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All in all... pain goes away over time. Unless you keep hurting yourself which it appears you are doing. Let it go. She has forgiven you for your mistakes. There is no more forgivness left for you. It is now up to you to grow past this mess and become a better person for it. There is no where else for you to go but up now... unless you have a shovel. And I don't think that's a good idea.
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heavy is the head that wears the crown
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