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raeanna74 · 07-21-2004, 08:09 AM

She sounds exactly like my brother. First question - How old is she exactly? Is she 18?? I'm guessing so since you say that she chooses to live there and mooch of your parents.

Here's my brother's story.
He's always have a violent temper. When he was 10 yrs old I remember having told him "If you don't get control of your temper now you are going to end up being a wife beater or getting arrested."
He's done both. I left for college and about the time I was 22 his violent personality peaked. It also coincided with my Dad's suicide attempts but I think the two problems fed off one another. My brother punched me once in the arm. He's threatened to since then but I've not backed down since and he's backed down every time. My parents aren't so stubborn as I am (they will tell you so as well) and put up with his violence, lying, drinking, smoking, and verbal and emotional abuse for several years. They eventually had to call the police because of my brother. They waited until my brother broke 3 of my Dad's ribs, sprained my Mom's ankle, and gave her a neck injury by putting her in a headlock. They finally forced him to move out. He lived in his truck for a couple days and then realized he had to find someplace to actually live. He is now married and his wife (who thankfully is stubborn and outspoken) has told me that on more than one occaision he's hit her and physically hurt her. He is 6 years younger than me, 24 yrs old to be exact, works for my Dad and constantly calls in sick. He's always getting money from my Grandpa for things he needs because he's not kept up with his bills. I get help from my parents but I have to work for it and wouldn't take money from them or my Grandpa without planning to at least work for it or pay them back. He has yet to grow up. It makes family gatherings stressful and unpleasant at times. He has punched hubby as well and hubby resents him. We still speak to him at if we had no grudges but we avoid any and all confrontation. It's not worth it. Mostly we just leave if there's any problem developing.

Yes you are in an abusive relationship with your sister. Unless there is concrete evidence that she's abused her daughter there's really nothing you can do about that. Since you witnessed her practically choking the Dog you can do something about that. I would suggest calling the humane society and ask their suggestions. Either that or I MIGHT (this is just me) find a time when no one is home, pick up the dog, and take it to the humane society telling them that it does belong to your sister and she's neglected and abused it. They may not let her have it back depending on the situation. I don't know if that would be something she could come back after you for or not. I suspect she wouldn't make a fuss for fear of getting in trouble for harming the dog.

The situation with you and your sister - I suggest getting a washer and dryer, or going to a laundromat. I know it costs more but your emotional health is worth it. I have a washer but no dryer (only room for those over underthings and I don't want to go out and buy a whole new unit when we dont' intend to stay here permanantly anyway) and I hang my clothes on a drying rack.

Go ahead and go to meals if you want to but don't stress over it. Sit down sometime when your sister isnt' around (or take your parents out to coffee) and explain to them what's going on. Tell them that you love your family and don't want to alienate yourself but that you can't handle the added stress so at least until things calm down you will be avoiding the place where your sister lives.

My Dad would call me every time my brother did something violent while I was at school. It was stressful to be unable to do anything about it and yet know what was going on. I explained this to them and asked them to just ask me to "pray for" my brother and not give me any details when stuff happened. It was a big relief to not be so involved in things and yet my parents knew I still wanted to support them but that I was waiting until they'd solved things with my brother.

I hope you can help your parents and your niece. I hope your sister can learn to handle things better and realizes what she's doing. In the meantime, break away until you can have a relationship with your parents - without your angry sister harming you and them. This has got to hurt them to see her hurt you. There's nothing you can do to make them kick her out though until they've had enough. Hopefully that will be soon.

Sorry so long but your story hit home.

07-21-2004, 08:09 AM	#22 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	She sounds exactly like my brother. First question - How old is she exactly? Is she 18?? I'm guessing so since you say that she chooses to live there and mooch of your parents. Here's my brother's story. He's always have a violent temper. When he was 10 yrs old I remember having told him "If you don't get control of your temper now you are going to end up being a wife beater or getting arrested." He's done both. I left for college and about the time I was 22 his violent personality peaked. It also coincided with my Dad's suicide attempts but I think the two problems fed off one another. My brother punched me once in the arm. He's threatened to since then but I've not backed down since and he's backed down every time. My parents aren't so stubborn as I am (they will tell you so as well) and put up with his violence, lying, drinking, smoking, and verbal and emotional abuse for several years. They eventually had to call the police because of my brother. They waited until my brother broke 3 of my Dad's ribs, sprained my Mom's ankle, and gave her a neck injury by putting her in a headlock. They finally forced him to move out. He lived in his truck for a couple days and then realized he had to find someplace to actually live. He is now married and his wife (who thankfully is stubborn and outspoken) has told me that on more than one occaision he's hit her and physically hurt her. He is 6 years younger than me, 24 yrs old to be exact, works for my Dad and constantly calls in sick. He's always getting money from my Grandpa for things he needs because he's not kept up with his bills. I get help from my parents but I have to work for it and wouldn't take money from them or my Grandpa without planning to at least work for it or pay them back. He has yet to grow up. It makes family gatherings stressful and unpleasant at times. He has punched hubby as well and hubby resents him. We still speak to him at if we had no grudges but we avoid any and all confrontation. It's not worth it. Mostly we just leave if there's any problem developing. Yes you are in an abusive relationship with your sister. Unless there is concrete evidence that she's abused her daughter there's really nothing you can do about that. Since you witnessed her practically choking the Dog you can do something about that. I would suggest calling the humane society and ask their suggestions. Either that or I MIGHT (this is just me) find a time when no one is home, pick up the dog, and take it to the humane society telling them that it does belong to your sister and she's neglected and abused it. They may not let her have it back depending on the situation. I don't know if that would be something she could come back after you for or not. I suspect she wouldn't make a fuss for fear of getting in trouble for harming the dog. The situation with you and your sister - I suggest getting a washer and dryer, or going to a laundromat. I know it costs more but your emotional health is worth it. I have a washer but no dryer (only room for those over underthings and I don't want to go out and buy a whole new unit when we dont' intend to stay here permanantly anyway) and I hang my clothes on a drying rack. Go ahead and go to meals if you want to but don't stress over it. Sit down sometime when your sister isnt' around (or take your parents out to coffee) and explain to them what's going on. Tell them that you love your family and don't want to alienate yourself but that you can't handle the added stress so at least until things calm down you will be avoiding the place where your sister lives. My Dad would call me every time my brother did something violent while I was at school. It was stressful to be unable to do anything about it and yet know what was going on. I explained this to them and asked them to just ask me to "pray for" my brother and not give me any details when stuff happened. It was a big relief to not be so involved in things and yet my parents knew I still wanted to support them but that I was waiting until they'd solved things with my brother. I hope you can help your parents and your niece. I hope your sister can learn to handle things better and realizes what she's doing. In the meantime, break away until you can have a relationship with your parents - without your angry sister harming you and them. This has got to hurt them to see her hurt you. There's nothing you can do to make them kick her out though until they've had enough. Hopefully that will be soon. Sorry so long but your story hit home. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.