ustam67

i am just going to be very open: my girlfriend is
somewhat willing to let me take naked photos of her.
this really is exciting to me... and over a year or so
i have built up quite an archive. for some reason, i
dont know why, i would go into chat rooms, pretending
to be a girl and send the pictures to random men, in
exchange for them sending a picture/movie back of them
getting off to it. i made sure to crop the photo so
you could only see genitals, and definitely not her
"identity" if you want to call it that... i did this a
few times and i felt really sick afterword. so
eventually i stopped.

my guilty mind started to accumulate behind me and
eventually i had to tell her to easy my mind somewhat.
what i told her was a minimal version of the truth. i
said that i had pretended to be a girl in a chatroom
just fooling around and that i had sent a picture of
her butt (where you could kind of see her privates) to
one individual. she was upset, but when she saw how
devastated i was by my mistake, she forgave me.

2 months have gone by, i've lost 20 pounds due to
depression and i havent really been able to forgive
myself. i take full responsibility for my actions and
i have prayed to everyone for forgiveness and i KNOW i
could never do this again.

how can i feel better about myself? am i a totally
deranged individual. i really feel like i love my
girlfriend more than anything in the world, and i dont
know how i could have ever done something so horrible.

it really is not who i am inside, i feel like i had this curiousity and now i wish i could go back more than anything in the world

thanks for any help/advice in advance.