MojoRisin

Suicide. Have you thought about it? Do you THINK about it? How strongly have you felt it? Have you ever tried?

Me. I am 23 and am feeling closer and closer to it everyday. Hearing it talked about and seeing it on TV, is all I can remember of it from when I was 16. Somewhere around 18, I really thought about it. Starts off just thinking about yourself dying. Getting killed in a car crash, getting cancer, something to do you in for good. What would peoples reaction be? Is that your reason? Perhaps it is the feeling of isolation, no one understands. Everythings been bottled up so tight you walk around all day with a feeling you will explode, only to be overcome by fear of what will happen if you do. Is this really the only way out? Or are you too scared to try the hard way? Maybe it's spiritual hopelessness. Is it the belief that there is no one watching, that the world is ruled by evil?

These are the things that bring me there. Maybe someone would like to contribute. Someone with other ways of seeing it.

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Dropping a barbell he points to the sky and says "The suns not yellow, It's chicken!"

Jim Kata

I think everyone has thought about suicide, but only a small percentage of people actually seriously consider it.
Me personally, like to think that there is always someone out there way worse off then me so i should quit my whining about how "life sucks" and this and that.
I hate to say it, but sometimes I think suicide is for the weak, people who aren't strong enough to try and make things better and who just want to wallow in their self pity.

TEENAGE SUICIDE, DON'T DO IT - Big Fun (From Heathers)

meepa

I'm with Jim. I remember when I was younger, I had just a bad run of really tragic shit happen to and around me... And that on top of being in my teens at the time... well you know how teenagers can get when the slightest thing goes wrong

Anyway, I remember always trying to remind myself that there are always people who are so much worse off than you, and they're mature and strong enough to work through it... so get the fuck over yourself and live your damn life. Or, you can use an even angrier approach and say "Fuck you life, you aren't gonna get the best of ME, bitch!!!" and then proceed to have a good time instead of giving in. I remember some quote that went like "Depression is anger without enthusiasm"... I guess maybe angry people don't give up eh?

Or, to quote a Pearl Jam lyric...

"No matter how cold the winter... there's a spring-time ahead."

tecoyah

When I was young and living in California, There was a saying"Life is hard, then you die". I thought it was funny, until I realized, THIS IS THE SECRET TO LIFE. I know....seems kinda stupid, but think about it for a sec.

If you already know, and accept that life is going to be difficult, you are more prepared for the reality. But, when things are going well, you truly appreciate what that means, as you are expecting a much more strenuous ride. anyway works for me quite well.

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

la petite moi

I get flashes of death in my head...like, shooting myself in the back of the throat, or slitting my arm open. The only person that knows when I do usually is my lover. I'm sure he wants them to stop. I do too. But I always feel it. However, I'm still young, so it's probably just emotions.

My suicidal thoughts go a few years back. I got them a lot when I had eating disorders. I didn't think I had the strength or the will to live. I took too many pills, made myself sick for a few days. I cut my arms open in a weak attempt to get help, though I just refused any that came to me. I finally looked for a gun, held it to my head, and hoped it was loaded as I pulled the trigger. Thank god it wasn't, because now I have the most beautiful person in my life. =)

anleja

Death is cold and forever, while life can change for the better when you least expect it.

Here is a thread where many people give their perspectives on this issue. Maybe you can find some hope in it, or at least the knowledge that you are not the only one who feels as you do. Not everyone who posted on it is sensitive to the problem, but it seems as if many are.

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=33836

Anomaly_

Touche', wicked4182. I've thought about all of those things too and haven't really reached any conclusions. However I tend to disagree with the implications of cowardice or the belief that everyone should be kept alive. Maybe some people aren't cut out for life and never will be. Is that such a ridiculous notion? Is not taking up space and resources for those who want to live considered cowardly? I think the response of it being cowardly is just illogical whereas the idea that everyone should be saved is very PC.

MSD

IF you want to kill yourself, figure out why you haven't done it yet. There's something that makes you tell us about it here instead of just doing it. Figure out what keeps you going and think about it. Is it a person, your little brother, maybe a friend, or maybe you don't want to disappoint your parents. Maybe you have a goal in life. Once you know what that little thing is, love it, cherish it, and let it hold you up until you are standing firmly on your own feet again. If you still feel like there's no hope, find a suicide support group, get involved, and realize that there are other people out there who feel the same as you do, and that they are still hanging on. If they can do it, you can, too.

You also have to think abou thow much pain it will be for other people if you are gone. My friend Adam killed himself almost two years ago. His family still hasn't recovered, and hjis friends still have trouble accepting that he's gone. Just to give you an idea of the severity of the effect it has on the others, I was able to accept my father's death and deal with the fact that he was gone shortly after the funeral, but I can still barely think about Adam without crying.

Don't give in to evil and kill yourself, if you die, they win. The only way to overcome it is to be happy in life, to prosper, and to do good things. If you kill yourself, you're letting them win.

:::OshnSoul:::

I don't think it's wrong, but it's a sign of giving up- you aren't realizing that you can change the future, you can take a hold of your life- well, you ARE the driver of your life, no one else- and things always do get better. To people who want to commit suicide, take the opportunity to think about all the things that CAN be changed (it can all be changed with the right frame of mind) and things you will miss out on. Although you're not ending yourself completely, you will miss the chance to see what could happen in your current life.
Remember, again: Things change, things get better, you are the driver and the architect of your life.

Yalaynia

I had thought about suicide. I felt that being with my now ex I had nothing going for me. I didnt feel that I was worth anything after him telling me this over and over again. I was told atleast a couple times a week that I was stupid, useless, worthless, I wasnt a good mother, and everything we did/didnt do was my fault because of the way I looked. He told me he was embarassed to be seen with me and because of that he would always walk a few feet ahead when we did go out. He also told me that I couldnt do any better then him and that he treated me like a goddess.
Several reason changed me though. The first being that I started talking to my now fiance. He made me realize that had a lot to live for, my son, my family and now him. The second thing that changed me was seeing what happened when I was still with my ex. His brother committed suicide in the backyard of the house we used to live in. We were woke up by my ex's mother screaming that her son was in the tree. We went running out at 6am to see him hanging there dead. Course my ex was the one that had to hold him up while cut him down we tried to revive him even though my ex and I knew it was to late we tried just to help his mom to cope til the police showed up. Two and a half years ago he killed himself on his sons birthday and his son was still in the house at the time. He felt so low about himself and that no one cared about him that if he killed himself on his own sons birthday it would be a way for everyone to remember him.
When you see something like that and not only have it be the 3rd person that you knew committe suicide. You realize how much you do have to live for. I wasnt a chicken because I couldnt bring myself to committe suicide. I was a chicken for thinking that there was no other way to stop the pain and hurt that I was going through other then to kill myself.

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I couldnt think of anything to put here , but I guess anything would do

numist

If you havent already, read and reply to the DEAD LIKE ME thread that anleja posted at this link.

Many of our stories are there.

Life sucks, but its infinitely better than the alternative.

orange monkeyee

one thing is, if you are feeling the shittiest possible you could feel, why not ride things out, they would have to get better right?


my harsh ideas though.... I Still have the primal idea that " If your stupid enough to choose to eliminate yourself from the gene pool you should."

although the results are devastating ( i witnessed this two times during middle school) . suicides open more wounds than they close, but yeah...

Labyrinth

Suicide... yeah I believe everyone does think of doing such a thing. and also how they would do it... or just thinking about dying in general..sometimes.. when someone says they are going to kill themself and they dont.. then they probably wont in the future.. its kind of scary.. you know? but sometimes you have days when you feel so up to it! Also just by thinking about every litttle bad thing.. or forcing yourself to find every small thing that is wrong.. and saying its the worst day ever.. isnt any help...

mystmarimatt

I've been clinically depressed for a couple years now, and while i'm far past the idea of suicide, i can certainly commiserate with wicked on the idea of thinking of how i might die one day, even one day soon. for me, i think it's merely a way around suicide itself, perhaps i'm simply more comfortable with the idea of dying, as long as it is not of my own doing.

what i find, is that when we consider suicide, it's not because we really want to die, but more, because we may want the sympathy of those have lost us, and while we want that sympathy compassion and love in life, not death, it manifests itself in this way instead. but maybe that's just me. It's something everyone need to consider for themselves.

One thought that keeps me going when i'm down though, morbid as it may be, is that there are others in this world just as sad, miserable and alone as i sometimes i feel, and it's rather comforting. But like i said, it's really about you, and what makes you tick, and you might just need to figure out some devices or precedures you might instigate in order to deal wth how you feel.

That's my two cents.

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Words of Wisdom:

If you could really get to know someone and know that they weren't lying to you, then you would know the world was real. Because you could agree on things, you could compare notes. That must be why people get married or make Art. So they'll be able to really know something and not go insane.

Mehoni

Thought about it. Dont think about it anymore. Tried three times.

First time I was 11 or 12 and tried to hang myself in the closet.

Second time is too personal.

Third time I took a lot of painkillers/sedative and then slashed myself all over with a knife. Sucks having to explain scars.

Luckily for me I'm both weak and I didn't have enough pills.

I don't get the feelings that would make me try anymore, but sometimes I feel down.

__________________
There seem to be countless rituals and cultural beliefs designed to alleviate their fear of a simple biological truth - all organisms eventually perish.

Crazy/Beautiful

I'll tell you guys an embarrassing story but true. I was in my college psych class. We had a guest speaker who was a clinical shrink, who was going to discuss mental disorders. Average class size is about 200 people. So he asked people to raise their hands if they had experienced any of the following afflictions like panic attacks and only one girl out of 200 people raised her hand. So then of course he started asking her questions and I kinda got afraid that she might have one. So when he asked if anyone had depression I raised my hand so she wouldn't feel alone.
Once again out of like 200 people like three of us raised our hands and I was the only one who had attempted suicide. He asked me how I tried to commit suicide. I kinda stared at him and was thinking which time? So he offered me an answer like cutting your wrists and I nodded. Then everyone was staring at me and the people sitting next to me were trying to get a glimpse at my scars. So I pulled my hands into my jacket. Then he said females usually try suicide but rarely succeed. I was tempted to raise my hands and say I almost did with the pills and the gas oven. But didn't. I walked out of there after class standing next to the girl with panic attacks and everyone stared at us like we were freaks. I told her at least we know what are problems are, these fools are all in for a rude awakening eventually.

Crazy/Beautiful

People will always be sad and upset that you have died. I have never been to a funeral I haven't burst into tears at. Even if I'm not related to the person. So if I came to your funeral or saw a post that you had committed suicide I would cry, I know how bad you feel and it always hurts to see someone that feels the way I do die. It doesn't give much hope to the rest of us also hanging on by a thread. I really don't know what to tell except that your not alone, there are more of us feeling the exact same way. We hide it too.

Crazy/Beautiful

I was also gonna ask if anyone else has this problem. Whenever I become very depressed my heart actual feels like it's hurting, like it's about to explode in my chest. It kinda becomes hard for me to breathe, and I just carry this huge weight inside me. It feels like my heart could actually break. Does anyone else feel this way when they become depressed?