you just need to say "fuck it" and plunge into the cold water, instead of inching in bit by bit. Yes, you still get the cold water, but beats the hell out of torturing yourself through baby stepping it.

Announcing that you are willing and able to go the divorce route will likely shock the hell out of her. What she does at that point will either A) realize she cant be without you, and fight to keep you or B) realize divorce is the right thing.

what worked for a few friends was to announce that "this isnt working anymore, maybe a divorce is in order" and then to spend time away, so that both could think, meanwhile talking with friends, soul searching, etc. If you go this route, then have it as a goal to only return when you have made up your mind how its going to be. And above all, be firm with your conditions. Hold your guns

kramus · 10-27-2005, 12:57 PM

It has been said - but bears repeating - pick a day that has no significance whatsoever - and keep it away from things like Christmas! And then just do it. If you guys are amicable you can use a mediator vs an adversarial situation with lawyers (cheaper, and why not, eh?) - and file a year after you declare you separated. If you are clear about the course you take then don't go for ex sex. It merely delays the internal adjustment to your new reality as a separated man. Be sure you can share with your friends and family about your situation because the less b.s. in your life right now the better (keeping this thing from friends/family is b.s.)

good luck BigBen

Rodney · 10-27-2005, 02:41 PM

Where to start? Pick a divorce lawyer; just call one. Say you want to pay for an initial consultation, because you haven't broached the issue yet and you're hoping for an amicable settlement, but you want to know 1) how to officially carry out an amicable settlement in this state 2) any pitfalls or things to watch out for, and 3) how to be prepared in advance if things get ugly. In other words, if the good option doesn't work, what do you do next? Frankly, the best way to find the confidence to proceed is to research what the road looks like. Removing some of the unknown removes some of the fear.

Do that first and don't delay. Then pick your date, get a place lined up, and move out. If it's too much to consider setting up a whole new apartment, just take a furnished short-term apartment or motel room by the week or month for a little bit until your head straightens out. Your stuff can go to storage or into someone's garage. If you can stay with a friend for a week or two, that's great, too.

In terms of haggling over who owns/owes what, you probably know that most of the argument and screaming won't be about the objects themselves, but about what they symbolized in the relationship. For that reason -- well, don't give away the farm, but give in on things whose significance is more symbolic than economic. Remember, you want out, not some kind of emotional victory or justification.

serlindsipity · 10-27-2005, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nightstuff

Well, i think i know what you mean serlin, but often in the end of the relationship, you just need to say "fuck it" and plunge into the cold water, instead of inching in bit by bit. Yes, you still get the cold water, but beats the hell out of torturing yourself through baby stepping it.

by no means do i mean inching towards the end. I had assumed this was the end, it was just a matter of how to work through it all.

but you make a good point as well. the sooner the better. no use in beating the dead horse, it just gets really messy after awhile.

BigBen · 02-22-2006, 08:03 PM

Jesus Christ, I posted that on October 26th?!???!!

Well folks, tomorrow is the day. February 23, 2006. The calendar is marked, and everything is set.

I am moving in with a buddy of mine, and everything is going to be okay. He likes drinking beer, playing video games, hockey and long walks on the Beach. I have the moving van booked, the keys are in my hand, and I am looking forward, not backward.

I am going to be okay, even though this sucks shit. Not my fault. I went through counselling, found out that I am a pretty nice guy and am able to land on my feet.

I am planning to take a trip mid-March, to relax and spoil myself. I have the time off and everything planned. I don't need anyone's permission, which is kind of weird. I am going to get extra drunk on St. Patrick's Day, my favorite holiday of the year.

I could not have made it this far without a place to vent my thoughts and feelings; a place that made me laugh out loud and re-think my opinions about the most basic of philosophies.

I have to thank everyone for helping, and for being on my side. It is a good side to be on, and the beer is better over here!

To those special folks here that gave me support (you know who you are) I want to thank you extra.

Supple Cow · 02-22-2006, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigBen

I am planning to take a trip mid-March, to relax and spoil myself. I have the time off and everything planned. I don't need anyone's permission, which is kind of weird. I am going to get extra drunk on St. Patrick's Day, my favorite holiday of the year.

Is your trip to Chicago to the TFP meet-up??? I sure hope so.

Good for you, mister. You did yourself good.

JumpinJesus · 02-22-2006, 08:54 PM

BigBen,

I went through a divorce about 10 years ago. My first wife and I were married 6 years when we split. We were both miserable, didn't want the marriage to work anymore, couldn't stand to be in the same room anymore, but didn't know what the hell to do about it.

We were young when we got married and still young when we split. It was touch and go at first. There were moments when we both thought that maybe we should just try one more time to make it work. Thankfully those feelings wore off in a few weeks.

I have to admit that those first few days were very surreal. My whole life changed and I wasn't sure what I was going to do. Within a matter of weeks, though, things got drastically better. I finally felt like myself for the first time in years. It was one of the greatest feelings I've ever experienced.

The best part is that after we split and divorced, we became friends. I don't know if this will be possible for you, but I do know from personal experience that it gets better very fast and you'll soon realize that this was one of the best decisions you could have made for yourself.

I wish you the best as you start your life over.

msh58 · 02-22-2006, 09:27 PM

good luck to you, takes me a long time to get over stuff, hope its much shorter for you.

maleficent · 02-23-2006, 04:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigBen

I am moving in with a buddy of mine, and everything is going to be okay. He likes drinking beer, playing video games, hockey and long walks on the Beach.

OMG you're playing for the other team now???

:sigh:

Oh well --

Movings gonna be tough... take care of you...

Lucifer · 02-23-2006, 04:31 AM

Hey Ben, I'm right there with you.
My wife and I split up on the 6th with both Valentine's Day and her birthday in the next two weeks. We'd been living together for 3 years, almost to the day and it was one of the hardest decisions I've had to made. We still had strong feelings for each other, but realized that we weren't in love anymore, and had grown away from each other and the situation wasn't going to improve. There were a lot of times that I thought we should stay together just to avoid the whole splitting up thing, and how complicated it was going to be, with bank accounts and credit cards, etc.
We were living in St. John's, and we had furniture here and in storage in Ontario, plus the two cats living here. After I said that we should split, things started to improve between us almost immediately. We talked more, and went out and did things together. But the hardest thing was coming up with a date for her to move out. At first she said that she wanted to stay until the beginning of March (!!), but then she said that she wanted to be home for her birthday on the 19th, but she couldn't decide on a date. So I decided for her, I bought a flight, set the date, and we started working towards that date. And it has worked out.
I'm by myself now, and I'm in a happier place, and I know that things will work out for you as well. Rely on your friends on the TFP, and we'll see you through it.

Sultana · 02-23-2006, 04:53 PM

BigBen, I wish you every good thing. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but it sounds like you've been thoughtful and stable about it.

*big ole hugs*
As far as I'm concerned, please feel free to post about whatever you need to, I'll be happy to input/cheer/cry with you.

Sweetpea · 02-23-2006, 04:58 PM

(( big hugs )) bigben.

keep in mind, you're making a choice to be happy. it's not easy i know, but i applaud you for putting your needs first, everyone deserves to be happy.

good luck and we're all here for you.

sweetpea

abaya · 02-23-2006, 05:05 PM

Wow, that is tough. I really applaud you for making that decision. Most people don't take good enough care of themselves... it is refreshing to see someone choose a healthier life.

Still, it is tough. TFP is here for you... and I hope the whole process is as non-scarring as possible (if that's possible). *hugs*

ShaniFaye · 02-23-2006, 05:41 PM

how did I miss this?!?!?!

Bravo for you for doing something thats not at all easy. I wish you much, but most of all I wish you happiness and no regret for the steps you are taking

snowy · 02-23-2006, 11:31 PM

Ben, I'm going to echo what I said previously.

Anything you need to talk about--whatever, whenever--we're here for you.

Nisses · 02-24-2006, 06:08 AM

Best of luck to you BigBen, I hope those long walks on the beach will be all you ever dreamed it would be

Keep looking forward

Poppinjay · 02-24-2006, 06:53 AM

Bonne chance!

JustJess · 02-24-2006, 08:35 AM

Luckily, you are all done with the box lifting now, right?

I'm glad you made your decision. It definitely is the right one (I've been reading your relationship threads since the first one!). Good luck. Chat soon. :*

10-26-2005, 07:34 AM	#2 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	{{{HUGS}}} You spend a lot of time making other people laugh, and giving other people smiles with your stories and your great personality... We should make you laugh... /me bops Ben with a big fluffy pillow and tickles him... Seriously bub. I'm sorry it's come to this, and I'm sorry that you are having a hard time with these decisions. I think you've done the best you can and it's time to do what's best for you... You're important. What shoudl you take? take what makes you happy and what's meaningful to you.. Don't take what you know she would be upset at losing (you've been the better person thru out all this, don't stop now) Definitely get a lawyer, you want to protect your interests, and if need be, let someone else be the bad guy. How to find one? I'd check resources at work, see if anyone has any recommendations, if not is there a Canadian Bar Association that could give you some reccommendations. When do leave? When you are ready. You will know when it's right, of that I'm convinced, if you leave too soon, you might be left with regrets that you didn't try hard enough or didn't do all you can. But also, don't stay too long, I've seem people stay too long in relationships that suffer personality changes.. It's not healthy. /me puts on a disguise while she gets all serious-like... You know we're here for ya, big guy, you aren't alone... and if there's anything you need... we got your back __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

10-26-2005, 07:54 AM	#3 (permalink)
Poppinjay You had me at hello Location: DC/Coastal VA	I read through the other threads... soon to be former Mrs. Big Ben, this is for you. Only because there's no middle digit emoticon. Remember that whatever happens is not a reflection on you or a clue that you may somehow be deficient. More than likely, the people around you feel like something is up. Nobody will think worse of you, and you won't be downgraded if you start talking about it. You don't have to swallow your pride when you respect yourself enough to make changes. People will respect your stand, and when the dark time is over, they will help you find someone new. Damn, a lot of shit happens through life. Sometimes we cling to the thing that is hurting us most, afraid to let go. We hold it so tightly, disbelieving that release would be mutually beneficial. __________________ I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

10-26-2005, 09:57 AM	#4 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	My uncle is going through much the same thing you are now, BigBen. He tried to bend over backwards to please his wife, but even after 25 years he found he had to throw in the towel. No one's saying you have to take a great flying leap into the void of divorce--you can take baby steps if you want. Make a list of steps. Check one off every day, every two days, and eventually you'll know where that big red circle on the calendar should be. This is hard, and none of it's going to be easy, but you have to know we're here for you. Anything you need to talk about, we're here to listen. And I mean that. Best wishes, BigBen. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

10-26-2005, 11:27 AM	#7 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Ben... as Mal suggests, you will know when it's time to move on. Don't straggle. If you know that you've given it your best shot (and I have a good feeling that you don't really do much of anything half way) then you know there is nothing else you can do to change things for the better. The fact is, once you know this, you will be one step closer to getting on with your life. Sure it will be tough. But it really is just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other (sorry for the Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer reference but it is apt). As for the other thread, you are not in the same situation at all... pay it no heed. Stay strong and know that there are many here who have your proverbial back. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

10-26-2005, 07:33 PM	#9 (permalink)
guthmund big damn hero	It's one of those 'gut check' moments that, unfortunately, pop up from time to time. I've never been married, to be honest, I've never even been close, so I have absolutely no idea what you're going through, but I can say this... I've seen a lot of folks in your situation hold on much, much longer than they should've. Some of the best and brightest the forum has to offer have already weighed in and offered their words of wisdom. Advice you'd do well to heed, in my opinion. Peace be with you BigBen in whatever path you decide to follow. __________________ No signature. None. Seriously.

10-26-2005, 10:58 AM	#5 (permalink)
denim Banned Location: Massachusetts, USA	Friends of mine tried to do "it" w/o a lawyer. Then one day he came home and found out that she'd taken $40k out of their shared account for "expenses"...

10-26-2005, 08:12 PM	#10 (permalink)
serlindsipity Psycho Location: Boulder Baby!	I agree with Supple Cow. Avoiding pain will make anyone do just about anything. but at the same turn, to drag it out will be just as painful, if not moreso. I guess just circle a date you hope will never have any importance to you, get a lawyer cuz it will inherintly get nasty (and if it doesnt, hurrah to you, youre one of the few lucky ones) and just go through the motions. Baby steps Ben, Baby steps. G'luck. We'll all be here too. __________________ My third eye is my camera's lens.

10-27-2005, 12:57 PM	#12 (permalink)
kramus loving the curves Location: my Lady's manor	It has been said - but bears repeating - pick a day that has no significance whatsoever - and keep it away from things like Christmas! And then just do it. If you guys are amicable you can use a mediator vs an adversarial situation with lawyers (cheaper, and why not, eh?) - and file a year after you declare you separated. If you are clear about the course you take then don't go for ex sex. It merely delays the internal adjustment to your new reality as a separated man. Be sure you can share with your friends and family about your situation because the less b.s. in your life right now the better (keeping this thing from friends/family is b.s.) good luck BigBen __________________ And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ... I'm going with this - if you like artwork visit http://markfineart.ca

10-27-2005, 02:41 PM	#13 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	Where to start? Pick a divorce lawyer; just call one. Say you want to pay for an initial consultation, because you haven't broached the issue yet and you're hoping for an amicable settlement, but you want to know 1) how to officially carry out an amicable settlement in this state 2) any pitfalls or things to watch out for, and 3) how to be prepared in advance if things get ugly. In other words, if the good option doesn't work, what do you do next? Frankly, the best way to find the confidence to proceed is to research what the road looks like. Removing some of the unknown removes some of the fear. Do that first and don't delay. Then pick your date, get a place lined up, and move out. If it's too much to consider setting up a whole new apartment, just take a furnished short-term apartment or motel room by the week or month for a little bit until your head straightens out. Your stuff can go to storage or into someone's garage. If you can stay with a friend for a week or two, that's great, too. In terms of haggling over who owns/owes what, you probably know that most of the argument and screaming won't be about the objects themselves, but about what they symbolized in the relationship. For that reason -- well, don't give away the farm, but give in on things whose significance is more symbolic than economic. Remember, you want out, not some kind of emotional victory or justification. Last edited by Rodney; 10-27-2005 at 02:46 PM..

02-22-2006, 08:03 PM	#15 (permalink)
BigBen Comedian Location: Use the search button	Jesus Christ, I posted that on October 26th?!???!! Well folks, tomorrow is the day. February 23, 2006. The calendar is marked, and everything is set. I am moving in with a buddy of mine, and everything is going to be okay. He likes drinking beer, playing video games, hockey and long walks on the Beach. I have the moving van booked, the keys are in my hand, and I am looking forward, not backward. I am going to be okay, even though this sucks shit. Not my fault. I went through counselling, found out that I am a pretty nice guy and am able to land on my feet. I am planning to take a trip mid-March, to relax and spoil myself. I have the time off and everything planned. I don't need anyone's permission, which is kind of weird. I am going to get extra drunk on St. Patrick's Day, my favorite holiday of the year. I could not have made it this far without a place to vent my thoughts and feelings; a place that made me laugh out loud and re-think my opinions about the most basic of philosophies. I have to thank everyone for helping, and for being on my side. It is a good side to be on, and the beer is better over here! To those special folks here that gave me support (you know who you are) I want to thank you extra. __________________ 3.141592654 Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

02-22-2006, 08:54 PM	#17 (permalink)
JumpinJesus Junkie Location: Chicago	BigBen, I went through a divorce about 10 years ago. My first wife and I were married 6 years when we split. We were both miserable, didn't want the marriage to work anymore, couldn't stand to be in the same room anymore, but didn't know what the hell to do about it. We were young when we got married and still young when we split. It was touch and go at first. There were moments when we both thought that maybe we should just try one more time to make it work. Thankfully those feelings wore off in a few weeks. I have to admit that those first few days were very surreal. My whole life changed and I wasn't sure what I was going to do. Within a matter of weeks, though, things got drastically better. I finally felt like myself for the first time in years. It was one of the greatest feelings I've ever experienced. The best part is that after we split and divorced, we became friends. I don't know if this will be possible for you, but I do know from personal experience that it gets better very fast and you'll soon realize that this was one of the best decisions you could have made for yourself. I wish you the best as you start your life over. __________________ "I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

02-22-2006, 09:27 PM	#18 (permalink)
msh58 Crazy	good luck to you, takes me a long time to get over stuff, hope its much shorter for you.

02-23-2006, 04:31 AM	#20 (permalink)
Lucifer Husband of Seamaiden Location: Nova Scotia	Hey Ben, I'm right there with you. My wife and I split up on the 6th with both Valentine's Day and her birthday in the next two weeks. We'd been living together for 3 years, almost to the day and it was one of the hardest decisions I've had to made. We still had strong feelings for each other, but realized that we weren't in love anymore, and had grown away from each other and the situation wasn't going to improve. There were a lot of times that I thought we should stay together just to avoid the whole splitting up thing, and how complicated it was going to be, with bank accounts and credit cards, etc. We were living in St. John's, and we had furniture here and in storage in Ontario, plus the two cats living here. After I said that we should split, things started to improve between us almost immediately. We talked more, and went out and did things together. But the hardest thing was coming up with a date for her to move out. At first she said that she wanted to stay until the beginning of March (!!), but then she said that she wanted to be home for her birthday on the 19th, but she couldn't decide on a date. So I decided for her, I bought a flight, set the date, and we started working towards that date. And it has worked out. I'm by myself now, and I'm in a happier place, and I know that things will work out for you as well. Rely on your friends on the TFP, and we'll see you through it. __________________ I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls. - Job 30:29 1123, 6536, 5321 Last edited by Lucifer; 02-23-2006 at 04:49 AM..

02-23-2006, 04:53 PM	#21 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	BigBen, I wish you every good thing. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but it sounds like you've been thoughtful and stable about it. big ole hugs As far as I'm concerned, please feel free to post about whatever you need to, I'll be happy to input/cheer/cry with you. __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

02-23-2006, 04:58 PM	#22 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	(( big hugs )) bigben. keep in mind, you're making a choice to be happy. it's not easy i know, but i applaud you for putting your needs first, everyone deserves to be happy. good luck and we're all here for you. sweetpea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

02-23-2006, 05:05 PM	#23 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Wow, that is tough. I really applaud you for making that decision. Most people don't take good enough care of themselves... it is refreshing to see someone choose a healthier life. Still, it is tough. TFP is here for you... and I hope the whole process is as non-scarring as possible (if that's possible). hugs __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

02-23-2006, 05:41 PM	#24 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	how did I miss this?!?!?! Bravo for you for doing something thats not at all easy. I wish you much, but most of all I wish you happiness and no regret for the steps you are taking __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

02-23-2006, 11:31 PM	#25 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	Ben, I'm going to echo what I said previously. Anything you need to talk about--whatever, whenever--we're here for you. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

02-24-2006, 06:08 AM	#26 (permalink)
Nisses Shade Location: Belgium	Best of luck to you BigBen, I hope those long walks on the beach will be all you ever dreamed it would be Keep looking forward __________________ Moderation should be moderately moderated.

02-24-2006, 06:53 AM	#27 (permalink)
Poppinjay You had me at hello Location: DC/Coastal VA	Bonne chance! __________________ I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

02-24-2006, 08:35 AM	#28 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	Luckily, you are all done with the box lifting now, right? I'm glad you made your decision. It definitely is the right one (I've been reading your relationship threads since the first one!). Good luck. Chat soon. :* __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.