Thank you so much to everyone who replied. Both of us being concious in this matter we of course use a condom. I'm by no means rushing her and even less i want to hurt her, that's why i came for advice here in the first place
i have tried using a finger and i can very much feel how tight she is, althou i really have no basis for comparison. i'll ask her to get on top next time and we'll use some lube see how that works out. I think i just really need to get her to relax somehow.