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Originally Posted by pigglet
You know, I'm reading a lot of these responses so far, and it seems to me that it's a little harsh mayhaps...I'm guessing that most people have been in a situation similar to this before, in some context or another. Original Post be damned - I'm thinking in the general sense this basically describes the social networking process, and I think we all do it to a certain extent.
Imagine: You meet a group. You're attracted to some members of said group, but not all - reasons notwithstanding...could be professional, recreational, or in this case sexual. The first contact with the group isn't your desired target, but are you going to turn down the opportunity to get in with the group? I don't think most people are going to categorically do this. And regardless of whether or not we try to hide our objectives, from others or ourselves, with some sort of assumed WWJD / I'm-a-benevolent-creature-don't-we-all-love-unicorns-and-fuzzy-critters mentality...come on, those original objectives are still there. It's just the way we work.
I don't think it gives you the "right" to be mean or rude to anyone, but I also think that we all have objectives when we enter social situations. It seems to be that possibly a lot of posters are imposing their own bad experiences on the situation. The original poster may not have taken the most mature approach to this, but I also think some degree of his quandry shows up in all of our lives.
Am I wrong?
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Yes, I agree. However, with it being anything other than sexual or romantic (such as the Professional or Recreational), its much easier to deal with the "first-target-not-desired-target" simply by hanging out with them and spending a little time. I mean, if it's a guy, and you're straight, no prob, just go hang out a few times and you are chum chum. Then move on to desired target in group.
In the romantic situation, you cannot solve the problem this way (by hanging out with undesired initial contact a few times). If you do so, you are either leading them on, or expressing romantic interest. Either way, your chances with the rest of the group as anything other than friends go to shit.
My preferred solution would have been to do as others suggested *in the beginning*. Which was to simply state my interest in who I like, and tell the one I'm not interested in flat out that I'm not interested. I guess I could do this now, but the chances of success are alot slimmer, plus I've already invested some time, and instead of making shit blow up, I might as well get some friends out of it.