Mikado

Have any of you ever been at a point where you know something's wrong, or you know you need to change your lifestyle but for some reason can't get it done? Have you ever felt so unmotivated that even the simpilest things in life become a serious project?

I'm at a point that I'm not sure if it's just me, being incredibly lazy, or if there's possibly something out of my control at work here. In all honesty I think I have it pretty good, hell I know I have it good especially considering all the alternatives. However, for some reason I'm a huge waste of space and though I recognize the need to change my ways I'm incapable of doing so.

I don't quite understand what's happening, maybe someone can shed some light on the subject. I've reached a point that all the things I used to enjoy doing are no longer of importance to me. I used to play golf, pretty well too, but now it takes an act of God to get me to play. I used to enjoy programming and web design on my computer, but now days I can't find the motivation to work on anything anymore. Simple things like paying the bills or going to the grocery store become nightmares. It's strange, I get this overwhelming feeling of dread or disappointment if I know I have to run to the store. I can't even make myself drive 10 minutes to my parent's house for dinner.

Then there's my job. I really couldn't have it better. My father owns his own company. Just him, myself, and our secretary work i the office together. He makes an extremely good living and eventually I'll take over when he chooses to retire. I work maybe 20 hours a week and really couldn't have it better. But for some reason it takes a 2 ton crane to get me out of bed and go to work for 4 hours. Once I get to work I can't focus on any projects or service issues I need to deal with. It's like I've mastered the art of procrastination so well that I can't climb out of the whole I've dug myself. I usually jump from one project to another, finally finishing them in a couple of weeks. When each one should only take me no more than 30 minutes to an hour.

I'm also finding myself to be very anti-social. My girlfriend has several people she hangs out with from work, but I can never convince myself to go out with them. There may be other factors involved here though. For example I'm not much of a drinker/smoker, but her and everyone she knows is. Also I don't enjoy going to clubs or dancing, and that's typically where they go. But why can't I muster up the courage or motivation to actually go out and enjoy myself?

How do you change, and find the desire or motivation to actually become apart of society. I have this overwhelming sense of worthlessness, and even though I'm aware of what I'm doing, I can't stop. I can't make myself get up on time, and when I do I'm not actually awake until 1 or 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I have no energy, no drive, nothing. I keep getting frustrated at myself because I know I need to change and want to change, but can't force myself to do it. Any suggestions at all? What motivates you?

Cynthetiq

sounds like you are clinically depressed.

my motivation comes from my own internal desires to succeed and enjoy life.

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lurkette

Man, does that sound like me a year ago, and I have to add a big "yup" to Cynthetiq's diagnosis of depression. That's what it was for me. Here are some things that worked to handle the depression so I could get motivated. One or more of them might work for you:

1. medication. I hated the thought of relying on drugs, but they kept my chemical processes under control long enough for my rational self to take over my emotions again.

2. exercise. Exercising 20 minutes a day has been shown to be as effective as medication in managing depression symptoms in many people. You have to be able to (heh) motivate yourself, though, or find someone who can kick your ass all the way to the gym or the track or the trail every day.

3. cognitive behavior therapy. This kind of therapy is very focused on re-working your negative thought processes - identifying your "cognitive distortions" that cause you to be un-motivated and negative and depressed. It's usually time-limited or goal-limited (e.g., your therapist says "let's work until you are feeling healthy and motivated for a whole week at a time") You can search for "cognitive behavior therapy" and read more about it on the web and look at the list of common cognitive distortions. There's also a book/workbook called "Feeling Good" that has some useful exercises.

As to what motivates me now that I'm feeling better, I'll second Cynthetiq's statement (again) that it's my own desires to do well, whatever that happens to look like. For me, it's a desire to contribute to society, and the desire to live a balanced life. I try not to do things that aren't in line with my values, and do only those things that contribute to my well-being. So some days that means playing with my dog instead of doing the laundry, because that's what I need on that day, but some days it means organizing all the closets because that's what makes me feel good on that day. It means doing my best at work because I want to learn and grow professionally and because what I do matters in the world, but it also means taking occasional goof-off breaks (like this one) for the sake of mental balance. All work and no play, etc.

Anyhow, you might want to take an online depression-screening test just to see if the shoe fits, and if it does, you can see any doctor who can work with you to find a treatment that works for you.

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

GuttersnipeXL

Alright Mikado!!! First let me say, I know what your going through...everything is a drag...you don't want to bring other people down by being around them. Think about what you really want. There has got to be something! Go for it. You've got to make yourself get up and go. Take it one step at a time. Start by not reading the newspaper, stop watching TV, go outside, go for a walk...breath some fresh air man! DO NOT GO TO THE DOCTOR FOR DRUGS!!! That's a cop out! You don't need them! You can change everything, just start small. Baby steps as they say. Don't dwell on trivial shit...if your late for work...don't sweat it, you work with your father right? Talk to him if you can, tell him what's up. If he is at all understanding, he'll be leniant. Don't worry about paying bills exactly on time! What do you think grace periods are for?! It sounds like your overwhelmed...try slacking with pride....if that makes any sense. Take it easy you know. You can get out of it, you don't have some crazy terminal disease, the cure is not that far away. Find ONE THING you like and just go nuts with it...that'll give you something to wake up to....I'm giving you things to think about off the top of my head, but I think some of it could be useful. Keep us updated, and keep your head up !

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When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. HST

sillygirl

These things are tried and true, in lots of cases! It's amazing how relaxing it can be to take the time to do something outdoors.

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DO NOT GO TO THE DOCTOR FOR DRUGS!!! That's a cop out! You don't need them! You can change everything, just start small.

This isn't always true. Some people DO need help balancing the chemicals in their bodies. That doesn't mean that you'll be on meds forever, it just means that you might need the help with an imbalance. There are also more natural alternatives to do so, without a prescription from a doctor.

Quote:

Baby steps as they say. Don't dwell on trivial shit...if your late for work...don't sweat it, you work with your father right? Talk to him if you can, tell him what's up. If he is at all understanding, he'll be leniant. Don't worry about paying bills exactly on time! What do you think grace periods are for?!

Careful about the slacking! Once a person starts to slack with bills and work and such, they tend to begin a hole that's tough to get out of. Don't use working with your dad as an excuse for it to be okay to be late to work, etc. Maybe you need a more structured schedule for yourself. Make yourself be at work by a reasonable time each day, even if it's not until 10am. Just set the time for yourself, something that you know you can stick to. When you know what you're doing and why you're doing it, it's amazing how the body reacts!

Quote:

Take it easy you know.

Go on vacation for a weekend. If you have the funds, go for longer! Sometimes a person just needs a break from the norm.

Quote:

You can get out of it, you don't have some crazy terminal disease, the cure is not that far away.

It may still be good for you to go see a professional though. Even if just for one consultation, or one phone call to your doctor to get a medical professional's opinion.

Quote:

Find ONE THING you like and just go nuts with it...that'll give you something to wake up to....I'm giving you things to think about off the top of my head, but I think some of it could be useful. Keep us updated, and keep your head up !

Smile. Just remember to smile. It'll make your day better, whether you want it to or not.

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

Anomaly_

This is all part of the problem and why Mikado can't just do that; I know because I'm experiencing the same thing. If everything is bland it's not possible to focus on one thing because you have no idea (nor do you think) it exists. Even with former hobbies, it's hard to tell whether you've sincerely lost interest or if it's just your state of mind.

By the way, "anti-social" does not mean introverted or afraid of social situations. To put it simply, think of a criminal when you hear "anti-social", not an extremely coy person.

dragon2fire

When this happened to me it was my friends that got me out of it

I really do think that look to therpy might not be a bad idea here

good luck

GuttersnipeXL

Well to quote myself....What I think I meant was, just don't be so quick to rely on chemicals to fix your problems. They DO have benefits of course...but try working something out without them first. I certainly didn't intend to sound like they were horrible and useless, that's all. Maybe some different wording next time!

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When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. HST

Mikado

I appreciate your enthusiasm Gutter, it's very uplifting.

I've been working on this for months. At first I tried to focus on some of my past hobbies and passions. Golf being one of them. In high school and college I was one of the best in the region, but now days I can't make myself get out and play. And I don't know why, it's irritating. The make yourself get up and go is the hardest part. Believe me, I want to. Hell I'd like to try to play some amateur tournaments if possible. But for some reason I can't muster up the motivation, desire, or focus it takes to get to that point.

I've always had this philosophy myself. However, with several family members on mediaction for various forms of depression or anxiety, I'm starting to wonder if possibly there is a problem there that needs some medical attention. I've always felt like taking medication was for the weak, for those who couldn't pull their life together themselves. I'm starting to realize I was wrong.

That's probably one of the things that keeps me going to work everyday. I don't want to disappoint my dad. It amazes me what he's accomplished over his lifetime. How someone can go from 0, bankruptcy, to owning a company that makes close to 1,000,000 a year. He's put blood, sweat, and tears into his job and I can only hope that I gain the determination and success he's been able to achieve.

I'd hate to 'slack with pride' as you put it, because I'm afraid that would only make things worse. Besides working for my father, I don't rely on him or his money at all. I refuse to. If it's a dire emergency, like a serious illness or accident then yes, otherwise I want to fend for myself. I keep telling myself to stop being lazy, to get off my ass, and to dig up that motivation, although it's as if something physically is holding me back. It's hard to explain. I will find a way out, more than likely because of everyone's opinion on the matter here, it's just a matter of time. Perhaps the first step is buckling down and seeking some medical advise or treatment.

jay-g

It sounds like you are having signs of depression. Thats not good because depression makes you waste time off of the short life we already have without things like that. I was depressed for like a year and I can never get that time back. I mean I was depressed but not that bad where I wanted to end my own life. My motivation was, since I am gonna be here for awhile, I might as well make something of myself during my time here. When its all said and done, I dont want to be a loser in the game of life. I want to be the winner and be able to look back at my accomplishments and be proud. In a sense, either you are strong or weak. I know for me I am strong mentally and dont want to be in the "weak" category. I mean who wants to be the one on the floor bleeding. Meanwhile there are people who are happy and enjoying life. It sounds like you do care about making something of yourself and your life. I dont think moping around, being lazy and anti-social is gonna get you where you want to be. Now just think to yourself, what do you want ouf of life and what is it gonna take to get where you want to be. Work hard, keep your head up, stay happy and everything will work out just fine.

GuttersnipeXL

OK, so I hit with a few, and missed on some others! The beauty of your situation is that, you want to help yourself. It's a matter of finding the right combination of things, to gain back your motivation and get that rain cloud on it's way. You said that your family has a history of depression..., disregard my comment about it being a cop out! I modified what I said about that earlier, it hope it makes more sense. Anyway, maybe the first step is to go see a doctor. I shouldn't have been so quick to close that door. I believe we have about the same feelings about it though, it's just one of those, put it off as long as possible things.
Who knows right? Go on and give it a try. Your words here radiate a sense of motivation...why else would you have posted your thoughts here! You'll make it, I can feel it! Let us know how it all goes won't ya!

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When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. HST

skysooner

Sometimes we tend to become dissatisfied when we become happy (i.e. we don't recognize what we have). Other times there can be a problem that is telling you that you need a change. Ultimately, my job is only a part of my life. My relationship with my wife and kids are #1 and #2 priorities in my life. My personal mental health is up there as well. My job and other things fall into the things I do to sustain the top items (financially, etc.). I love what I do at work, but I don't let it define me. Do what makes you happy but realize that a job change or something like that can have a material impact on your life.

jw_toyboy

I know where your coming from Mikado. A few years back when I was about 15 I got really sick all of the sudden (I wont bore you with all the details) but I could barelly walk, was in constant agony in most muscles and joints. I couldnt go to school, mostlly laid in bed did stuff all except feel soory for myself. Doctors didn't know... they said it was all in my head, that I was just some prick kid making excuses to get out of school. I went to so many doctors I didnt even know their names or anything it was just one arsehole after another all calling me a lazy prick (and much worse, really good for the state of mind). I spiralled down and down each month... contemplating sucide at least once every day even planing reguarlly how I would go about it. The doctors were then also supplemented by Psychiatrists echoing doctors sentiments (I dont know how I didn't end up in a mental institute). My Mum and familly were really the onlly people who belived me (although even they doubted me at times, hell even worse I began doubting myself - who I was, wether I was 'faking it' which is the worst feeling in the world).
After one doctors visit I knew I had trully hit rock bottom - and there was onlly two things I could do. I decided I would give it my all, I realised that I had plenty to achieve and that although it would be very tough, taking the other option was out of the question.
I started off small, little walks around the block, bigger walks, etc. Within a few weeks I was swimming 2 km a day at a nearby pool. My attitude became better and although I was still in a lot of pain a I relaised that I could focus enough to blunten it, allowing me to do more. I soon even made it back to school, starting off for just a few hours then eventually all day everyday. Even though I would collapse when I got home I felt satisfied and happy I was with kids my age back learning and on the path to acheiving what I want to.
I continued with the doctors resisting the tempatation to punch them in the face constantlly (although it didn't stop me from giving a few a piece of my mind). Eventually I found a great doctor who respected... she sympathied and reffered me allover the country some dead ends and iditos but eventually we founf one who relaised that I had two conditons Paplademia (inflamed optic disc) and Benign Intercranial Hypertension (a good name at parties ) but basiclly it's raised pressure around my brain caused by excess fluid, I had a lumbar punch (which drains fluid from the base of the spine, feels worse than you would imagine ) which showed I had DOUBLE the pressure of a 'normal' person. Within a few weeks the pain began to subside a little and now I'm on a prescription that keeps the fluid levels stable and also keeps the pain in check. It's still there but nowhere near as bad.
Through determination, sacrificing some fun and hardwork I recentlly finished school (although will go to University next year) with good results and am well on the way to achieving my goals in life at 18.
I'm motivated now to keep on going, keep acheiving, to prove people wrong, to prove more importantlly to myself that I can do whatever I want. If you want something bad enough you will go to the end of the earth.
I live by the motto 'If my mind can concive it - I can achieve it.'

I hope that helps.

ARTelevision

I would say that by creating this thread, you have taken a very strong and positive step toward moving forward.

Our feedback here can help...sometimes it's all the extra motivation one needs.

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wilbjammin

This is going to sound a little weird, and might not be helpful, but I'm going to say what has worked with me.

When I find that I start to get depressed and unmotivated it is because I feel fractured. Society now is so abstract, and people are so abstract that relating to people and feeling as though I have a real investment in existence and that it means something can be nearly impossible. Loneliness and comparing your life to others thinking things like "why can't I be happy and those stupid people do the lamest things I've ever seen on a daily basis, yet they're bursting with happiness?" makes it even harder.

But, what turns it all around for me is my unwillingness to let things get the best of me. Instead of being depressed I rebel against the whole situation. I wouldn't say that I become angry necessarily, that isn't the right word. But I do feel like a fire is lit in my chest. Instead of doing things to fit in, instead of doing things to connect myself with the abstract world we're in, I gain strength in living <i>in spite of</i> all of this. If you don't enjoy drinking or dancing, then why should you want to do that for others? Find a way to simplify your life to some essential things that mean something to you, and reach towards building those up. For me that was writing poetry, writing music, reading philosophy and other literature, spending time along with nature (God, how people exist without pulling away from the city long enough to feel alive, I have no idea...), and some other things. Its hard to tell someone "oh, just go out and find some internal motivator... some intrinsic meaning in your life." It definitely is a search, and just embarking on that journey even if you find no answers is a way to pull yourself out of bed in the morning and say, "I don't know, but I'm looking."

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31Friction

Alot of people gave me shit growing up and it drove me to do better, not because they told me I should but to prove them wrong. That still drives me to be successful to this day.

Music is probably the only other thing that plays a big part in what drives me forward.

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"Saints need sinners."
Alan Watts

Sho Nuff

I suffered from all of the symptoms you are talking about. At one point I was co-president of a fraternity, senior editor of a newspaper, mentored jr high school kids on the weekends and was a member of a successful 4 member tournament karate team then slowly it all went away and a sank into a deep depression. It got to the point where i could barely drag myself out of bed to go to class. I didnt even bother to really get dressed after a while. My personal habits went downhill. My life was going nowhere and I felt completely useless.

Eventually I dropped out of school and moved to Florida with my girlfriend. I had wanted to live there every since I was a kid so I figured what the hell. I hated being where I was after a while and just wanted to get away. For a while I felt a little better. The sun and natural surroundings helped me to relax, but after a while I just gave in to my depression and started sitting back and smoking weed and letting my mind drift.

I guess hitting an emotional rock bottom woke me up and thats when I realized that the cause of most of my problems was that I simply that I wasn’t satisfied with my life. I just wasn't happy. I had a great family, loving girlfriend, I was smart, accomplished, and had so many things going for me but that made me all the more depressed because I felt that I was wasting so much potential (something id been told countless times my entire life) The weed helped me to let go and be more honest with myself and look past my own superego into my real ego. That’s when I accepted that I was no longer in control of my life. I was doing what I was told and had been doing so my whole life. I had been a victim to life and let it beat me. Then i started imagining what my ideal life would be and I spent countless hours in the park staring at the lake reading Issac Assimov novels and forgetting about life and responsibilities.

Eventually I realized that the goals I thought I had set for myself, the goals that I was so hard on myself for not achieving were not my own goals to begin with. I was a business major and I was good at it and I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed and always be the best because my parents and peers always put that pressure on me. It was hard to stay motivated because I didnt really want to do it anymore and not doing it just made the guilt worse.

I spent 3 months at the lake learning to let it all go and reprogramming my mind. I reevaluated everything I ever thought about life and realized that too often the first answer to any question that popped into my head was a conditioned response and not my true opinion or desire. I meditated on making myself fearless and being willing to accept any and all consequences. I decided that the only way I would ever be happy would be to follow my own heart and my own path to the end.

I got a job delivering newspapers 7 nights a week (because spending all my time at the lake had emptied my life savings) and spent a couple more months just driving the highways and backroads at night, delivering newspapers in rural Florida and blasting music as loud as I wanted. I enjoyed the solitude of the dark nights and spent the time deciphering my own brain, taking down all the conditioning I and others had put there during the course of my life. After are a while I returned to school and finished my business degree just to get it over, with the knowledge that I had no obligation to stay in the field.

After graduation, I jumped from job to job for a while looking for a path. I discovered that what I really wanted was to not be behind a desk, travel and become comfortable defending myself and surviving. I was still somewhat depressed but my new found mental freedom was helping me overcome it. I used to have so much anxiety about starting new things because of a fear I would lose interest or fail that I did nothing. Once I convinced myself to not care and accept quitting or failing and ignore criticism I got a new passion for life. I became passionate about finding what it is I really wanted out of life. I discovered new hobbies and new interests.

Eventually, I came across a security job that allows me to travel, keeps me from having to work in an office and allows me to train with weapons and self defense techniques. It is so far removed from anything ive ever done and my family was not supportive in the least but im happy with my career choice and optimistic about my future for the first time in a long time. I may do this for only a year or two or I may stay in law enforcement for years. Either way it doesn’t much matter to me. Achievement, success, and money mean completely different things to me now. Ive dedicated my life to survival, knowledge, and to answering all the questions I have about myself and the world and experiencing everything I want to experience REGARDLESS of the consequences. I feel free for the first time in my life and while I still battle with depression occasionally I know that I am moving in the right direction. I am willing to accept all the repercussions of a lifestyle without a clear path or goal. Ive even accepted that in the worse case scenario I might die poor and alone. But I am willing to accept whatever happens without fear because I know that I will never have to ask "what if I had followed my heart".

Maybe this helps, maybe it doesnt. But if you take nothing else from this take this bit of knowledge: fear is the greatest impediment to happiness.

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I know Nietzsche doesnt rhyme with peachy, but you sound like a pretentious prick when you correct me.

feelgood

Mikado, do you have a girlfriend? It seems that you're so lonely and all you do is work, golf and pay bills. That just plain suck. I used to be like that before getting a girlfriend. While I was dating, I found that I was happier than I was ever and it gave me a brand new perspective into life and my depression just gradually disappear.

Just an idea

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Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

Mikado

Actually I did have a girlfriend. We have been dating for about three years. However, this past week we mutually decided to go our seperate ways. We were both heading in different directions in life, and instead of staying together and risking a difficult break-up, we chose to split now as friends and focus on where we wanted to go in life. I think that if it weren't for my girlfriend, there were several times in the past few years that I would have sat on my ass and completed absolutely nothing.

I'm slowly trying to focus on short term goals that I can achieve to try and build some self-confidence and assurance. I'm going to make a point to spend time with my family for the holidays and try to relax and enjoy the season. I'm sure I'll come out of this strange phase soon, and I feel like I'm taking the right steps to get there. I appreciate all the comments you guys have left, and the private messages a few of you sent. It's all very uplifting, to know others are having the same troubles and how they succeeded in changing their lifestyle.

Just another reason why I'm glad I joined TFP. One of the best communities on the net.