My wife doesn't orgasm during sex. Any tips? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

DJ Happy · 05-19-2004, 06:59 AM

And I use the word DOESN'T rather than CAN'T because on the odd occasion she has (very rarely though - we've been together about 2 years and she's cum maybe three times).

Allow me to paint the picture with a few more vivid brushstrokes.......

My wife has an immense sexual appetite. She tells me that she can remember masturbating on the bus coming home from school at the age of 11 and has been unbelievably horny ever since. She simply can't get enough sex (which is great) but very, VERY rarely orgasms during it (which is not). She can easily orgasm while masturbating though. Now, before you suggest that I ask her to masturbate in front of me and tell me what she likes, when she masturbates she doesn't touch herself in any way whatsoever. She closes her legs, thinks happy thoughts and wriggles slightly, and hey presto, Bob's your uncle. I don't really know how I could replicate that myself.

Having said that, my wife doesn't seem to be particularly bothered by her inability to orgasm. She still loves sex and quickly becomes wetter than an otter's pocket when we fool around. And while I certainly don't rate myself as the second coming of Casanova's mentor, I know my way around a woman's body. Without going into unnecessary and gratuitous details, previous girlfriends have always enjoyed what I have to offer.

So what do I do? As I said, she has orgasmed during sex in the past, so I know she can. But how can I make it more frequent for her? There's very little that we don't do (we've not done anal yet, although negotiations are currently underway), so is there something that I'm missing?

Do any of the ladies out there have any suggestions?

Averett · 05-19-2004, 07:07 AM

Well, if she's not bothered by it, then what's the issue? Seems with her sex isn't about the end result (or about Bob being your uncle - awesome wording you used during this!), but about everything else.

I guess I wouldn't worry about it...

I've got no suggestions other than this. Sorry!

maleficent · 05-19-2004, 07:20 AM

Sounds like a lot of her own orgasms from masturbation come from her imagination, and her mind. Each person is responsible for their own orgasms -- it's no reflection of you that she can't with you. Would you prefere she faked? (You probably wouldn't know)

If her imagination is that fertile, work with that, read erotic stories to her, role play, fantasy stuff, that would involve her mind. Or just sit back and enjoy the show.

TALK TO HER though, ask her what she wants, what she needs - -if you are "negotiating" anal sex, doesn't sound a whole lot like you are really listening to her.

DJ Happy · 05-19-2004, 07:26 AM

By "negotiating" I mean I've asked her and she said yes. Just waiting for the little one to go to bed early and stay asleep long enough to get down to it.

I ask her what she wants all the time and she has said that she's more than happy with our sex life. She doesn't have any suggestions as to how to help her orgasm herself. Maybe it is more for me than her. Although I like your suggestion about the "mind exercise." I might try that. In fact, I will try that.

Nitrox · 05-19-2004, 08:17 AM

First off, I have to echo Averett's comment, very nice wording.

Anyway, as opposed to having her masturbate in front of you (which is not how she masturbates), have her physically touch herself while you are having sex. My wife (whom I encouraged) now diddles the doohickey while we make love, and she has some of the most mind-blowing orgasms I've ever seen. And this is from a person who used to not orgasm from sex.

I personally think some of it is mental, because now she knows she is going to have an orgasm, as opposed to worrying about it like before.

my 2 cents....

jayman2004 · 05-19-2004, 10:41 AM

find the g-spot...give her the come here motion with fingers while licking the clit and presto...for some girls anyway...

Psycho Dad · 05-22-2004, 12:01 PM

We implement a vibrator into our regular activity. Does it every time.

Weezil · 05-25-2004, 01:40 AM

You're gonna need to get down, son.

DJ Happy · 05-25-2004, 01:57 AM

Already do all of the above.

mr sticky · 05-25-2004, 05:31 AM

Some women just have a hard time climaxing during intercourse. My SO has never gotten the big O with me inside her. She says its a fullness that doesn't let her release. She has no trouble with other methods of stimulation.

Try my tact...work her up (more foreplay), get her off...then once she's satisfied to your satisfaction...get yours.

redarrow · 05-25-2004, 03:36 PM

I agree w/ sticky..

31Friction · 05-25-2004, 03:52 PM

my g/f is the same way. she's gotten off once during intercourse when mixed with some manual stimulation. she's got a crazy sex drive though.

usually it works better with lots of foreplay. also making sure she's completely comfortable.

toxic515 · 05-25-2004, 04:55 PM

Alternatively, perhaps you could start with foreplay, take a break to fantasize WITH her while she calls Bob.. (heh) and after she's gotten off that way, jump back in and give it another go. (I've also always loved that phrase "Bob's your uncle" but most people here in the US don't get it.)

Good luck!

t

Aladdin Sane · 05-25-2004, 08:35 PM

I didn't know otters have pockets. How come they get wet?

My wife never cums from intercourse. She's gotta have the ol' clit worked on for the dam to break. She diddles herself with a finger or a vibe. She also cums real good from a good licking.

I wish she would cum from the old in-out but it just wasn't meant to be. I usually give her the tongue until she's spent then I crawl on and get mine.

DJ Happy · 05-25-2004, 11:50 PM

Thanks for the tips guys, but I've already tried everything you've suggested. Clit stimulation during sex, foreplay that lasts for hours, going down on her until my jaw locks up and I have to get a warm piece of beef from the kitchen to carry on with (just kidding). Maybe you're right Aladdin - maybe it just wasn't meant to be (although I won't stop trying!).

By the way, otters generally don't have pockets, but if they did they'd be pretty wet, what with otters spending so much time swimming and all.

Toxic, I usually prefer the phrase, "Robert's your mother's brother," but even fewer people understand that. Anyway, I think that most people in the US probably have an Uncle Bob and just don't understand why you need to point that out to them.

wallace1 · 05-27-2004, 10:05 AM

Bob's your uncle----What the fuck does that mean, is she having sex with my Uncle Bob? Can he get her to come? I Don't get it.

Nova_Dust · 05-27-2004, 10:34 AM

At least your wife isn't afraid or sex, that's a plus!

Right now, I am on 3 months trial. So that equals to 4 sexs per year. She is too afriad of being pregnant and she thinks having less sex will make the next one more exciting. But after we get married, we can have all the sex we want.

Funny we used to do it everyday when we first started dating. But I am not bothered for not having regular sex.

a1t3r3g0 · 05-27-2004, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by DJ Happy
She closes her legs, thinks happy thoughts and wriggles slightly, and hey presto, Bob's your uncle.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice to offer you, but for some reason that phrase just made me crack up!!!!!

Yakk · 05-27-2004, 10:43 AM

http://www.quinion.com/words/qa/qa-bob1.htm

Quote:

[Q]What is the origin and actual meaning of bob’s your uncle?

[A] This is a catchphrase which seemed to arise out of nowhere and yet has had a long period of fashion and is still going strong. It’s known mainly in Britain and Commonwealth countries, and is really a kind of interjection. It’s used to show how simple it is to do something: "You put the plug in here, press that switch, and Bob’s your uncle!".

05-19-2004, 06:59 AM	#1 (permalink)
DJ Happy Psycho	My wife doesn't orgasm during sex. Any tips? And I use the word DOESN'T rather than CAN'T because on the odd occasion she has (very rarely though - we've been together about 2 years and she's cum maybe three times). Allow me to paint the picture with a few more vivid brushstrokes....... My wife has an immense sexual appetite. She tells me that she can remember masturbating on the bus coming home from school at the age of 11 and has been unbelievably horny ever since. She simply can't get enough sex (which is great) but very, VERY rarely orgasms during it (which is not). She can easily orgasm while masturbating though. Now, before you suggest that I ask her to masturbate in front of me and tell me what she likes, when she masturbates she doesn't touch herself in any way whatsoever. She closes her legs, thinks happy thoughts and wriggles slightly, and hey presto, Bob's your uncle. I don't really know how I could replicate that myself. Having said that, my wife doesn't seem to be particularly bothered by her inability to orgasm. She still loves sex and quickly becomes wetter than an otter's pocket when we fool around. And while I certainly don't rate myself as the second coming of Casanova's mentor, I know my way around a woman's body. Without going into unnecessary and gratuitous details, previous girlfriends have always enjoyed what I have to offer. So what do I do? As I said, she has orgasmed during sex in the past, so I know she can. But how can I make it more frequent for her? There's very little that we don't do (we've not done anal yet, although negotiations are currently underway), so is there something that I'm missing? Do any of the ladies out there have any suggestions?

05-19-2004, 07:07 AM	#2 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Well, if she's not bothered by it, then what's the issue? Seems with her sex isn't about the end result (or about Bob being your uncle - awesome wording you used during this!), but about everything else. I guess I wouldn't worry about it... I've got no suggestions other than this. Sorry! __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

05-19-2004, 07:20 AM	#3 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Sounds like a lot of her own orgasms from masturbation come from her imagination, and her mind. Each person is responsible for their own orgasms -- it's no reflection of you that she can't with you. Would you prefere she faked? (You probably wouldn't know) If her imagination is that fertile, work with that, read erotic stories to her, role play, fantasy stuff, that would involve her mind. Or just sit back and enjoy the show. TALK TO HER though, ask her what she wants, what she needs - -if you are "negotiating" anal sex, doesn't sound a whole lot like you are really listening to her. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

05-22-2004, 12:01 PM	#7 (permalink)
Psycho Dad Mulletproof Location: Some nucking fut house.	We implement a vibrator into our regular activity. Does it every time. __________________ Don't always trust the opinions of experts.

05-25-2004, 05:31 AM	#10 (permalink)
mr sticky Psycho Location: NC	Some women just have a hard time climaxing during intercourse. My SO has never gotten the big O with me inside her. She says its a fullness that doesn't let her release. She has no trouble with other methods of stimulation. Try my tact...work her up (more foreplay), get her off...then once she's satisfied to your satisfaction...get yours. __________________ The sad thing is... as you get older you come to realize that you don't so much pilot your life, as you just try to hold on, in a screaming, defiant ball of white-knuckle anxious fury

05-19-2004, 07:26 AM	#4 (permalink)
DJ Happy Psycho	By "negotiating" I mean I've asked her and she said yes. Just waiting for the little one to go to bed early and stay asleep long enough to get down to it. I ask her what she wants all the time and she has said that she's more than happy with our sex life. She doesn't have any suggestions as to how to help her orgasm herself. Maybe it is more for me than her. Although I like your suggestion about the "mind exercise." I might try that. In fact, I will try that.

05-19-2004, 08:17 AM	#5 (permalink)
Nitrox Crazy Location: IN	First off, I have to echo Averett's comment, very nice wording. Anyway, as opposed to having her masturbate in front of you (which is not how she masturbates), have her physically touch herself while you are having sex. My wife (whom I encouraged) now diddles the doohickey while we make love, and she has some of the most mind-blowing orgasms I've ever seen. And this is from a person who used to not orgasm from sex. I personally think some of it is mental, because now she knows she is going to have an orgasm, as opposed to worrying about it like before. my 2 cents....

05-19-2004, 10:41 AM	#6 (permalink)
jayman2004 Upright	find the g-spot...give her the come here motion with fingers while licking the clit and presto...for some girls anyway...

05-25-2004, 01:40 AM	#8 (permalink)
Weezil Tilted Location: Deep in Jersey	You're gonna need to get down, son.

05-25-2004, 01:57 AM	#9 (permalink)
DJ Happy Psycho	Already do all of the above.

05-25-2004, 03:36 PM	#11 (permalink)
redarrow Banned Location: i gotta go	I agree w/ sticky..

05-25-2004, 03:52 PM	#12 (permalink)
31Friction Addict Location: STL, MO	my g/f is the same way. she's gotten off once during intercourse when mixed with some manual stimulation. she's got a crazy sex drive though. usually it works better with lots of foreplay. also making sure she's completely comfortable. __________________ "Saints need sinners." Alan Watts

05-25-2004, 04:55 PM	#13 (permalink)
toxic515 Addict Location: Texas	Alternatively, perhaps you could start with foreplay, take a break to fantasize WITH her while she calls Bob.. (heh) and after she's gotten off that way, jump back in and give it another go. (I've also always loved that phrase "Bob's your uncle" but most people here in the US don't get it.) Good luck! t __________________ Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

05-25-2004, 08:35 PM	#14 (permalink)
Aladdin Sane Degenerate Location: San Marvelous	I didn't know otters have pockets. How come they get wet? My wife never cums from intercourse. She's gotta have the ol' clit worked on for the dam to break. She diddles herself with a finger or a vibe. She also cums real good from a good licking. I wish she would cum from the old in-out but it just wasn't meant to be. I usually give her the tongue until she's spent then I crawl on and get mine. __________________ Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

05-25-2004, 11:50 PM	#15 (permalink)
DJ Happy Psycho	Thanks for the tips guys, but I've already tried everything you've suggested. Clit stimulation during sex, foreplay that lasts for hours, going down on her until my jaw locks up and I have to get a warm piece of beef from the kitchen to carry on with (just kidding). Maybe you're right Aladdin - maybe it just wasn't meant to be (although I won't stop trying!). By the way, otters generally don't have pockets, but if they did they'd be pretty wet, what with otters spending so much time swimming and all. Toxic, I usually prefer the phrase, "Robert's your mother's brother," but even fewer people understand that. Anyway, I think that most people in the US probably have an Uncle Bob and just don't understand why you need to point that out to them.

05-27-2004, 10:05 AM	#16 (permalink)
wallace1 Tilted Location: Princeton,NJ	Bob's your uncle----What the fuck does that mean, is she having sex with my Uncle Bob? Can he get her to come? I Don't get it. __________________ Midway in the journey of our life I came to myself in a dark wood, for the straight way was lost.

05-27-2004, 10:34 AM	#17 (permalink)
Nova_Dust Upright Location: Toronto	At least your wife isn't afraid or sex, that's a plus! Right now, I am on 3 months trial. So that equals to 4 sexs per year. She is too afriad of being pregnant and she thinks having less sex will make the next one more exciting. But after we get married, we can have all the sex we want. Funny we used to do it everyday when we first started dating. But I am not bothered for not having regular sex.