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motdakasha · 03-02-2004, 07:09 PM

While you did break the bond of trust between you and her, I don't think you're "messed up." It sounds like there is a part of you that you need to explore still and are possibly holding back, but something (my guess: religion) is holding you back. It sounds like you are harboring unnecessary feelings of guilt and shame about something that you want to be, desire, or want to try. As to what it is that needs exploring is out of my range of insight, but some possibilities are exhibitionism, crossdressing, bisexuality (which could be acted out in fantasies with or without your girlfriend.. and it doesn't have to involve sex with another man to "explore"). You have to ask yourself what part of that scenario (using a false identity to obtain pictures of heterosexual men, etc.) was what you were looking for/experimenting with? Was it watching the men? Was it the anonymity? Was it pretending to be a woman? Etc. If it is the aspect that involves men, you may want to experiment by reading/watching bi- or homosexual porn or something that experiments with the fantasy, but doesn't interfere with your relationship.

Instead of fessing up the full details from the past, how about approaching your girlfriend and asking her to help you/participate with exploring your sexuality. In doing this, it is a way of opening up the intimacy once again. If she is not okay with it or makes you feel worse, you may need to find someone who is more open-minded and is willing to love you for who you might find out is the real you (if that makes sense).

03-02-2004, 07:09 PM	#23 (permalink)
motdakasha Hiya Puddin'! Miss me? Location: Silicon Valley, CA	While you did break the bond of trust between you and her, I don't think you're "messed up." It sounds like there is a part of you that you need to explore still and are possibly holding back, but something (my guess: religion) is holding you back. It sounds like you are harboring unnecessary feelings of guilt and shame about something that you want to be, desire, or want to try. As to what it is that needs exploring is out of my range of insight, but some possibilities are exhibitionism, crossdressing, bisexuality (which could be acted out in fantasies with or without your girlfriend.. and it doesn't have to involve sex with another man to "explore"). You have to ask yourself what part of that scenario (using a false identity to obtain pictures of heterosexual men, etc.) was what you were looking for/experimenting with? Was it watching the men? Was it the anonymity? Was it pretending to be a woman? Etc. If it is the aspect that involves men, you may want to experiment by reading/watching bi- or homosexual porn or something that experiments with the fantasy, but doesn't interfere with your relationship. Instead of fessing up the full details from the past, how about approaching your girlfriend and asking her to help you/participate with exploring your sexuality. In doing this, it is a way of opening up the intimacy once again. If she is not okay with it or makes you feel worse, you may need to find someone who is more open-minded and is willing to love you for who you might find out is the real you (if that makes sense). __________________ =^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.) Last edited by motdakasha; 03-02-2004 at 07:17 PM..