Averett

Warning: This is going to be one long ranting post about my sister.

I have never really gotten along with my little sister. She's 4 years younger than me, and maybe that's too much of a gap, who knows...

A few weeks ago I was over at my parents house having dinner. I usually go over at least once a week to have dinner wtih my family and get some laundry done, instead of paying $1.75 to wash and then $1.75 to dry my clothes. While we were having dinner my niece was playing with an extention cord, so to get her to stop my sister threw an old paper towel roll at her. So I, along with my Mom and Dad told her not to throw things at her child, but to get up and take care of her. Then my sister decided to jump down my throat. Basically this is what came out of her mouth: "Don't fucking tell me what to do, if I want to throw something at her I will. Why do you come here anyway? All you do is come here and stay for a few hours, eat and do laundry and then leave. Why bother? Grow up. You say you moved out but you're always here." That's when I quietly got up, thanked my parents for dinner and left.

My sister, who lives at home with her daughter, was telling me, who moved out, that I need to grow up. My parents pay my sisters $365 a month car payment. They pay her car insurance. They give her gas money. My sister has been out of work while she underwent some medical tests (she's fine, anemic) and has gotten disablity. Even before she was out of work, she wasn't making enough to pay her bills, so my parents would pay them for her. They even paid a $600 cell phone bill. My parents aren't made of money. Sometimes they struggle to pay their own bills. My sister does not appreciate all that they do for her. She constantly fights with them. Yells and screams at my Dad all of the time. Basically utterly disrespectful to the people who do so much for her. She does not clean up after her self or her child. She also bought a dog, which my parents told her many times not to do. The dog still is not house trained. It has torn apart a chair in our living room. The rug is one big stain.

The last straw was yesterday. I was away for the weekend and on Friday I called my house to ask if somebody could come and look after my kitten for me. My sister said it was fine, that she would do it. I told her to go by Friday afternoon, and on Saturday and Sunday. She said she would, and if not she would have my Mom stop by. When I got home on Sunday, the litter box was completely full, and the cat had crapped on the carpet twice. I had already planned on stopping by my parents on Monday to do some laundry and drop off a shirt I bought for my niece. When I got there my sister was there, my parents were grocery shopping. I asked if she had a chance to stop by on Sunday to look after Pumpkin. She said that she didn't, that I said she didn't have to. I said, no I did. Then she changed her story, saying that my Mom told her not to go over. Which stinks of pure bullshit.

She started going off on me. Saying that I wasted her gas by asking her this favor. Gas that she didn't pay for, of course. The dog had torn apart the chair again, so there was foam all over the chair and the floor. As usual, the couch was full of clothes, so I asked if my sister could clean up after her dog's mess. She said no, you do it. Well, why should I clean up after her dog's mess? I took the foam off of the chair and placed it on the floor along with the rest. Then she said to me "Pick that up or I'll fucking punch you in the face." She was now standing, fists clenched. I told her that she couldn't bully me, that it's not my responsibility to clean after the dog.

She screamed some more, so I just got up and sat with my niece, who was obviously scared about her mom screaming. My sister then picked up the dog by the collar and lifted her about 2 feet into the air. I could hear the dog gasping for breath as she did that. I told my sister not to do that, that the dog is getting hurt. That she shouldn't have gotten the dog if she couldn't take care of her, and is only hurting her anyway. She again told me to shut up before she kills me.

At this point I just wanted to leave, but I already had my laundry in the wash and I wasn't sure how to stop it without wrecking the machine. My parents then got home and asked how my trip was, how the drive was and such. The noticed that I was visibly upset, shaking and crying. Asked why. My sister was in the kitchen so I just pointed in there. She then came out and started saying how I came in the house and bitched at her for not taking care of my cat. That she was having a bad day. Just screaming. I couldn't take it. I got up and gave my mom and dad a hug, asked if my Mom could bring my laundry to me sometime and left. As I was leaving I could hear my sister screaming at my parents all the way to the car. Saying how she's had a bad day with her daughter and the dog and how she's going to lose her job and such. So she takes it all out on me.


My Mom just called me and asked if I wanted to come over for dinner. I declined. I do not feel comfortable in the house I grew up in anymore. I don't want to be around my sister. I don't want to see her, I don't cant to speak to her. I cannot stand the way she treats me and everyone else in my family. And I don't think I should have to put up with it.

I know I'll have to though. My grandparents are coming into town soon, for 3 weeks. I'll have to see my sister then. But I don't want to.

Am I being irrational in not wanting to see her? Am I being silly? Was I wrong in some way? Have any of you gone through anything like this? What did you do?

If anyone read through this whole thing, thank you. It's a lot, I didn't realize I wrote that much. Thanks again

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cj22009

No I wouldnt want to be in a place were my own family is hostile to me you have every right to feel the way you do. It sounds like your sister is balming everybody else for her problems and taking it out on you and your folks

Bill O'Rights

Wow. Is this behavior of your sister's fairly new...or is this more or less, how she's always been? How old is your niece? Is the father in the picture? I know that these are a lot of dumb questions, but they're relevent ones. Your sister sounds as though she's overwhelmed with stress, and is lashing out. Probably not the brightest thing was getting a dog to add to the strife. I gotta tell ya, I'm more worried about your niece (as I suspect are your parents), than I am you. You're a big girl and not to diminish you, or your feelings, but you can get in her face. I suspect that your niece....cannot. Talk to your parents. I know that money is tight for you, but offer to take them to dinner. Don't alienate them because your sister is being a 5 star bitch.

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Averett

Is this behavior new? Nope, she's always been this way. She's always been the type to lash out because things aren't going her way. I remember how she would come home from school bitching the second she got in the door. Use the "I'm having a bad day" excuse. Well, that's all fine and dandy, but what did I do to you?

My niece turned 2 in March. Her father isn't really in the picture. He lives not very far away, maybe a half a mile. She goes over usually on Saturdays to visit, most of the time her Dad isn't even there.

I'll be alright. I'm worried for my niece and my parents. I don't think my sister would ever do anything to her kid, but having a mother who is constantly yelling and such, that's not any good either.

You're right about my parents though, I don't want to punish them because my sister is an asshole. I still want to see them of course. I'm sure eventually things will be okay. But right now I'd rather just stay away from her.

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

maleficent

You can't pick your family, it's something you are stuck with.

Whether you choose to spend time with them, is entirely up to you. I'd personally avoid all contact with the sister. Though it's unfair to deprive your niece of an Auntie who loves her.

Your sister sounds like she's got some major issues that she doesn't want to address, it's easier to get angry at everyone around them, and take out their frustrations on family because, family will generally put up with such monkey business.

Sounds like you have a good relationship with your mom, what's she say about your sister's behavior - not that a parent should take sides or anything.

If I were your parent's I'd give darling sister an ultimatum-- get it together -- or get out -- and they'd be happy to take custody of their granddaughter until she does.

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jaco

Your parents need to tighten up on the girl and set her straight, thats what parents are for. As for you, I believe you should ignore your sister, ask nothing from her, expect nothing from her. She obviously has some problems and i dont think you can help her in your position. If you feel bad for your niece you could "babysit" her once a week or month in order for her to be in a more stable enviroment.

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st33lr4t

look at your sister as a person and not a sister. is she the type of person that you generally surround yourself with? just because she is your sister doesnt mean you have to have a relationship with her. you seem to have your head on straight as she does not. i would tell your parents how you feel and see if you can work something out with them so you dont lose contact just because of your sister.

lurkette

Not to put too fine a point on it, your sister sounds like a total sociopath. Whew! I have an aunt like that - two children and two miscarriages by 4 different fathers, has NEVER held a job, locked her kids in the basement with a pet cougar (?!) when they were bad, took a bunch of pills and made her 8-year-old call 911, then cried and said it hurt her feelings that we testified against her in her custody case. WTF?!

Back to your insane sibling, the easiest thing to do would be to shell out the $1.75/load to do your own laundry, and see your parents and your neice at your place, without your sister. Talking to her isn't going to do any good as she's obviously beyond reason, so don't waste your breath. Try to find some seed of pity and compassion for her that makes it bearable to even be in the same room with her and not want to stomp on her head, for the sake of your own blood pressure and for your neice, who needs as many stable adult influences in her life as possible. I'm sure your parents have heard all the arguments about enabling her and stuff before, but it can't hurt to point it out again, although for the sake of your neice, again, it may be better in their eyes to put up with your sister's shit to maintain some control over your neice's upbringing.

I feel for you - I've seen my whole family deal with my aunt's bullshit for years, and eventually you have to realize that she's just playing by a different set of rules. I don't know that your sister is beyond help, as my aunt is, but it kind of sounds like the best thing for you all to do is to adapt and do the best you can till she grows up or, mercifully, leaves the child with your parents and disappears.

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THGL

Quote some movie I saw once, "Sounds like nothing a little prozac and a polo mallet couldn't fix."

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. If your sister has always been this way, maybe she needs to see a doctor. Prozac or some other psychological drug may be in order.

I can relate somewhat: my sister-in-law is mooching off her parents in a lot of ways your sister is and it drives my wife nuts sometimes; one of my aunts is that overbarring type that tries to control everyone and her and my mother haven't spoken in years because of it. To have all that bundled in one person though... sheesh!

I think your neice is the main concern though. I have a 15month old at home and she can get on my nerves, but I would never, ever throw something at her! I don't think I could stand to see a stranger do that to thier own child without me saying something.

You have every right not to want to go over there. Tell your parents that they can come to see you when ever they'd like and be sure to tell your grandparents the same, but tell them you won't be coming to visit their house any time soon. Maybe offer your sister some free babysitting just so you can be part of your neice's life (when she grows up she might come to you if she has a problem instead of her mother).

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TM875

For almost all of my life, I lived with my mom's constant complaining, bitching, whineing, and anger. By the time I turned 18, she was getting older and more noticably senile. Between turns yelling at me for 'not telling her things' and 'not being responsible' (mind you, I worked 40 hour weeks while still in high school - A+ average and number 40 in my class of 900), she was forgetting simple things throughout her life.

The day I graduated college I left. Never brought my things back home. Got my diploma, packed up my apartment, and went and got my own. Never called her, never went back to see her. She was out of my life, totally and completely. Sure, there are times of regret. But you know what? These past years have never been more comfortable and relaxing.

What I'm saying is, it's possible to live your life without her. There's a famous line from one of my favorite plays - and maybe you should take it to heart:

"You know, there is this tribe in Africa that when one of its members does something cruel or evil, or betrays them, they never see him again. They simply - just never see him. They never talk to him, or look at him, or acknowledge him in any way. For them, he is dead. Absolutely and irrevocably dead."

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ibis

I think lurkette hit the nail on the head.

You're in an abusive relationship. I don't care if it's family or not. Abuse is abuse. I understand your desire to be in her life, but enough is enough.

My grandmother (whom I lived with from 7th grade till I moved out for college) is bi-polar and manic depressive. I understand completely what it's like to simply hate seeing a relitave. She would scream and yell at me for stupid things till I would leave and go for hour+ long walks while I cried... just to get away from her.

I agree with lurkette in thinking you should do your laundry elsewhere. Depending on how many loads you do a month, it might be cheaper to rent a washer and drier somewhere.

I know you love your sister, but it's best for you to get out of the sitution.

Be sure you tell your parents how you feel so they won't think your upset with them also.

Good luck, I'll be praying for ya.

la petite moi

Your sister REALLY needs some help. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, but frankly, it reminds me of what may happen to my 16-year-old sister (she's messy, irresponsible, does poorly in school, and screams if I tell her to do something).

My primary concern was for her daughter and dog. Have you ever seen her physically abuse them? If so, you should contact someone. If not, I think she still needs therapy. Try leaving a packet near her stuff about therapy and counselling. Maybe a note would work too.

If you have moved out, you are the responsible one. Don't let her get you down. And don't let her keep you away from your mom and dad and grandparents. Just ignore her.

Good luck.

powerclown

I have a brother like your sister, and fortunately he moved to California (Im in Michigan) so I don't have to deal with him. When he comes to town, though, I try to keep a low profile. The only way I can maintain my sanity is to keep some distance between him and I. I understand that might be an unrealistic scenario for you, though, but good luck; its always something uniquely weird in families.

rockzilla

I have a brother who's 5 years younger than me. He's put our whole family through hell, he nearly stabbed my eyes out with a pair of scissors once, the stress he caused my stepmother when he lived with her and my dad caused her to miscarry a child...
Anyway, all that's in the past. I didn't speak to him for awhile, but a couple of years ago I felt ready to reconcile with him and we've been great friends since. The whole family had abandoned him, he had to learn his lessons the hard way and he learned them well.
Last month he had a massive brain aneurism and came within a hair of dying. When I heard about it, the first image that popped into my head was of him dying alone, unloved and helpless. It's the first time I had cried since I was a kid. It scares the shit out of me to even talk about it.
My point is this. She's the only sister you've got (as far as I know). You can sever your ties with her because she's irresponsible, abusive and selfish. Or you can forgive because she probably could use a big sister.

maleficent

Grrr...I hate it when people actually make sense...

Have you tried a different approach with your sister, maybe trying to be a friend to her. You two both seem like complete opposites.

You graduated from college, don't think she did
You have a good relationship with your folks, sounds like her's is questionable.
You have your own apartment and your own life, she's still living at home, being supported by her parents.
You have your act together, she's still trying to find hers.

Instead of trying to fix what's broken in her, and point out what's wrong with her, just be a friend to her, sounds like she could use one, especially one that would be such a good role model for her.

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diddagirl

Sorry for your tough situation. Sounds like your sister needs some anger managment. Perhaps your parents need to lay some firm ground rules for her, that if she wants to live in their house, she has to have respect for both them and you. It is not fair that she is making you feel unwelcome and as if you dont ever even want to be at your own families house. What if you sat down with your parents and discussed the issue with them. Make it very clear to them how uncomfortable your sister has made things, and that if things dont soon change, you fear that it will soon become unbearable to come over. At least your parents will know what is going on, if/when you start coming over less and less. And then maybe they can also give your sister a swift kick in the ass.

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Kazic

You and I have a similar situation.

My older brother and I haven't really gotten along since we were around 10/11.
He is a very high tempered person. Not really willing to listen untill after the blow up. Feels that the world owes him something and that the more he waits the more interest it incurrs.
With my mother and younger sister I was the older more responisble one. I got a job at a young age paid for my own schooling car and eventually moved out, around 18. I didn't like being in the same room as him let alone the same house. We fought hand to hand constantly. I ended up saying to my family "You know how old I am no need to tell you. I am an adult and this is ridiculous, I don't want anything to do with him" I ended up moving 10hours away a few years ago. I couldn't stand to be around him.
My mother to this day still lives with him my sister moved to the same city as I did. And though she can be very moody I can still talk to her and when she gets upset I can usually just tune it out.

I know that you feel bad for your parents I want to do more for my Mom. The only thing is you still can do things with them. Outside the house and such. Your parents, it sounds like could use your support. I know my Mom loves it when I call and just talk with her. If I can see her more I would like it but its a bit of a drive now for her alone and so now I preffer is she flys or comes with someone. which only leaves my brother.

Its funny though when I moved out he became more managable. But he really changed when I moved away. I talk with him sometimes when my Mom calls though he never calls on his own umless something has happened. (don't want to get into that.)

Not saying any of this can apply to you but maybe there is something in there you can use.

__________________
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iamnormal

Sounds like your sister has a mental problem. She may have Antisocial Personality Disorder. I don't think your parents are helping her any.

Averett

What the hell is Antisocial Personality Disorder?

Thanks for the advice/stories. I've been thinking a lot about this, trying to figure out what to do next. Haven't really come up with much just yet.

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

maleficent

Antisocial Personality Disorder
There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three (or more) of the following:
failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest
deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure
impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults
reckless disregard for safety of self or others
consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another
The individual is at least age 18 years.
There is evidence of Conduct Disorder with onset before age 15 years.
The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of Schizophrenia or a Manic Episode.

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G5_Todd

not to be disrespectful....but she sounds like a real cunt....


i feel sorry for your niece

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raeanna74

She sounds exactly like my brother. First question - How old is she exactly? Is she 18?? I'm guessing so since you say that she chooses to live there and mooch of your parents.

Here's my brother's story.
He's always have a violent temper. When he was 10 yrs old I remember having told him "If you don't get control of your temper now you are going to end up being a wife beater or getting arrested."
He's done both. I left for college and about the time I was 22 his violent personality peaked. It also coincided with my Dad's suicide attempts but I think the two problems fed off one another. My brother punched me once in the arm. He's threatened to since then but I've not backed down since and he's backed down every time. My parents aren't so stubborn as I am (they will tell you so as well) and put up with his violence, lying, drinking, smoking, and verbal and emotional abuse for several years. They eventually had to call the police because of my brother. They waited until my brother broke 3 of my Dad's ribs, sprained my Mom's ankle, and gave her a neck injury by putting her in a headlock. They finally forced him to move out. He lived in his truck for a couple days and then realized he had to find someplace to actually live. He is now married and his wife (who thankfully is stubborn and outspoken) has told me that on more than one occaision he's hit her and physically hurt her. He is 6 years younger than me, 24 yrs old to be exact, works for my Dad and constantly calls in sick. He's always getting money from my Grandpa for things he needs because he's not kept up with his bills. I get help from my parents but I have to work for it and wouldn't take money from them or my Grandpa without planning to at least work for it or pay them back. He has yet to grow up. It makes family gatherings stressful and unpleasant at times. He has punched hubby as well and hubby resents him. We still speak to him at if we had no grudges but we avoid any and all confrontation. It's not worth it. Mostly we just leave if there's any problem developing.

Yes you are in an abusive relationship with your sister. Unless there is concrete evidence that she's abused her daughter there's really nothing you can do about that. Since you witnessed her practically choking the Dog you can do something about that. I would suggest calling the humane society and ask their suggestions. Either that or I MIGHT (this is just me) find a time when no one is home, pick up the dog, and take it to the humane society telling them that it does belong to your sister and she's neglected and abused it. They may not let her have it back depending on the situation. I don't know if that would be something she could come back after you for or not. I suspect she wouldn't make a fuss for fear of getting in trouble for harming the dog.

The situation with you and your sister - I suggest getting a washer and dryer, or going to a laundromat. I know it costs more but your emotional health is worth it. I have a washer but no dryer (only room for those over underthings and I don't want to go out and buy a whole new unit when we dont' intend to stay here permanantly anyway) and I hang my clothes on a drying rack.

Go ahead and go to meals if you want to but don't stress over it. Sit down sometime when your sister isnt' around (or take your parents out to coffee) and explain to them what's going on. Tell them that you love your family and don't want to alienate yourself but that you can't handle the added stress so at least until things calm down you will be avoiding the place where your sister lives.

My Dad would call me every time my brother did something violent while I was at school. It was stressful to be unable to do anything about it and yet know what was going on. I explained this to them and asked them to just ask me to "pray for" my brother and not give me any details when stuff happened. It was a big relief to not be so involved in things and yet my parents knew I still wanted to support them but that I was waiting until they'd solved things with my brother.

I hope you can help your parents and your niece. I hope your sister can learn to handle things better and realizes what she's doing. In the meantime, break away until you can have a relationship with your parents - without your angry sister harming you and them. This has got to hurt them to see her hurt you. There's nothing you can do to make them kick her out though until they've had enough. Hopefully that will be soon.

Sorry so long but your story hit home.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

denim

So, as you say, stay away from her. OTOH, your parents seem to be in a hell they created for themselves. They're enabling their daughter, allowing her to continue not growing up, not taking responsability for her own life and its effects. I feel for you, but not much for them.

Some time, speak with them when your sister isn't around. Explain how you see things, and ask them if you can help at all. There might be something you can do. Also, regarding your niece, you might say something to CPS in your state and have custody of the child taken over by, say, your parents. Then they can kick your sister out and make her take her own lumps.

My brother is a bit over four years younger than me. He does okay. We get along, too. My parents were specifically careful about that.

I wish you luck. It'll suck, but hopefully things will improve as a result of what you do.

Averett

raeanna, my sister is 22...

Yes, my parents are enabling her. I've said as much to them.

As far as calling up CPS or something like that, I won't do that. Things are nowhere near that level. My sister is a good mother, and she does what she can do to raise her child. It's not easy on her, and I know that. When she threw the empty paper towel roll it was playfully. I'm not trying to make an excuse for her at all. Just sayin. I still let her know that she shouldn't do that sort of thing. But there's no way I would call CPS and get in the middle of that. Chances are my niece would be given to her father in that case which wouldn't be best.

I'm thinking of getting together with my parents on Friday. Have a talk with them and see what happens.

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

denim

Good luck.

sailor

Sounds like my brother

__________________
"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
--Plato

raeanna74

You can contact CPS annonymously and your sister doesn't ever have to know what's going on.

Often they can require the parent to go to some class, parenting, anger management, etc. This would be good for everyone involved and not end up dumping your neice into her father's home. You could express this desire to help your sister first to CPS. I honestly don't know all their workings but I don't see how they could ignore you're hopes for your sister.

Of course it's up to you. Until she learns to grow up there isn't a lot you can do. If it's any consolation, my brother's temper has improved tremendously since he was kicked out and forced to face reality. He's still immature and termpermental but not as intensely so. When you're parents get tired of the behavior and send her packing then maybe she'll grow up a little more.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

thespian86

When I read things like that I feel really lucky that I didn't have to deal with a sibling that was a complete bitch. I was a moody kid but I thought I was bad. Averett, my heart goes out to you.

The first thing I thought of after reading that was "If this keeps up I would seriously consider the safety of her child, your parents, even the poor little dog." If my sister did that I wouldn't care how much and how hard she screamed at me, I would just sit her ass down and tell her she’s screwing up. She’s endangering her child physically and mentally and, well… that’s never a good thing.

Ever heard someone describe a child stealing by saying, “Now s/he’s stealing candy but someday s/he will be robbing a bank.” If your sister is throwing things at her child now, think about her in five years. Bad habits snowball over the years and soon enough she will be ok with hitting her.

Your sister seems to have a serious problem with anger. Has anyone ever thought of anger management? It might be a good thing for someone who abuses her family and pets. She doesn’t deserve to take care of a sweet little girl if she can’t take care of a dog.

Tell your parents that you’re concerned. Don’t worry about them being a tiny bit stressed over the problem of their problem child. It’s a little problem compared to child abuse.

BE THERE FOR YOUR PARENTS! You’re a sweet, nice, smart woman as far as I can see so don’t let your dislike for your sister stop you from being your parent’s support system… you might be all they have.

I have a lot going on in my head after reading this. I say, sit down, put on some Dashboard and go over all your options. The number one thing is the safety of the child. Hope that helps Averett, good luck pal.

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Cynthetiq

I don't have time for people like that, family or not. I'll spend all my money doing my laundry elsewhere along with my dinner.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

unoaman

Like some others have mentioned, the first thing I would do is figure out how to do my laundry somewhere else. Even if it means skipping a lunch now and then...don't go over there for any reason except to see your family. Secondly, if you have a place to do it, I would figure a way to have mom, dad and your neice over for dinner some evening. Make it very clear that sis isn't invited. If she won't let her daughter come, tough, just have mom and dad. Sounds like they need a break too. Those things certainly won't solve the problem, but will give you a way to express your displeasure to all involved, without behaving like she does.

Dawson70

I will throw my 2 cents worth in here.....
First, just remember that you will know your siblings longer than you will anyone else. Meaning, longer than your parents, longer than your husband or wife, longer than any friends.
I don't come from a very close family, however the few times we do get together, it is always somewhat strange.
I feel bad for you over this, and I would have to agree with Maleficent on the fact, your parents need to step in. Talk to your mom and dad and explain how your sister is driving a wedge in between the family. But, in my humble opinion, your sister will grow up someday and then you'll have a relationship. In the mean time, try to stay off the radar, like you already are.
Good Luck Averett!

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"I Finally Finished My Goal....You Can Too!

Yippie Ki Ya...

MSD

I'm not going to be optimistic, or sugarcoat anything, or even try to put a positive spin on things. Your parents should have told her to STFU and stop blaming everyone else for her problems 10 years ago. People usually pull this kind of crap because it's what they can get away with. If they can't get away with, either it stops, or problems manifest in other ways, indicating mental illness or personality disorder. It seems that in your situation, your parents never really made it clear that she couldn't get away with it, and she did what she could get away with.

Hmm, except for the being over 18 part, that's my brother. I'm sure he'll still meet all the criteria in 2 years.

Karm

If I waited till mourning to write this. I probably wouldn't. I seperated from sister almost 9 years ago. We live(d) 20 miles apart yet only saw each other 3-4 times a year. Time together was decent and bearable.
Today she died inside a car parked inside a small garage. She very rarely drives her ex's car. Nor was she going to drive it today. The garage door was locked. Yet she did put the keys in the visor. An accidental suicide?
A death as strange as the woman it happened to. Suprising yet not shocking. My last words with her was at the park for 4th july fireworks. It was breif and not really pleasant. They will be forever the words and actions we will ever share as the last.
Don't feel the regret of many years of useless hatred. I seperated my heart a decade ago. Now we have a permanent seperation. It shouldn't hurt me the way it has. Don't let yourself go through this pain. Put your heart into making life better for your family.

The Phenomenon

First of all, I think its quite clear that you are NOT in the wrong, and your are NOT being silly.

"There are three sides to a story: My side, your side and the other side." - I believe that. 'We live multi-storied lives". So I guess it would be nice to have more sides to this story, but I'll take yours

I am not a big fan of family. Not at all. Not even a little. Your sister is being an ass. And a big one at that. Write her off and get her out of your life. If you want to see your parents go and see them when she's not there. Your parents HAVE to start working on getting her out of that house, but the situation is complicated, since she has a child. And I fear for what will become of your niece should she be living alone with your sister, no doubt she will forget to feed, bathe and school the little girl as well. How old is your sister? She is obviously not nearly mature enough to be raising a child. She needs to grow up, and she needs to grow up pretty damn soon.

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Do not confuse altruism with kindness, good will or respect for the rights of others. These are not primaries, but consequences, which, in fact, altruism makes impossible. The irreducible primary of altruism, the basic absolute, is self-sacrifice - which means: self-immolation, self-abnegation, self-denial, self-destruction - which means: the self as a standard of evil, the selfless as a standard of the good.

denim

I'm so sorry for your loss! That's awful.

Averett

I'm sorry Karm



Things are okay with my sister. Probably okay as they're going to be. Some other stuff went down yesterday, who knows what the result will be. I've voiced my opinion to my parents so they know how I feel. Hopefully things will change. I'm just going over there as I have before, but keeping my mouth shut for the most part. That way I won't tip my sister off or anything.

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.