lemz

this is quite embarrasing to ask... my girl and i are both first timers and we've tried to do it now a couple of times... the problem however seems to be that it just wont go in... she says it's too big, but it's not... every time i get her worked up good and when i try to go in, it wont... she says it hurts a lot... i know she expects it to hurt coz of things she heard and i imagine because of that she cant relax and let me in... but there are might be other reason that i cant think of...

i'd try traditional methods of relaxation but she doesnt smoke nor drink...

what do you think i should do and how to go about it?

thank you so much for your any advice!

tikki

Lube it up, dude. That'll help.

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ratbastid

Go to the store and buy some lube. Then use way, WAY too much, which ought to be nearly enough.

Start with fingers, too. Work your way up. Put her on top, and let her do the driving. Above all, be GENTLE.

lemz

do i have to use some special lube?? i mean she's as wet as it gets. i'm sorry... i'm probably missing another way of using it or something...

tikki

Get whatever lube you want. Slap it on your manhood and dive in. Wet on wet.

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dudemac

And go slow, 1/2 inch by 1/2 and inch, i know you wanna ram it home but take it easy. If she still will take it, have her go to the OBGYN. Just to make sure everything is a ok.

but lube and slow is the best advice anyone can give.

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lemz

i dont wanna ram it home LOL i've been trying it as slow as i can... but it wont go in at all... she's so tight... that's why i'm wondering how lube would help me here...

tikki

Well I am assuming she is wet and you are dry when you start.

Think of when you have something stuck and it won't come out. You gotta lube it with WD-40 to get it out. It's kinda like that, but in the reverse.

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lemz

oh... wd40... now i get it LOL i have some lube left from my bachelor days i'll use that next time

is there anything i can do to help her relax?

tikki

Sorry, best way I could think of explaining it

If you want her to relax, put on some barry white.

papermachesatan

Note about the lube: If you're wearing a condom, make sure it's water based lube; oil based lubricants can cause the condom to break down.

Stare At The Sun

It really will, and make sure shes really into it, dont just rip off her pants and try to slam it in...make sure there is foreplay and she is worked up...and if that doesnt work, just knock her unconcious and go to town! Just kidding, really though, i would remind her that it has to hurt for it to eventually feel good...no pain, no gain..

cowudders14

I have to admit to having a similar problem. Can anyone here recommend a lube? I've never bought lube before, fairly obviously, so I've really no idea what I need!

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boober

I've had the pleasure of being the first guy for a couple of virgins...first one was a snap...broke through fairly easily. The second was much harder and went through the same thing you mentioned. It took a *lot* of trying, over several *months*. It finally happened and now everything's peachy, after 5 years

Moral of the story: every girl is different. Some girls will have a much thicker hymen and will take a lot longer. You *don't* want to rush it because you could really damage her.

She may also be very nervous, and is clamping up. She may think you're too big and is clamping up because of nerves. Maybe get a 4"x3/4" dildo first. Once she can take that, work up to 1 3/4", and then yourself. The smaller size, and letting her handle the dildo in by herself may help...

boober

KY is the best, really. We use Slippery Stuff here. It's amazing close to the real thing, isn't oily and lasts practically for-ev-er. No taste, no smell

Oh, and don't say 'no pain no gain'. That'll dry her up faster than sea salt (ouch, don';t ask). She wants you to understand her problem and *reassure* her, not give her facts and reality.

If she says it hurts, ask her if it's ok to go on. If she says ok, try a bit more. If she says no, then STOP. Go down on her, talk to her, let her know it's ok. The biggest mistake and the key to most of it is not rushing her and making sure you're ok with it and understand what's going on.

She wants you to make her feel good and show your ehh..manness..heh. But she also is needs some sensitivity, especialy if it's hard to get going.

Halx

Vaginismus
A conditioned involuntary contraction (spasm) of the lower vaginal muscles resulting from a woman's unconscious desire to prevent penetration.

The pain of vaginismus may prevent intromission, often resulting in unconsummated marriage. Some women with vaginismus enjoy clitoral orgasms.

<hr>

I'm not saying she's got this, but she may have a lesser reaction. She's just too tense and nervous it seems.

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ratbastid

Also, could be your aim's off. Does she guide you in? Or are you just jabbing around down there?

YES about water-based lube. Even if you're not using a condom (and if not, what the hell are you thinking!?), some people have weird reactions to oil-based lubes.

Put her on top. Let her inch herself down on you. Don't you move a <i>muscle</i>. Leave her completely and totally in charge.

GoldenOuroboros

Yep.. Have her on top Lube it up and then let her do the work, that should give her some reassurance and confidence. You could also try during foreplay inserting a finger and moving it around in circles, then go onto 2 fingers but be doin other things as well with her After that flip over so she's on top and try that

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cowudders14

Doing a bit of googling gave me this article, entitled:
Self care: How to get lubed naturally

Could be of interest/help

lemz

Thank you so much to everyone who replied. Both of us being concious in this matter we of course use a condom. I'm by no means rushing her and even less i want to hurt her, that's why i came for advice here in the first place i have tried using a finger and i can very much feel how tight she is, althou i really have no basis for comparison. i'll ask her to get on top next time and we'll use some lube see how that works out. I think i just really need to get her to relax somehow.

gariig

For lube KY is actually one of the better lubes out there from what I've heard and read. It's also handy because everybody sells. If you are willing to venture into a sex store Liquid Silk is just awesome, but only sex stores will have it.

If she still has a hymen, have you thought of letting her break it or do you need to be the first thing in?

Gariig

daoist

i've noticed that sometimes with a condom even natural lubrication isn't enough. my girlfriend gets wet but for the first insertion we still have to use lube some times. Some girls are just wetter than others.

also, have you ever worn a swimming / shower cap? even though it gets wet it still has a ton of friction. Same thing with a condom.

You'll definately want some lube.

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lemz

it's not the friction we have a problem with... it's the size... it just wont fit in physycally... not that it goes in hard, it doesnt get it at all...

daoist

that's what i'm saying. you've got too much friction for it to fit.

her vagina can expand to fit you.

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rodimus

use lube and be gentle. maybe start with fingers to stretch her hymen. when you finally do go through with it and break it, give her a second cuz it'll hurt and might bleed.

Slims

Go super slow (think forty five minutes for the first couple times) when you are going into her.

Just sort of hang out without quite going into her so she can stretch out enough that it won't hurt.

You also might want to get some lube (ky or astroglide

Good luck.

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Vaultboy

Astroglide.

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MSD

People still believe that tehre's a difference betweeen a clitoral and vaginal orgasm? It's all intensity due to stimulation of different areas.


BTW, I was going to raise the question of Vaginismus, but it seems to be covered.

FallenAvatar

Go slow with her, go down on her, bring her to real relaxation. Let her orgasm once or twice if it takes that, get her lose and horney and then let her slowly guide it in, USE THE LUBE.

Get something waterbased for lub... or use spit.

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cj2112

Lube Lube Lube, and when ya think that you are using way too much Lube, you're using about half what ya need. Too much lube is a good thing. By the way, did anybody mention lube? I would seriously look into a lube called Anal-Ease I don't know if it's safe for vaginal use (aalthough I can't imagine why it wouldn't be), but it contains benzocaine, which should help her slightly w/ the pain.

ratbastid

Nonsense. She's built to pass a baby! Gratifying though it may be to your male ego to think so, you're NOT too big for her.

Trust me, it's a friction issue. Or an aim issue. Get some lube and use LOTS AND LOTS of it. Put down a towel first, then don't be afraid to get messy with the lube.

lemz

that's what i keep telling her

WispOfDespair

It is a vagina you're trying to enter, right? Not her anus or a nostril or something? And I'm assuming she's of the human race correct? We had a guy in highschool that was nicknamed the "cat f**ker" cause he was caught by his sister trying to penetrate his cat... arrghhh....

cowudders14

Holy shit! Ugh! It thought the traditional joke of farmers 'doing' their sheep was bad, but that!

Schwan

And she told everyone about it, eh? Now that's what a family is for!