Axiom_e

I think I have decided on my course of action, but I want to pick the brains of the forum.

Problem: There is a female that I have know for a few years and there is a physical attraction between us. She wants to act on this physical attraction and under normal circumstances I would be happy to comply. Problem is she is recently engaged. *da da duuuuuum*

As of right now we haven't done anything, but we may in the future.
(and you can all say I told you so after I come back here whining about all the problems this relationship caused)

I spoken to her about the things that could possibly go sour if we do anything. She has wavied them all away. *side note* she has cheated on her boyfriend now fiance before.

I told her that I didn't want a relationship and that all it would be is sex.
I don't want to be anybodies escape from a situation they feel powerless in.

I have several different minds of thought on the matter.

mind one:
I still have time to change my mind and not do this. After all I wouldn't want anyone to do this to me. She is probably looking for a way out of a situation she doesn't want to be in. I care about her and know this will only hurt her in the future.

mind two:
Fuck her man-she is free pussy. When things go sour, kick her ass to the curb.

mind three:
She is probably just needs an outlet to vent sexual innuendos/energy. So play the game.
But don't expect to see the touch down.

mind four:
meh.

I shift through all these mindsets. I wonder which one will succeed in the end. I think I am going through a quarter life crisis.

Do you guys have any input on her motivations or mine?

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Life is meaningless.
How awesome is that?
Rock On! Now I can do whatever the hell I want
and give my own life meaning to myself.

fhqwhgads

And people claim that chivalry is dead.


Apparently, I can't read. I thought that you were in a relationship as well. I was mistaken.

Carry on... nothing to read here.

tooth

Free pussy or not, you need to walk away from this situation. This girl sounds like bad news.

ShaniFaye

Im confused....I read that as the girl is the one with the fiancee, not Axiom_e

if Im right....dont do it......dont be a party to her cheating

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Furry

I agree with Tooth. Walk away slowly. Bad news and much crap is potentially heading your way.

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erion

I agree with Shani on this one. Anyone willing to cheat is bad news. Unless of course it's an "open" relationship, in which case go for it, but I didn't get that impression.

Sage

Think about the possibility of her fiancee finding out about you two. The image of some guy coming over to your house with a bat and ten of his friends to beat the shit out of you will probably solve that hormonal wood problem right away!

Seriously, tho, anybody who cheats, knowingly and willingly, is seriously bad news. She might just let it blow over, or, when you "kick her to the curb," she might retalliate with accusations of rape, molestation, abuse, you name it, and your ass might end up in jail. She sounds like someone who is not mature enough to deal with her own problems and therefore tries to scapegoat other people into being problem solvers for her. She hates her relationship- she gets her kicks from other men while at the same time mooching off of her fiancee and his stability. Ten bucks says she's got a diamond the size of my thumbnail. Women are really stupid sometimes.

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Redlemon

You should dump her, her fiancé should dump her, and the other guy(s) that she is also sleeping with should also dump her.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Carno

You know she is in a relationship; why would you want to be a part of something that will ruin another guy's life?

Be better than that. Don't be a scumbag.

Lebell

mind 1, all the way.

As you said, you wouldn't want someone to do this to you.

__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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martinguerre

this is pretty clearly covered in the Guy Code...and the answer is no. her willingness to cheat has nothing to do with your willingness to participate in breaking an engagement.

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-John 3:16

Lead543

There's a lot of "free pussy" out there with no boyfriend, fiancee, husband.

Just because you find someone physically attractive doesn't mean you have to fool around with them. It's a choice. Choosing her will give you a lot more trouble then it's worth.

MoJoPokeyBlue

First....a few questions.

Under what circumstances did the two of you get into this conversation? I'm assuming you've asked her why she wants to be sexual with someone other than her soon-to-be husband. What was her response? If it was purely sexual, do you think this is something she can emotionally handle? Have you explained to her that this "request" is highly unusual and brings into question her relationship with her boyfriend? Any ideas as to why she is getting married? When you asked her what her boyfriend would think of this, what did she say?

Second....You're going to have to analyze her emotional and mental state and then make a decision from there. If this is something she's done before, then she's obviously thought this through and understands the dynamics of such a relationship. (If you turn her down, she'll probably find someone else.)

If you honestly feel that the two of you can handle this...go for it.

MoJo

c172g

Fire a little note over to her fiancee' about her ways anonymously...you said she cheated on him previously. Save him 50% of what he owns currently when the divorce rolls around.

Then get in mindset #2.

guthmund

Probably the best course of action other than "Run, Monkey, Run! As fast as you can!"

Don't you wish it would be that easy.

Oh, she's probably already decided to cheat. It's not a decision that's made too lightly, no?

And She'll be more than happy to pass you the ball until another elegible reciever comes onto the field. (huh?? kept the theme going there).

Meaning, cheaters cheat. They choose not to help it. If she's decided to cheat on her fiance, she'll do it. Then she'll cheat on you with Bob from down the hall.

Personally, I'd go with four, "Meh" while running as fast as my monkey legs could take me.

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Hanabal

thats what i was thinking, Do you know the fiancee. cause if she cheated on him, he has to be aware of this, and also aware that she wants to again.

If he still wants to stay with her, then all the best for them, if not, then she will be single again. beware tho, as she has cheated before, so even if they break up and she goes out with you, she could do it again.

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Spiffgirl

Run, man! Get away from that woman! She sounds like trouble. Before you go though, I'd confront her about her relationship with the fiancee...she needs to be honest with him and break it off now, stop leading him on.

twinkle

I once cheated on a man. I am now engaged to the person I cheated with. I was already out of love with my boyfriend, and had tried to break up with him several times, but he'd alternately scared/guilted me out of it. It's a little harder when you live together.

By cheat, I just mean kissing, and groping, no intercourse (but that's cheating in my books). And once I had done this, I did break up with my boyfriend within a week.

However, the man I cheated with and I had a VERY deep emotional connection, which doesn't seem to be the case with you and this girl.

If you want to stay out of trouble, and splint-free, I'd say tell her no.

*Nikki*

Ditto.

Then everyone involved needs to have an STD test.

meepa

The fan is on. The shit is coming. I suggest you move out of the way.

Everytime

lol i agree with everyone, dont do it.

scout

There ya go, solve two problems at once.

MEAD

As a guy, I wouldn't cheat on Hitler's girlfriend even if she was Natalie Portman. That's something you just don't do as a respectable human being. You are not only lowering yourself by participating in a realtionship which you are aware is wrong, but you are also ruining another man's life. And for the other guys sake, tell him that he needs to break things off with this girl. You'd be saving his fucking life. Wouldn't you rather be a hero than a fucking criminal to all of manhood?

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"That's it, send out the ninjas!"
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kramus

Interesting delimna because all the moral thought is taking place with you. She's done with it. As has been said and you yourself know this woman will be kicking up her heels till she's dead. So, what do you want. Sometimes putting the picture at a bit of a remove may help. How would you feel 30 years from now when during a conversation you find out just where you stood in the conga-line at her door. I may be more fastidious merely because of my monogamous background, but I would feel a little skanky being part of that scene. True, you don't want to be an old man in a rocking chair listing her among the top 5 goddam-I-shoulda things you regret. You may find the rogueish air that you gain by being the other guy a bit of a feather in your cap. You might find it a valuable lesson in pure sex. You may tip your hat to her and say thanks anyway can we just flirt for a minute? You might go all righteous and make noises where you don't know the whole picture. Interesting delimna.

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Martian

Sloan's romanticism aside, being the other man isn't a good deal. You want to get out of this one, but quick. It may seem like free sex, but there really isn't any such thing.

I feel sorry for this girl's fiancee. Here's to hoping the guy is wise enough to get a prenuptial so that when the divorce rolls around he doesn't lose everything.

Axiom_e

hmmm...

Thanks for you input.

I guess I really put this up because I wanted people to change my mind.
I knew what I should do based on who I was, but I wanted to go against my instinct.

I am not going to do it. I am going to tell her why. I am also going to call into question her relationship with her significant other. I don't want this stress I already have engough.


Also if I had any social connection with her fiance I would never have even considered this. I can't tell him because I can't contact him all I can do is hope what I say to her makes her wake the fuck up. Pardon my vulgar language.

I was trying to embrace my innner-asshole, but I don't think that I really want to. I think I will just stay myself without the assholishness.

Thanks...

__________________
Life is meaningless.
How awesome is that?
Rock On! Now I can do whatever the hell I want
and give my own life meaning to myself.

abaya

Good on you, Axiom, for acknowledging your selfish/irrational side but then listening instead to (and acting on) your integrity... that takes balls.

...though really, it's just unsafe to embrace your inner asshole, unless you're very flexible.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Axiom_e

Yeah she is pissed off now...whatever though

__________________
Life is meaningless.
How awesome is that?
Rock On! Now I can do whatever the hell I want
and give my own life meaning to myself.

kramus

Yoiu can only carry so much baggage - sounds like you are going to let her tote her own. I do think you'll be more comfortable in the long run. Besides, this is one of your options:

"mind four:
meh."

__________________
And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ...
I'm going with this - if you like artwork visit http://markfineart.ca

abaya

Well, let her be pissed. It's okay... though really hard, I know (coming from a real people-pleaser). It will improve over time, and you'll know you made the right decision. Seriously. Stick to your guns.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

tooth

At-a-boy!

She should be pissed. She's a bitch and you called her on it.

Axiom_e

You know trying to smooth things over and maybe retain a friendship I tried to get all the backage out of the way.

Here goes part of the convo.

[13:30] axiom_e: Don't get mad....but I am just going to be blunt.
[13:30] dagirl: ok
[13:30] axiom_e: Why are you getting married?
[13:31] dagirl: because ive been with this man for 4 years, and i care and trust hom deeply.. and he treats mer as a person.. when ever i am around him its nothing but smiles.. i love him very dearly
[13:32] axiom_e: Then why were you going to be with me?
[15:39] *** "dagirl" signed off at Thu May 19 15:39:41 2005.

This I don't understand, but I like to complain.
*shrugs*
It is all good now.

__________________
Life is meaningless.
How awesome is that?
Rock On! Now I can do whatever the hell I want
and give my own life meaning to myself.

william

KUDOS - and you really did yourself some justice. Why would you even consider being involved w/a cheater? Are you that lonlely; is your life that sad? Cheaters cheat. And once she got tired of you, she would've moved on. Kick this short history of a person to the curb, and do what you can to find a real person.

Xiangsu

I must say that what you did took guts. The thing I think is hilarious is that she appears to be mad at you. You have to understand that she is not mad at you at all, the reason she left that convo was because you showed her how disgusting she was. You told her straight up that she was being a whore and she knows it. She is pissed at herself because deep down she knows its wrong and she knows that she can't cheat on him and get married to him. She has three choices and I hope she goes with truth. I know its not your place, but I do think maybe you should try to find a way to tell her fiance. Realize that he may get married to a girl that is screwing around behind is back and when he finds out its going to end in a divorce and its not fair to him. You can keep him from suffering, you have the power to help someone in need. Don't even make me quote Stan Lee...

chickentribs

If you knowingly fuck around with somebody who is in a relationship with another person, you have no moral ground to say anything when it happens to you. It shows a lack of respect for relationships and you become as much a part of the lie as the "cheater". Axiom_e, I am glad you avoided becoming a part of whatever game she is playing with her fiance.

I don't think that you should involve yourself with saying anything to the poor guy, though. He has had four years to figure it out, I doubt he would believe you over his wife-to-be, and you end up the bad guy. You did him favor enough already.

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Oft expectation fails...
and most oft there Where most it promises
- Shakespeare, W.

Demeter

Firstly think of this woman's Fiance. Think of how he'll feel when he finds you did the dirty with the love of his life.
Secondly, don't think you can walk away from this unscathed. Maybe the Fiance will come after you if he finds out. Maybe she'll get pregnant from you, or give you VD. Maybe she'll stalk you & kill your rabbit.
Thirdly, just plain Karma. When you finally meet the love of your life, how would you feel if she was off shagging some guy that didn't have the balls to tell her "No, this is wrong."?
There is a world full of horny single woman who would treat you good. Call one.

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