ustam67

i am just going to be very open: my girlfriend is
somewhat willing to let me take naked photos of her.
this really is exciting to me... and over a year or so
i have built up quite an archive. for some reason, i
dont know why, i would go into chat rooms, pretending
to be a girl and send the pictures to random men, in
exchange for them sending a picture/movie back of them
getting off to it. i made sure to crop the photo so
you could only see genitals, and definitely not her
"identity" if you want to call it that... i did this a
few times and i felt really sick afterword. so
eventually i stopped.

my guilty mind started to accumulate behind me and
eventually i had to tell her to easy my mind somewhat.
what i told her was a minimal version of the truth. i
said that i had pretended to be a girl in a chatroom
just fooling around and that i had sent a picture of
her butt (where you could kind of see her privates) to
one individual. she was upset, but when she saw how
devastated i was by my mistake, she forgave me.

2 months have gone by, i've lost 20 pounds due to
depression and i havent really been able to forgive
myself. i take full responsibility for my actions and
i have prayed to everyone for forgiveness and i KNOW i
could never do this again.

how can i feel better about myself? am i a totally
deranged individual. i really feel like i love my
girlfriend more than anything in the world, and i dont
know how i could have ever done something so horrible.

it really is not who i am inside, i feel like i had this curiousity and now i wish i could go back more than anything in the world

thanks for any help/advice in advance.

tenchi069

Plain and simple you messed up. There is no easy way "over" it. You just have to get past it and move forward. If there is ever a temptation to do it again, destroy the pictures so you can't. Not a good situation to be in, but you have to make due.

__________________
ERROR- PLBSAK
Problem Lies Between Seat and Keyboard.

slimcr

yup, u really messed up. there really is no way to correct what you did, regardless of how much she can forgive you. the only thing i can think of is just telling her the truth, you might lose her though....actually probably will.. sorry but theres just no way aruond this one.

Strange Famous

I guess you just have to try not to be so hard on yourself man, maybe you are just confused about what your orientation is, that isnt something you should feel guilty about. Posing as a girl and using your gf's pictures was wrong, and you know that and understand that, you acted like man and at least owned up to the principle of what you did... she was mad, thats understandable, but she forgave you.

Look, you just need some perspective, it wasnt a good thing to do, but you havent seriously hurt anyone, you havent badly damaged anything... dont let yourself get so down... the fact you did that doesnt make you deranged or sick, maybe you are just curious and you went about trying to work out your feelings the wrong way.

Dont let this drag you down and destroy what you still have with your girlfriend, she sounds like a good girl and you should try and hold on to her... most people in their lives do some stupid shit, or do things that hurt someone they love when they dont think, we all make mistakes, you just have to learn from them, accept them, and try to be stronger from them... all anyone can ask is for us to always be better than the worst things that happen to us... or at least sometimes thats the best we can do.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

feedthekittee

wow, you're being incredibly hard on yourself. my first reaction to your dilemma is, "gee, that doesn't sound so bad". ultimately i realized that yes, if you were posting pics of your nude gf, you should have had her permission/participation, however, if she is willing to have nude photos taken by you, she may have some exhibitionist tendencies that she's not fully embracing.

have you considered that perhaps it could be a mutual turn-on for the two of you to post her photos and peruse the responses together? it's interesting that you were interested in other men's reactions to her pics ... that's a whole other thread topic. but if you're focused on having this woman in your life, you need to level with her about what your activities are/were.

although you mentioned that she was upset at your initial admission, it's possible that she was reacting the way a girl is "supposed" to react to something like that. i suspect that beneath her "appropriate" reaction she may be a bit flattered that you thought enough of the photos to share them with the world ... regardless of who the respondants were. if she is in love with you, she will need to always be able to trust you. you owe her the truth; for better or worse, as they say.

as a gf with an SO who is open to alternative approaches to sex and intimacy, i believe in being open to pushing your boundaries. although there is a substatial risk involved, this may be an opportunity for greater intimacy between the two of you. good luck.

Lebell

Welcome to being human.

Fortunately, being human isn't about being perfect.

We've all made embarassing mistakes that we wish we could take back, but we can't.

So live and learn and move on.

__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU!

Please Donate!

World's King

All in all... pain goes away over time. Unless you keep hurting yourself which it appears you are doing. Let it go. She has forgiven you for your mistakes. There is no more forgivness left for you. It is now up to you to grow past this mess and become a better person for it. There is no where else for you to go but up now... unless you have a shovel. And I don't think that's a good idea.

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

lucidity

In my ever so humble opinion, the reason you still feel so horrible is because you haven't taken full responcibility for your actions. Earn up fully to what you did, come clean with her. It may end up that she dumps you, may not. No matter what happens, your conscience will be clean and she won't be lied to (by omission) anymore.

__________________
Faith is the daring of the soul to go farther than it can see. -William Newton Clark

doncalypso

You messed up big time, man..... I don't know what to tell you.

You're screwed.

__________________
Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

:::OshnSoul:::

Hey, we all make unwise choices from time to time. And the only way to get over this is to remember that. We live to experience who we are by doing things that define who we aren't. What we call "mistakes". There is a reason they are called mistakes- "mis"-"takes". Just like in a movie, you get another shot, no big deal.
Even if it seems like a big deal, there's always tomorrow and there's always another chance.
If she forgave you, you should be able to forgive yourself.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
And being open and honest was the wise decision on your part, even if it was hard and it hurt. If you aren't 100% completely open & honest with your SO, you are carrying a weight bigger than you can handle and it will just keep growing and effect your relationship, possibly causing it to deteriorate. Keep that in mind. I have been in your position myself, but once I let go of it all and told the truth, it was painful, but I was forgiven and I felt a whole lot better than I did holding it in.

moonstrucksoul

i have to ask if you are still feeling guilt about the pictures of her, or are you feeling guilty about getting off on other guys masturbating to a picture of your girlfriend. I think that there might be some underlying issues here.

__________________
no signature required

tecoyah

She is lost to you already....you cannot continue as things are, and she will likely leave you upon knowing the truth that you must tell her. Accept the loss, admit the truth, move on, in that order.

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

gabshu

Why don't you try throwing away the pics, so you don't have any temptation.

__________________
Go Kool Aid. OH YEAAHH

http://www.retrocrush.com/archive2003/koolaid/

Strange Famous

I dont see any reason why he should tell her more than he already has - well, there is one reason, pride - and pride is a very selfish thing. Why should he hurt her all over again with fresh stories about it? He has told her the basic facts, she was mad, she forgave him - its over, there is nothing to be gained from bringing it up again at all.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

minyn

well obviously this is eating at him and if he doesnt do *something* beyond what was said its going to mess him up moreso than before. if you cant live with yourself man, you cant expect her to either. not to be mean or anything, just a bit on the brutally honest side.

__________________
"Woke up this morning with a blue moon in my eye"
~A3 "woke up this morning"

"Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got." -Janis Joplin

analog

You're still feeling guilty because you still haven't owned up to the entire truth. Not only did you fuck up, but you lied about the fuck-up, so now you've got two things bouncing in your head.

Either get over it, or you may have to have another conversation with her- and this time it'll likely mean your relationship. Let it be a lesson for the future.

sigma1042

first off, send them to me,
i'll tell you that your gf is hot
and that should make you feel better :-)

seriously you should feel lucky that she forgave you because she must have strong feelign for you

__________________
[Arthur] HA HA HA HA, It's a little joke![/Arthur]

Mephex

Either that, or she may have forgiven you due to a deeper interest. Anything is possible, and in being human, you will make mistakes. She lets you take pictures of her, now that may be something that she considers 100% personal, as a gift to you, but she may also want to take it further.

Instead of torturing yourself over what you have done, be honest, tell her up front, but not in a defeatist way. It's all about your attitude, if you can turn this around, you may end up feeling better about yourself, and in the same motion, opening new doors in your relationship with her. It's worth a shot.

Good luck, and try to find things to make you happy. For no matter what you decide, if "you let yourself be low" then you may make things worse, just because you're depressed. You are living your life, and with free will, you will make mistakes, some worse then others. Just get over it, shit happens, you're learning.

Bleed Me Dry

You messed up big time. Only time will tell if your own heart will let you live it down.

__________________
Bite Me...

But Only If Invited

saltfish

So, were you getting off on the fact that other guys were getting off on the pictures of your girlfriend?

Were you more interested in seeing random men get off?

All in all, this really isn't that bad. ...why you would tell your g/f is beyond me.

I think that this is just a symptom of a bigger deal. You're being WAY to hard on yourself.

Oh, and why don't you use wordwrap when you post?

Self esteem issues?

-SF

Prince

Ok.

First of all, get rid of the pictures you've taken. You can always take more in the foreseeable future, but I'd get rid of them for now. I don't see how you can look at them anyway - for the time being - without being reminded of what you did.

#2. Don't even think about confessing it all to her. That's "girl logic" and it doesn't work in this situation. You didn't cheat on her, you did betray a trust though and lied, which as and in itself comes close enough. The only reason you would tell her all of it now would be to make yourself feel better. It would not be for her or for the relationship. Don't even kid yourself about her having the right to know. She knows all she needs to know already.

She forgave you. Get rid of the pictures, go for a walk with her, get a dog, something. Start living again and this will be but a mistake you made, got past and hopefully learned from.

__________________
Who is John Galt?

crazybobmarley

if you can't accept the possibility of you making yourself be with a woman because of some social constraints placed about normality

you're beaten before youve started and you'll never ever be able to see it

if it ilicited that much of a reaction, to feel that bad, to do it in the first place, there's a much deeper issue

motdakasha

While you did break the bond of trust between you and her, I don't think you're "messed up." It sounds like there is a part of you that you need to explore still and are possibly holding back, but something (my guess: religion) is holding you back. It sounds like you are harboring unnecessary feelings of guilt and shame about something that you want to be, desire, or want to try. As to what it is that needs exploring is out of my range of insight, but some possibilities are exhibitionism, crossdressing, bisexuality (which could be acted out in fantasies with or without your girlfriend.. and it doesn't have to involve sex with another man to "explore"). You have to ask yourself what part of that scenario (using a false identity to obtain pictures of heterosexual men, etc.) was what you were looking for/experimenting with? Was it watching the men? Was it the anonymity? Was it pretending to be a woman? Etc. If it is the aspect that involves men, you may want to experiment by reading/watching bi- or homosexual porn or something that experiments with the fantasy, but doesn't interfere with your relationship.

Instead of fessing up the full details from the past, how about approaching your girlfriend and asking her to help you/participate with exploring your sexuality. In doing this, it is a way of opening up the intimacy once again. If she is not okay with it or makes you feel worse, you may need to find someone who is more open-minded and is willing to love you for who you might find out is the real you (if that makes sense).

__________________
=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

water_boy1999

I agree with most. You are being pretty hard on yourself for a pretty minor fuck-up. I don't agree with only telling part of the story, but you chose to keep certain parts out to save the relationship. I don't know if that was really wise or really stupid. You are the one still reeling from the incident so I am sure you know the impact it has had on you.

Get over it. Move on. Don't do it again. And if you do fuck up again, own up to it and don't be such a chump.

__________________
Doh!!!!


-Homer Simpson