07-13-2005, 09:30 AM | #41 (permalink) | |
Psycho
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In the romantic situation, you cannot solve the problem this way (by hanging out with undesired initial contact a few times). If you do so, you are either leading them on, or expressing romantic interest. Either way, your chances with the rest of the group as anything other than friends go to shit. My preferred solution would have been to do as others suggested *in the beginning*. Which was to simply state my interest in who I like, and tell the one I'm not interested in flat out that I'm not interested. I guess I could do this now, but the chances of success are alot slimmer, plus I've already invested some time, and instead of making shit blow up, I might as well get some friends out of it. |
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07-13-2005, 10:03 AM | #42 (permalink) |
Psycho
Location: Greenwood, Arkansas
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Match200, having read this thread, I came up with a few thoughts:
1. The language you chose to use to express yourself clouded the thought you were trying to convey. Happens often in life, and this is a great example. Had you said "I'll call the dominating one "Alice" and gone from there, the whole thread would have taken on a new tone. 2. You assume that these girls are being dominated (and you're there, so you may be correct in this assumption) but it may also be that "Alice" has asked the others to give her the shot at you. Seems like instead of being the player you want to be, you're being played. 3. I spent too many years chasing girls that weren't interested in me, and ignoring those that were. When I decided to lower my standards from VOGUE magazine models (after all, I'm not GQ material) I started dating a lot and gained confidence in dealing with women. Before long, I was able to get a date with just about anyone I wanted who wasn't already involved with someone (and even some that were). The VOR bottomline: You've got a short amount of time here, and not enough to get into the cliche to figure out the dynamics well enough to manuever in it. Sit where you want, ask out who you want, but remember, you're being played just as much as you're trying to play them. You can either fight it and be alone, or have some fun with Alice.
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AVOR A Voice Of Reason, not necessarily the ONLY one. |
07-13-2005, 01:09 PM | #43 (permalink) | |
big damn hero
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That's exactly what I was going to say. When I go out with a large group (men and women) and the new guy shows up, the women tend to 'push' the odd girl out up front especially if the odd girl has expressed interest in the new guy already. match000, it seems to me that you can only be manipulated if you allow yourself to be manipulated. 21 is young (like I have room to talk at 26), but you're an adult and the adult thing to do would be to talk to the 'odd girl' and set things straight. I can't say it's going to get you any play with the other girls, but at least it won't leave any hard feelings when they leave I imagine.
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No signature. None. Seriously. |
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07-13-2005, 03:29 PM | #46 (permalink) |
Über-Rookie
Location: No longer, D.C
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This is a little sidetrack, but this thread made me think about something...
notice how certain words when used to insult us when we were younger we avoid as much as possible? I personally used to be called fat all the time when I was younger.. Now, even though I try to describe someone as bigger, I will use terms, like bigger, heavy set, a bit larger, etc.. I don't like the term fat... Although I must admit, I have used it on occassion...
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"All that we can do is just survive. .All that we can do to help ourselves is stay alive." - Rush |
07-13-2005, 04:24 PM | #47 (permalink) | |
Junkie
Location: In the land of ice and snow.
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07-13-2005, 06:07 PM | #48 (permalink) | ||
Tone.
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What you're doing is worse than treating her like shit when you see her. At least if you did that she'd know where she stands. But you've chosen the chickenshit path of being nice to her face, then running off and reducing her to "fugly" when she's not looking. And this crap about her using you is total bullshit. You presumably have a brain and the ability to use it. If you feel like you're being used, don't stay in the situation. It's not that hard to figure out. Plus that statement about her using you smacks of "well I bought her dinner/gave her flowers/talked to her for 5 minutes, so she OWES me sex." That is also a bullshit attitude. You have a lot of growing up to do before you are deserving of, or have even the slightest prayer of having a shot at, a real woman. Last edited by shakran; 07-13-2005 at 06:11 PM.. |
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07-13-2005, 07:33 PM | #49 (permalink) | ||
Rawr!
Location: Edmontania
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After reading this thread i must admit I am rather suprised at the vehemence of the responses to original poster. While I do not agree with the devious manner match000 went about meeting new girls, or using the term "fugly", he was looking for help and advice. What he got was many rather forceful beratings about his wordchoice and his dismissal of the unattractive girl. To me, it's a rather startling response that is not in line with TFP's usually excellent standard.
I'd also like to say that due to the ambiguous nature of "being nice/friendly" to other people, you can overlay many different hypothetical situations on top of match's description of events; and that these situations you've created have biases that match your own. The "fugly" girl could have been mild and unassuming, and asked nicely/plead the group to set her up with match000. She could also be a domineering bitch that made threats in order to get her way. Match000 could be fugly himself, and the girls all think he's below them and so push him over to the unattractive girl. The girl may be the unquestioned leader of the group, but kind as well so that the other girls in the group want to do something nice for her. She may have thought match000's "being nice" was flirting, and she thought she was flirting back and now they were a thing. Or perhaps she realizes he was just being nice to get to the other girls in the group, but doesn't care because she wants a piece of tail. You can probably remember a time when you've been in a similar situation, in one of those roles. Maybe it hits close to home. But that's not match's problem- and we should help him out with his problem, whether it's misguided or not. match000, I'm going to assume that you're not looking for a serious relationship, what with physical attraction being the base qualifier for your rating system. And while I don't see anything wrong with this standpoint, I feel you should place more weight into personality/intelligence/etc. rather than looks. Quote:
You may be thinking she is dominant because you're "stuck" with her when in the group. The real leader of the group may be another of the girls, in this case. Quote:
1. Tell her the truth, as tactfully as you can. Results will be unpredictable, but afterwards you can start from scratch. As a bonus, if you do it right, she'll respect your belated honesty and perhaps help you out with the rest of the group. (of course, if she's vengeful, she'll segragate your from the whole group. Which, of course, is where you are right now.) 2. Keep with the falsehood, and try to pull a girl from the side when she's not paying attention. This seems much more dangerous and difficult in my opinion. Overall, I think you should be more upfront with your intentions. Girls are not the enemy. You shouldn't have the mindset that you're getting away with something, and have to be sneaky to achieve it. Believe it or not, girls like boys too, and enjoy sex as well. Go out to have fun, to enjoy the night (or day) and flirt with unrestrained enthusiasm
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"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim |
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07-13-2005, 07:58 PM | #50 (permalink) | |
Tone.
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The TFP is not a boys club where we hang out treating women like sides of meat and giggling about how ugly they are. The original poster is the one not up to the usually excellent standard of the TFP. And frankly if you want to post crap about cockblocking fugly girls, you deserve what you get. |
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07-13-2005, 08:03 PM | #51 (permalink) | |
Psycho
Location: Greenwood, Arkansas
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AVOR A Voice Of Reason, not necessarily the ONLY one. Last edited by AVoiceOfReason; 07-13-2005 at 08:07 PM.. |
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07-13-2005, 08:47 PM | #52 (permalink) | |
Rawr!
Location: Edmontania
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If it's a mindset seen as shallow or ignorant, we should be educating instead of berating. More carrot, less stick; ya know?
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"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim |
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07-13-2005, 09:31 PM | #53 (permalink) | |
Tone.
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You haven't seen many of my posts Carrots are great but sometimes a guy needs a good whack with a stick to wake up and see what he's been doing wrong. As for you calling for me to be openminded and tolerant of someone calling a woman a fugly cockblocker, uh, sorry, but no. I do not have to be openminded and tolerant about closemindedness and intolerance. Kind of defeats the purpose doesn't it? And of course we can flip your argument right around and say that you're not being veryopenminded or tolerant of my post - - See, I'm all for openmindedness until it gets to the point that you're bending over backwards so others can run around doing whatever the hell they want. There comes a point where they're being such boors that someone has to stand up and squawk about it. I'm frankly surprised that you're more concerned about the fact that I don't like people treating women like whorish sex objects than you are about the fact that people treat women like whorish sex objects. |
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07-13-2005, 09:38 PM | #54 (permalink) | |
Pissing in the cornflakes
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Any topic which brings an emotional response will be subject to such vehemence, even on tfp.
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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps. |
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07-13-2005, 09:46 PM | #55 (permalink) | |
Psycho
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07-13-2005, 10:38 PM | #56 (permalink) | |||||
Psycho
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So I start talking to one of the cute ones after the one i'm not interested in leaves, and after small talk I ask her for her dorm #. Apparently she "forgot it." Well, it *could* be true, it couldn't. You guys can have a laugh at me about that one. I *might* have got my ass rejected! hahahaha. Anyways, I talk to her and the other cute one beside me most of dinner, and well the one i'm not interested was pissed off for the first 20 mins of dinner. She didn't say a word! Probably mad cuz I didn't sit next to her. Cuz I still talked to her occasionally just to keep things unhostile. It seemed like she recovered though, and was back on my tail. Sometime later she managed to take pictures, and somehow placed herself next to me, then swapped me out of my seat so that I was moved AWAY from the two cute ones! Hella cockblocked again!!!! One of the cute ones looked pissed, and about 15-20 seconds later she walked off with her friend. She barely said bye to anyone. Yes, she looked pissed alright. The other cute one always has excellent composure, and always is smiling. She also always stays with us to the end, with the one I'm not interested in and the one chasing after my buddy wingman, while the other girls leave. Quote:
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But yes, one of the girls said "She is our leader. She took us to SF without knowing the place... blah blah." Quote:
It seems most likely that although she is not outright domineering, she *will* segregate me from the group if I tell her that I'm not uninterested. In fact, she will do that anyway if I overtly hit on any other girl! I tried #2 today. I asked the other cute girl for her dorm # when we were alone at the table, she "forgot her #", which either means she: 1) rejected my fugly ass. 2) truly forgot it 3) doesn't want to tell it to me cuz fear of reprisal from The One I'm Not Interested In. Since they are all dorming on the same floor, it is obviously not tactful for her to alienate herself from the group leader, which would result in most hostile, unfun, and boring time for her the rest of her 10 days here. Quote:
On the first day, NOT given The One I'm Intersted In my cell # and email. I would have gone up to either/and both cute girls and asked them for *their* number and email. I would have NOT been nice to The One I'm Not Interested In, for fear of leading her on. And I would have ONLY talked to the cute girls I am interested in (mainly, of course I'll do small chit-chat with everyone else.). Well, for the people who hate me already, my inexperience can cheer you up: 1) Never kissed a girl 2) Never had sex (follows from 1) 3) Never had a GF (follows from 1&2) 4) Hardly interact with girls at all. (Engineer) These facts also pretty much confirm I am no player. Phew, long post! |
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07-13-2005, 10:55 PM | #57 (permalink) |
Psycho
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Match000, despite the fact that more than a few people have said to lower your standards and go after the chick you aren't interested in....well, don't. My standards only have increased as I got more familiar with the concept of dating. As a consequence I am dating a woman who (in my opinion) is the hottest thing to have graced the TFP. I'm younger than you, and I share a semilar mentality toward the dating scene (and women in general) that you have.
The sad fact is that the chick you're not interested in is going to scathe any time you ignore her. She will get over it, and eventually someone will settle for her, or vice versa. But you don't have to be that guy. Go after the cute girl who didn't reject you, full steam ahead. And personally, being that you didn't call the lady "fugly" to her face, I see no reason why your decision to use the term has been looked down upon so harshly. You shouldn't have to explain your motivation or logic behind the phrase. It's just your phrase. If people are so blinded by their addiction to P.C. content, they need to lighten up. This is, after all, an internet forum. If Halx or one of the mods didn't like the word, then they could add it to the forum censoring tool. Since that obviously hasn't happened, I feel you have whatever right you wish to use the term for whatever purpose you feel is appropriate for communicating your situation and views. |
07-14-2005, 12:35 AM | #58 (permalink) | |
Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It!
Location: Southern England
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Idiots? The Blind? Sheesh! If anyone called you fugly in my hearing I'd stick up for you. Hmm..... I'd stick up for you anyway (nt saying what I'd stick where, mind you)
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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air, And deep beneath the rolling waves, In labyrinths of Coral Caves, The Echo of a distant time Comes willowing across the sand; And everthing is Green and Submarine ╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝ |
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07-14-2005, 01:07 AM | #59 (permalink) | ||
Psycho
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The weird thing is: on the first day we met, this cute one with BF asked for my email, and wanted to take a pic with me (only The One I'm Not Interest In did that also). Then she sticks it through to the end, while all other girls leave... And she's always smiling and calm, no change in mood... And she didn't seem to mind when The One I'm Not Interested In cockclocked me again, whereas the other cute one who possibly rejected me got up and left looking pissed off. She is confusing me like no tomorrow... she has a BF back home! Why does she always stay, always smile at me, and is so nice to me in general. My friend's theories: 1) She is playing wingwoman for The One I'm Not Interested In. 2) She is more comfortable hanging out until the end BECAUSE she is NOT single. (Makes sense..) 3) The One I'm Not Interested In is using her to make me stay. Heck, she was the only reason I stayed with the group after day 1 (before I noticed the other cute girl). 4) She's decoy so that I might hit on her but not on other, eligible girls. Quote:
EDIT: PS, from now on, I will refer to "The One I'm Not Interested In" as TOINII: "Toinii". Maybe this new word is urbandictionary.com-able Last edited by match000; 07-14-2005 at 01:27 AM.. |
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07-14-2005, 01:41 AM | #60 (permalink) | |
I'll be on the veranda, since you're on the cross.
Location: Rand McNally's friendliest small town in America. They must have strayed from the dodgy parts...
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4. She was being polite. It's very easy to interpret the wrong way if: (a) you are unfamiliar with their culture, which no matter how much you think you know, you really don't. or (b) you want to think it. 5. She views you as a friend. End of story. You were nice to her, you showed her around, end of story. 6. She might like you, but there's less than 10 days left before she goes away and realistically probably won't be coming back, so really, what's the point? From what I've personally seen, you're pretty much looking at 4 and 5. Hate to break it to you. Playing "tour guide" is great if you're looking to make friends, and that's really about it.
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I've got the love of my life and a job that I enjoy most of the time. Life is good. |
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07-14-2005, 06:23 AM | #61 (permalink) |
Upright
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She forgot her number? Speaking as a female, I am going to be bold and say there is a ninety-nine percent chance that she is not interested in you.
Also, part of what annoyed me about your initial post is that you didn't pick ONE cute girl from the group to try to hit on... you picked two. That means you werent especially intrigued by either, you just want a cute girl to fuck. It comes off as very shallow. I'm still cringing about your use of the word fugly, btw. |
07-14-2005, 06:29 AM | #62 (permalink) | ||
Helplessly hoping
Location: Above the stars
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07-14-2005, 07:10 AM | #63 (permalink) | |
My future is coming on
Moderator Emeritus
Location: east of the sun and west of the moon
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We may be coming down a bit hard on the boy, but frankly, I'm not interested in giving him advice on how to brush off women he's used so he can get laid. That might be the advice he asked for, but frankly, learning to think on a more mature level and treat women with some respect is going to stand him in much better stead in the long run.
It wasn't even particularly the use of the word "fugly" that got me, but this: Quote:
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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France |
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07-14-2005, 07:30 AM | #64 (permalink) |
Pissing in the cornflakes
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I think someone has learned an important lesson here.
Never use 'fugly' in mixed company
__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps. |
07-14-2005, 09:16 AM | #65 (permalink) | ||||||
Psycho
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Regarding the "fugly" word stuff, I had already realized that people might be offended in the original post, and then had apologized for it *preemptively* in the 3rd post. I really can't say anything else more, except that next time I'll use "unattractive" instead... Quote:
To some extent, I also felt like an internet forum would be open enough for me to forget the facade of the politics needed for daily interaction in real life. This doesn't mean, you know, I thought I could be rude and obnoxious and disprespectful... just that I could be honest without having to "tone down" or understate my ideas. I only used "fugly" to get across how *unattracive* the girl was *to me*, not to deliberately offend people. I will keep such political ideas of internet forum interaction in mind in the future And again, I appreciate all of your responses so far. I *have* improved as a person, and gained much more experience through your collective comments, whether they be suggestions or irate bashings at my head. Suggestions are welcome on deciphering the mixed signals from the girl with BF, though... and any other suggestions are welcome as well Last edited by match000; 07-14-2005 at 09:23 AM.. |
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07-14-2005, 09:51 AM | #66 (permalink) | |
Psycho
Location: Greenwood, Arkansas
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AVOR A Voice Of Reason, not necessarily the ONLY one. |
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07-14-2005, 10:53 AM | #67 (permalink) | |
strangelove
Location: ...more here than there...
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However, I've got to speak out as (perhaps the only) female here who has no problem with fugly in this context ... I know I know, people can't say everything exactly how they think it, that's part of tact. Of course. But still .... I don't find this way of thinking that unusual ... so I suppose I'm not super-shocked/offended/insulted to see it actually typed out ... I may also be biased, 'fugly' has been one of my favourite words since I first heard it several years ago
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- + - ° GiRLie GeeK ° - + - ° 01110010011011110110111101110100001000000110110101100101 Therell be days/When Ill stray/I may appear to be/Constantly out of reach/I give in to sin/Because I like to practise what I preach
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07-14-2005, 11:10 AM | #68 (permalink) | |
Fade out
Location: in love
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Sweetpea
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Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself" |
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07-14-2005, 01:37 PM | #69 (permalink) | |
Upright
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It's things like this that make me fear that the gender gap is unbridgeable. Anyway, you could just do what I do and be blunt. Tell her you like her and be man enought to put up with whatever shit ensues. |
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07-14-2005, 11:04 PM | #70 (permalink) | |
Insensative Fuck.
Location: Boon towns of Ohio
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I have an idea, how bout ya'll get past the term FUGLY, and on to something a bit more helpful?
45 posts about how a word is oh so damned bad is hardly any worse than calling someone fugly. My advice, since yer just in it for the fuck anyway, is to just lay it all down, man up, go for broke, whatever you wanna call it. Try to get the girl you like alone somehow, and just say "Hey you wanna do something later? Like, just the two of us?" It's not that hard to figure out if a girl is interested or not. By the way, the people saying that he's a player, and that he might be getting played. 1) He is surely no player. 2) A player does not get played
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07-15-2005, 06:22 AM | #71 (permalink) | |
Junkie
Location: Toronto
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ummm how about No? Obviously the term strikes a discordant note, and is worthy of response, regardless of gender. |
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07-15-2005, 08:14 AM | #72 (permalink) | |
Devoted
Donor
Location: New England
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I can't read your signature. Sorry. |
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07-15-2005, 08:28 AM | #73 (permalink) | |
Tilted Cat Head
Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
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oh... not that kind of pile agreed, that's why I didn't address it at all. To me it was just chaff from the actual wheat. I still stand by my own original post in this thread.
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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. |
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07-15-2005, 08:59 AM | #74 (permalink) |
Fade out
Location: in love
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Personally, i'm facinated by your situation, i think it happens more often than people think, oh the games that men and women play . . .
It seems human nature is to often 'do something to get something.' So do we have an update match000 ? Did you lay the cards out and ask the girl you are actually interested in to do something just the two of you? inquiring minds wish to know hehe Sweetpea
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Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself" |
07-15-2005, 10:11 AM | #75 (permalink) |
Hey Now!
Location: Massachusetts (Redneck, white boy town. I hate it here.)
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Ugly- Not pleasing to the eye; unsightly
Is ugly offensive? It sounds better when we sugar coat words. Unattractive? Isn't that the same thing as ugly? Fucking ugly or fugly sounds harsh. If someone were to call me that I would be devastated. Fugly is guy macho shit that I don't say, but it doesn't offend me. Some women I know are ugly.(thats my personal opinion.) Like the girl who works down at Xtra Mart convient store. Wow! Thats ugly! The girl I first had sex with, thats ugly! You know what, come to think of it, she was fugly! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. To refer to a women as fugly is not very nice, but he was just getting his point across. Its just what I think.
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"From delusion lead me to truth, from darkness lead me to light, from death lead me to eternal life. - Sheriff John Wydell |
07-15-2005, 12:50 PM | #76 (permalink) |
Crazy
Location: on the road to where I want to be...
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Match--I know what you mean man. I would make your actions speak for you--do what you planned to do, if the ugly girl hits on you don't give her the time of day. Ignore her attempts. If she doesn't get the message, then at least you had a game to play the past couple days and something entertaining to think about. But in the end that's all this is: entertainment. They're leaving in 10 days, you're not going to meet your soulmate, nor do I think you're trying to. If you do this you also won't be 'using' her or giving her any false hopes--just let her see straight out that you're interested in her friends, and not her. That girl is the sum of what she's made herself to be, and if she is rejected all the time, then it's up to her to worry about whether she's happy or wants to make changes in her life and live differently.
If anything you should worry about getting over some of your 'first' hurdles because otherwise, it doesn't matter if you have a cute girl if you don't know what to do with her once you have her =P I can see where all the ladies slamming you are coming from but, fact is, this is not a perfect world. People will hit on those who are attractive to them. A shitty, shallow personality can turn someone off just as much as a size 36 waist. But a great personality, to some, myself included, cannot salvage somebody who I have no physical attraction to whatsoever. It's just a non-negotiable point, and I think to fault a young guy for this is kind of unfair. You can always choose to change yourself, if you want to attain something. If that's being good looking and being able to get the attention of the guys who catch your interest, then eat a salad, and go for a jog. If that's not a priority for you, and you're happy with yourself, that's perfectly fine, but then you can't blame the 'hot whiney barbie chick' for stealing the show. It's all just a matter of motivation. Of course there is a difference between being true to your personal preferences and being sensitive about hurting someone's feelings when you reject them. To tell someone they could be miss america (with a bag over their head) is pretty fucking cruel, but I'm also not out to live my life so other people don't have their feelings hurt. If I'm not interested, i'll let you know it in as nice an unambigiously as I can, but bottom line is I'm not interested. So stop trying. GL match, don't take it too seriously. Try and have fun with it.
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Dont be afraid to change who you are for what you could become |
07-15-2005, 01:12 PM | #77 (permalink) | |
Junkie
Location: Toronto
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07-15-2005, 01:52 PM | #80 (permalink) |
Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It!
Location: Southern England
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Keep digging, man - you'll hit bedrock soon.
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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air, And deep beneath the rolling waves, In labyrinths of Coral Caves, The Echo of a distant time Comes willowing across the sand; And everthing is Green and Submarine ╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝ |
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cockblocking, fugly, girl, girls, groups |
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