Super dork - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Oopsfix · 11-14-2003, 02:59 PM

that's what i am...ive noticed my biggest problem is that i cant hold/start a conversation without totally fucking up by saying something extremly dumb or having nothing to say at all..The conversations i try and start end up being boring or i just freeze and absolutely nothing comes to mind..and when i'm talking to someone hot then i tend to get alot of spit in my mouth and have to swallow..Any help? i dont wanna be a total social outcast

JStrider · 11-14-2003, 03:09 PM

mmm its always hard talking to women...maybe start by talking to girls your not very attracted to... and gradually work up to the ones you are attracted to...

Oopsfix · 11-14-2003, 03:15 PM

i'm talking about people in general, including guys

anti fishstick · 11-14-2003, 03:25 PM

i used to have the same problem for any guy. even ones i weren't attracted to. my mouth would turn dry, my heart would beat faster, my palms would sweat.. i guess you just gotta force yourself in social situations. it gets better in time.

Oopsfix · 11-14-2003, 03:29 PM

i try but it's been so long and i can't talk to anyone without having these problems...

nirol · 11-14-2003, 03:30 PM

Maybe talk to yourself for practice?
It is often not the quantity of speech that is relevant. A strong cogent comment could add more to the discussion. Most people seem to like the sound of their own voice and will perfectly willing to carry the majority of the conversation. A good listener is more valued than a prolific orator.
For more advice, see quote below.

Oopsfix · 11-14-2003, 03:31 PM

yeah but being overly quiet never gets anyone anywhere in social relationships

anti fishstick · 11-14-2003, 03:39 PM

blah i feel you :T

i used to be supershy. i also hated my voice and i probably talked so quiet you could barely hear me. it was debilating to my social life. and every now and then when someone mentions i'm quiet or asks how come i never talk, i take it as a step backwards. because to me, i've overcome a lot of it. sometimes, i'm just not in a good mood to talk tho! :P

i guess for me, i overcame it by building up my self-esteem. because if you hate yourself or the way you look or your voice or whatever, how can you make it better? it helped some when i started to realize people found me attractive, and that my voice was actually 'sexy'. but if YOU yourself think you're ugly (which for a good while, i did), then that won't do much good at all.

rogue49 · 11-14-2003, 03:47 PM

Keep trying...and trying.
Don't worry what other think.

They aren't thinking anyways...most of it goes in one ear and out the other...not to be remembered.
And if anyone insults you...it's not because they cared what you said,
they are trying to put you down, because they are trying to make themselves better about their own inadequacies.

Just go out...talk...have fun.
If you see a mistake...note it...adjust...don't stop.
The key is to enjoy yourself...who gives a shit if they don't get it.
If so...oh well...when you do find that person who gets it,
you've found a friend...easy enough.

Take it from me...when I was in my later teens, I didn't know what to say or how to say it to anyone,
much less women.
But I got out there....I took my lumps...I adjusted.

Now, I can bullshit with the best of them.
But even now sometimes I'm flustered...and some laugh.
BTW...the ones laughing...have an even more pathetic self-worth.

Just have fun...talk, play, discuss...it will come around.
Take it from a 35 year old dork.

1337haxor · 11-14-2003, 04:18 PM

They may sound strange, but I started to get alot more social and talked more when I played computer games, lol.
For the longest time I was super shy. Then came my computer game addiction. I only played multiplayer games and I chatted with people alot. Many times in games I would take lead and start to command people. That kinda helped my self esteem and it translated to the real world. Sounds dorky, but it worked for me.

-Robert

Mantus · 11-14-2003, 04:38 PM

The people here give good advice. Conversation and being social are just like any other skills. It doesn’t come naturally, you have to learn it. Just keep trying, talk to strangers if you have to. Pay attention to people you find intresting and learn their comunication mannerisms.

Though there is one other thing that you should know. About 80% of all people are total sheep. They may talk allot but say absolutely nothing. I know some guys who can kill two hours of your time and all you walk away with is a confirmation of today’s weather and the latest sports news…real lame.

If I may ask, do you have some activity in your life that takes up most of your time and is constantly on your mind. Like school, a job, or the bane of today’s society: games?

laconic1 · 11-14-2003, 05:15 PM

Oopsfix, I'm in the same boat as you. I wish it were as simple as going up to an ugly girl and working my way up but it isn't. My heart races, I can't breathe, and I break into a sweat at the mere idea of talking to people. Even when people initiate the conversation with me I can't carry it.
I wish I had actual useful advice to offer you, but since I can't get over these demons myself I don't.

phunktastic · 11-14-2003, 05:57 PM

If you can't breathe when you talk to people, any people, it might be time to consider that you have social anxiety disorder and see a doctor about it.

nirol · 11-14-2003, 07:28 PM

Another suggestion for you.
Try a part time job in sales. This may compel you to talk and help build up your confidence about yourself. Whatever you are selling, learn the product well, so that you dont stammer when asked about aspects of it. I had a friend who was real quiet, he got a job at a car dealership. We all thought this was hilarious because we thought he would never sell one. He actually did quite well. Many feel that quiet people are more sincere.
Still waters run deep.

Anomaly_ · 11-14-2003, 10:00 PM

I suppose it's one of the many things you have to practice, like others have mentioned. This is easier said than done of course. I certainly have some short circuit between my brain and vocal chords. Sometimes I think I sound like Evander Holyfield so I'm neurotic and always think about grammar. I can usually come up with conversational topics but articulating them well is a train wreck. In other words, you're not alone in this department but this might be a peripheral problem of a more complex personal problem (*looks at self*).

taliendo · 11-14-2003, 10:20 PM

I don't know what will work for you, but for me it was a matter of forcing myself into public performance. Kinda like the game playing, but on stage. I had a real fear of the publicity of my speech, but on stage, I was a character and could pretend to be someone else. Eventually, I learned to be comfortable being me and was able to then talk to almost anyone.

Maybe you should go and audition to be in an amatuer production of Macbeth or something. . .

j03th3j3w · 11-15-2003, 12:36 AM

talk to your family members for starters... they have known you your whole life.. therefore.. its easier to speak with them... then gradually step up.. and people do love a good listener... build up your listening skills.. ppl will like you more... jus keep eye contact.. and actually listen.. and give facial expressions... its a full proof plan

vveronica · 11-15-2003, 06:43 AM

when i was younger i had a real problem speaking infront of people... My brother played football infront of thousands of people and he said... How many of the people in my class you think are listening... I said about half... okay he said, how many of that 20 people are worrying about their own speach they have to give... I said about half... he said okay out of those 10 how many will i see 6 months from now...? I said maybe 3... and he asked, how many of those 3 do i care about? i said prolly 1... He said your talking to one person... relax...

It is not quite the same but look at it this way. If you worry about screwing it up you will... Just be confident.. Waht is the worst thing that can happen, she says go away. Well your away now... So if you talk to her it can only be better.... Sorta look at it that way

Oopsfix · 11-15-2003, 07:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by phunktastic
If you can't breathe when you talk to people, any people, it might be time to consider that you have social anxiety disorder and see a doctor about it.

no i can breathe but if im talking to someone i like or whatever then i get nervous...

supafly · 11-15-2003, 08:13 AM

If you see the person just try to figrure out some subjects of conversation (maybe sports or their job/school) before you start to talk to the person. If the conversation stalls on one subeject you can alway throw in a new one.

Oopsfix · 11-15-2003, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by 1337haxor
They may sound strange, but I started to get alot more social and talked more when I played computer games, lol.
For the longest time I was super shy. Then came my computer game addiction. I only played multiplayer games and I chatted with people alot. Many times in games I would take lead and start to command people. That kinda helped my self esteem and it translated to the real world. Sounds dorky, but it worked for me.

-Robert

lol, i used to play alotof computer gamesa while ago too but nothing transfered to IRL i guess

nightshade000 · 11-15-2003, 10:46 AM

Chatting in person isn't really any different from chatting online. The only difference is you can -see- when someone is ignoring you, instead of just getting no responce. Do you keep up with politics? World news? Maybe you should join a debate team. Kind of a sink or swim approach, but debaiting something you feel passionate about may help the words get from your brain to your mouth, instead of your brain to your fingers. Asides from that, once you get married, you'll be glad for having prior uhm 'debate' experience

Seaver · 11-15-2003, 12:10 PM

Dude this is so easy. I used to be like you, get all sweaty when I'd try to talk to the hot girls, and end up saying something stupid...

All you need to realize is what everyone LOVES to talk about themselves... is themselves. Ask her questions about herself, when she asks about you turn it back into another question about her. You'd be amazed how much women can talk... they take care of the conversation while you sit there and nod. It also gives you time to think of your next question while trying not to lose eye contact.... cause... you know... those big ol' breasteses are just begging you to stare

Oopsfix · 11-15-2003, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Seaver
Dude this is so easy. I used to be like you, get all sweaty when I'd try to talk to the hot girls, and end up saying something stupid...

All you need to realize is what everyone LOVES to talk about themselves... is themselves. Ask her questions about herself, when she asks about you turn it back into another question about her. You'd be amazed how much women can talk... they take care of the conversation while you sit there and nod. It also gives you time to think of your next question while trying not to lose eye contact.... cause... you know... those big ol' breasteses are just begging you to stare

lol, excelent advice, i guess its true too..but what about being witty and things like that? asking question after question seems kinda weird to me...

Seaver · 11-15-2003, 03:34 PM

Well have you ever heard of Active Listening?

What it is is a way of talking that allows people to go on about themselves. Every man needs to learn this because women love it.

Its asking open-ended questions. Dont be those guys who ask the same basic things (where you from, classes, brothers, etc.). You ask those to start out, and then you pick up on specific things. If they say they're from the NE ask them how they like it, if they ever went skiing, what things there are to do there. If she mensions she is pre-med ask her if she ever thought about volunteering at a hospital.

Open-Ended questions are great because it takes the pressure off of you and allows them to talk about themselves.

What you need to understand is when you dont know someone your mind associates him to different things. If they talked all night about themselves they dont know anything BAD about you, and that is good. If you're witty it'll come through in the converstation, if you're funny it'll come through too, so dont worry. Women love to talk about themselves therefore they'll associate you with pleasure and will want to see you again (expecting the same).

But, your main problem is overthinking it. Just relax, talk to a girl on the bus to school, talk to the lunchlady, talk to a cashier, talk to whoever you can. Eventually you'll start seeing the hot girls just what they are... just regular girls.

Pragma · 11-15-2003, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Oopsfix
lol, excelent advice, i guess its true too..but what about being witty and things like that? asking question after question seems kinda weird to me...

As Seaver said, Active Listening is your friend. You don't need to worry about "being witty", etc., if you're scared of even talking to them. Maybe after you come out of your shell you can start thinking about that, but there's no rush.

Basically, keep the conversation focused on the girl (not to the point where you refuse to answer questions, but I mean keep asking her stuff about her life, try to get to learn as much as you can). As long as you are interested in the conversation, she'll appreciate the opportunity to talk about herself.

torgone · 11-15-2003, 07:47 PM

Take it from a 47 year old dork - it really is all about self esteem. Look at the people who talk the most; they usually have a really high opinion of themselves. That means they believe everything that comes out of their mouth is gold, and everyone wants to hear it. Well, a lot of people have trouble talking socially so if somebody comes along to dominate the conversation, most people just listen and go along because it's easier than expressing their own ideas. Talking to people is a matter of picking your moment, and expressing yourself clearly. If you're silent for a long time while someone else dominates the conversation, but you speak up with conviction and clarity at the right moment, you will be noticed by those who can think. Believe me, lots of people have this problem, myself included. I hate being in social situations because I know if I open my mouth, I'm going to sound stupid to somebody. What I do is try to find people I can talk to one-on-one, and stick to talking to those people. When other people join the conversation, use your connection to your familiar as a base, and branch out from there. It takes courage and confidence. Most of social interaction is about power. Seek out someone who doesn't play the games and talk to them, it will be the most rewarding conversation.

wilbjammin · 11-15-2003, 07:57 PM

I used to be so terrible in social situations... and in some situations I don't thrive at all (I can't handle loud parties, being around drunks, etc). But, the key for me has been to not worry what others think of me. That sounds weird, because, deep down I do care... but I know that if I think about it while I'm in a social situation I'll end up totally frozen. I just let out whatever I think is important, and then question it later. Usually this works out fine, because it is refreshing to most people when you don't say what you think others want to hear and you are just yourself. One thing I've noticed is that <b>deep down everyone is weird</b>. Some people try really hard to fit in, but deep down everyone is quirky... so don't worry about it. Be quirky, be honest, and don't be embarassed about anything about yourself. There are plenty of people just like you (in reference to anything about yourself that you worry about).

Oopsfix · 11-15-2003, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wilbjammin
I used to be so terrible in social situations... and in some situations I don't thrive at all (I can't handle loud parties, being around drunks, etc). But, the key for me has been to not worry what others think of me. That sounds weird, because, deep down I do care... but I know that if I think about it while I'm in a social situation I'll end up totally frozen. I just let out whatever I think is important, and then question it later. Usually this works out fine, because it is refreshing to most people when you don't say what you think others want to hear and you are just yourself. One thing I've noticed is that <b>deep down everyone is weird</b>. Some people try really hard to fit in, but deep down everyone is quirky... so don't worry about it. Be quirky, be honest, and don't be embarassed about anything about yourself. There are plenty of people just like you (in reference to anything about yourself that you worry about).

wow excelent advice! Thanks to all of you heh

Oopsfix · 11-16-2003, 07:10 PM

i told my situation to a friend of mine and he said i can think of stuff to say fine but the way i talk isnt fluent but kinda choppy like word after word and in a monotonic voice sorta..ive never noticied this and i dont really know howto change this or why im doing it! any help with that? do you just grow out of it?

Pragma · 11-16-2003, 09:14 PM

People not used to talking much, or who are a bit afraid of talking or find the experience awkward, will naturally stutter or sound "odd" while talking. It's not something you want to worry about - and you'll grow out of it the more you talk.

Don't think about it, and you'll be fine.

shoe · 11-18-2003, 04:05 PM

I used to be extremely shy starting highschool but now i belive i've overcome most of it and it is fairly easy. The first thing i did was to regurlarly strike up conversations with people i didnt know. For example whenever i'd go to the mall or anything i'd look around and then just say hi to some random person. The key is to start with non threateaning people ( dont start hitting on that hot blonde just yet... ). Old ladies work well for a start as they are usually extremely nice then gradually work your way up the ladder. Its fun watching the people trying to remember you since your talking to them. Make it a game with friends if you like.

11-14-2003, 02:59 PM	#1 (permalink)
Oopsfix Banned	Super dork that's what i am...ive noticed my biggest problem is that i cant hold/start a conversation without totally fucking up by saying something extremly dumb or having nothing to say at all..The conversations i try and start end up being boring or i just freeze and absolutely nothing comes to mind..and when i'm talking to someone hot then i tend to get alot of spit in my mouth and have to swallow..Any help? i dont wanna be a total social outcast

11-14-2003, 03:09 PM	#2 (permalink)
JStrider Poo-tee-weet? Location: The Woodlands, TX	mmm its always hard talking to women...maybe start by talking to girls your not very attracted to... and gradually work up to the ones you are attracted to... __________________ -=JStrider=- ~Clatto Verata Nicto

11-14-2003, 03:25 PM	#4 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	i used to have the same problem for any guy. even ones i weren't attracted to. my mouth would turn dry, my heart would beat faster, my palms would sweat.. i guess you just gotta force yourself in social situations. it gets better in time. __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

11-14-2003, 03:30 PM	#6 (permalink)
nirol Crazy Location: South East US	Maybe talk to yourself for practice? It is often not the quantity of speech that is relevant. A strong cogent comment could add more to the discussion. Most people seem to like the sound of their own voice and will perfectly willing to carry the majority of the conversation. A good listener is more valued than a prolific orator. For more advice, see quote below. __________________ 'Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open one's mouth and remove all doubt. Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

11-14-2003, 03:39 PM	#8 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	blah i feel you :T i used to be supershy. i also hated my voice and i probably talked so quiet you could barely hear me. it was debilating to my social life. and every now and then when someone mentions i'm quiet or asks how come i never talk, i take it as a step backwards. because to me, i've overcome a lot of it. sometimes, i'm just not in a good mood to talk tho! :P i guess for me, i overcame it by building up my self-esteem. because if you hate yourself or the way you look or your voice or whatever, how can you make it better? it helped some when i started to realize people found me attractive, and that my voice was actually 'sexy'. but if YOU yourself think you're ugly (which for a good while, i did), then that won't do much good at all. __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

11-14-2003, 03:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
Oopsfix Banned	i'm talking about people in general, including guys

11-14-2003, 03:29 PM	#5 (permalink)
Oopsfix Banned	i try but it's been so long and i can't talk to anyone without having these problems...

11-14-2003, 03:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
Oopsfix Banned	yeah but being overly quiet never gets anyone anywhere in social relationships

11-14-2003, 03:47 PM	#9 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	Keep trying...and trying. Don't worry what other think. They aren't thinking anyways...most of it goes in one ear and out the other...not to be remembered. And if anyone insults you...it's not because they cared what you said, they are trying to put you down, because they are trying to make themselves better about their own inadequacies. Just go out...talk...have fun. If you see a mistake...note it...adjust...don't stop. The key is to enjoy yourself...who gives a shit if they don't get it. If so...oh well...when you do find that person who gets it, you've found a friend...easy enough. Take it from me...when I was in my later teens, I didn't know what to say or how to say it to anyone, much less women. But I got out there....I took my lumps...I adjusted. Now, I can bullshit with the best of them. But even now sometimes I'm flustered...and some laugh. BTW...the ones laughing...have an even more pathetic self-worth. Just have fun...talk, play, discuss...it will come around. Take it from a 35 year old dork.

11-14-2003, 04:18 PM	#10 (permalink)
1337haxor Insane Location: PA	They may sound strange, but I started to get alot more social and talked more when I played computer games, lol. For the longest time I was super shy. Then came my computer game addiction. I only played multiplayer games and I chatted with people alot. Many times in games I would take lead and start to command people. That kinda helped my self esteem and it translated to the real world. Sounds dorky, but it worked for me. -Robert

11-14-2003, 04:38 PM	#11 (permalink)
Mantus lascivious	The people here give good advice. Conversation and being social are just like any other skills. It doesn’t come naturally, you have to learn it. Just keep trying, talk to strangers if you have to. Pay attention to people you find intresting and learn their comunication mannerisms. Though there is one other thing that you should know. About 80% of all people are total sheep. They may talk allot but say absolutely nothing. I know some guys who can kill two hours of your time and all you walk away with is a confirmation of today’s weather and the latest sports news…real lame. If I may ask, do you have some activity in your life that takes up most of your time and is constantly on your mind. Like school, a job, or the bane of today’s society: games?

11-14-2003, 05:15 PM	#12 (permalink)
laconic1 Junkie	Oopsfix, I'm in the same boat as you. I wish it were as simple as going up to an ugly girl and working my way up but it isn't. My heart races, I can't breathe, and I break into a sweat at the mere idea of talking to people. Even when people initiate the conversation with me I can't carry it. I wish I had actual useful advice to offer you, but since I can't get over these demons myself I don't.

11-14-2003, 05:57 PM	#13 (permalink)
phunktastic Insane Location: Dayton, Ohio	If you can't breathe when you talk to people, any people, it might be time to consider that you have social anxiety disorder and see a doctor about it. __________________ "Relax, the world will spin beside itself and suck you in. With threats and hopes beyond compare"

11-14-2003, 07:28 PM	#14 (permalink)
nirol Crazy Location: South East US	Another suggestion for you. Try a part time job in sales. This may compel you to talk and help build up your confidence about yourself. Whatever you are selling, learn the product well, so that you dont stammer when asked about aspects of it. I had a friend who was real quiet, he got a job at a car dealership. We all thought this was hilarious because we thought he would never sell one. He actually did quite well. Many feel that quiet people are more sincere. Still waters run deep. __________________ 'Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open one's mouth and remove all doubt. Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

11-14-2003, 10:00 PM	#15 (permalink)
Anomaly_ Insane	I suppose it's one of the many things you have to practice, like others have mentioned. This is easier said than done of course. I certainly have some short circuit between my brain and vocal chords. Sometimes I think I sound like Evander Holyfield so I'm neurotic and always think about grammar. I can usually come up with conversational topics but articulating them well is a train wreck. In other words, you're not alone in this department but this might be a peripheral problem of a more complex personal problem (looks at self).

11-14-2003, 10:20 PM	#16 (permalink)
taliendo Insane Location: an indelible crawl through the gutters	I don't know what will work for you, but for me it was a matter of forcing myself into public performance. Kinda like the game playing, but on stage. I had a real fear of the publicity of my speech, but on stage, I was a character and could pretend to be someone else. Eventually, I learned to be comfortable being me and was able to then talk to almost anyone. Maybe you should go and audition to be in an amatuer production of Macbeth or something. . . __________________ -LIFE IS ABSURD-

11-15-2003, 12:36 AM	#17 (permalink)
j03th3j3w Tilted Location: crazy... would you like to join?	talk to your family members for starters... they have known you your whole life.. therefore.. its easier to speak with them... then gradually step up.. and people do love a good listener... build up your listening skills.. ppl will like you more... jus keep eye contact.. and actually listen.. and give facial expressions... its a full proof plan

11-15-2003, 06:43 AM	#18 (permalink)
vveronica Psycho Location: northern california	when i was younger i had a real problem speaking infront of people... My brother played football infront of thousands of people and he said... How many of the people in my class you think are listening... I said about half... okay he said, how many of that 20 people are worrying about their own speach they have to give... I said about half... he said okay out of those 10 how many will i see 6 months from now...? I said maybe 3... and he asked, how many of those 3 do i care about? i said prolly 1... He said your talking to one person... relax... It is not quite the same but look at it this way. If you worry about screwing it up you will... Just be confident.. Waht is the worst thing that can happen, she says go away. Well your away now... So if you talk to her it can only be better.... Sorta look at it that way __________________ ...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...

11-15-2003, 08:13 AM	#20 (permalink)
supafly Psycho Location: Rotterdam	If you see the person just try to figrure out some subjects of conversation (maybe sports or their job/school) before you start to talk to the person. If the conversation stalls on one subeject you can alway throw in a new one. __________________ Thumbs up

11-15-2003, 10:46 AM	#22 (permalink)
nightshade000 Crazy Location: Oregon	Chatting in person isn't really any different from chatting online. The only difference is you can -see- when someone is ignoring you, instead of just getting no responce. Do you keep up with politics? World news? Maybe you should join a debate team. Kind of a sink or swim approach, but debaiting something you feel passionate about may help the words get from your brain to your mouth, instead of your brain to your fingers. Asides from that, once you get married, you'll be glad for having prior uhm 'debate' experience

11-15-2003, 12:10 PM	#23 (permalink)
Seaver Junkie Location: Fort Worth, TX	Dude this is so easy. I used to be like you, get all sweaty when I'd try to talk to the hot girls, and end up saying something stupid... All you need to realize is what everyone LOVES to talk about themselves... is themselves. Ask her questions about herself, when she asks about you turn it back into another question about her. You'd be amazed how much women can talk... they take care of the conversation while you sit there and nod. It also gives you time to think of your next question while trying not to lose eye contact.... cause... you know... those big ol' breasteses are just begging you to stare __________________ "Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

11-15-2003, 03:34 PM	#25 (permalink)
Seaver Junkie Location: Fort Worth, TX	Well have you ever heard of Active Listening? What it is is a way of talking that allows people to go on about themselves. Every man needs to learn this because women love it. Its asking open-ended questions. Dont be those guys who ask the same basic things (where you from, classes, brothers, etc.). You ask those to start out, and then you pick up on specific things. If they say they're from the NE ask them how they like it, if they ever went skiing, what things there are to do there. If she mensions she is pre-med ask her if she ever thought about volunteering at a hospital. Open-Ended questions are great because it takes the pressure off of you and allows them to talk about themselves. What you need to understand is when you dont know someone your mind associates him to different things. If they talked all night about themselves they dont know anything BAD about you, and that is good. If you're witty it'll come through in the converstation, if you're funny it'll come through too, so dont worry. Women love to talk about themselves therefore they'll associate you with pleasure and will want to see you again (expecting the same). But, your main problem is overthinking it. Just relax, talk to a girl on the bus to school, talk to the lunchlady, talk to a cashier, talk to whoever you can. Eventually you'll start seeing the hot girls just what they are... just regular girls. __________________ "Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

11-15-2003, 07:47 PM	#27 (permalink)
torgone What's beyond psycho? Location: Still out there	Take it from a 47 year old dork - it really is all about self esteem. Look at the people who talk the most; they usually have a really high opinion of themselves. That means they believe everything that comes out of their mouth is gold, and everyone wants to hear it. Well, a lot of people have trouble talking socially so if somebody comes along to dominate the conversation, most people just listen and go along because it's easier than expressing their own ideas. Talking to people is a matter of picking your moment, and expressing yourself clearly. If you're silent for a long time while someone else dominates the conversation, but you speak up with conviction and clarity at the right moment, you will be noticed by those who can think. Believe me, lots of people have this problem, myself included. I hate being in social situations because I know if I open my mouth, I'm going to sound stupid to somebody. What I do is try to find people I can talk to one-on-one, and stick to talking to those people. When other people join the conversation, use your connection to your familiar as a base, and branch out from there. It takes courage and confidence. Most of social interaction is about power. Seek out someone who doesn't play the games and talk to them, it will be the most rewarding conversation. __________________ "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." Groucho Marx

11-15-2003, 07:57 PM	#28 (permalink)
wilbjammin * * *	I used to be so terrible in social situations... and in some situations I don't thrive at all (I can't handle loud parties, being around drunks, etc). But, the key for me has been to not worry what others think of me. That sounds weird, because, deep down I do care... but I know that if I think about it while I'm in a social situation I'll end up totally frozen. I just let out whatever I think is important, and then question it later. Usually this works out fine, because it is refreshing to most people when you don't say what you think others want to hear and you are just yourself. One thing I've noticed is that <b>deep down everyone is weird</b>. Some people try really hard to fit in, but deep down everyone is quirky... so don't worry about it. Be quirky, be honest, and don't be embarassed about anything about yourself. There are plenty of people just like you (in reference to anything about yourself that you worry about). __________________ Innominate.

11-16-2003, 07:10 PM	#30 (permalink)
Oopsfix Banned	i told my situation to a friend of mine and he said i can think of stuff to say fine but the way i talk isnt fluent but kinda choppy like word after word and in a monotonic voice sorta..ive never noticied this and i dont really know howto change this or why im doing it! any help with that? do you just grow out of it?

11-16-2003, 09:14 PM	#31 (permalink)
Pragma I am Winter Born Location: Alexandria, VA	People not used to talking much, or who are a bit afraid of talking or find the experience awkward, will naturally stutter or sound "odd" while talking. It's not something you want to worry about - and you'll grow out of it the more you talk. Don't think about it, and you'll be fine. __________________ Eat antimatter, Posleen-boy!

11-18-2003, 04:05 PM	#32 (permalink)
shoe Crazy Location: Montreal , Quebec	I used to be extremely shy starting highschool but now i belive i've overcome most of it and it is fairly easy. The first thing i did was to regurlarly strike up conversations with people i didnt know. For example whenever i'd go to the mall or anything i'd look around and then just say hi to some random person. The key is to start with non threateaning people ( dont start hitting on that hot blonde just yet... ). Old ladies work well for a start as they are usually extremely nice then gradually work your way up the ladder. Its fun watching the people trying to remember you since your talking to them. Make it a game with friends if you like.