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I get flashes of death in my head...like, shooting myself in the back of the throat, or slitting my arm open. The only person that knows when I do usually is my lover. I'm sure he wants them to stop. I do too. But I always feel it. However, I'm still young, so it's probably just emotions.
My suicidal thoughts go a few years back. I got them a lot when I had eating disorders. I didn't think I had the strength or the will to live. I took too many pills, made myself sick for a few days. I cut my arms open in a weak attempt to get help, though I just refused any that came to me. I finally looked for a gun, held it to my head, and hoped it was loaded as I pulled the trigger. Thank god it wasn't, because now I have the most beautiful person in my life. =)
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