Golux

I have recently gotten out of a relationship in which I believe one of the factors in our breakup was my inadequacy to perform in bed. I'm not concerned about penis size or technique, because I only last (on a good day) a few minutes before it's over and I think that this is a far bigger problem than anything else. I recently talked to my ex (not the same girl I just broke up with) about it and she agreed that my sexual stamina was lacking. For me this has been a problem since I became sexually active and has made me very sensitive to my partners fulfillment in sex. I try to make up for my lack of stamina with a great deal of oral sex, but my last girlfriend got a yeast infection which she blamed on the excessive amount of oral sex. So, I had to back off and thus I was unable to please her as well.

I'm looking for techniques or SOMETHING I can do to make me last longer in bed. I don't want to take pills, or herbal supplements. To be perfectly honest, I don't care about my own orgasm. I'm far more happy (and it has happened 3 times in my life) when I don't. I just got some condoms which claim to be for "extended pleasure." Since I'm now single I'm not gonna get a chance to test these out. Does anyone know how and if these work, or if there are condoms that can help with stamina?

Thanks in advance for your help.

Golux

Memalvada

Never heard of stamina-raising condoms

But, have you tried taking energy drinks? (ie. Red Bull and stuff of that kind)

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zf0enix

The best strategy I leaned when I was younger (besides the "clean the pipes before the date" technique) is learning to know when you are about to reach the point-of-no-return, and slowing down until you can gain control. It works if you're by yourself (better/more realistic with a partner), and you stimulate yourself up until you're about to pop, then slow down or stop. There are some other pc muscle exercises to to along with this to slow down the impending orgasm.

I'm not a dr. or therapist, and there are many books/web sites that have good information. If you have an careing and understanding partner, it can be lots of fun and educational. One of the keys is to NOT focus on not cumming, but focus on the sensations and your body's response so you recognize when you're close.

Good luck, there is hope!

P.S. It's a process and like any new skill, will take time and practice. But when was practicing anything so much fun?

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Golux

How are energy drinks supposed to help. I'm an avid energy drink consumer, but I've never tried drinking them before sexuall encounters. My favorite is AMP, but I'm not sure if there is a certain chemical that I'm looking for. Can you be more specific as to the effects and/or the ingredients that I'm looking for in an energy drink for that reason?

HamiC

Not sure if the condoms you refer to are the same ones that come with a slight numbing agent on the inside....but it sounds like it. They are designed to lower your sensitivity a little bit, so that you can last longer. In theory, it sounds good, but I haven't tried them myself.

As far as the problem you reference, let me say that you are by no means alone. I had the same problem for a few years. I wish I could say I found a magic cure, but I did not (those condoms were not around yet). In the end, I just 1) got more comfortable with my abilities, 2) worked hard on developing other sexual talents to make things more equitable, and 3) learned to pace myself by pulling out before crossing the point of no return....using some of my other talents until I settled down a bit....and going back at it again (repeated as necessary).

I think that eventually I just learned more about recognizing and controlling when I was crossing that certain threshold. Oh.....one more thing, I hear that for some people doing those exercises where you work the muscles that you would use to start and stop peeing (for women I think they are called Kegel exercises) helps with self-control. Personally, I didn't do them faithfully enough to say whether or not they work, but they may be worth a shot.

Best of luck.

yournamehere

The more often you visit the Promised Land, the more you'll realize that it's the journey, not the destination, that gives the most pleasure.

OK - to be more practical - double up on the condoms, or triple, if that's what it takes.

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Halx

I just did an 11 page report on this. Please take heed.

The cure is a mental one, it's definately not anything you apply or put on. Confidence goes a long way in bed. I think you should stop worrying about how long you last because it shouldn't matter. If you blow your load too soon, then you shouldn't stop there. You gotta use your other tools to please your girl so she will know you want to please her, otherwise I dont blame her for letting ya go.

Get yourself in the right frame of mind and everything will sort itself out, bro.

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duckduck

Um, "practice" until you know when you're about to blow. Then, when you're with your lover, either slow down, pull out, or think of your grandpa masturbating while he's taking a dump in your mouth. If that last one doesn't divert your attention, nothing will (I apologize for the crudeness).

Like Halx said, your mental state is the big one ya gotta worry about.

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grafikds9

i don't know where i heard this, but i heard if you masturbate too often, it decreases your stamina.. so if you spank the monkey twice a day you might want to back off.. i was with one girl where i could barely hold my own for 8 or 10 minutes, and even though i thought it was too soon, she enjoyed every minute of it.

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Antagony

I have some input for this.

Okay, Halx had two really good points, and I'm going to expand on them.

1.) Mental -- State of mind is undoubtedly the biggest part of stamina. One easy-to-understand trick that works for a lot of people is to focus on some physical sensation besides what your COCK is doing. When you're making love, there's a lot of body friction going on. So you could, for example, focus on what your FEET are feeling. Something weird like that. Also, you may want to look into meditation. Mastery of the mind.

2a.) Physical - Pre-Sex -- Someone else mentioned it, but perhaps you've never been introduced to the concept. Pre-sex masturbation. In general, it takes more stimulation to have an orgasm if you recently had an orgasm. So the idea is that you masturbate before sex. Or maybe ask your girlfriend to start things off a blow job or a hand job and then while you're "reloading", give her some nice foreplay and begin to have intercourse as soon as you can get it hard again. Almost guaranteed to last significantly longer.

2b.) Physical - Mid-Sex p.1 -- Sex can (and should) involve a whole lot more than just your wang. One approach is that instead of you lasting longer make HER last shorter. For example, get all crazy with the cunnilingus. Get her good and excited, and then go for the penetration when she's near her climax. (That isn't guaranteed to work though, because of the different stimulation types. You may inadvertently make her last longer.) So for a variation, you can start intercourse, then when you get all hot, pull out. Keep stimulating her while you're cooling off (finger it, tongue it, etc etc) and then plunge back in when you think you're good to go.

2c) Physical - Mid-Sex p.2 -- Try different sex positions. Positions vary a lot in how much friction is going on. You may be able to find a position that doesn't stimulate *you* that much, but feels great to her. Personally, the positions that work best for me in this arena are reverse missionary positions (female on top). Another good one for you to try would be one where you are standing up. Why? Because most people aren't used to having sex this way, and you don't get hot so fast. Also, you should try positions where your dong is pointed at angles you aren't used to. ** That's not to say that it should hurt, or even be uncomfortable. The idea is just to do something your body isn't used to. Be careful when you do this stuff. **

Here I'll reiterate the mental part of the process :::

It sounds to me that you're in a relationship with someone you truly care about. I'm sure she'll still care for you regardless of how long you last. So for her sake and your own, don't worry about your stamina, friend! If you don't worry about your stamina, you'll have more of it. I guarantee it.


Zen.

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shotofgmplease

clean the pipes, flog the dolphin, choke the chicken....you can't just walk out there with a loaded gun.

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platypus

Practice. By yourself. It's not how often you practice, it's how long you take doing it. Don't just fast forward to the juicy bits of the video and Shangrila. Take you time.

Also, when you're with your lady, change positions. Often.

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liquid_dreams

hes got the right idea

rsl12

i never ever have this problem--i always assumed it was because i practice so much! the more you do, the less 'sensitive' you are, and therefore the longer you can last.

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scapegoat

He has a point there Also practice on you own a little (when masturbating) Find your own point of no return and approach it then back off again, do it repedidily untill you become more familier with yourself and incorperate that into sex

And about those condoms, i have tried them personaly, and they do work, but be carful cause they can work too good and make you go soft O_o (also dont lick your fingers after putting them on, my mouth was numb for hours )

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Lucifer

Well I wouldn't think about that, but I find that changing positions is good, and do mulitplication tables in your head.

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ND_Ranger

The one nice thing about control issues is that as you get older, they generally become less of an issue. At 16, I was a one minute man. At 22, I can go until I can't maintain an erection due to exhaustion. (Exceptions apply)

The primary problem with most control issues is the unwillingness of the partners to work on the problem. (Sort of a an ignore it and hope it will go away thing.) If you and your partner are willing to work on the issue, solutions can be reached. Have you tried letting your girlfriend be the aggressor? If she's doing all the work, you can just focus on control. Besides she may find that she likes being in-charge.

However, most control is primarily a mental thing. In new relationships, the most common cause of loss of control is the fear of loss of control. In a relationship where you know and trust your partner, fear shouldn't be an issue.

In my current relationship, control isn't even an issue. I know what my girlfriend likes and how she responds, so I watch her and pace myself compared to her. When our relationship was still new, I didn't know those responses or her likes, so control was a major issue. Moral: Practice makes perfect.

I should add that a really good way to build trust in your relationship is to TALK TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND about your concerns and fears.

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sub zero

IMO

If you want to last a super long time, you should have your intercourse without thinking about the sex. That means DO NOT think about what you're doing; instead, think about that last video game you played or think about playing a sport or think about how behind you are at work -just think about anything but sex and spilling your man juice. If all else fails, watch television while you're doing your deed. Hopefully this will get your mind of what you're really doing -making her have multiple O's since you're not pulling out anytime soon.

Sex is all in your head. It works just like when you're doing something you really love -for sake of explanation, lets say you're playing video games. You're there sitting in front of the tube and playing your vice city. Someone is tapping you on the shoulder, but you don't feel it until 30 minutes later. The sex thing should work the same way. If you take your mind off of it, you wont blow your load so fast.

Also, as some of us have already stated, clean your pipes before hand.

edit: It may help if you don't look at her while you're doing your duty. Of course, this will take away from the sensual feel of it, but as long as you last longer, you win.

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Amano

I can't give too much advice on the original topic, but using multiple condoms is something you really DON'T want to do if you're using condoms for contraception or protection against STD's. Reason is, there will be added friction between the condoms and that causes them to tear more easily

Antagony

Do NOT double or triple up on condoms.

It's proven that stacking condoms makes them much more likely to break (yes, ALL of them).

You are much less likely to break a single condom than you are to break through two in one fell swoop.

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Halx

Guys, thinking about something gross or not sexy can not only decrease your enjoyment of the moment, but it can make your dick go soft too. That's a HELL OF A LOT more embarassing than lasting only 5 minutes. Don't take those guys' advice.

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the edge

I agree with several Post think about something else.

I usually go down on her first and let her tell me that
she wants my Manlieness..

kingal

I found that once I stopped thinking about "I'm getting laid", tuned out the moaning, focused on mutual and in-sync breathing, and focused on "being" together....I lasted 10x longer. Its too easy to get too excited.

Now, my probelm is, I can go for 3-4 hours and that's too long for most. WE get too sore.

So, don't think of gross things. Just shift what you're focusing on. Firing one off before hand is always a big help.

redrose2

Two things... TOO much endurance can be a problem too. My bf can last for over an hour without even trying to hold it. Anyway about extending your endurance, I've got two words for you...

Tantric Sex

Read up on it, it will teach you different exercises which improve the strength of your penis muscles. This will let you cut off your cum before it's GO TIME. Secondly you need to work into rythems. Don't just stick it in and pound her to death. Try a few fast, then a couple slow. Believe me your girl is gonna love it no matter how fast or slow you do it and it lets you relax a little and concentrate more on the feeling and less on EXPLODING. Finally if you really are at the fate of premature ejaculation then cum once before sex. I suggest NOT masterbating, but rather getting your girl to give you head or something. That way she still gets the fun and then you can give her more lovin next with the chambers of your gun already emptied. She'll appreciate it more if she knows you are trying to hold out longer and that you WANT her help.

GoldenOuroboros

Why not just do some kegal exercises?
Not only are they good for the ol' stamina, but they keep the prostate healthy

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redrose2

Kegal exercies are an integral part of Tantric sex.... An example of one for guys is that when you are standing at a urinal, try stopping the flow of pee by squeezing your muscles. Hold it for about 10 seconds then pee again for 10 seconds. Repeat until you are done peeing.

saladami82

isn't the old cliche "think about baseball?" Try that or another sport.. or something you're just generally knowledgeable about. Kind of like the multiplication tables idea above. Play a video game in your head, always works for me to get my mind off things.

-saladami82