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Originally Posted by skier
After reading this thread i must admit I am rather suprised at the vehemence of the responses to original poster. While I do not agree with the devious manner match000 went about meeting new girls, or using the term "fugly", he was looking for help and advice. What he got was many rather forceful beratings about his wordchoice and his dismissal of the unattractive girl. To me, it's a rather startling response that is not in line with TFP's usually excellent standard.
I'd also like to say that due to the ambiguous nature of "being nice/friendly" to other people, you can overlay many different hypothetical situations on top of match's description of events; and that these situations you've created have biases that match your own. The "fugly" girl could have been mild and unassuming, and asked nicely/plead the group to set her up with match000. She could also be a domineering bitch that made threats in order to get her way. Match000 could be fugly himself, and the girls all think he's below them and so push him over to the unattractive girl. The girl may be the unquestioned leader of the group, but kind as well so that the other girls in the group want to do something nice for her. She may have thought match000's "being nice" was flirting, and she thought she was flirting back and now they were a thing. Or perhaps she realizes he was just being nice to get to the other girls in the group, but doesn't care because she wants a piece of tail.
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Yes yes! Skier hit it right on the head. These are the many main aspects that COULD be the situation. It's hard for me to even analyze correctly which one it is. She seems like a likeable leader, who seems to have gotten the other girls in to help her out. HOWEVER, I think the other girls don't mind if I hit on them. The two cute ones I liked, today I just sat my ass right down across and next to them (lucky positioning), ignoring the one i'm not interested in telling me to sit next to her at the END OF THE table. I *nicely* ignored her, saying "Oh, this spot is just fine."
So I start talking to one of the cute ones after the one i'm not interested in leaves, and after small talk I ask her for her dorm #. Apparently she "forgot it." Well, it *could* be true, it couldn't. You guys can have a laugh at me about that one. I *might* have got my ass rejected! hahahaha.
Anyways, I talk to her and the other cute one beside me most of dinner, and well the one i'm not interested was pissed off for the first 20 mins of dinner. She didn't say a word! Probably mad cuz I didn't sit next to her. Cuz I still talked to her occasionally just to keep things unhostile.
It seemed like she recovered though, and was back on my tail. Sometime later she managed to take pictures, and somehow placed herself next to me, then swapped me out of my seat so that I was moved AWAY from the two cute ones! Hella cockblocked again!!!!
One of the cute ones looked pissed, and about 15-20 seconds later she walked off with her friend. She barely said bye to anyone. Yes, she looked pissed alright. The other cute one always has excellent composure, and always is smiling. She also always stays with us to the end, with the one I'm not interested in and the one chasing after my buddy wingman, while the other girls leave.
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Originally Posted by skier
You can probably remember a time when you've been in a similar situation, in one of those roles. Maybe it hits close to home. But that's not match's problem- and we should help him out with his problem, whether it's misguided or not.
match000, I'm going to assume that you're not looking for a serious relationship, what with physical attraction being the base qualifier for your rating system. And while I don't see anything wrong with this standpoint, I feel you should place more weight into personality/intelligence/etc. rather than looks.  |
Yes. Base looks is important to me, but of course so is everything else: personality/intelligence. But being realistic, would anyone date a girl/guy who they found *unattractive, to them*? C'mon, honesty here... I sure wouldn't. I have to be attracted to them on some level, and boy oh boy, any girl in the group EXCEPT the one I'm not interested in could be potential dating material (and they are not all conventionally cute, trust me. Some of you will find the "cute" ones I like to be, well, unattractive). Just my luck!
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Originally Posted by skier
I'm curious about this point. Was it clear to you that she had a dominant personality immediately, or did you come to realize this over time?
You may be thinking she is dominant because you're "stuck" with her when in the group. The real leader of the group may be another of the girls, in this case.
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It was clear the was by far the most social of the group, *if she wants to be*. Cuz, today, after I didn't sit next to her, boy, my guy friend (wingman) told me he thought she was gonna blow her top. She didn't say a thing for 20 minutes.
But yes, one of the girls said "She is our leader. She took us to SF without knowing the place... blah blah."
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Originally Posted by skier
This sort of annoys me. You're not really "stuck" with her. You're just trapped , yourself. You've led this girl on- acting all buddybuddy with her through falsehood. As I see it, you've got two options:
1. Tell her the truth, as tactfully as you can. Results will be unpredictable, but afterwards you can start from scratch. As a bonus, if you do it right, she'll respect your belated honesty and perhaps help you out with the rest of the group. (of course, if she's vengeful, she'll segragate your from the whole group. Which, of course, is where you are right now.)
2. Keep with the falsehood, and try to pull a girl from the side when she's not paying attention. This seems much more dangerous and difficult in my opinion.
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Nope, option 1 does not work. Again, she nearly blew her top just cuz I didn't sit next to her! Now is that moody or what.
It seems most likely that although she is not outright domineering, she *will* segregate me from the group if I tell her that I'm not uninterested. In fact, she will do that anyway if I overtly hit on any other girl!
I tried #2 today. I asked the other cute girl for her dorm # when we were alone at the table, she "forgot her #", which either means she:
1) rejected my fugly ass.
2) truly forgot it
3) doesn't want to tell it to me cuz fear of reprisal from The One I'm Not Interested In. Since they are all dorming on the same floor, it is obviously not tactful for her to alienate herself from the group leader, which would result in most hostile, unfun, and boring time for her the rest of her 10 days here.
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Originally Posted by skier
Overall, I think you should be more upfront with your intentions. Girls are not the enemy. You shouldn't have the mindset that you're getting away with something, and have to be sneaky to achieve it. Believe it or not, girls like boys too, and enjoy sex as well.
Go out to have fun, to enjoy the night (or day) and flirt with unrestrained enthusiasm  |
Yes yes! Thank you for this excellent advice. If I could do this again, I would have:
On the first day, NOT given The One I'm Intersted In my cell # and email.
I would have gone up to either/and both cute girls and asked them for *their* number and email.
I would have NOT been nice to The One I'm Not Interested In, for fear of leading her on. And I would have ONLY talked to the cute girls I am interested in (mainly, of course I'll do small chit-chat with everyone else.).
Well, for the people who hate me already, my inexperience can cheer you up:
1) Never kissed a girl
2) Never had sex (follows from 1)
3) Never had a GF (follows from 1&2)
4) Hardly interact with girls at all. (Engineer)
These facts also pretty much confirm I am no player.
Phew, long post!