hossified

it's not that I have decided she isn't the one.....it's that I'm unsure she is??? And it's not all about sex for me.....but I am unhappy with the once every 2 months aspect. I've just noticed the my current gf and I have alot similar from the past when we were in univeristy...but as we grow...we seem to be splitting apart (in our interests etc...).....but because of such the awesome times we had in school...it's hard to think about throwing that all away. I think that since we got together so well back than..that it could possibly be in our future......but am not sure. Right now we are both content with seeing each other once or twice a week...since on weekends she hangs with her 'separate friends' and I hang with mine....and we are happy doing so......she wants me to come out with her and her firends....but I have no desire...as they are 'her' friends. So maybe this 'girl #2' is just icing on the cake that has got me thinking more about my current set-up. I hate coming across here as a jerk....or a bad bf.....cause I'm not......I 'm just trying to get my shit figured out!!

MageB420666

If after four years you are still *unsure*, then as I said, you have decided on an unconcious level. From what you've just said it makes it even more obvious that you need to break it off. Right now you are reluctant to throw away a !!!past!!!, and by doing so you are throwing away your future. You said it yourself," I've just noticed the my current gf and I have alot similar from the past when we were in univeristy...but as we grow...we seem to be splitting apart (in our interests etc...).....but because of such the awesome times we had in school...it's hard to think about throwing that all away."

It may be hard but you need to think of what's in your and your girlfriend's best interests. If you decide that the past is that important to you then you need to get your shit together and put all your effort into making your current relationship work. Otherwise you are just going to ruin your life and ,even worse, your girlfriends.

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Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn.

jazzwyld

ask yourself this, what would you do if your gf was considering the same thing, having the same thoughts run through her head as you are...imagine that emotion that you'd be feeling, now move it over to someone you care about. Why woudl you want to make someone you love feel that way purposefully.

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You keep searching, but what you're looking for is inside.

Forget about who you thought you were, and accept who you are.

oneofmanymen

I havent read through all the posts, I have just read through the first page and to me it just seems as though your trying to justify what you plan on doing, because you know its wrong. If you have to think about it and ask the question your telling yourself its not right...is it cheating, thats not for any of us to say what label you should put on it, but if your questioning it then its wrong. I like the idea that CinnamonGirl has, go out as a friend and invite your GF along. That way its all up in the open. I would think this would solve your questions on about all the levels of your question.

oomm

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Everything works if you let it....

hossified

if my gf was considering the same thing......hmmmm......i really don't kow if I'd be upset! I'd prolly say let's take a break and see what else is out there.....given my fram e of thoguht right now. But if she did this and I was totally 100% sure she was the one....than I would be extremely hurt and upset.

Averett

Just break up with her. Gah!

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

slimcr

if you're so unhappy with the one you're with, just get it over with.... when youre happy with someone you dont go for coffee with someone else to see if somethings up....... its up with you, you're just wondering if its up with her.......

doing the right thing can be very tough.....

twelvefootnine

Does it really matter if something you haven't done yet may or may not be cheating?

I mean... that's not really the issue is here is it?

The issue is "Why are you asking?".

You're asking because you're thinking it could be cheating... because you're thinking about cheating and you know it.

You said yourself as plain as day that this girl was into you and dropping hints all over the place. She represents an opportunity for a different experience than what you've had with your girlfriend of four years and you're wondering about it.

That's fine. You're allowed to wonder.

However, you know that pursuing this girl is not part of the social agreement you have with your girlfriend. You know that she would not approove. So if you do pursue this new girl... it's cheating.

You can lie to yourself and pretend your motives are pure, and try to get off on a technicality, but you know what's what or you wouldn't be so conflicted about it. It's not part of the implied arrangement between you and your girlfriend and its cheating.

Now you have to ask yourself "Why have you been considering cheating?"

What in your relationship with your girlfriend are you dissatisfied with that you are willing to risk losing it pursue a random girl that you just met?

Are you looking for an easy out?

Obviously you're not just looking to get laid.

If you were just looking to get laid you probably could have slept with her that first night, left the next morning & never looked back.

Getting laid is not the issue here is it?

The issue is you are having problems in your relationship with your girlfriend and those problems are serious enough that you are considering cheating on her.

I guess you have to ask yourself what those problems are and whether they are something you want to fix or if you want to move on.

But it's not fair to this new girl to lead her on and it's not fair to your girlfriend to shop around behind her back. So sit down & figure your own crap out without takingthe chance of hurting other people in the process.

hossified

hey twelvefootnine.....that is plain and simple.....some good friggin advice...and I appreciate it.

I'm begining to think you speak the truth

dirtyrascal7

if you don't feel ready to talk about this with your girlfriend, then don't... i promise if you bring something like this up prematurely, you'll only make things awkward with your girlfriend and it will get even more confusing. and if you just surpress your feelings, aren't you always going to wonder "what if?" later on?

however, as averett has said in so many words... you still need to show your girlfriend and this new girl all the respect they deserve. at the very least, your girlfriend should at least know this other girl exists and if/when you hang out with her again. and maybe you should have a talk with your girlfriend about where you two stand right now and where you're going.

as for your potential feelings for this girl, it seems you have some more thinking to do before you bring that into the picture with your girlfriend... and if it takes going to a movie or to get coffee, then by all means do it... last time i checked neither of those things were against the law. but you need to fill this other girl in on your situation and let her know what you're going through. heck, she might have some of the best advice of all.