The Longest Thread Ever!

[aKula]

and the thread reached post number 4361 and there was much rejoicing.

[CSflim]

Originally Posted by Mantus

What the helll is CSfilm's avatar supposed to be? Expressionist rendition of the Klingon Empire?

It is a piece of symbolism from my religion.

[CSflim]

Originally Posted by Zooksport2

Your kiddin' , right. read them all did ya?
There will be an exam on this, you know, soon. real soon.
So if yer lying, we'll find out! Maybe you better read them ALL, again....

When this whole thing is done....we should try and get the whole thing published as a book. That would be so cool - to hold a bound version in your hands.


Then there is always the question of the movie rights...

[biznatch]

Fact: this is a high point of my day. "The Longest Thread Ever!" = Better than pr0n.

[CSflim]

yakyakyakyakyak.

[Zooksport2]

Movie rights, huh? describe the plotline... the trailer....

[CSflim]

Let's create the trailer collaboratively.
Add/modify elements to the trailor description. Describe visuals, sound, music, dialogue, whatever.

Also describe what actors will play who. Also, we need a producer, director, etc.

I'll start:

Trailer:
Voice Over Guy: In a tilted world, where nothing is as it seems....(pause)

Voice Over Guy: One man, has a vision....

Voice Over Guy: But it is a vision that he cannot realise alone...


Also, re actors. I stated in this thread that I would be played by Steve Buscemi in the movie of my life, so he can reprise his role for this movie.

[Zooksport2]

Steve Buscemi, huh? he's great, but unfortunately, he's unavailable.. committed 'till 2009. unless, you got enough cash, of 'course....


hehehehe

Oh OK, I waz fibbin'.

[skier]

This woman was telling me at work that she was a "pro" at eating and driving.

Yeah, she was really fat.

Must drive too much.

[skier]

My friend Cord is getting married in the morning. I am invited to go but I am not one of his grooms men.(ive known him for years that hurt.)His best man decided that his bachelor party should be him and cord renting Japanime all night.

Now it just so happens that hes getting married con weekend so I allready have a room at a hotel and a ton of booze. I heard about "the party" they had and told them all toget to the hotel. Cord is a slow drinker and dose not want to be hungover for the wedding to boot. that dont fly with me so Im taking shots with him every few minets. My freind kyle pors some vodka and oJ into his own mouth shakes his head and shouts now thats a drink. \

I not to be out done grab a bottle of hundred proof Southern comfort and a bottle of makers mark and begin pooring them down my throught.

aside form offering a police officer a shot nearly getting into fight with a bell boy because he wouldnt take a tip and telling security that they even think of coming in the pool after me il swim to mexico or somthing like that i remeber nothing.

The next day no less then 20 people I had never seen in my life came up to me and asked "are you all right travis"

to which I replyed "my toe hurts" (it did) they would shake there heads laughuing pat my shoulder and walk away. I still dont remeber how they new me. huh.

[skier]

There is a stright guy here for the Texas Tech vs. Nebraska and I'm drunk as hell. I want to give him a blowjob but he is not sure. I can't think of how to get him in bed...he did let me touch him...oh my God, he is hot...damn stright men.

[skier]

My 3 year old urinated all over the carpet in our spare room the other day. I asked him, why didn't you do it in your potty?

"Its too tiring."

Good point.

[skier]

I once hit it off at a party with this really cute 18 year old girl. She actually said I was cool. A while later, after a few more drinks, I gave her my number. She said, "You know I'm only 18, right?" I thought for a beat, and said yes. She seemed to accept that answer and took my number.

Surprisingly, she called about a week later, leaving a message on my machine. More surprising is that I didn't call her back. Not because she was almost 17 years my junior, but because she lived in South Orange County- over an hour away.

Sometimes my capacity to be stupid surprises even myself.

[skier]

I've been dating a guy who non-chalently suggested that I should work out at least 4x a week.

He then ordered me to make him dinner.

This morning, he text messaged me saying "skip dinner, go to the gym and call me when you're out of the shower." This was after I marinated three types of meat for him.

I want to rip out my teeth and throw it at him.

[skier]

"Lazy idiots smoke weed often. But that doesn't mean that smoking weed causes laziness or idiocy. You need to study the basic logic of causality." He told me as he rolled the blunt.

[skier]

The Marketing Director was late to a meeting and being gently reprimanded by other members of the Executive Board, when the Technical Director says to her:

"You're late! We're gonna have to tear you a new a**hole!"

"Thank you," she replies, "but that won't be necessary. the one I have works just fine. I've been talking through it all day."

[skier]

I had an epiphany the other day. I realized that I am dating the perfect girl.

She walked in on me beating off, calmly said "If you wash that lotion off I'll finish it for you," and got undressed.

Yep, she's a keeper.

[skier]

I was at this bar in Kitchener that had a balcony that looked upon the dance floor. Some fucker up there hocked a loogie and it landed on the back of my hand all green and mucousy and fucking gross.

I started grinding with my best friends girl friend and I wiped it off on her ass.

[skier]

Every weekend my friends and I would attempt to get upto as much mischief as possible to get our names in the paper.

The most special (and lowbrow) was when we did a stealth run to the local golf course at 2.00am pouring quickset concrete into all of the holes, then marking out 20ft pentagrams on the 4 greens closest to the fence with petrol and lighting them - then we all backed off into the woods with the video and waited for the Fire Trucks to arrive - They didn't come - bastards.

They ended up having to dig up the greens to get rid of the pentagrams - happy about that.

[skier]

I once worked as a delivery boy for a flower shop. Used to steal the flowers from funnerals to give to my girlfriend.

I figured the dead don't get laid anyway. 'course i didn't much either... Am I going to hell?

[skier]

another thing that burns my nuts is the phraze "effin". what kind of pussy ass shit is that? if you feel strongly enough to warrent a 'fuck' then say fuck, if you dont, dont. dont do that pussy ass, middle of the road dont wanna get yelled at for sayin a bad word bull shit...i mean if you really want to, you can even find a way to say fuck and not get in trouble, i managed to work it into a college-level high school essay, not only didnt get yelled at, got an A....

say it loud, say it proud FUCK FUCK FUCKITTY FUCK FUCK, you god damned pussy ass little prep

[skier]

so my boyfriend tells me that the reason we never have sex anymore is because he jacks off too much. i'm sure, subconsciously, this is doing wonders for my self esteem.





I've lost a little weight over the past few months (which puts me at a size 10-12 for those of you trying to build a mental image of me, about a 14 before that).

There's no particular reason for it, basically I eat pretty well, not such large meals I guess.

I've also been smoking a lot more weed.

So when people ask me why I've lost weight, I'm very tempted to say I decreased my food intake and increased my illicit drug intake, but I don't think it'd go down too well with most...

[skier]

I was told this past wednesday after a magic show to 'go get another drink and face the traffic with courage'. Truer words I have not heard in ages.

[skier]

i told her the other day about my idea that she could come with me when I drive from LA to Sac over spring break..I told her it was 5 hours long and she could see Cali and all, and went on about that for a while, saying how she could see pretty much the whole state and how butt-ugly it is between NorCal and SoCal, etc etc.

She responded with "That's a lotta road head."

God I love that girl.

[skier]

So there I am; peacefully snoozing away late into a Sunday morning. My early-rising type girlfriend calls. We chat for a few minutes and agree to meet up for brunch in a couple hours. Problem is, I never actually woke up at any part of the conversation. I was still fully asleep and our conversation was simply the manifestation of my subconscious jealously guarding my sleep, trying to make her go away. So once I'm half an hour late she calls me again and actually wakes me up and I have absolutely zero recollection of her earlier call. She was pissed that I blew her off, but what really freaked her out was that I'd ended the conversation with an automatic "I love you" that she didn't think I could have meant.

[skier]

Heh.. got this from a friend:

When I was younger I hated going to weddings... it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

[skier]

Even at 8 years old, it didn't take long to realize that mixing every paint and chemical in the neighbors garage with sand doesn't make quicksand.

Its too bad my parents got sued for the damage.

[skier]

In eighth grade there was a new girl at the Catholic School I had attended. She was a shy, short, skinny girl with frizzy brown hair and she smelled like cat shit. We all made fun of her daily because she reeked horribly. One day she got so pissed at us for it she slammed her mother's car door shut so hard it busted out the window.

Another classmate and I had our own math class in the principal's office because we were both on the verge of failing. One day while the principal had stepped out I began to snoop through her stuff. I happended upon a doctor's note stating that the girl was excreting through her pores which to this day I still assume meant that she "shit" out her pores. I was very careful never to brush up against her in gym class.

[skier]

Limbo Gets Married, Part III

Later in the evening, when there's only about 50 people left, my new Dad-In-Law asks me if I've seen his wife.

Me, stupidly: "I think she's with your kids."

He wanders off, and inevitably finds the four of them by the side of the house, smoking a doobie.

He goes ballistic and starts to dump on his wife for being an enabler. He recruits me as his moral backup (!), but I'm his brand-new son-in-law, so I go along, and scold them earnestly, sort of.

The LowBrow here is that almost immediately after, he was diagnosed with glaucoma. His doctor recommended he find a source of marijuana somewhere, so he had to go begging to his wife and kids for a hit...

- LowBrowLimbo@hotmail.com

[skier]

I had a coworker who was the most passive geek in the world, and over two months time I turned him into Psycho Stalker Guy. I just kept telling him the girl at the deli downstairs really really had the hots for him but was too shy to make a move or acknowledge her feelings. Emboldened by false knowledge, he went there three, four times a day to talk to her. She eventually got a restraining order against him after he followed her car to her apartment and demanded a kiss, for her own self-denying good.

I felt like a god.

- cheerleaderatyercrotch@hotmail.com

[skier]

i am a bartender in a shitty bar i also happen to be 6ft 4 tall. the bar is designed for short people and thanks to a little overhanging from the ceiling of the bar i cant actually see the custemers face unless i take a few steps back from the bar.

when a good looking lady comes in with a low cut top i can just stare at her tits for as long as i like without being discreet. when i am the only one behind the bar on a long over night shift i just stand there with a huge erection staring at girls chests as i serve them my boner hidden by the counter.

but this fact is unknown to all and i am regarded as a gentelman perhaps even an old fasioned one by all who know me.

- sleezy@gentelman.com

[skier]

My boyfriend came up to visit me for the weekend, and I drove him to the train station today to see him off. We got there really early and sat around waiting and talking and slowly getting used to leaving each other again, until the train pulled into the station. We went up on the platform, and the doors opened, and the conductor came and stood right outside the door, which was less than 3 feet away from where we were standing.

We quickly murmured our love and goodbyes and he leaned in to kiss me. My eyes closed, I breathed deeply into the kiss trying to hold onto the feeling of his lips. I knew I would lose it the second he was gone, it's one of those things in life that is too good to be able to recreate in your mind.

We looked up, less than a minute later, to see the train pulling out of the station. We ran alongside it, banging on the door, but it didn't stop. The damn conductor didn't even warn us or anything before getting back on and closing the doors.

Fuck you, LIRR. Fuck you for ruining one of the few true romantic movie moments in my life...

[skier]

After a hard game of floor hockey, my socks were drenched with sweat. As the social college trend goes, you propped your door open when you were around (and not masturbating). Now, the door is maybe 3 feet wide, and it doesn't take a physics major to know a person walking by is only visible (and able to look in the room) for a split second. In that split second, a guy I never talk to who lives on my floor saw me take a big whiff of the ol' sweat-sock. Damn.

[skier]

Being afraid that your weiners being bent by constant wacking is a horrible feeling. I still am unsure if thats true, but now im comfortable with it.

[skier]

Telemarketers had been calling all day to lure my brother in with whatever the hell it was that they were selling. Every time they called, I politely answered in the negative. Well, the last call of the day, it seemed, was kind of unnerving.

"Hello, is blah blah there"

"Nope," is all I reply

"Nope," mocks the telemarketer guy. Click.

It kind of took me by surprise. Aren't the prospective customers supposed to be bitchy to the telemarketers?

[skier]

Brain Damage #1

When I finally woke up from the operation, I had no inhibitions and a libido the size of the National Debt.

Oh yes, and I couldn't remember anything for more than fifteen minutes, so all of this is from what people told me.

The minor operation (akin to picking your nose with a skalpel) had gone horribly wrong. The hack doctor had penetrated my brain, damaging my frontal lobes.

After a couple of days, my roommates came to visit me. Theresa sat down on my bed and I immediately hugged her tight. She hugged back, and I slipped my hands under the back of her shirt and whispered sweet nothings in her ear.

She giggled good-humouredly, but said: "[Limbo], you and I aren't like this."

I continued elegantly praising her considerable charms, and she put up with it until I moved my hands around the front and started fondling her breasts.

She stood up, embarrassed. I howled in despair and invited Julie over.

Julie and I weren't even really friends, but I sweet-talked her into a hug and began the process all over again.

After a bit of insistent persuading, she lay down next to me, but Theresa and my other roommates were getting worried. They called in the nurse.

Theresa: "What's going on?"

Nurse: "Oh, he's a wild one, isn't he? He had my blouse unbuttoned this morning before I even noticed!"

Julie manages to get out of my clutches, and the four of them explain that something is seriously wrong.

I'd been lying there for two days, stuck in the present moment, with spinal fluid slowly dripping out of my nose (the nurses HAD provided a box of Kleenex), and nobody had noticed.

Nurse: "Oh! We thought he was just like that normally!"

- LowBrowLimbo@hotmail.com

[skier]

I have dearly loved fellatio, particularly at odd times in odd places, like many males.

But the idea of 'road head' never really worked for me, because I know any mammal when surprised or shocked involuntarily bites down.

I particularly like having my nuts sucked.

But there's that whole reflex thing.

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

I'd rather stay home.

[skier]

I'll admit it, I have a serious personal scratch and sniff problem. I scratch my areas and smell my fingers to see how bad it smells. It isn't because I'm perverted and get off on it, it's because it is a valuable tool to see if it is necessary to take a shower that day. Needless to say, I don't have a girlfriend.

[skier]

her: THE ONLY REASON YOU COME OVER HERE IS TO EAT MY FOOD AND DO YOUR LAUNDRY!

me: IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I'LL FINISH THIS CHEESEBURGER, GET MY LAUNDRY AND GO!

damn, i forgot to fuck her one last time.

[skier]

I hope that I grow old enough to see the day when I can go up to my grandson and say: "You know, when I was your age... I probably had it just as good as you do, plus I was lazier." Then we'd high-five each other and smoke a joint.